When You Hate The One You Love. It sounds like a contradiction, but in no way establishes its dubiety. It is not healthy, but it happens. Nobody wants it, but you sometimes find yourself at loggerheads and you yield to your flesh and just want to stay angry, bitter, and in strife, always to one’s detriment though.
The implications are rife. It doesn’t matter if it is between two people in courtship or between a married couple. The spiritual implications are weighty and are the same.
What could lead to times When You Hate The One You Love? Anything could have happened. Differences in temperament, upbringing, culture, environment, spiritual maturity, and exposure can often contribute to anger tantrums and quarrel spots.
However as a child of God, you cannot yield to the flesh all the time, or else a lot of things would be grounded in your life.
As a matter of fact, the scripture aptly says that your prayer can run aground with strife and bitterness.
“For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.” (Jas 3:16, KJV)
A relationship or marriage that will succeed has to be devoid of strife.
When you make a decision to stay off strife as a single or married, you are actually bringing honour into your life. Take a look at the scripture:
” It is an honour for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling.” (Pro 20:3, KJV)
What leads to strife? When You Hate The One You Love.
Anger, quarrels, hurt, bitterness, unforgiving attitudes, and the like.
But Pastor, must I sweep things under the carpet just to avoid strife?
No!
So, what do you do?
Confront issues, but forgive quickly!
It is interesting, but really, we get hurt the most by the ones we love the most! We find ourselves momentarily hating the one we love.
Why is that?
The reason is obvious. With love comes trust. But when that trust is ruptured, the heart is punctured and the wound can be so deep because trust has been violated. The wound can be so deep that no balm can heal, but thank God there is a balm in Gilead!
Now, you need to analyze issues.
The event that led to mistrust, was it a genuine mistake or a deliberate habit being used to manipulate and toy with your emotions?
If an action is habitual, while you are the victim all the time and you are still single, the idea is not to keep forgiving and stay there until your esteem is completely plundered and your dignity is trampled. Sometimes, the way out of such strife as singles is to forgive the person and then end such relationships, because the person in view is far from repentance. The stark reality is that you can’t change anybody!
When they got in strife with Isaac over the well he dug, what did he do? He left them and moved on and eventually dug another well where there were no contentions.
“And Isaac’s servants digged in the valley, and found there a well of springing water. And the herdmen of Gerar did strive with Isaac’s herdmen, saying, The water is ours: and he called the name of the well Esek; because they strove with him. And they digged another well, and strove for that also: and he called the name of it Sitnah. And he removed from thence, and digged another well; and for that they strove not: and he called the name of it Rehoboth; and he said, For now the LORD hath made room for us, and we shall be fruitful in the land.” (Gen 26:19-22, KJV)
It is only in marriage that you cannot just wake up and walk out of your matrimonial home over trivial issues. You are to stay there and fight for your marriage unless your life is threatened and you are no longer safe.
As singles, we must also know that the incessant strife and quarrels would be a result of either two things:
You are out of God’s will, so things are not working
You are in God’s will, so the devil is contending your togetherness.
The best thing to do in such scenarios is to go and pray and find out from God exactly what to do. This will then help you to pray and make your decisions.
As married couples, get your mentor or pastor involved, in prolonged anger and strife, sometimes what has been a persistent source of bickering in your home is just a statement away from its solution when you ask people ahead of you. This is what to do When You Hate The One You Love.
I pray for you this morning, may every storm in your relationship, marriage, and life be stilled in Jesus’ name!
Finish The Doubts! So how will Sally avoid doubts? How will she minimize doubts? This is our subject for discourse today as we continue from where we stopped yesterday.
Finish The Doubts!
1. The first thing to note is that you should never take a step until you are sure of God’s plan! That way, you are rock solid when doubt surfaces because you already know what you are doing. Let doubts come from a thousand ends, you remain steadfast because you already heard God and His word that you heard would stabilize you and become an anchor to your soul.
2. Don’t fall in love anyhow. Fall in love with common sense and with your eyes open.
3. Do not despise the wisdom of authority figures in your life. They may not always be right, but God can often use their voice to speak to you and keep you from making costly mistakes.
4. Read God’s word regularly. That is what will stabilize your soul. Pray as well and speak in tongues a lot.
What do you do if you are already in doubt?
1. Take time to go back to God in prayers and listen to Him talk to you again.
2. Fast if necessary and spend time in God’s presence until you hear Him
3. Clean up your life from all forms of sexual compromises. Pre-marital and other sexual sins will usually bring confusion and with confusion, there will be huge kettles of doubt in your mind.
