If you want to build a strong and lasting relationship, learn from other people’s mistakes. In this devotional, I will share my personal story and the issues I faced in past relationships. I will show you how anger, disrespect, and blaming others can damage your bonds. More importantly, I will explain how change is possible when you take ownership of your weaknesses.
2. Parents as Models.
Growing up, I witnessed frequent arguments and even physical fights between my parents. As children, my brother and I would cry and beg them to stop fighting to no avail. Witnessing these conflicts shaped my views on relationships from a young age.
3. Growing up in a quarrelsome home.
It was all I knew to see parents constantly quarreling, even in front of us kids. My parents loved us but they didn’t understand the impact their fights had on our development. We learned that resolving conflicts through yelling and aggression was normal.
4. The impact on children.
Seeing your parents fight regularly leaves scars. As a child, it makes you feel unsafe and stressed. Subconsciously, it can influence you to repeat similar behaviors in your own relationships later in life. I believe growing up in that environment is what made me prone to anger issues and arguments as an adult.
5. Arguing and fighting as weaknesses.
In my teens and early adulthood, I saw arguing and even physical fighting as normal behaviors. I took pride in “winning” fights and felt validated when others were impressed by my aggression. However, these were clearly weaknesses that would damage my relationships if not addressed.
6. Owning your faults instead of blaming others.
For a long time, I blamed my parents and upbringing for my anger issues. I thought it wasn’t my fault since that’s all I knew growing up. But the moment you realize your parents’ actions don’t define you, change becomes possible. You have to own your faults instead of making excuses for bad behaviors. No one else can change you but yourself.
7. Examples of anger issues from my past.
Looking back, I see many examples of how my anger ruined past relationships. I would blow up over small things and say hurtful words just to win arguments. I never respected my partners’ feelings or tried to understand other viewpoints. My anger was like a monster that I couldn’t control.
8. The impact on relationships.
Is it any surprise that those relationships didn’t last? No one wants to be with someone who constantly yells, blames, and shows anger without reason. It destroys trust and communication. Both parties always feel on edge, like walking on eggshells. Respect and care fade away when anger takes over. I didn’t realize it then but my behavior was emotionally abusive.
9. Making the decision to change.
It took hitting rock bottom, with the failure of yet another relationship, for me to realize I had to change. I decided to seek counseling to understand the roots of my anger and how to manage it better. This was the first step to taking control of my life and weaknesses.
10. Seeing positive changes with time.
Learning new coping skills like active listening, expressing feelings respectfully, and taking a breather to calm down when angry – these techniques really helped. With practice over months and years, I saw real differences. Fewer outbursts, more patience, and greater control over my emotions. My relationships became far more peaceful than before.
11. Communication skills to develop.
Some key skills I worked on include: listening without interrupting, using “I feel” statements, finding compromises, validating feelings, and apologizing when wrong. These small changes in how you interact go a long way in making the other person feel heard and respected.
12. Showing respect for your partner.
Beyond communication, it’s important to respect your partner’s individuality and make them feel cared for through little gestures. Saying thank you, doing small favors, giving compliments, and making time for each other daily all show you value the relationship. Respect is the foundation of any healthy bond.
13. Growth and healing in my own marriage.
I met my husband a few years after starting my personal journey. By then, I had learned so much and was still learning. Of course, new challenges would come up but I had better tools to handle them respectfully. Our communication is honest yet caring. We make each other feel valued every day.
14. Advice for others based on my experience.
If you struggle with anger or past hurts influence you, don’t delay getting help. Your future relationships and mental well-being depend on it. Also, keep learning from your mistakes; that’s how you keep growing. Finally, value your partner and meet them with compassion – this will take you very far.
15. Get to Know Your Partner.
Getting to know someone fully takes time. Before marriage, it’s important to truly understand who your partner is at their core. Spending quality time together in different situations can help reveal important things.
16. Date Nights.
Plan regular date nights where you engage in meaningful conversation without distractions. Ask questions and really listen to learn about each other’s upbringing, values, life experiences, and goals. Did you grow up similarly or differently? What matters most to each of you?
17. Understanding.
Also, make an effort to understand your partner’s relationships with family and friends. How do they interact with loved ones? What role will family play after your wedding? Knowing how to navigate in-laws can help prevent future issues.
Be open about topics that affect your future too, like finances, children, faith, and careers. Discuss expectations for these areas to ensure you are compatible. It’s better to address any gaps or disagreements now rather than be surprised later.
