I have often been asked, “How do you know a wrong person for you in a relationship?” And the answer is very simple, “Through his words!”
“But Pastor, what about if he or she doesn’t talk?”
You see, the reality is that he or she cannot hide for long.
His words are a mirror of his heart. If you can listen very well, to what is being said, and listen to what is not said, you will always be able to discern a man’s heart.
Over the years, I have had to attend to young ladies who unwittingly got messed up by married men. It would have been too late by the time they discover what is happening and by that time they are caught in an emotional web.
These married men are skillful, usually older and experienced at preying on young ladies. The sad thing is that sometimes, these ladies are believers, naive, unsuspecting and too trusting to discern between the lines.
Now, words are powerful, and you can actually know the intent of a person’s heart by his words.
The words he or she speaks are reflections of what is intrinsic in the heart. When a married man wants to sleep with you, he comes indirectly with several statements. When you hear these statements, you should run for your life. I mean, run for your life.
Everywhere the scripture proffers a solution to sexual pressures, it asks you to speak to your legs!
“Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.” (1Co 6:18, KJV)
Flee fornication! It means to run away!
You remember Joseph ran away? And he became a prime minister. Samson refused to run, and he destiny was cut short!
You also remember Samson didn’t die immediately, his eyes were first taken out! It typifies that he could no longer read the word of life. That is what the devil does to you when you start compromising, he takes your eyes out, you lose interest in reading the Bible, because he knows that is the only thing that can save you or deliver you!
Okay, let’s quickly run through seven statements that should make you run for your dear life when you hear a married man say them. Never ever take those statements as compliments. They are the expressions of a lust-filled heart designed to slow you down and make you sin against your God.
1. If I have met you before I married my wife, I would have married you
Why should a married man say this? When you hear him say this, it is not time to feel cool and start blushing. It is a statement that betrays his covenant relationship with his wife and it is inappropriate. Stay away from such a man. If you don’t, he would put more pressure and might eventually sleep with you.
Also, beware when a married woman says to you as a single guy that had she met you before meeting her husband, she would have married you.
2. I wish you can have a baby for me. You are so beautiful
You are not a baby factory or a baby producer. You are meant for your husband. Never take this as a compliment. Why would a man be wishing this when he is already married? If you feel special because of that statement, and you get pregnant, the next shocking suggestion from him would be abortion.
3. Can I take you out? I love your company
Don’t cooperate with this antic. A married man doesn’t take you out repeatedly unless there is an ulterior motive. After series of being taken out, your defence will be down.
4. My wife doesn’t give me enough attention
It is a lie from the pit of hell. First, you have already made the first mistake by allowing him to make such statements. Nobody made you an attention giver, so the man should go back to his wife at home. It is a just a ploy to play on your imagination and make you feel cool.
5. You make me feel young again
When you are not a medicine or some tranquilizer! It is a lie, he is not actually feeling young, he is feeling lust. As a child of God with a covenant perspective, you should run away from such men.
6. You are more intelligent than my wife
When a man makes this kind of statement, you should be scared of that man. He had more or less reduced his wife to a stupid entity all in the bid to fool another lady.
At the end of the day, if you cooperate with such men, who do you think is really unintelligent?
7. Where have you been all my life?
Lastly, they make statements like where have you been? Where have you been hiding all the while? Never fall for such statements. It is a deceit from the pit of hell.
The Bible advises that we should not be ignorant of the devices of the devil.
“Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.” (2Co 2:11, KJV)
Understand that the marital covenant is so strong that God is committed to fighting whoever tries to break it.
I pray for you this morning, you will not fall into the snare of married men who are deceivers. God will protect you and shield you continually.
Stay away from such men and don’t slow your self down! God will grant you more understanding.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am discerning. I am kept from married men who are deceivers. My relationship is blessed.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, give me a discerning heart
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY “After all, we don’t want to unwittingly give Satan an opening for yet more mischief—we’re not oblivious to his sly ways!” (2Co 2:11, MSG)
I have had people tell me that their husbands are too jealous, too jealous for their liking. The wives complain that this action is irritating. Well, I have come to know that if husbands are made to feel insecure, they become suspicious and may become overly jealous.
