Infidelity is a traumatic experience that can shake the foundations of a marriage. It can be a full-blown affair or an emotional affair. Either way, it can be painful. However, with commitment, effort, and support, couples can overcome infidelity and rebuild their relationship. Here are the top ten ways to overcome infidelity in marriage
1. Acknowledge and Accept
Acknowledge the infidelity and accept the pain it has caused. Avoid denial, as it can prolong the healing process. Denial holds on to a shovel of offence and digs deep into the pit of bitterness.
Psalm 46:1 says God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Let God help you at this trying time, however, it is important to acknowledge and accept what has happened.
2. Communicate Openly
Establish open and honest communication to address the hurt and resentment. Create a safe space for both partners to express their feelings. Keeping quiet and mute will aggravate the situation. Be naked and not ashamed. Keeping secrets will only raise more suspicion, and that can be agonising.
Ephesians 4:15 talks about “Speaking the truth in love.”
3. Seek Professional Help
Marriage counselling or therapy can provide guidance and support throughout the healing process. A professional can help you navigate the challenges of rebuilding your relationship. A threefold cord is not easily broken, Get a mutual mentor or a professional to help you navigate the trying times. Don’t keep quiet while you both suffer silently. There is always someone who can help you both, God will never leave you destitute of wisdom and support. Be humble to accept the help God has placed around you and don’t allow shame or pride to keep you further in chains.
4. Forgiveness and Understanding
Forgiveness is a process, and it may take time. Try to understand the reasons behind the infidelity and work towards forgiveness. A good marriage is one of two forgivers. Make forgiveness easy for your spouse by being open and sincere. One more lie or insincerity is like reopening and hurting the wound more.
“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32.
5. Rebuild Trust
Trust is a crucial aspect of any relationship. Take small steps to rebuild trust, such as being transparent and consistent with your actions. Be faithful to your words, and be a person of integrity. This will help rebuild the already ruptured trust between the two of you. Avoid actions that will further raise suspicion.
The Passion Translation of 1Co 13:4 says that Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all.
6. Heal Individually
Healing is a personal journey, and focusing on individual growth and development is essential. Engage in self-care activities and prioritise personal well-being. Rely on the help of the Holy Spirit at this time. Let him hold you by the hands and bring healing to your soul. Psalm 23:3in the Amplified version says “He refreshes and restores my life”
7. Rekindle Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is vital in a marriage. Make an effort to reconnect emotionally and strengthen your bond. Start learning to communicate deeply. Start speaking each other’s love language and show yourselves that you care about one another. Start communicating eyeball to eyeball. Start wooing each other again. Avoid gaslighting and stonewalling as that will stifle emotional intimacy.
8. Create New Memories
Create new, positive memories together to help shift the focus away from the infidelity. Do new things together. Focus on one another. Let your spouse know that they are the next in your life and emotions after God. Travel together, and again and bring laughter back into your relationship.
“Forget the things which are behind, and reach forth unto those things which are before;” Philippians 3:13.
9. Set Boundaries
Establish boundaries to prevent similar situations from arising in the future. Disconnect with all you have emotional attachment with. Delete those numbers and refuse to contact them again. Ask God to help you put your body under. Discipline your thoughts and your eyes. Cast down all lustful imaginations with the help of the Holy Spirit.
The Passion Translation of Romans 12:2 says “Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you, but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God’s will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes.”
10. Commit to Change
Commit to making positive changes in your relationship and individual lives. Work together to build a stronger, healthier marriage. It takes two of you. Prove your commitment with actions and ask God to help you indeed. As your spouse sees your commitment, trust will be rebuilt.
Showing appreciation to your spouse is essential to build a strong and healthy relationship. Here are the top ten ways to show your love and gratitude, backed by scripture:
Singles and couples can employ these, with the exception of those involving intimacy for couples.
1. Verbal Affection
Show your appreciation through words. Express your gratitude by saying “thank you” or “I appreciate you” regularly. For example after a good meal, compliment verbally.
Ephesians 4:32 – “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
2. Surprise Gifts
Surprise your spouse with small gifts or tokens of appreciation, like their favorite snack or coffee. It doesn’t have to be expensive to be consistent.
1 John 3:18 – “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”
3. Quality Time
Spend quality time with your spouse doing things they enjoy, like watching a movie or playing a game together.
Genesis 2:24 – “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
4. Acts of Service
Show your appreciation through actions, like cooking their favorite meal or helping with household chores. The works powerfully especially if your partners love language is acts of service.
Philippians 2:3-4 – “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
5. Physical Touch
Show physical affection like holding hands, hugs, or cuddles to release oxytocin, the love hormone. These should be employed richly as husband and wife!
6. Written Notes
Write love notes or appreciation letters to your spouse, expressing your gratitude for their presence in your life. Don’t let the poet in you die after wedding! If your writings Brough smiles to her face while in courtship, it would bring more laughter after the wedding.