Make quality time together a priority, even when busy with work or other commitments.
18. Conversations.
Continuing meaningful conversations throughout your relationship helps you and your partner grow closer emotionally and practically. Going into marriage with a solid understanding of each other sets the stage for a healthy bond.
Secrets Unveiled: Apostle Arome’s 14 Keys To A Lasting Marriage Part 2
What are the Keys to a Long-Lasting Marriage?
8. Understanding the Price of Agreement.
Agreement is the foundation of any covenant relationship. Maintaining an agreement requires effort, but it is well worth it to enjoy the benefits of a true partnership. As the Apostle pointed out, “two cannot walk together except that they agree.”
Agreement allows couples to function as a corporate entity, combining their strengths for maximum impact. However, agreement does not just happen – it is something that must be cultivated through understanding each other, compromising when needed, and prioritizing the relationship above personal desires.
Apostle Arome used the example of Israel’s relationship with God to show how disagreement can arise even when two parties are committed to each other. Though Israel was married to God by covenant, at times “there was no harmony, no concord.”
Living together day after day reveals each person’s weaknesses as well as their strengths. It takes work to see beyond surface issues and maintain the “temperature of agreement.” But the rewards are great for couples who make this effort, as Apostle Arome said, with agreement comes the ability to “explore the field of destiny” through their combined efforts.
9. Avoid Unequal Yoke.
Being “unequally yoked” leads to a lack of harmony. When two people have differing values, priorities, or visions for their lives together, it creates internal friction that manifests in their interactions. Small disagreements that would normally be resolved become magnified when the underlying yoke is unequal.
Couples may find themselves constantly butting heads over decisions big and small. Resentment and frustration can build on both sides when there is no agreement at the core level of who they are and what they want from their marriage and future. Apostle Arome pointed to this lack of agreement at the foundational level as a disaster for any relationship that is meant to function as a unit.
10. Fellowship and Participation.
The Greek word for fellowship means participation. Effective participation between partners requires understanding each other’s strengths, weaknesses, passions, and quirks.
Couples who take the time to truly get to know their spouse on deep levels find it much easier to participate together in a harmonious way. They understand how to encourage and support each other’s participation in activities, responsibilities, and decision-making in a way that plays to each person’s nature. This allows them to function as a cohesive unit where both people feel valued for their contributions. A lack of real understanding breeds a lack of participation, which in turn breeds distance and disharmony in the relationship.
11. Communion and Intercourse.
Communion, or “koinonia”, refers to intercourse – the height of agreement between partners. When there is disharmony between a couple, it negatively impacts their ability to be intimate with each other. Intercourse is meant to be an act that deepens the bond of unity between a husband and wife, but lack of agreement on other levels makes true communion very difficult.
Unresolved issues like differing values or ongoing arguments translate to a disconnect even in the bedroom. Partners may feel reluctant to be emotionally or physically vulnerable. Addressing the root causes of disharmony through open communication and compromise is important to restore full communion in the relationship.
12. Purpose and Objectives.
Having a clearly defined, shared purpose is important for agreement. Couples who do not have a strong sense of why their marriage exists beyond just being together are more likely to experience disagreement down the line. Life presents many opportunities to veer off course individually if a marriage’s purpose is unclear or unaligned. Discussing each person’s goals, values, vision for family, and aspirations helps partners get on the same page about their reasons for committing to each other. With a mutual understanding of purpose, it is easier to make decisions and compromises while staying focused on similar objectives.
13. Addressing Past Mistake.
Apostle Arome discusses how past inappropriate relationships or touches can negatively impact agreement in a current marriage if unaddressed. Soul ties from previous romantic connections, even if just emotional, can linger in the recesses of one’s mind and heart. This leaves room for comparison or unresolved baggage that seeps into the present. Complete honesty and repentance between partners is needed. Working through such issues with a counselor or mentor can help cut past ties that hinder full agreement in the marriage. Sins of the past, if not brought to light, have the power to slowly poison unity in the present.
14. Conclusion.
In conclusion, the keys to lasting long in any marriage ultimately come down to agreement. Couples must work to cultivate agreement through fellowship, shared purpose, addressing past issues, and prioritizing their unity. When two become one in mutual understanding and participation, it allows them to present a united front even against any “enemy” seeking to bring disharmony. With agreement as the foundation, a marriage can withstand challenges and last for the long run.
