Communication is simply talking, but of cause, there are more things involved than just talking. A healthy conversation involves not just what is said but what is heard.
In essence, communication is a two way conversation which involves speaking and hearing. The two spouses must form the conscious habit of allowing the other spouse express himself or herself. While he/ she speaks, the other partner should be actively listening.
Not listening for pleasure, not listening for information but should practise empathic listening. This is putting yourself in the conversation. Trying to understand and feel the impulse of the speaker.
It is unhealthy to to dominate a conversation without waiting at intervals to get feedback. To check whether your hearer is hearing the right thing, to know how he/she is processing the information. The aim of your conversation especially on marriage is for your partner to understand what you are saying , understand and then obey you.
Listening should not also be done with the intention of giving a reply that will defend your status or what you represent in the marriage covenant.
I think we cannot also have a good conversation with our spouse if our interpretation of what marriage is, is defective. Until we see our marriage from the view point of it being a covenant relationship, every other thing becomes loop sided.
What we see most couples practising is contract and not covenant marriage.
This is so important. It is a contract (which could be unwritten and informal), when the marriage is based on mutual benefit. That is, we are both doing something for each other.
For example, I will be nice to you, if you bring in enough money. Or, if you help out in the house, I will prepare the meals.
The opposite obtains if your spouse doesn’t do what is expected. I will be very cold and unresponsive to you if you hurt my feelings. I will be uncaring to you if you disrespect me.
Marriage is a covenant. In which each partner takes up his/her responsibility. A wife is to submit fully. The husband takes up his responsibility to love her like Christ does irrespective of what she does.
It is the aim of covenant relationship to please and serve the other person despite what he/ she does.
It’s kind of difficult right? Very hard. Especially if you have been to some school of hardknocks, where you have been deeply hurt.
If you are starting on a clean note and you have this understanding, how blessed you are.
No matter how farther away we have gone, in Christ there is always a way out. He shows us and leads us in the way since He is the way.
We need to retrace our steps and in humility, accept what works.
When a marriage is not working, both partners are responsible. It is not just one persons fault but the two parties have their contributing factors.
Tomorrow, I will attempt to summarize the five levels of Communication.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am communicating well with my spouse.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to be a better communicator
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY They said to him, “Hezekiah says, ‘This is a black day. We’re in crisis. We’re like pregnant women without even the strength to have a baby! Isaiah 37:3 – MSG
SINGLES – Why You Can’t Keep Asking Him for Money There is nothing wrong in asking your fiancé for money or for financial assistance during courtship, if you are really in a fix, but this should never become a habit.
You are not married, yet, so you shouldn’t abandon yourself into his hands like a sheep being led to the slaughter!
I once met a lady who told me that she has many guys who are her friends and that they are for different purposes.
One supplies laptops, another supplies phones, and another gets fresh fish and so on and so forth. This is an irresponsible way of living!
That is nothing more like eating your cake and trying to have it. I have always told ladies, there are no nice guys, and nobody wants to sow seeds without expecting some returns.
You see a guy who is an unbeliever and you keep taking things from him, one day he is going to take something from you, and by the time he asks, your capacity would have been weakened to say NO, because you have received too many gifts.
There is a saying in Yoruba language that says you shouldn’t eat what will get stuck in your throat!
The scripture aptly warns that:
A man’s gift maketh room for him… (Proverbs 18:16 KJV)
This is also applicable here. Taking too many inappropriate gifts creates a vacancy in you.
There are gifts that you take, and you wish you hadn’t some few months after. A married man buys you a car, and he has not bought one for his wife and you are happy? You should run for your life, because there are too many ritualists out there.
There are some circles where a believer should not be found. It is not everything you get that is really a testimony. Not every act can be seen as God’s favour.
That is why the scripture warns:
Favour is deceitful… (Proverbs 31:30 KJV)
God is your Jehovah, not man. Stop putting all your trust in a man, because man will surely disappoint. Learn to use your faith to meet your needs and stop putting yourself in compromised positions because of financial favours from men.
There are still men that God can send your way and help to bail you out or to favour you, but let God work it out in His own way. When you try to be smart, you can get more than you bargained for.
We live in selfish world where people may want you to exchange your body for a favour. If you are involved in that kind of racket, please, run from such.
Your body is never designed to be a commodity or a tool for trade by barter, your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost and it should be honoured as such.
The Lord is my shepherd, it didn’t say, your boyfriend. When you put a man in a spot where only God can occupy, there will be trouble!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have God’s wisdom to handle money
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to say “No” when necessary
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A gift gets attention; it buys the attention of eminent people (Proverbs 18:16 Message)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Focus on God to meet your needs, especially when money is involved
You must learn to deal with bad thoughts, because your thoughts create your words. How do your thoughts create your words?
For example, because someone stepped on your toes in class and refused to say sorry, you begin to dislike the person.
As you think those bad thoughts, the enemy tells you that you can act out those thoughts physically.
So if you wish for the person to trip and hit her head on the table, you could actually say it out loud.
You could say something nasty, that would make her cry of feel ashamed or something worse.
That’s how your thoughts affect your words. It’s like a volcano that is ready to erupt.
It spills out everything in it without any thought for those around it. It doesn’t care if its lava burns anyone.
More like you. You don’t care if your words hurt the other person. You feel hurt and just want to hurt the other person back.
You want them to feel as much pain as you do too. If not more than you do, as the case is sometimes.
Again you might argue that the other person caused it. Yes, they did you wrong but you had a responsibility to chose your words well.
Careless words stab like a wound. But wise words bring healing Prov. 12:18 ICB
The only way to show God how much you love Him is by obeying Him. Are you obeying God with your thoughts and words?
May God give you the grace to speak sweet and kind words to even those who hurt you. Amen.
Prayer: Lord, Jesus, I need your help with my words. Help me to deal with my thoughts so I can speak positive and life-giving words, even to those that offend me in Your mighty name I pray. Amen.
Action point: After dealing with your thoughts and words, how about apologizing to someone you said some unkind words to? Try it.