7. Support and Encouragement
Be your spouse’s biggest cheerleader, supporting and encouraging them in their goals and dreams. Be their Number one fan!
Hebrews 3:13 – “Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”
8. Date Nights
Plan regular date nights to recreate the spark and romance in your relationship. Use the 7-7-7 rule. A time together once in every seven days, an outing together once in every seven week and a major date once every seven months!
9. Listen Actively
Listen to your spouse actively, giving them your undivided attention and making them feel heard.
James 1:19 – “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
10. Gratitude Rituals
Create a daily or weekly gratitude ritual, sharing three things you appreciate about your spouse.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 – “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
Cultivating Emotional Intelligence Through Self-Awareness
Introduction:
Marriage is a beautiful journey, but it can also be challenging. One key to a successful and happy marriage is emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to recognise and understand emotions in yourself and others and to use this awareness to guide thought and behaviour. In this blog post, we’ll explore the importance of self-awareness in emotional intelligence and how it can benefit your marriage.
The Scripture says in Proverbs 13:15, that Good understanding giveth favour: but the way of transgressors is hard. Understanding or wells awareness is crucial in marriage and relationships.
What is Self-Awareness?
Self-awareness is the ability to recognise and understand one’s emotions and how they impact one’s thoughts and behaviour. It’s the ability to step back and observe oneself, one’s thoughts, and feelings without judgment. Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence, and it’s essential for building a solid and healthy marriage.
How Does This Help Emotional Intelligence in Marriage?
Self-awareness is vital in marriage because it helps you understand your own emotions and needs, as well as those of your partner. When you’re self-aware, you can better communicate your feelings and needs clearly and respectfully. You’re also more likely to be empathetic and understanding toward your partner, which can help build trust and strengthen your relationship.
The scripture says in First Peter 3:7 (KJV) Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge…
What are the Benefits of Self-Awareness in Marriage?
1. Improved Communication: Self-awareness helps you communicate more effectively with your partner. When you understand your own emotions and needs, you’re better able to express them in a way that your partner can understand.
2. Increased Empathy: Self-awareness helps you understand and empathise with your partner’s feelings and needs. You’re more likely to be supportive and understanding when seeing things from your partner’s perspective.
3. Better Conflict Resolution: Self-awareness helps you manage conflicts more effectively. When you understand your emotions and needs, you’re less likely to react impulsively or aggressively.
4. Greater Intimacy: Understanding yourself leads to a tighter bond with your partner. When you’re in touch with your feelings and wants, you’ll be more real, vulnerable and open with your partner.
How to Develop Self-Awareness in Marriage.
5. Keep a Journal: Writing down your thoughts can help you spot patterns and understand your emotions.
6. Ask for Feedback: Don’t be afraid to ask your partner and pals what they think about your actions and talk. It’s a way to level up your self-awareness game.
7. Take a Class or Workshop: Consider taking a class or workshop. Check out a class on understanding emotions or self-awareness. It’s like adding more tools to your relationship toolbox.
Conclusion:
Self-awareness is a crucial component of emotional intelligence, and it’s essential for building a solid and healthy marriage. By developing self-awareness, you can improve communication, increase empathy, manage conflicts more effectively, and build a deeper and more intimate connection with your partner. Remember, self-awareness is a journey, and it takes time and effort to develop. But with practice and patience, you can become more self-aware and build a happier and more fulfilling marriage.
How to Break Free from a Controlling Toxic Partners
It’s incredible how people sometimes stick around in relationships that are not working out. In my counseling work with individuals worldwide, I’m often saddened to hear how some have lost faith in themselves due to past negative experiences.
Too many people have given up because the devil has succeeded in convincing them they are the problem and they are to be blamed for all the relationship or marriage woes.
This often leads them to cling to dysfunctional relationships, refusing to let go of something that’s not going anywhere. Usually, the woman reaches a point where she believes nobody else will come along if she leaves her current partner.
So, she hangs on, even when it’s clear that something isn’t right with the relationship. They hang on to a toxic partner while going through all the fallouts and yet refuse to let go.
There are different types of control and toxicity in relationships and marriage. Here is one type of partner I firmly believe you shouldn’t waste your time with. They’re not worth investing years of your life in, only to realize in the end that you’re left out in the cold.
Controlling Partners
Controlling partners are manipulative and insecure. At the core of their behavior is selfishness, sometimes bordering on wickedness. Controlling partners are also experts in gaslighting and stonewalling as part of their weaponry to keep others down. Controlling partners are incredibly selfish.
Galatians 5:17 (MSG) tells us, “For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness.”
Controlling people will always reveal their true colors during courtship or friendship. They won’t let you breathe, interact with others, or showcase your talents. They’re content to keep your potential suppressed because of their insecurities. Those are red flags!