The Secret Sauce – Apostle Arome’s 14 Keys To A Lasting Marriage
Finding Agreement in Marriage
Marriage was designed by God to be a covenant of exclusivity and intimacy between a man and a woman. A lasting marriage is God´s will. However, many couples struggle to find agreement and live in peace. In this article, we will discuss the root causes of unfaithfulness in a marriage, based on the message shared by Apostle Arome. By understanding these causes and applying the biblical principles outlined, couples can build a strong foundation for an enduring marriage of agreement.
What Are the Causes of Unfaithfulness in Marriage?
1. Soul Ties and Their Implications.
According to Apostle Arome, soul ties are spiritual connections formed when a person becomes intimate with another person through sexual relations or prolonged emotional attachment. Apostle Arome shares that soul ties act as “pathways” that allow demons to traffic between people and oppress or manipulate them.
A common way soul ties are formed is through pre-marital sexual relationships. The pastor explained that these relationships leave a person in a “vicious circle of connection” to former partners that can negatively impact their current marriage. Demons and spiritual problems can be transferred through this soul tie “highways.”
2. Lack of a Regulator in Marriage.
A regulator for the marriage is one of the keys to a lasting marriage. Apostle Arome used the analogy of an electric fan without a thermostat to illustrate what happens when a marriage lacks a “regulator.” Just as an uncontrolled fan could cause harm, an unregulated marriage where both partners do not submit to God’s authority is at risk of “crashing.”
When unbelievers marry without acknowledging God, there is no spiritual “regulator” to keep the relationship balanced. While they may live together, they are truly just “cohabiting” rather than in a covenant marriage as designed by God. This leaves the relationship vulnerable to demonic interference through unaddressed soul ties and other openings.
3. How Do You Prevent Unfaithfulness?
The first way to prevent unfaithfulness is to commit to God’s Regulations for Marriage.
For a marriage to be protected from unfaithfulness, both partners must commit their relationship fully to God as the supreme authority and regulator. They should see marriage as a blood covenant instituted by God, not just a legal contract. By willingly submitting to God’s regulations on marriage in the Bible, such as mutual exclusivity and intimacy only with each other, couples place themselves under God’s covering and protection.
4. Another way to prevent unfaithfulness is Accountability and Transparency with Each Other.
The pastor emphasized the importance of accountability between spouses. If one feels attracted to someone else, they should openly tell their partner instead of hiding it. Regular communication and transparency about thoughts and feelings can help address issues before they escalate. It also prevents the devil from taking advantage of cracks in the relationship.
5. Another way to prevent unfaithfulness is Working Through Misunderstandings with Understanding.
The testimony shared revealed how a disagreement led to a loss of attraction between the couple. Apostle Arome counseled resolving issues through understanding instead of driving one’s spouse away. During challenging times like pregnancy, husbands must learn their wife’s changing needs with patience. With open communication and a willingness to understand each other, misunderstandings need not lead to unfaithfulness.
6. Another way to prevent unfaithfulness is Identifying and Breaking Soul Ties.
Apostle Arome emphasized that deliverance must be deliberately sought to break soul ties formed in the past through pre-marital relationships. One must write down the names of all former sexual partners and repent fully of those acts. Breaking the associated soul ties requires calling on God to sever the spiritual connections.
7. Another way to prevent unfaithfulness is Fasting and Prayer for Complete Deliverance.
Complete deliverance from past soul ties and their effects may require an extended period of fasting and prayer. Apostle Arome noted it can take up to nine months of consistently rejecting demonic suggestions and images that surface.
But with persistence, one can be fully freed from the oppression of the past through God’s power. The fast also helps destroy appetites of the flesh that open doors to unfaithfulness. We will stop here today and continue with part 2 tomorrow!
11 Marriages That Must Not Take Place By Dr. D.K Olukoya
Introduction
I agree that wrong marriages can seriously damage our lives and futures. In this post, I will discuss Dr. Olukoya’s guidelines on 40 types of marriages that must be avoided. By learning to identify and steer clear of such unions, we can protect ourselves from unnecessary hardship. I will explore each kind of problematic marriage and explain why it should not take place.
Number 1. Fast food marriages.
Fast food marriages are based solely on physical attraction and lustful desires, rather than true love and compatibility. When the initial infatuation fades, as it always does, the relationship collapses. Marrying for looks or sexual chemistry alone is a recipe for divorce once those surface-level attractions disappear.