A husband is jealous because he loves and is not sure of the wife’s commitment into the relationship. When a husband is jealous or feels threatened, he begins to ask suspicious questions, snoops around, acts like a detective, scroll around the wife’s phone and does all sorts.
A husband and wife that has been away all day and hardly talk when they come home at night, gives room for such. The husband begins to feel, he is just there. No meaningful communication.
When there is no communication adequately, there is room for all kinds of unhealthy thoughts. Husbands and wives as a matter of fact must talk about everything. That is why whatever may prevent adequate communication should be avoided. The wife and husband should avoid bitterness of any sort, by talking about hurts immediately.
The issue of submission is also important. When a wife is not submissive to her husband, it gives him the opportunity to be jealous. If a wife does not adequately defer to her husband, it makes him insecure and threatened. He is insecure of his role as the husband.
A husband can take anything but if anything threatens his position as the rightful husband, he can’t take it.
The role of the wife is to always make her husband feel secured as the husband and the head of the home. She should defer to him in everything. She should feed his ego and give him his place as the head of the union between them.
She should defer to her in terms of finances, her job, her friends, her dressing, her looks, her family member, and everything in general. If your husband is not comfortable with something or someone, then let it be over with that thing, until he says it is okay.
This is a simple way to avoid problems at home and make your husband feel secure. As the wife, you have to protect him. Protect his interest and his ideals. I know of a woman who has a multinational company. By that, it means she would be in control of money, power and people. Normally, any husband married to her should feel threatened.
It is the place of the wife to make her husband feel secured. That is exactly what this woman did. The husband is so secured and contended. She placed her husband first before anyone and anything. That’s the way it should be.
I know there are some very difficult husbands and very overly jealous. How do you handle such? Well, I believe the same thing goes for every kind of husband. You make them feel secured until they feel over secured.
You cannot make your husband feel secured if you don’t talk to him. You must make communication a matter of priority. Your talking to him, means you defer to him by default. You tell him everything and ask him everything.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I defer to my husband
PRAYER FOR THE DAY God help me to do the right things
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 31:28Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband [also], and he praiseth her.
One of the traps the devil sets is making you hope and pray your parents or guardians won’t find out where you have been. Now there are warning signals wrong friends can exhibit.
Friends that corrupt, mostly advise you to give a false account of your whereabouts to parents or guardians. In other words, they tell you to lie.
For instance, they encourage you to buy a skimpy outfit which you know your parents won’t allow on you. This is part of the warning signals. They teach you how to hide it at home. Even when your parents find out and forbid you to wear it, they again, teach you how to sneak it out of the house for a party or an outing which you know will keep you late outside. Once more, they tell you what lie to tell to your parents.
Another way is you come home late from school and lie that you were at the library, studying for a test or exam. All the while you were playing football with friends or watching a PG movie at one of your friend’s house. They, of course, told you to say that. This is part of the warning signals.
You hope and pray your parents don’t find out or catch your lie.
You need to let go of such friends because they are gradually helping you to become a liar. Yes, and they have revealed themselves by showing those warning signals.
The bible tells us that the devil is the father of all liars. How can a child of God be friends with the children of the devil? You need to end your friendship with friends that teach you to lie. This is part of the warning signals.
John 8:44 (NKJV) You are of your father the devil, and the desires of your father you want to do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it.
One downside of this is that, once your parents find out the truth, they won’t trust you anymore. They won’t believe anything you say again. even when you are saying the truth.
So, check your friends again. Learn to look out for warning signals.
God bless you.
Prayer: Father in Heaven, help me with good friends. I don’t want friends that will teach me to lie, I want friends that will help me grow to know you more. Amen.
Action point: Stop being friends with anyone who encourages you to tell a lie, especially to your parents (it’s part of the warning signals).
Declaration (children): I am kept far away from wrong friends. I choose my friends wisely and I receive grace to cut off every wrong association.
There is something that can promptly assassinate a promising relationship and marriage in a moment. What can that be?
It is called pride!
The reason why pride is such a dangerous sin can be found in some of these verses.
But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. (James 4:6 KJV)
Obviously, this won’t be a good place to be. When the Bible says God resisteth the proud, what that means is that God Himself will oppose or hinder a proud man.
Again you find the same thing here.
Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. (1 Peter 5:5 KJV)
In the Old Testament, Nebuchadnezzar became proud, and he was humbled, he became an animal.
