More Ways To Recognize Emotional Affairs is a continuation of yesterday’s topic. Sally was in love with George who is not in love with her. That can be debilitating. The Johnsons are dealing with an adulterous issue, made worse by the neglect of Mr. Johnson.
What are the More Ways To Recognize Emotional Affairs
3. When you start discussing your marital problems with somebody else.
As single ladies or guys, when a married person of the opposite sex starts discussing his marital issues or starts reporting his spouse, the conversation is probably going too far. You might be feeling cool that the person trusts you to divulge such prized information, but if you are not careful, emotions would soon be involved.
You might even have the righteousness complex where you become a counsellor, trying to encourage him or her. The problem is that compassion can turn into confusion very quickly. It is all a ploy when a married person stands before you like or she needs help from you. What wisdom does a thirty-five-year-old married man need from a single beautiful twenty-three-year-old girl? Where are the pastors and counsellors? It is a trap. At what point did you become a counsellor? Did you read Guidance and counselling in school? Many people have attempted to counsel others like that and ended up canceling their destinies.
4. When you are convinced that your supposed friend understands you better than your spouse.
You have crossed the line and you are about to desecrate your marital covenant if you do so. As singles, if any married person ever verbalize such lies to you, that he wished he had married you before meeting his wife, it is time to use your legs and run away, otherwise, you might be cooking the kind of food you don’t want to eat! Or he tells you that you are so caring and understanding unlike his spouse, don’t believe such lies. It is usually an attempt to have an inroad into your emotions and eventually get in between your legs!
Don’t sit down there sheepishly listening to such gibberish, stand up and take charge of your life and destiny by running away. You see when the Bible says “Flee,” it is not the time to say, “Let’s reason together.”
There are situations where you don’t need to speak in tongues, you just need to run, because even the angels have escaped because they don’t want to behold evil!
How To Recognize Emotional Affairs. Sally was long gone in falling in love and emotionally entangled with George, and yet George kept claiming they are just friends. Sally was like ice cubes exposed to the sun each time she is around George. She would simply melt and become fidgety at the sight of George.
George could see this and continued to exploit her emotionally by even becoming more nice and available for her, without making any commitments. Sally couldn’t help herself, her love canvas is shattered, and splattered with images of George!
In the same vein, the Johnsons were not having a great time as Mrs. Johnson found herself in a contradictory love triangle, emotionally intertwined with her boss at work. How did she get to that point without knowing as a child of God? To make it worse, her husband is constantly fighting her and being insensitive. It is as though hell scripted the plot, as she found herself sliding down the adulterous abyss, her husband in no sight to pull her out. The time she needed him so much was the time he neglected her too much!
Her voice, calling out to George from the abyss, “I need help dear!” Help me! But George was too preoccupied with his work and too insensitive to hear her drowning voice. His silent treatment is further silently increasing her vulnerability!
There is no child of God that outrightly proceeds into an adulterous relationship. It is usually a subtle happenstance, an innocent friendship, albeit, subtlety and innocence would never be an excuse for compromise.
There is a difference between a platonic friendship and a romantic relationship. When you have a platonic relationship with another married person, there would be no qualms. But the moment the relationship crosses the line from platonic to romantic, there would be issues and one can be easily trapped. An emotional affair is just a step before a full-blown affair.
The question then is at what point does a friendship cross from platonic to romantic?
How To Recognize Emotional Affairs
1. When that which ought to be kept secret between you and your spouse is divulged to the other person.
This is the first sign that you are playing with fire. When a married person begins to share with you what ought to be secrets between him and his spouse, it is a good place to run away. Or when as a married person, you begin to share with that young single lady what ought to be the exclusive reserve for you and your spouse, you are crossing the line and trying to hug some fire.
At what point did that single sister become your counselor? It’s the pathway to adultery!
For singles, you are always talking deeply, sharing secrets, and advising each other and you say you are just friends? Face it, it’s already emotional! When troubled, you are the first person to be called, and you seem to always bring peace to the troubled soul…Hmmm… you are both in love joor!