4. If you are married and doubt keeps coming, the solution is not to walk out of your marriage. Instead, stay with your spouse and refuse to entertain doubts. Go to God in prayers and renew your covenant with God. See doubt as an attempt from the devil to render your prayers ineffective, so guard against it. Finish The Doubts!
Lastly, how can one be sure that a decision is of God?
The acid test is what is called “peace”
Take a look at this scripture:
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7 KJV)
Amplified Version: “And God’s peace [ shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace ] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” (Php 4:7, AMP)
Did you see that? This peace that comes as an assurance of God’s voice concerning a decision will become like an army officer to your soul, It will mount guard and disallow any doubt from accessing your mind. Glory to God!
My prayer for you this morning is that you will indeed hear God. I speak against every confusion in your life, no more in Jesus’ name! I come against every plan of the devil, every intent of hell, every strategy of the evil one, no more in your life in Jesus’ name! Finish The Doubts!
I speak peace to every storm in marriages, and I pray for God’s divine intervention in Jesus’ name!
In Love, But In Doubt! Sally is so much in love and yet her soul is engulfed in an Island of doubt. The contradiction is a source of confusion for her. How can I be in love and yet doubt holds me in the jugular, suffocating the life out of me with unending questions and anxieties?
The Johnsons are not spared. Mr. Johnson had just lost his job in the Oil and Gas sector and their finances had plummeted. Mrs. Johnson for the first time after their wedding began to question her choice and began to think her wrong choice could be what is sponsoring their present predicament. In Love, But In Doubt!
It happens all the time. You fall in love, you make commitments, and in some cases, wedding plans begin, and then like a mighty tornado from nowhere, doubt hits you like you hit someone with a sledgehammer.
I thought I was in love! Where is this doubt coming from? O Lord, help me!
It even gets more confusing when compromise or specifically, sex is involved. You hardly know what to do. On one hand, you think you love him or her, but when you think about your future together, a lump rises in your throat and a subtle fear meanders in the inner crevices of your mind.
Even married couples are not spared sometimes. You are already married, and really everything was okay until you had this huge financial storm that refuses to abate. Then you begin to entertain the question that you thought was never there or has long been settled; are we really meant for each other? Are we financially incapacitated because I am involved with the wrong person?
What do you do at such times? This is what we want to look at this morning.
First of all, at what points do doubts occur? Here are some:
In Love, But In Doubt!
1. A relationship is outside of God’s will and God needed to get your attention.
2. A relationship is actually God’s will, but the devil wants to confuse you so that you can step out of that will.
3. You have huge and sometimes unrealistic expectations and unfortunately, the expectations are far from being realized.
4. You are in a relationship and it is God’s plan for you, but somewhere along the line, you are caught in sex. The devil would usually bring guilt trips and if you stay habitually in the compromise, confusion will enter the soul and you won’t know your left from right.
5. You are not informed and you are ignorant of your basic spiritual rights, you will easily get confused and yield to doubt.
6. You start a relationship or courtship without seeking God’s will. That conviction would not be there and doubts would have an upper hand.
7. You sought direction about your marriage from some prophet without a personal adventure in seeking God’s face.
8. You go into a relationship or marriage in order to escape from something. After your escape, then you start asking whether you really love the person.
9. All your mentors, pastor, and even parents are against the wedding except you. Doubt will surely come eventually.
10. Marriage is not all about roses and flowers, when the thorns show up, they usually come in the basket of doubt.
The next thing is “will one ever get to a place in life where doubt is completely extricated and will never occur again?” Like take a gun and shoot doubt forever and ever?
Well, the answer is a big NO. Doubt will still come, whether you like it or not. But it is now your choice to discard it or embrace it.
How do we deal with doubt and how can it be prevented?
I will continue from here tomorrow. In Love, But In Doubt!
What You Shouldn’t Do To Your Lover. The Johnsons couldn’t forget ahead. Things had fallen apart and the center could no longer hold. The butterflies have all lost their wings and died and the goose pimples deactivated. Love had moved fast from a haven into hatred zone! They had broken all the laws and the consequences are rushing at them like an angry wind. What were their mistakes?
Today, we continue from where we left off.
What You Shouldn’t Do To Your Lover
3. Don’t allow anybody to live with you without the agreement of your spouse
If your spouse is not in support, your merciful acts can quickly turn into regrets. Many marriages are under tremendous pressure because the wife is not only taking care of her husband but several siblings at a time. Issues will necessarily come out of this. I usually tell couples, do not allow anybody to live with you in your first few years after the wedding! You need to focus on each other and you don’t need any distractions!
