In The Hole – The Assault. In one deft kick, I sent him sprawling on the ground. He couldn’t believe it. In a melange of consternation and agony, he came for me. I was ready for him and I expected that. His consternation arose from the reality of a lady humiliating him like that, a rather slim lady. His agony from the lethal pain I carefully meted out to him.
I knew something like that might happen at such an ungodly hour. It was a risk I had to take as I was feeling feverish and I couldn’t stay throughout the party. I had to risk it and walk home. My bestie that would have walked me home was as drunk as a fish.
In The Hole – The Assault
This unwanted ally had approached me thinking he had easy meat to fry. He was going to sexually assault me, and I was in no mood for such. Little did he know I was a black belter.
His consternation and agony morphed into a fearful fury as he saw that I did not run from his charge. He came with his right hand raised and clenched. The mistake of his life.
He swung his right hand with all his might with the intention to knock me out, and he could have, but I dodged in a very cute way, by bending a little, and that was all the opportunity I needed. My clenched knuckles landed on the region between his thighs. His eyes popped out as he grabbed his balls, then a scream, and then he yelled in vernacular, “Ye mo gbe o, Aje lomo yi o.“
I chuckled. It’s not only a witch you will see, you will soon see a wizard. The pernicious knuckles I gave him had him in the hole, writhing in pain. I walked away.
That pain meant nothing to me. All my life had been one of pain.
In The Hole – The Assault
How did I get here? My early years were all loving and cute until the enemy interrupted me. I used to be a church girl. I still remember my first memory verse. Will never forget it.
Pro 1:10 (KJV) My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not.
I was just five years old then. Looking back, I had not only consented, but I am now the sinner enticing others. I was holed up in the hole.
It’s not even funny. Mu mum would convulse in her grave to have an inkling of how my life is.
My dad? He is alive but does not exist in my life. I care less. I hate him too.
When The Flags Go Red. Sally knew within her something is not right. But she ignored them because she felt nobody is perfect. She decided to overlook all the red signs. She should have met the couple next door, the Johnsons, the husband saw all the red flags and decided to “skip the part” Now a major issue is pulling them apart in their marriage!
What are these red flags, as singles or married? Let’s take a look at one today!
When The Flags Go Red
Red Flags Before Wedding
Lies and Deception
Your lover tells lies and you know! Really a red flag. If it has become habitual, the storyline would likely continue after the wedding. Habits don’t die easily unless one is willing to really confront them head-on. But the challenge with a habitual lair is that he or she is already courting with the spirit of deception. That same spirit responsible for always cooking up lies and telling others would also lie to the lar. This is what you call self-deception!
The habitual lair sees lying as sport or fun! This even becomes intense because God warned about this sternly!
Joh 8:44 (KJV) Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.
The devil himself is a liar and the father of all liars.
This is really fearful, to say the least.
Again, the Bible says without mincing words here that lairs have a damnable destination!
Rev 21:8 (KJV) But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, AND ALL LIARS, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
Like Bishop Oyedepo would say, Caution! Caution! Caution!
A lying spirit should not be accommodated in one’s life! When The Flags Go Red
You can even take it further and discover that all adulterous lifestyles, all cheating, unfaithfulness, or infidelity are predicated on lies! An adulterer would be a good liar!
The one flesh principle of marriage, however, stipulates that when you are telling a lie to your spouse, you are lying to yourself because you are one!
Can you now see how chaotic things can get with this undesirable habit?
A lover who lies is raising a red flag for you to see!
A spouse who lies is toying with the marriage because telling lies hobnobbing directly with the devil himself. The door will be left open and the devil will explore that loophole!
Now, people tell lies for a lot of reasons, but that won’t stop the consequences! Some were even taught to lie by parents and guardians especially if you are from a polygamous setting or a broken home!
The reality is that you have to take charge of your life! You have to be responsible. Decide to confront the habit and come open before God like Jacob had to do! When The Flags Go Red
Your openness, sincerity, and integrity will save not only save you and your family and prevent unnecessary tears and agony but would also save your regeneration unborn! Put your feet down and let the devil know you will not be a gateway to his antics and deception in your lineage!
Be sincere with your spouse knowing that you will have to face God one day and give account! Why don’t you talk to God now?
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What Version Is Your Lover? Sally is such a beautiful girl. Her gentle mien, so angelic was an attraction to George who is hopelessly in love with her. Their love story looked straight out of the movies. Everything looked good. Till they began their courtship. Well they say, beauty is only skin deep. The person who lies beneath the skin showed up. the real Goerge within George met the real Sally within Sally! Things began to fall apart and the center could not hold.
They managed and got married thinking once wedded, their demons would leave them. Alas, it was not to be. It was as if the issues got married too and followed them to honeymoon and then to home.