2. When you catch yourself fantasizing or daydreaming about somebody else apart from your spouse, you are traveling beyond the platonic into the romantic, and definitely something will soon happen that might culminate into regrets later. That close friend has found his way into your thoughts right in the bedroom and you are just friends? You are beginning to conjure her image so you can enjoy intimacy with your spouse and you are just friends? Nay, thou are not just friends!
As singles, you say there is nothing between you and yet he is the last person you think about, and the first person that slides into your thought’s DM? Even God no dey get space like that again! Una don dey in love, biko!
I will stop here this morning!
Tomorrow, I will conclude on How To Recognize Emotional Affairs
Is It Just A Feeling or Love? One of the most abused statements in this generation is “I am in love.” Two people met themselves, there was strong body chemistry, and they hit on the very moment they set eyes on each other, it was as if they have known each for a long time, in a matter of hours, they are intertwined in each other’s embrace, locked up in sex and everything looks great for them. Is that love? Unfortunately, the answer is a No-No!
Pastor, why do you say so? What about love at first sight?
Well, there is nothing like love at first sight, what really happens most times is lust at first sight. If you think well, what we call love, at first sight, is usually predicated on the intense feelings for each other when you set eyes on each other.
There may be a “knowing” at first sight, where you get to know who the right person is for you either by revelation or by intuition, but there is nothing like love at first sight.
Is It Just A Feeling or Love? To love a person, you have to know that person. You don’t really know a person at first sight, you may have feelings, but you don’t really love him or her because you don’t know him or her.
A Feeling is not love, even though, there may be a feeling in love. Feelings can be fickle, they can change, it is on the surface and if you marry because of feeling alone, you will be heavily disappointed, because there would be times in marriage, there would be no iota of feelings. Will you go and divorce?
In the scripture, Amnon had a strong feeling for Tamar. (2 Sam 13.) The feelings were so strong that he became sick and lean. He was so vexed with love, some other translation says he was fond of Tamar while some others say he was obsessed.
Pastor, you mean somebody can be very fond of me, thinking of me every time, and yet not be in love? The answer is Yes. Pastor, you mean somebody can be all over me, showering me with gifts, ready to “die” for me, cannot sleep without me, cannot do without calling me ten times in a day, and yet not be in love? The answer is Yes!
In the scripture, it says concerning Amnon:
“And Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and Amnon thought it hard for him to do any thing to her.” (2 Samuel 13:2, KJV)
Message Translation:
“Amnon was obsessed with his sister Tamar to the point of making himself sick over her. She was a virgin, so he couldn’t see how he could get his hands on her.” (2 Samuel 13:2, MSG)
The feelings were so strong that his body began to collapse. That ought to be strong love, but sadly, it is not.
He calls me twenty times a day, it may not be love. She may be calling somebody else, thirty times a day as well. She spends weekends with me, it may not be love. She may be spending weekends with other guys as well. He gives me a lot of money. It may not be love, he may just see his money as a tool to get what he wants and when he doesn’t want it, he withdraws his money.
I can go on and on. Is It Just A Feeling or Love?
You would have concluded Amnon was so so much in love.
But then he lied to his father and to Tamar. True love is sincere.
He ended up raping Tamar. True love protects, it does not violate!
He forces and uses scripture to manipulate you into sleeping with him and he says he is in love? He is not only lying, he is lying in state!
But Pastor, he is truthful. He told me that I am not the only one he is sleeping with and that I am the only one he would marry! Then what are you doing in that kind of relationship where you are being told with audacity and effrontery such sexual atrocities? How did you get yourself into that place?
Amon, after raping Tamar and getting what he wanted, sent her out of his door and the scripture says something very powerful:
“Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone.” (2 Samuel 13:15, KJV)
In verse 2, he loved her to the point of obsession. In verse 15, he hated her exceedingly, after getting what he wanted. That is not love. It is spelled L-U-S-T!
