This is an issue faced by young and old couples alike. You and your spouse are different and this will have different perspectives.
Understanding each other is about getting your spouse to see your viewpoint. It requires effective communication and understanding.
Both of you have to be willing and ready to work at your marriage. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or with the marriage.
Help, We Don’t Understand Each other
Here are some tips to help you convey your perspective:
1. Choose the Right Time:
Pick a moment when both of you are calm and receptive to discussion.
2. Stay Calm and Respectful: Approach the conversation with a composed demeanor and avoid becoming defensive or confrontational.
3. Active Listening:
First, listen to your spouse’s viewpoint attentively. Show empathy and understanding towards their thoughts and feelings.
4. Use “I” Statements:
Express your viewpoint using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, “I feel” or “I think” rather than “You always” or “You never.”
5. Provide Specific Examples: Support your viewpoint with concrete examples and evidence to help your spouse better understand your perspective.
Help, We Don’t Understand Each other
6. Find Common Ground:
Identify areas where your viewpoints align and build on those shared interests or beliefs.
7. Avoid Blame Game:
Refrain from blaming or criticizing your spouse during the conversation. Focus on the issue at hand without making it personal.
8. Acknowledge Their Perspective:
Validate your spouse’s viewpoint, even if you don’t fully agree. Show that you respect their thoughts and feelings.
9. Be Patient:
Changing viewpoints takes time, so be patient and allow your spouse to process the information.
10. Give Space:
If the conversation becomes too intense, take breaks if needed, and revisit the discussion when both of you are ready.
Help, We Don’t Understand Each other
11. Collaborate:
Frame the conversation as a collaborative effort to find a solution that works for both of you.
12. Seek Professional Help:
If necessary, consider seeking the assistance of a professional therapist or counselor to facilitate the conversation.
Remember, the goal is not necessarily to make your spouse adopt your viewpoint but to foster understanding and find common ground. Respectful communication and empathy are key to productive discussions in any relationship.
Secrets To Keep Love Alive. It’s beautiful seeing newly wedded couples. The love spark is impressive.
There is a love wave, love current, and all the love vibes around them. They set out to profess their eternal love for each other.
They are deeply in love and could never imagine hurting each other not to talk of harming themselves whether emotionally or verbally.
The question is what happened? At what point did they start to deviate from the love zone?
Really, no husband or wife starts out overnight from being loving to being rash, unkind, abusive, and insensitive.
There must have been little actions or in-actions here and there, that crept into their love affair.
The Bible talks about little foxes that destroy the vine, the tender vine.
Our marriages are like these vines that are very tender. Little foxes are like poisons slowly released that will eventually destroy the marriage. We, therefore, need to place close attention so that we don’t allow these foxes.
Here are three things not to do if you want to keep love alive in marriage.
Secrets To Keep Love Alive
1. Don’t blame
‘It’s his fault
‘She is very disrespectful’
‘He’s not kind and loving’
She’s lazy and overly sensitive
‘He’s always hurting’
Stop the blame game. You have a choice, either you keep blaming and remain hurt, bitter, and full of regret, and revengeful.
When you keep on blaming the other person you focus on their negatives.
You become blind to their positive sides and you put him/ her on edge.
Remember, when you were in love, it was because you were blind to their negatives and only focused on how good, handsome & lovely they were.
Do the same now. Blaming your spouse continuously is poisonous.
I am not asking you to keep completely silent on your spouse’s weakness but rather confront each other respectfully and lovingly.
Remember you have your own faults too. Forgiveness and mercy are reciprocal in marriage.
Secrets To Keep Love Alive
2. Don’t Compare
The grass always seems greener on the other side. Never fall for the comparison trap.
Don’t compare other couples or marriages with your own.
Yes, you can learn from them but never compare.
The truth is you never know that other husband or wife.
Every good marriage you admire sacrificed on their path to get to where they are now.
So rather than compare and blame your spouse for not being like husband A, work on your own marriage, pay your own price, and make your own sacrifices.
Secrets To Keep Love Alive
3. Don’t withdraw
The withdrawal syndrome is one thing that destroys a marriage fast.
It’s a temporary shield you build around yourself to avoid confronting and dealing with issues.
Don’t withdraw into work, yourself, your passion, activity, church project, children, porn, friends, outings, or keeping late nights.
When you hide in withdrawal, you have created a vacuum for the devil to fill in your home.
You need to understand each other’s temperament and know how to lovingly respect each other’s differences.
Extroverts and introverts are very different and handle issues differently.
Give each other space. Allow your spouse to grow without nagging them.
Be patient with your demands. Don’t expect your wife to change overnight. Let the fruit of the spirit grow and manifest in your life.
Allow your marriage to grow. Let it blossom.
If you are presently experiencing a not-too-pleasant moment in your marriage, let grace flow towards you now, releasing peace, strength, and courage to you.
I pray for you, may God’s love and a fresh love for your spouse be shed abroad in your heart now in Jesus’ name.
The Marital Way Of Escape. As the couple sat before the counseling table, frustrations laced every word spoken, and the expressions of their mien betrayed their hearts, they were both unhappy.
Their finances were in a mess. They were neck-deep in debt that refused to move.
Their career choices seemed out of place, and their bank accounts were in a coma.
Health-wise, they were not having the best of times.
The problems seemed to rear up their heads in every area of their lives.
What should they do?
What is that one thing that can bail you out irrespective of what you are facing?
As you navigate through the path of marriage as husband and wife, what is the most important thing?
What is that one thing that will solve every and any issue in marriage?
What is that one thing a husband and wife should never joke with?
The Marital Way Of Escape
Here we go.