Amo 3:3 (KJV) Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
Singles, never pack into your partner’s house when you are not yet married. You will lose your respect and things might not turn out well because you are walking in disobedience to God. You will become a small Mummy, cooking, washing, and offering sex while you are not yet married. Nothing is more debilitating than that!
4. Don’t oppose your spouse openly Don’t build walls against yourself.
Eph 4:15 (KJV) But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:
If you must correct your spouse, don’t do it in the presence of his friends and colleagues, you might end up adding more to the issue. However, you can always have a confidant with whom both of you agree you should discuss because there are times you really need to pour your heart out.
Singles, it is a dangerous signal if you are accountable to no one in courtship and nobody can speak into your life. It is a very risky game!
The moment your lover is unacceptable and can’t be reported to anybody, there is a red flag, so red you shouldn’t miss it.
What You Shouldn’t Do To Your Lover
5. Don’t get close to others other than your spouse Be your spouse’s friend and never allow anybody to come in between you. There are Delialahs, Jezebels, Amnons, Jonadabs and so on. The moment you know, and you always know that you are getting up close and emotional to someone apart from your spouse, cut it off, or else you will soon be in serious problems.
The moment you can hide things from your spouse, it is the beginning of problems. The moment you can discuss your spouse with colleagues and they discuss theirs with you, you are going too far. The devil will set a trap. Avoid distractions. Double dating is not scriptural for singles.
As singles, never attempt to make your fiancee happy by compromising your virtues. You will never be able to secure a relationship by offering sex, you will actually jeopardize the relationship because you are violating God’s principles. Sex does not prove your love, it shows your ignorance because every time you offer your body to secure a relationship, you always lose the man or the relationship! These are What You Shouldn’t Do To Your Lover
Single Or Married, Avoid These! One man was looking intently at his wedding certificate for hours. After he was asked why did that, he said he was searching for the expiry date! Well, marriage will not expire, there is no reverse gear.
Another man was watching his wedding video, but this time in rewind! He saw himself remove the ring, majestically walked out of the church, entered his car, and drove off. He wanted to do that in real life, but no way!
Marriage is a haven, not an oven. Marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured. The devil knows the power at your disposal as a married couple. That is why his intention is to throw a monkey wrench at your stuff. There are some precautions you can take in order to ensure that you are one with your spouse and that the power of agreement is not broken.
Singles must learn these principles as well so that their relationships and courtship can work out well. The Christian life is not hard to live, in fact, it is when you don’t follow God that things get messy. That is why Jesus Christ said his yoke is easy, learn about it, it is easier that way.
Mat 11:30 (KJV) For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Single Or Married, Avoid These! 1. Don’t insult or abuse yourselves on account of someone else. Preserve your marriage by respecting your spouse. Words are so powerful that your life gravitates in the direction of your utterances.
Don’t use negative words on each other! Don’t keep saying and repeating the things you don’t want to see, rather keep saying what you want to see in your spouse and family and you will have what you say!
Mar 11:23 (AMPC) Truly I tell you, whoever says to this mountain, Be lifted up and thrown into the sea! and does not doubt at all in his heart but believes that what he says will take place, it will be done for him.
In one of the open visions that Papa Kenneth Hagin had, Jesus told him, “my people are saying what they have rather than say what they want to have!” (Para-phrase)
Keep saying your exceptions, not your experiences. It is a powerful principle of life.
Most singles in courtship also break up because of this exact reason. This is because, for men, respect is a major issue. Every man is egocentric, and you shouldn’t try to bruise that ego, single or married. Speak into your wedding day, and your marriage, and say the right words.
This doesn’t mean you should ignore obvious issues, for example, character issues. This should be confronted and counsel sought!
Single Or Married, Avoid These! 2. Don’t equip others against yourselves. Don’t shoot yourself in the leg. You are one in marriage, and that is how God sees it. Support your spouse always. Don’t keep weakening each other!
In the same way, in courtship, once you see your partner is always against you in and out, it is a sign that there is a deeper problem to confront. How can you be in courtship and all you do is fight day in, and day out? That is not good material for the foundation of your marriage. What exactly is causing the issues? They should be addressed and confronted and not used to glide or surf into marriage!
Single Or Married, Avoid These!
I will stop here today and conclude tomorrow! Have you registered for Singles Camp Meeting yet? Remember we have limited space and we will stop registration once we have space filled up. Find info below on how to register!