Every time, Sally wished she could have back the George she met when he proposed to her. George longed for the Sally that used to cause all the butterflies to spread their wings in a romantic matric within his tummy, but he couldn’t find her.
What really happened? What Version Is Your Lover?
Do you want to know what happened?
You see, when two people are together, as singles in courtship or as a married couple, and begin to “abuse” the relationship or marriage, they inadvertently create another version of a lover or spouse!
When you “mistreat” your spouse continually, taking advantage of him or her, always the one doing one wrong thing or the other, there would be a reaction. That reaction is the version of a lover you have created with perpetual carelessness and insensitivity to your spouse. There comes a time, you are almost looking for your lover and can’t find him or her, yet beside you!
Son 3:1 (KJV) By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.
And the devil loves this. Both the person causing the issue and the one reacting are both in the flesh. Both sides believe the other is wrong. The hatred with which you hate now becomes greater than the love you use to love!
2Sa 13:15 (KJV) Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone.
May you not be found in this milieu!
What Version Is Your Lover? Depending on who is on the receiving end, you either have a version of a husband who is cranky most of the time, prefer to come home late to avoid trouble, and whose vulnerability without the home is beginning to trap him or a version of a wife who is withdrawn, withholding sex, bitter and depressed.
This happens in courtship too. You keep taking advantage of that relationship, apologizing every day and yet going back the next day to do the same thing, like you are the one anointed to create problems and the other is empowered to deal with the mess. After a while, you create a version of an angry lover who might eventually walk away.
The coordinates I am trying to establish this morning are very simple. What version of lover or spouse do you think you have created? What Version Is Your Lover?
How long will you stay in the flesh, remain stubborn, and stay in strife because you think you are right? How long will you open the door for the devil because of ego? How long will you continue to deny your weakness and bad habits that is causing woes for your spouse? For how long will you allow a spirit of deception to have a hold on your soul and refuse to confront the obvious?
Will you cry to the Lord this morning and ask for help? Will you seek the needed counsel you need or watch as thing degenerate more?
This is my conteplation this morning! You’ve got to take charge come out to open and honest and begin to treat and love your lover or spouse as the scripture recommended.
Amo 3:3 (KJV) Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
Are you truly submitting to your husband? Are you truly loving your wife? Are you truly having a godly relationship without sex as singles? Selah before you answer the questions and let them lead you to a point of change and decision!
Don’t Stop The Music! No matter how Sally tried, she was never happy! Her past seemed to haunt her at every point. Her experiences in the past had become a monster reaching beyond her present and even into her future and everything looked bleak for her. Even after the wedding when she thought things would change, they pretty much remained the same!
I want to quickly write to singles and married this morning. What is expected of you? What does God want from you? While we cannot exhaust them all, here is a quick excursion into that discourse.
Isa 35:10 (KJV) And the ransomed of the LORD shall return, and come to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads: they shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.
If you look at the above scripture, you will see that being glad and joyful is a choice you need to make!
Don’t Stop The Music!
Go after God. Let Him be the lover of your soul before you start looking for a lover of your body. Your single years should be expended on a hot pursuit after God. You see, that is the season of your life when you have the most time. After the wedding, you are going to get so busy! You should be so busy for God that there is no time for depression or some negativities.
For those who are married, let God be your priority in your family. Let Him have the rule over your family and all affairs. Trust me, as we learned on our Whatsapp Community yesterday, to keep the music on, you will need God all the way!
Don’t Stop The Music!
I taught yesterday via WhatsApp, that what the devil wants is to mute your music and stop your dance and move from a dance ballroom into a boxing ring where all you do is fight and bicker.
Even in courtship, the devil hates your music and dance. He doesn’t want you happy! He wants your relationship riddled with quarrels.
His method is to get you to sin and offend God through sexual sins so that you can be cut off from God and His favour!
Don’t Stop The Music!
Make up your mind to live for God!
Your first song is “Nobody stops my music and dance! “
Don’t let any past issues, past abuse, or past experiences stop your music.
You need that atmosphere of joy and rejoicing to get things done and have perpetual victory as single or married.
Have you ever fought and stayed in strife with your lover or spouse till you forget what even caused it in the first place? That’s the attempt of the devil to stop your joy!
Don’t allow him. You have that choice to make! Don’t Stop The Music!
There is a way to love him without unloving God. There is a way to love him and yet be godly. There is a way to make God happy while making him glad. How do you achieve that?
You see the moment you love him to the detriment of your relationship with God, things can really go awry.
Your goal is never to offend God in your bid to make him happy. Let’s take a look at a few things.