No matter what you are facing right now in your marriage or home, no matter how the problems seemed insurmountable or gargantuan, you can get out.
The scriptures declare
1Co 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
There is nothing you are going through right now that does not have a way of escape.
Why is there a way of escape always?
Because God is faithful.
He will never abandon you! Read that again! Never!
Again, if you are a child of God, everything, I mean everything you are going through right now is not designed to kill you or snuff out the life in you.
They are designed to bring out the best in you, build your faith muscle and get you to that place where you can fearlessly take mountains and cities.
Then finally, understand there is always a way of escape.
Mortgage, buying a house, health issues, fruit of the womb, nagging wife, uncooperative husband, wayward children, impossible debts, bills to pay…and the list is endless.
Whatever it is, there is A WAY OF ESCAPE!
The Marital Way Of Escape
What is that way of escape?
That is our bone of contention this morning.
The way of escape is the way of God’s word.
In the midst of darkness, you only need a word that will lighten your path.
That is your way of escape. A word from the Lord.
You don’t need too many words.
You only need a word.
The word is the seed.
300 million sperm released. But only one is needed to fertilize and bring forth a baby, your man-child.
In the same way, you only need a word to bring forth that baby!
Sit down, study, meditate, and get a word from the Lord!
As believers and children of God, we are operating below capacity most times.
We often allow the pressures of life, the storms in our souls, and the weight of our needs to obfuscate the limitless, massive, and incredible arsenals sitting within us.
Our weapons are not carnal, so says the Holy Writ!
It means we may not feel anything physical, but this does not in any way diminish or reduce the power that we have at our disposal.
You need to understand that in your humanity is encapsulated the divinity.
This is the greatest mystery ever.
But that is the reality.
God has come to Tabernacle in man!
Such is unheard of in the old testament.
To think of such a thing is courting disaster.
But upon the death of Jesus, a way was made and paved for us.
As singles and married, you don’t need to go to God. God lives in you!
Dare The Lover Of Your Soul!
The Old Testament patriarchs and prophets operated below our own placement, And yet look at what the scriptures say about an Old Testament Prophet.
Jas 5:17-18 (KJV) Elias was a man subject to like passions as we are, and he prayed earnestly that it might not rain: and it rained not on the earth by the space of three years and six months. [18] And he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth brought forth her fruit.
This man held the whole word to ransom at his word. He simply locked the heavens for three and half years and put the key in his pocket!
Then after three years, he unlocked it.
What weapon did he use?
Prayer.
That is the one weapon you still have today but you are even much more at an advantage than Elijah! You just do not realize it!
Those guys dared to believe God!
I want to dare you this morning, dare to believe God.
In that situation in your life, concerning your relationship/marriage, dare to believe in God.
Believe Him for the impossible.
Stop looking for someone to pray for you.
Engage God by yourself.
Have a sustained time of praying and believing God and then see what God will do in your life!
As you talk to him, pray earnestly. That was how Elijah did it! Pray with some fire!
…and he prayed earnestly…
Switch off your phones. Eliminate every distraction and pray earnestly.
Dare The Lover Of Your Soul!
Another translation says he prayed hard! Get a scripture that talks about the situation, meditate on it, and get into the place of prayer!
Dare yourself. Dare God!
God will hear you!
My father will hear you!
Heaven will respond to you!
That wedding will be a reality. That job opportunity will come though. Those contracts will become a reality. Those curses, lineage issues, delays, and all that will be broken!
You will yet rejoice! You will yet be full of joy! Don’t give up!
Ade and Sandra are so much in love. They were both God-loving but something changed the moment they began a relationship. Their relationship with God plummeted. Their prayer life suffered. Bible studies gave way to endless chatting and love poem compositions.
It also happened with the Johnson couple. Once married, their relationship with God suffered.
Where is the balance? What are the issues?
Loving Without Unloving God
Your toasting skill alone will not sustain a relationship. There are things you are going to confront and fight that do not recognize mere romantic rhetoric.
Your ability to trip her and take her to Dubai every weekend and take each other all around the world, do not arrest the enemy of your soul.
Hear this word:
“Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.” (Psa 127:1, KJV)
The word “house” also means family. Except the Lord builds a family, all the labours of outings, toasting, shopping, all the emotional energy expended, all the times, and more are all in vain, wasted, and gone into oblivion.
In other words, your love equation without God becomes an unsolvable equation.
The next question then “How do you make sure God is the builder of your relationship, marriage or family?
They are so simple. Here are some tips.
Loving Without Unloving God
1. Make sure you put God first place in everything you are going to do. Never ever relegate Him because of some love affair. For example, you use to wake up by 5.00am to pray and worship God, but since you fell in love, prayer time has suffered because of calls and chatting with your lover. If you take notice, you will always be quarreling because something vital is not in place! The same in marriage. You were all on fire for God, but once married, no flicker of light! Ensure you light up your fire, even in marriage!
2. Never allow a relationship, courtship, or marriage to draw you away from God When you do that, it will not work out fine. That is what the scripture says.
3. Do not get involved with someone who doesn’t love God. Do not get involved with someone whose spiritual life you cannot vouch for. Anybody that will snuff out the fire of God in you is not appropriate for you. Don’t even think you can change anybody: when you have not been able to change yourself!
And if you are already married, seek help and counsel.
4. Aside from the salvation experience, ask some other questions. Who are his or her pastors/mentors? Who are his or her friends?
5. What are people around you saying about the relationship? Friends, pastors, respected authority figures, and so on?
Already married? Have a mutual mentor that you speak to from time to time. A successful marriage is never done in isolation.
