How do you know how to love your spouse? This is an all-important question that we all try to answer ever since we got married. We all are still trying to answer it and we will still be answering it till death do us part. It is an awesome truth that only death is supposed to part husband and wife. Apart from that, no other thing is permitted to separate us.
Some of us need to learn and be taught how to love our spouses. No matter how complex they are, you have the capacity to love your spouse with the love of God. It is actually spiritual to love your husband/wife. There is nothing carnal in loving your spouse.
These are some ways
1. Love God first of all This is the very first step in loving your husband/wife, love God. A spouse that doesn’t love God cannot love his/her spouse. God is love and it takes a heart that knows God to love. You love God by loving His Word and doing His will.
When you love God this way, it becomes easier for you loving your spouse because you would have developed the capacity to love and put the flesh under. Human nature is generally selfish and does not want to love unconditionally.
God expects us to love our spouse unconditionally.
2. Know that you need God all the way Loving God is not something you do half half-heartedly or once and for all or once in a while. Because you cannot fully know God completely, you have to keep yearning for more of him. The more you discover about God, the more you want to love him. So in loving God, you become a God chaser.
I have seen in my own experience that, the more I chase after God the better I love my husband
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know how to love my spouse. I have God’s wisdom
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to know and understand how to love my spouse.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY “Finally, all [ of you ] should be of one and the same mind (united in spirit), sympathizing [ with one another ], loving [ each other ] as brethren [ of one household ], compassionate and courteous (tenderhearted and humble).” (1Pe 3:8, AMP)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Start loving appropriately
Wisdom is powerful. In life, you are either operating in foolishness or wisdom. That is why the scripture talks about the wise virgins and the foolish virgins who went out to meet the groom. It is such a thin line that one can easily cross the line from wisdom to foolishness when care is not taken.
In the case of the five wise virgins and five foolish virgins, they were all born again and they all were expecting the bridegroom. They all go to church. They all have their lamps with them and the scripture says the word of God is a lamp unto our feet.
They all had oil in their lamps. We know that oil is a type of the Holy Spirit. They all know something about the Holy Spirit. They were all spiritual to an extent. We know that the parable is talking about believers because the scripture says
Mat 25:1 KJV Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.
What made the five virgins foolish? The scripture tells us.
Mat 25:2-4 KJV (2) And five of them were wise, and five were foolish. (3) They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them: (4) But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.
You can be attending service, be a worker, be all over the place, and yet be operating in foolishness! The foolish took their lamp but no oil. The wise took OIL IN THEIR VESSELS plus the oil in their lamps.
The word vessel means receptacle. It is talking about your spirit man. When you serve God, that is oil in your lamp. When you climb the pulpit to preach, that is oil in your lamp. When you preach in the bus, that is oil in your lamp. When you work tirelessly, that is oil in your lamp. All those are necessary and they surely have their place, but when you do all of that to the detriment of personal devotional time with God, you are being careless with oil in your vessel.
That you sing in the choir will not compensate for the time you ought to be in God’s presence in the morning. That you resume at your workplace very early every day of the week will not make God understand your prayerlessness. Nothing will ever replace the time you spend in God’s presence daily!
Mat 25:7 KJV Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps.
What happened after they trimmed their lamps?
What is the implication of having oil in the lamp and in the vessel? How does this concern your love life? How is it connected with you meeting your groom?
I will tell you tomorrow. Don’t miss it.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY Lord, I receive the wisdom to rule in the affairs of this world.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will prepare you for your groom
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Mat 25:5 KJV While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Cut off your association with any person, place, or thing that is influencing you negatively.
When Solomon decides to write about ladies or women, you better listen. You will never be able to break his record. Seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines is a Guinness Book of Records feat.
Solomon had them all, the tall, the short, the neither tall nor short, the light complexioned, the dark complexioned, the in-between, the choleric, the sanguine, the phlegmatic, the melancholy and the ones without temperament, if there is anything like that! When Solomon sleeps with a woman, he tells her ‘see you in some two years time.’ The roster is a long one! I wondered how he fed them and how many children he had! Solomon’s harem was a whole city!
Even though he was the wisest man, at a time, he began to make mistakes and started marrying strange women. These strange women had some characteristics and he writes about them. Let’s see what he wrote.
1. God’s word has the capacity to keep you from the strange woman.
It will protect you from them. So, you must find a way out of your busy schedule to read God’s word daily.
My son, keep my words, and lay up my commandments with thee. Keep my commandments, and live; and my law as the apple of thine eye. Bind them upon thy fingers, write them upon the table of thine heart. Say unto wisdom, Thou art my sister; and call understanding thy kinswoman: That they may keep thee from the strange woman, from the stranger which flattereth with her words (Proverbs 7:1-5 KJV)
2. Her targets are men without understanding.
For at the window of my house I looked through my casement, And beheld among the simple ones, I discerned among the youths, a young man void of understanding, Passing through the street near her corner; and he went the way to her house (Proverbs 7:6-8 KJV)
Message Translation calls them men without sense. When you see a man looking for Jericho traps with strangers, the scriptures refers to such a man as lacking understanding.
3. Her operations are usually at the night
In the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night (Proverbs 7:9 KJV)
Strange women don’t sleep in the night, that is when they work.