They might even invade your privacy by checking your phone, acting like spies. You’ll feel like you have to report to them daily on everyone you’ve met, what was said, and how you responded.
If you allow them, these partners will silence your voice. You’ll never be able to explore your creativity and talents because they keep you from opportunities. Warn your children about these controlling partners before they fall hopelessly and helplessly in love!
It’s usually not worth it because after enduring the torment for years, one reaches a breaking point and then rebels. This often leads to separation or divorce, which isn’t always part of God’s plan for your life. Some men won’t let their wives pursue their careers, insisting they stay in the kitchen due to their insecurities.
Some ladies won’t let their husbands (called into ministry) answer God’s call on their lives. Be cautious about who you fall in love with.
The solution here is to recognize the signs early on and seek help. Whether through counseling or therapy, it’s crucial to understand that you deserve a healthy, balanced relationship where your voice is heard and your potential is encouraged.
As singles in a relationship, if you recognize controlling behavior, you can take steps towards saving the relationship if there is cooperation. But if there is no cooperation, begin regaining your independence and finding a partner who respects and supports you.
Remember, there is always time to prioritize your well-being and happiness. Don’t let fear or insecurity keep you trapped in a relationship that stifles your growth and happiness. Seek help, know your worth, and have the courage to walk away from toxic relationships.
As couples, our reaction is not to fight, throw tantrums, or go into withdrawal mode. Our reaction as married people is to seek therapy and counseling in an attempt to save the marriage.
God bless you!
Are you in need of one-on-one therapy and counselling, or do you need an intervention in your marriage or relationship? Go to bit.ly/therapyneeded
Building a strong and healthy relationship takes effort, commitment, and a willingness to learn from mistakes. In this blog post, we’ll explore the top ten dating and marriage mistakes to avoid, helping you to build a more fulfilling and lasting connection with your partner. This is for Singles and Couples.
1. Lack of Communication
Failing to communicate openly and honestly can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and conflict. Make sure to listen actively, express yourself clearly, and address issues as they arise. Being muted or inability to listen is a not a good sign.
2. Unrealistic Expectations
Entering a relationship with unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration. Avoid idealizing your partner or expecting them to meet all your needs. Instead, focus on building a genuine connection and understanding each other’s strengths and weaknesses. There is a downside to everybody.
3. Ignoring Red Flags
Ignoring red flags or dismissing concerns can lead to a toxic or unhealthy relationship. Trust your instincts and address issues early on, rather than hoping they’ll resolve themselves. Don’t fall so much in love that you become blinded to obvious discrepancies. For couples, don’t keep quiet, seek help and therapy.
1 Peter 3:15, in the Message Translation says”Don’t be naive. Some people will try to tear you down and destroy your faith. Be wise and stay alert!”
4. Not Setting Boundaries
Establishing clear boundaries is essential for maintaining a healthy and respectful relationship. Failing to set boundaries can lead to feelings of resentment, anger, and burnout. Set boundaries especially as it relates to intimacy to avoid dating and marital mistakes.
1 Peter 2:16, in the Message Translation says “Live a free life, but don’t use your freedom as an excuse to sin. Live as servants of God.”
5. Lack of Trust
Trust is a fundamental component of any successful relationship. Build trust and don’t destroy it with incessant lies and inconsistencies. Insincerity will keep tearing down trust and suspicion will become the order of the day.
6. Incompatibility
Entering a relationship without similar values, interests, or compatibility can lead to a lack of connection and fulfillment. Take the time to get to know your partner and ensure you share a strong foundation. Be on the same page and avoid dating and marital mistakes.
2 Corinthians 6:14, in the Message Translation says “Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?”
7. Not Prioritizing Quality Time
Failing to prioritize quality time with your partner can lead to feelings of neglect and disconnection. Make time for regular date nights. Family first! When you are dating someone who doesn’t have time for you, it is a bad sign! For couples, deliberately inculcate bonding times!
Romans 12:10, in the Message Translation says “Love each other with genuine brotherly affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”
8. Financial Dishonesty
Financial dishonesty or secrecy can lead to trust issues, resentment, and conflict. Practice transparency and honesty when it comes to finances.
Hebrews 13:5 in the Message Translation says “Don’t be greedy, don’t lust for more, and don’t be consumed by what you don’t have. Be content with what you have.”
9. Not Resolving Conflicts
Avoiding conflicts or failing to resolve them in a healthy manner can lead to resentment, anger, and a breakdown in communication. Address conflicts early on and work together to find resolutions.
10. Lack of Personal Growth
Failing to prioritize personal growth and development can lead to stagnation, boredom, and dissatisfaction in the relationship. Encourage and support each other’s goals, aspirations, and self-improvement. Build capacity!
By avoiding these common dating and marriage mistakes, you can build a stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling relationship. Remember, relationships take work, commitment, and a willingness to learn and grow together.