How To Respect Your Man
Respect
Col 3:18-19 (AMP) Wives, be subject to your husbands [ subordinate and adapt yourselves to them ], as is right and fitting and your proper duty in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives [ be affectionate and sympathetic with them ] and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful toward them.
Singles:
How To Respect Your Man
Respect is a major issue for men. An average man out there is egocentric. Your ego is always there even after giving your life to Jesus. There is nothing wrong with ego, but being overly egocentric is not too wise; especially when you take it out on her all the time. It is this issue of ego that men have that makes respect a big issue for them. It is not uncommon to hear from men, even when you are not yet married, “You don’t respect me!”
As singles, there should be a limit to which you can be subservient because you are not yet married. You see, until you are married properly, and legally, there are some things that should not be dabbled into. You cannot say in your bid to respect a husband-to-be, you now allow yourself to be trampled over. You cannot lose your virtue in your bid to respect your fiance. Let me explain further with an example. He wants sex. You know it is a sin and God frowns at it.
You are not being respectful when you cooperate with him to disobey God. That is not being respectful, that is being disobedient! You see, you cannot satisfy your fiance at the expense of God. If you try that, you are sowing the seeds that will truncate that very relationship. It is God that will keep your relationship up until your marriage, not your cooperation with sin.
Another example. He has a family function. He asks you to come over and be part of the function. Being your future husband, you obeyed. You went there, and it’s getting late and you ask where you will pass the night. He says you are sleeping over with him. You say, No, you are not yet married and he gets angry. At that point, you are either going to “respect” him or “respect” God!
To wrap this up, respect for him that translates to disrespect for God should never be entertained. Let your respect for him be guided by God’s word. Respect does not mean being stupid or foolish! Anything you try to do to respect him which translates to disrespecting God will backfire. It just won’t work out, and at the end of the day, all your bid to respect him will end in disrespect of your person.
Married Couples:
How To Respect Your Man
For married couples, it is also a major issue. The Bible advises that as a wife, you should submit to your own husband. Respect for your husband is not just a physical issue; it is a deeply spiritual issue. The devil knows this and capitalizes on it. As a wife, if your husband keeps saying you don’t respect him, don’t ignore it. You need to get to the root of it.
Usually, you will not agree with him when he says that and it even hurts you to hear that, but if he keeps saying that, you need to calm down and not flare up. Usually, men are thinkers, and before they say something, they have thought about it and concluded. Of course, their conclusions can be very selfish and wrong most times, but for peace to reign in your home, don’t ignore him when he says that.
What do you do if he keeps saying that and yet you can’t see what he is saying? As I said, men and women seem to be from different planets because they think and process differently. So, what you need to do is to seek to understand what he sees and wants in terms of respect.
What is the specific definition of respect for your husband?
Is it in terms of greeting and genuflecting when you greet? Is it in terms of cooking certain delicacies? Is it in terms of food is ready by the time he gets home? Is it in terms of your cooperation with him in spiritual things? Is it in terms of your willingness and excitement in bed? Is it in terms of your career and business? Is it in terms of the way you answer him back when he talks? Is it in terms of how you treat him in the presence of his friends or your own friends? Is it in terms of finances? Is it in terms of your spending habits? Is it in terms of how you treat the children? Is it in terms of the kinds of friends you keep? And the list goes on!
So you see, why the statement, “You don’t respect me!” should not be ignored? As couples, go out eating or when you are very relaxed, say something like this:
“Dear, You know I love you? I want you to know that. I know you often say that I don’t respect you, but I really want to make you happy. Do you know sometimes, I don’t really understand what you meant by that? Can you explain this to me further? How do you want me to respect you? Tell me in practical terms and give me examples if possible so that I can understand better. I don’t want anything coming in between us, you know you are my crown.”
When you say something like that, watch your tone and your countenance! Don’t raise your voice, maintain eye contact, smile all the while, and touch him while saying that. When he starts trying to explain, don’t get angry. That is not the time to get hurt over one use of a word; it is time to try to get what he is really trying to say. Even if he gets back to raising his voice while trying to explain, allow it, because that shows it is really a big issue for him, so absorb it because your goal is not to argue or defend yourself, it is your goal to let him explain so that you understand what he really wants.
After he is done, and you get what he is really saying, hold his hands and tell him, you are going to work at it. Tell him you will need his help by being patient and gentle with you. When you are done, ask him to pray for you! He might be shy or say he doesn’t know how to pray if that is the first time, but tell him you just want him to bless you because he is anointed as the head of the house.
As you do this, you will see some improvements. That statement, “You don’t respect me!” will gradually reduce with time.
Why I have gone to this extent to break it down? I am committed to the success of your relationship and marriage. It is my passion and assignment and God has given me tremendous grace to do that. I pray God will grant you grace to follow His principles which will ensure the success of your relationship/marriage.