Number 2. Serpent in the pocket marriages.
A “serpent in the pocket” marriage is one where one spouse hides their real character flaws and intentions until after the wedding. Once committed, the deceptive person’s true colors emerge, often in a toxic manner that poisons the relationship. Founding a marriage on deception lays the groundwork for major betrayal and breach of trust down the road.
Number 3. Marrying the enemy.
Marrying someone you perceive as an enemy or competitor is asking for trouble. Unresolved negative feelings like dislike, mistrust, or a history of conflict do not make for a solid foundation for marriage. Even minor disagreements can easily escalate when underlying enmity exists. It is usually best to maintain distance from adversaries rather than legally binding yourself to them through marriage. Trying to change an enemy into a spouse often backfires.
Number 4. Marrying late in life hastily.
Those marrying later in life after previous relationships have ended may feel lonely or pressured to settle down quickly. However, rushing into marriage without properly evaluating the partner’s character can be imprudent. When loneliness or deadlines override good judgment, marriages entered into hastily tend to end in regret. It is wise not to compromise the standards of a compatible life partner just to avoid singleness. Taking the time to know someone fully is critical for long-term success.
Number 5. Half and half marriages.
Half-and-half marriages combine two incompatible halves that are doomed to clash. This occurs when partners of different faiths, cultures, or backgrounds enter marriage with unresolved differences. Over time, disagreements over issues like religion, in-laws, or child-rearing tend to intensify rather than diminish tension. For lasting peace, spouses must be fully united.
Number 6. Red Cross Society marriages.
Red Cross Society marriages refer to unions formed due to accidental pregnancy before marriage. While having a child does require responsibility, rushing to marry the other parent does not guarantee the couple is ready or suited to building a healthy family together long-term. Careful discernment is still needed.
Number 7. Demonic consultation marriages.
Demonic consultation marriages were explained as occurring when a partner seeks guidance from occult forces like astrology, witch doctors, or other ungodly sources rather than relying on God’s will. Putting faith in spiritual powers runs contrary to biblical teaching and exposes the marriage to harmful manipulation and control from demonic entities. God alone should direct our paths.
Number 8. Witchcraft marriages.
Witchcraft marriages are those involving spouses with a background or family history steeped in witchcraft, idolatry, or other demonic practices. Such spiritual baggage has toxic consequences, as the marriage itself may become a battleground for conflicting spiritual influences and ideologies that undermine harmony.
Number 9. Syringe marriages.
Syringe marriages occur when a partner has a history of drug abuse or addiction. Substance issues often stem from deeper problems, and getting clean is a long process even after rehab. Marrying an unreformed addict risks exposing yourself and any future children to harm from relapses or associated unhealthy behaviors. Stability must be established first before committing to such a union.
Number 10. Diabetes marriages.
Diabetes marriages involve partners with uncontrolled medical conditions like diabetes that require intensive management. The strain of caring for an ill spouse’s needs can drain both physical and emotional resources from the relationship. Health must be reasonably stable to ensure both spouses’ well-being and ability to fulfill their roles before marriage
Number 11. Marrying out of pity.
Marrying out of pity rather than genuine love or compatibility is unfair to both partners. Pity seeks to fulfill an ego need to help someone, but true care requires considering the other person’s long-term well-being and ensuring the relationship is healthy for both sides. Otherwise, it risks becoming a crutch rather than a partnership.
In conclusion, while the heart wants what it wants, marriage is not merely an emotional affair but a serious life commitment. Entering without fully considering factors like spirituality, values, health, background, and long-term goals nearly guarantees problems down the road. Rather than acting on fleeting feelings or circumstances, take time to carefully discern true compatibility in all areas before making a vow. Building on a firm foundation of mutual understanding and agreement increases the chances of a stable, fruitful union.
Top 56 Valuable Lessons from The 56-Year Marriage of Joyce and Dave Meyer – Part 2
The Marriage of Dave and Joyce Meyer has been for over 56 years. In their Video, Talk It Out, they share candidly about the highs and lows of their journey together. Joyce notes early on in their 5-date courtship, they didn’t truly know each other. Yet through divine intervention, they found themselves bonded for life.
Based on this conversation with celebrated life coach and bestselling author Joyce Meyer and her husband Dave, here are some Valuable Lessons from The 56-Year Marriage of Joyce and Dave Meyer. This is Part 2. Read Part 1 Here.