In the New Testament, Herod made a prideful statement, he was eaten from inside out.
Pride is not a good commodity that should be found with you.
Do you want God to help you in life? Be humble!
It is such a thin line between humility and pride. If you are a humble person, and you know it, then you are no longer humble!
Humble people don’t say it or flaunt it, others identify it in them and talk about it.
The day you talk or boast about your humility, you already lost it, because you are now proud of your humility!
The greatest problem a proud person has is that he never owns up that he is proud. His pride will not allow him to own up that he is really proud, and even when he sometimes discovers, he is still proud of his pride!
A lot of people have lost opportunities of a godly relationship because of pride!
The picture of the person they wanted to get married to, is far from those that are showing up, so they keep on rebuffing opportunities that come their way. The problem is that after a long time, they always end up with just anybody because they suddenly wake up to the reality that age is no longer on their side.
‘My husband has to be handsome like my pastor!’ Ask your pastor’s wife to show you her husband’s picture before they got married. You will almost want to tell her that she took a risk!
I have always told people, the most important factor in deciding who to get married to is God’s direction. Physical attraction is very important as well, but that is not all to it. People change over time!
In fact, some people get handsome the older they get! While it is different for some, the older they get, the more they lose their rhyme and the magic!
You want to marry a Joseph? Would you have said yes to him while he was a slave in strange land, his destiny unsure and his dreams almost bothering on a psychological absurdity?
Would you have married him when he was in the prison, sentenced to an indefinite prison life, together in the king’s maximum prison with hardened criminals convicted of murder?
My point is that what people are now, is not what they were before!
I always tell men of God, they need to come together and do a thanksgiving service to God on behalf of their wives for saying “yes’ to them!
The woman in the scripture says, I perceive this is a man of God!’
God sees ahead and sees what you cannot see. In His wisdom and love, He seeks to lead and direct us, if we are willing to obey and stay humble, we will enter into our wealthy place and we will be fulfilled not only in marriage but in life as well.
Ask yourself, am I really proud and hindering God’s plan unknowingly?
How do you know if you are proud? Here are a few tips:
1. You have an exaggerated opinion of yourself. 2. You have an opinion of everything and anything. 3. You are critical of almost everything and anything. 4. You have a problem with accountability. You are accountable to no one. 5. You see yourself as superior to your friends. 6. You are not submissive to any authority figures, including your pastors and parents. 7. You sometimes think you don’t need God, it is God that needs you!
Ask God to help you. Ask Him to open your eyes and show you all you need to know about yourself.
Be humble enough to do that so that you will not delay yourself!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not be proud
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, take pride away from my heart
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 16:5 (KJV) Every one that is proud in heart is an abomination to the LORD: though hand join in hand, he shall not be unpunished.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Are there traces of pride in your relationship? Address it.
Distractions will come at you as you plan to manage your time well. They come straight at you, heavy and unrelenting. You have to learn how to identify and stop them if you want to make good use of your time. You have to learn to remove distractions.
Distractions could be from friends, family and even you. There will be good distractions that look pleasing and reasonable but are not pushing you forward.
For instance, you want to study your bible for the evening and a friend visits and asks that you both study for a test tomorrow.
It’s a good thing – studying for a test, but is it in your plan? No. You have to learn to remove distractions. Rather than study or tell your friend you can’t study with him because of bible study, ask him to join you for bible study. After that, you can both study for the test.
Ensure you explain to him first what you are planning to do and if he agrees to wait or join you, fine. And if he refuses, well you can try to further explain to him. But you have to learn to remove distractions.
I’m sure he will agree. If he doesn’t, well, it’s not your fault, you just have to stick to your plan.
Remember, there’s a time for everything under the sun.
There is a powerful concept of time that you should know – time lost can never be recovered. It’s not a piece of paper that can be found or a missing person. It goes away and becomes history to you. So you have to learn to remove distractions.
Always put this thought before you as you do things. Ask yourself ‘What I am doing now, is it what I should be doing?’
May God grant you more insight about the concept of time. Amen.
Action plan: Lord, give me the strength and wisdom to handle any distraction that comes my way. Teach me how to remove distractions. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Action plan: Stay firm in how you manage your time.
