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When You Hate The One You Love. It sounds like a contradiction, but in no way establishes its dubiety.  It is not healthy, but it happens. Nobody wants it, but you sometimes find yourself at loggerheads and you yield to your flesh and just want to stay angry, bitter, and in strife, always to one’s detriment though.

The implications are rife. It doesn’t matter if it is between two people in courtship or between a married couple. The spiritual implications are weighty and are the same.

What could lead to times When You Hate The One You Love? Anything could have happened. Differences in temperament, upbringing, culture, environment, spiritual maturity, and exposure can often contribute to anger tantrums and quarrel spots.

However as a child of God, you cannot yield to the flesh all the time, or else a lot of things would be grounded in your life.

As a matter of fact, the scripture aptly says that your prayer can run aground with strife and bitterness.

“For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.”  (Jas 3:16, KJV)

A relationship or marriage that will succeed has to be devoid of strife.

When You Hate The One You Love

When you make a decision to stay off strife as a single or married, you are actually bringing honour into your life. Take a look at the scripture:

” It is an honour for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling.”  (Pro 20:3, KJV)

What leads to strife? When You Hate The One You Love.

Anger, quarrels, hurt, bitterness, unforgiving attitudes, and the like.

But Pastor, must I sweep things under the carpet just to avoid strife?


So, what do you do?

Confront issues, but forgive quickly!

It is interesting, but really, we get hurt the most by the ones we love the most! We find ourselves momentarily hating the one we love. 

Why is that?

The reason is obvious. With love comes trust. But when that trust is ruptured, the heart is punctured and the wound can be so deep because trust has been violated. The wound can be so deep that no balm can heal, but thank God there is a balm in Gilead!

Now, you need to analyze issues.

The event that led to mistrust, was it a genuine mistake or a deliberate habit being used to manipulate and toy with your emotions? 

If an action is habitual, while you are the victim all the time and you are still single, the idea is not to keep forgiving and stay there until your esteem is completely plundered and your dignity is trampled. Sometimes, the way out of such strife as singles is to forgive the person and then end such relationships, because the person in view is far from repentance. The stark reality is that you can’t change anybody!

When they got in strife with Isaac over the well he dug, what did he do? He left them and moved on and eventually dug another well where there were no contentions.

“And Isaac’s servants digged in the valley, and found there a well of springing water. And the herdmen of Gerar did strive with Isaac’s herdmen, saying, The water is ours: and he called the name of the well Esek; because they strove with him. And they digged another well, and strove for that also: and he called the name of it Sitnah. And he removed from thence, and digged another well; and for that they strove not: and he called the name of it Rehoboth; and he said, For now the LORD hath made room for us, and we shall be fruitful in the land.”  (Gen 26:19-22, KJV)

It is only in marriage that you cannot just wake up and walk out of your matrimonial home over trivial issues. You are to stay there and fight for your marriage unless your life is threatened and you are no longer safe.

As singles, we must also know that the incessant strife and quarrels would be a result of either two things:

  1. You are out of God’s will, so things are not working
  2. You are in God’s will, so the devil is contending your togetherness.

The best thing to do in such scenarios is to go and pray and find out from God exactly what to do. This will then help you to pray and make your decisions.

As married couples, get your mentor or pastor involved, in prolonged anger and strife, sometimes what has been a persistent source of bickering in your home is just a statement away from its solution when you ask people ahead of you. This is what to do When You Hate The One You Love.

I pray for you this morning, may every storm in your relationship, marriage, and life be stilled in Jesus’ name!

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