Forgiving Quickly to Avoid Strife.
29. Satan wants strife but God wants peace. Joyce shares how realizing this, and refusing to get offended has helped. Forgiving and letting things go is key to avoiding discord.
30. Joyce and Dave warn against expecting overnight fixes. Trials often intensify before peace emerges, so persevering shows faith in God’s unseen hand at work.
31. The key is learning to accommodate each other. For example, while Dave may think Joyce’s processing style is “just wasted breath,” refraining from dismissive comments and listening respectfully goes a long way. Likewise, Joyce can try viewing situations from her husband’s logical perspective, even if she needs further discussion.
32. With patience and compromise, couples can diffuse tensions simply by acknowledging how their brains work differently.
33. Holding onto offenses is one of the surest ways to damage a marriage.
34. Joyce shared how she struggled with this early in her relationship with Dave but realized harboring resentment only benefits the devil.
35. The sooner spouses forgive small slights and absorb the word of love from First Corinthians 13, the smoother their union will go. “Love keeps no record of wrongs” is a radical concept in relationships but brings tremendous peace when applied.
36. Forgiveness also requires making a daily choice not to dwell on past hurts.
37. As Joyce said, the more one ruminates on offenses, the deeper the roots of bitterness take hold. But nipping issues in the bud through quick forgiveness keeps relationships clean and harmony intact. This helped the Marriage of Joyce and Dave Meyer a lot.
38. With practice, this can become second nature for even the most sensitive partners. Remember – it’s not about condoning bad actions but releasing the right to retaliate so love can reign free.
Seeing the Best in Each Other.
39. Dave lets Joyce be herself fully. Joyce has learned to see Dave’s logic as balancing her emotions, not opposing her. They’ve found humor in each other instead of aggravation.
40. Beyond communication gaps, every couple has their endearing idiosyncrasies that can push buttons if left unchecked. The Marriage of Joyce and Dave Meyer indeed is a great inspiration across the world.
41. Joyce humorously pointed out little habits of Dave’s, like noisily eating cereal or purposefully banging dishes louder when irritated, that get under her skin. However, she realized God made them with these distinct traits intentionally, perhaps for their own amusement.
42. We must appreciate our spouses as whole individuals rather than demanding they change harmless peculiarities.
Prioritizing Safety in Toxic Situations
43. While God hates divorce, abuse is never okay. If danger exists, safety comes first by distancing oneself until help is found. Otherwise, prayer and God’s guidance are vital.
44. While the above advice focuses on minor marital tensions, dangerously toxic relationships require a different approach to prioritizing safety.
45. Joyce rightly cautioned those in abusive situations to remove themselves and children from harm’s way, as God never intended endangerment. Additionally, prayerfully considering counseling or legal protection may become necessary steps of wisdom.
46. The role of prayer cannot be overstated even in these dire circumstances.
47. Communing continuously with Christ brings His empowerment, perspective, and discernment for the next steps.
48. Rather than facing challenges alone in one’s strength, total reliance on God’s guidance through Scripture and stillness lifts the heavy burden.
49. His perfect love casts out all fear as His plan and protection unfold. With His intervention, seemingly impossible problems dissolve. Love is a constant factor in the Marriage of Joyce and Dave Meyer.
Applying God’s Love.
50. Focusing on patience, kindness, and protecting the relationship helps. Seeing each other through God’s loving eyes transforms perspectives.
51. His Word shows us how to think of our spouse and ourselves.
52. Joyce emphasized consistently seeking God first in all matters, from minor annoyances to profound crises.
53. His love far surpasses any human love and fills what is lacking when spouses apply it through obedience, prayer, and wisdom
54. Together with Dave for decades, she stands as proof of the peace and joy available when Christ forms the foundation of a union.
55. With His help, couples can rise above natural tendencies to impatience, resentment, or control
56. In summarizing this discussion on marriage, the key lessons are to go into marriage with clear communication about expectations, to accept your spouse for who they are rather than trying to change them, and to rely on God’s wisdom in navigating disagreements and difficult seasons
Conclusion
While differences will arise, focusing on each other’s positive qualities and prioritizing individual responsibility for happiness can help strengthen the bond. With patience, compromise when needed, and a commitment to a lifelong partnership, a marriage has the potential to grow deeper in love and understanding over decades.
