30 Shocking Realities Before Marriage
1. Before You Enter that Marriage.
If you want to build a strong and lasting relationship, learn from other people’s mistakes. In this devotional, I will share my personal story and the issues I faced in past relationships. I will show you how anger, disrespect, and blaming others can damage your bonds. More importantly, I will explain how change is possible when you take ownership of your weaknesses.
2. Parents as Models.
Growing up, I witnessed frequent arguments and even physical fights between my parents. As children, my brother and I would cry and beg them to stop fighting to no avail. Witnessing these conflicts shaped my views on relationships from a young age.
3. Growing up in a quarrelsome home.
It was all I knew to see parents constantly quarreling, even in front of us kids. My parents loved us but they didn’t understand the impact their fights had on our development. We learned that resolving conflicts through yelling and aggression was normal.
4. The impact on children.
Seeing your parents fight regularly leaves scars. As a child, it makes you feel unsafe and stressed. Subconsciously, it can influence you to repeat similar behaviors in your own relationships later in life. I believe growing up in that environment is what made me prone to anger issues and arguments as an adult.
5. Arguing and fighting as weaknesses.
In my teens and early adulthood, I saw arguing and even physical fighting as normal behaviors. I took pride in “winning” fights and felt validated when others were impressed by my aggression. However, these were clearly weaknesses that would damage my relationships if not addressed.
6. Owning your faults instead of blaming others.
For a long time, I blamed my parents and upbringing for my anger issues. I thought it wasn’t my fault since that’s all I knew growing up. But the moment you realize your parents’ actions don’t define you, change becomes possible. You have to own your faults instead of making excuses for bad behaviors. No one else can change you but yourself.
7. Examples of anger issues from my past.
Looking back, I see many examples of how my anger ruined past relationships. I would blow up over small things and say hurtful words just to win arguments. I never respected my partners’ feelings or tried to understand other viewpoints. My anger was like a monster that I couldn’t control.
8. The impact on relationships.
Is it any surprise that those relationships didn’t last? No one wants to be with someone who constantly yells, blames, and shows anger without reason. It destroys trust and communication. Both parties always feel on edge, like walking on eggshells. Respect and care fade away when anger takes over. I didn’t realize it then but my behavior was emotionally abusive.
9. Making the decision to change.
It took hitting rock bottom, with the failure of yet another relationship, for me to realize I had to change. I decided to seek counseling to understand the roots of my anger and how to manage it better. This was the first step to taking control of my life and weaknesses.
10. Seeing positive changes with time.
Learning new coping skills like active listening, expressing feelings respectfully, and taking a breather to calm down when angry – these techniques really helped. With practice over months and years, I saw real differences. Fewer outbursts, more patience, and greater control over my emotions. My relationships became far more peaceful than before.
11. Communication skills to develop.
Some key skills I worked on include: listening without interrupting, using “I feel” statements, finding compromises, validating feelings, and apologizing when wrong. These small changes in how you interact go a long way in making the other person feel heard and respected.
12. Showing respect for your partner.
Beyond communication, it’s important to respect your partner’s individuality and make them feel cared for through little gestures. Saying thank you, doing small favors, giving compliments, and making time for each other daily all show you value the relationship. Respect is the foundation of any healthy bond.
13. Growth and healing in my own marriage.
I met my husband a few years after starting my personal journey. By then, I had learned so much and was still learning. Of course, new challenges would come up but I had better tools to handle them respectfully. Our communication is honest yet caring. We make each other feel valued every day.
14. Advice for others based on my experience.
If you struggle with anger or past hurts influence you, don’t delay getting help. Your future relationships and mental well-being depend on it. Also, keep learning from your mistakes; that’s how you keep growing. Finally, value your partner and meet them with compassion – this will take you very far.
15. Get to Know Your Partner.
Getting to know someone fully takes time. Before marriage, it’s important to truly understand who your partner is at their core. Spending quality time together in different situations can help reveal important things.
16. Date Nights.
Plan regular date nights where you engage in meaningful conversation without distractions. Ask questions and really listen to learn about each other’s upbringing, values, life experiences, and goals. Did you grow up similarly or differently? What matters most to each of you?
17. Understanding.
Also, make an effort to understand your partner’s relationships with family and friends. How do they interact with loved ones? What role will family play after your wedding? Knowing how to navigate in-laws can help prevent future issues.
Be open about topics that affect your future too, like finances, children, faith, and careers. Discuss expectations for these areas to ensure you are compatible. It’s better to address any gaps or disagreements now rather than be surprised later.
Make quality time together a priority, even when busy with work or other commitments.
18. Conversations.
Continuing meaningful conversations throughout your relationship helps you and your partner grow closer emotionally and practically. Going into marriage with a solid understanding of each other sets the stage for a healthy bond.
I will continue from here tomorrow. Be blessed!