There is a huge difference between love and feelings!
For married couples, one of the prayers you should keep praying is that God’s love is shed abroad in your hearts. You may wake up some of those days and feelings seem to have travelled, at such times, your love must still remain firm because you are in a covenant with your spouse. You should not feel before you love in marriage, you should love, feelings or no feelings! In marriage, love moves away from feeling completely to commitments!
Singles Conference 2022 is here! The Conference is non-residential. Visitors from outside Ibadan are to make private arrangements for their feeding and accommodation,.
Dealing With Devices in Marriage. George, a married man, traveled from work and lodged in a hotel, and then a beautiful lady, Sally lodged beside his room. In no time, they became friends and in a matter of minutes, she is already in his room chatting away. It looked like they’d known each other for ages. It is not because George or Sally is friendly, it is simply a DEVICE to draw them into a compromise, even though it all looked innocent.
Over the years, phone designs and models have evolved and what we have now are beyond phones, they are more rightly called DEVICES. These are multi-functional gadgets that can play multiple roles at the same time.
So we can begin to understand what the Bible means when it says:
“Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his DEVICES.” 2 Corinthians 2:11, KJV
We should not be ignorant of the DEVICES of the devil. What can we learn about the devices of the devil?
1. A device goes through a process before its release.
A device doesn’t just come out, it is something that is conceptualized as an idea, then documented, and then goes through plans and processes before it eventually comes out.
In the same way, we need to understand that the devil sits down to plan its attacks. He makes plans and finds ways to execute plans. That is why the scripture calls it a device. It is something that is packaged from hell to destabilize you. You should not be ignorant about it. You should not be oblivious to it.
2. A device has a target market
A device is not just released haphazardly. It is always targeted. In the same way, the devices of the devil are targeted at you. They are deliberately designed with you in mind. You must never let down your guard. Otherwise, before you know it, you may be compromising heavily despite the fact that you are born again, Spirit-filled and tongue-talking.
3. A device is designed to taste
Do you know you have a device weakness? It may be Samsung, Techno, or Apple device. There is always a device specification that resonates with you. In the same way, there is a device that the devil sits down to design to feed your weakness. That is why the Bible says:
“But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.” (James 1:14, KJV)
For some, they must not see a light-complexioned lady, for some, it is the other way around. For some, their knees weaken when they see a busty lady. Some ladies, get melted when they see a tall, hunky gentleman who is easygoing. The list goes on, but you know within yourself what your weakness can be.
So what do you do? You guard yourself against your weakness. You don’t feed your weakness. You know you must not behold the green bottle, yet you followed your friend to the club? You just shot yourself in the leg. You know your temperature rises when you see a light-complexioned lady and yet they brought a tall, light-complexioned lady to you from the village as house help, you said it is okay? You are setting up yourself for a downfall that way!
You know as a lady if you spend time with a man who “toasts” you for hours, showers you with gifts, and so on, you cannot say No, and yet you followed that man on a shopping spree when you know he is already married? That’s like carrying fire in your bosom!
4. A device is never forced on you
Finally, a device cannot be forced on you. You have to decide to buy it. In the same way, the devil cannot impose anything on you, you have to patronize him to buy into his traps. What do you do?
Guard yourself. Pray a lot. Be vigilant, be sober, be alert, and be alive in Christ. Don’t go and spend the night with the one you are not married to. Don’t fly to Dubai with a person who is not your spouse. That is not God’s favor working for you, that is a device trying to trap you.
Do you know the scripture says favour can be deceitful? Before you jump and conclude it is God’s favor, the question is if a compromise is involved. Is your conscience violated? If that is the case, it is not favor, it is set up against your destiny.
A person who doesn’t want to be ignorant stays informed. Stay informed by reading and studying God’s word regularly!
I pray for you this morning that God will indeed send help your way in Jesus’ name and help you to confront and overcome that device of the evil one.