4. There is a dressing of the strange woman.
And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart (Proverbs 7:10 KJV)
You can know a strange woman by how she dresses. Her dressing is in no way decent. The Message Translation says she is deliberately dressed to seduce! Listen to me, young ladies, never dress to seduce. Lest you be caught with a strange spirit. The purpose of dressing is never to seduce!
5. She hardly stays at home, she is always moving around, from campuses to another from cities to another.
(She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house: Now is she without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner (Proverbs 7:11-12 KJV)
The strange woman is everywhere, tempting seducing and stubbornly looking for preys.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am guided by God. I have wisdom.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will keep you from falling into wrong hands
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Talk to Wisdom as to a sister. Treat Insight as your companion. They’ll be with you to fend off the Temptress–– that smooth–talking, honey–tongued Seductress (Proverbs 7:4-5 Message)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Check your life and make adjustments with the help of God’s Spirit
The issue of in-laws is a very important one. If you have in-laws and they live in the town where you live, proximity should be handled with care.
In laws ought to wish their children the best at least to the best of their knowledge.
I believe it is best before marriage to prepare your heart to accommodate your in-laws in a cordial relationship. It is also good to accept them for who they are.
I am so blessed, when it comes to my in laws. My father, brother and sisters in law are so warm, I couldn’t have asked for anything more.
Both in laws live in another town from us and it’s a blessing (although it has its own disadvantages).
So when some of our married couples begin to say their issues about in-laws I just wonder. Nonetheless, it’s an issue that affects our home and marriage and so has to be addressed.
Here are some helpful hints.
1. It is wrong to discuss your spouse with your parents and in-laws.
2. Getting in touch and staying in touch has to be done by the couple at both ends.
3. If an in-law has to stay with you, it has to be your joint consent. If your spouse is not in agreement, you have to pray about it. Until there is consent, don’t go ahead.
4. If your in-laws need financial support (brother or sister) you should decide together how much you will give.
5. It is your responsibility to send financial support to your parents and in-laws every month or otherwise as the case may be.
6. In the event that a sick parent or in-law has to stay with you, you must give your wife all the support she needs, emotional, physical and financial. Make her comfortable taking care of them.
7. Don’t let any in-law come in between you. You are married and nothing should change that.
8. In case you are parents in waiting, don’t allow the pressures of your in laws to tear you apart.
9. No one should encroach on your privacy. Don’t allow or permit it. You are married to your spouse.
10. You must put your foot down when it comes to protecting your spouse. But you also need the wisdom of God. So make sure you pray for wisdom and God’s help.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have God’s wisdom
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God strengthens you to make the right decisions
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Hosea 14:4 I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely: for mine anger is turned away from him.
Somebody was once asked what are the three most important ingredients of a relationship or marriage that would be successful. He simply gave them:
Communication
Communication
Communication I believe he was right!
Communication is powerful and is so essential. Right from the very first few seconds of a baby’s entrance into this world, there must be communication or the baby will be given some baby smacks to give out a sound! As a matter of fact, communication, in an unexplainable way begins right from the embryonic stage of the baby in its mother’s womb. When communication in a relationship or marriage nosedives, the consequences show up immediately. In every relationship and marriage, there are levels of communication that must be explored to create a balance.
1. Communication with your maker No matter how good you are with communication or how adept you are in relating with others, if you have not first communicated with your maker, all the efforts will be futile. You see, you need to understand this, as it is fundamental. Your success in a relationship or marriage is predicated on your relationship with God as a foundation. Do you know God? If you don’t know God first, you won’t be able to know him or her. For you to understand what love is and how to love appropriately, you have to know God first because God is love! When you say something like, “I don’t want to be spiritual,” you are not being true to yourself, because you are essentially a spirit! You are a spirit who thinks with a soul and lives in a body! The body is not the real you! That is why the body is here on earth and decays after the man dies. When a man dies, the real him escapes from the body and reports to God!
Marriage itself is spiritual, from the very day that God instituted it. To succeed therefore in such, you need to first retrace your steps and establish a deliberate relationship with God. This is why we often say that it is risky to marry a man or woman that doesn’t know God! Do you know that knowing God, reading His word regularly will help you from falling into the hands of the wrong spouse? You see that in the book of Proverbs where it says specifically that He will deliver you from the evil man and from the strange woman!
To deliver thee from the way of the EVIL MAN, from the man that speaketh froward things; (Proverbs 2:12 KJV) To deliver thee from the STRANGE WOMAN, even from the stranger which flattereth with her words; (Proverbs 2:16 KJV)
2. Communication with yourself The next stage is communication with yourself. Who are you? This answers the question of identity. Why are you here? This answers the question of purpose. This stage is important because if you don’t answer these questions before venturing into a relationship or marriage, you will end up frustrating him or her.
The questions of identity and purpose, if left unanswered would weary you and bring confusion as you begin to deal with another person. True love with yourself is a personal discovery of who you are and why you are here. If you don’t have true love for yourself, you cannot love another person. A person for example, who has answered the questions of identity and purpose, would not sleep around irresponsibly. The reality of who he or she is in God and the weight of his assignment would not allow him or her to misbehave. The gloriousness of his assignment would debar him from traveling down the road of compromise. When you know who you are, you will not try to get affirmations from the opposite sex who is looking for some lustful flings. When you know God’s plan for your life, the awesomeness of your future will prevent you from opening your legs to everybody that knocks! When a sense of purpose drives you, the fear of God will keep you from deceiving that guy or girl because of some paltry sums of money. When you know who you are, you won’t end up with a gut or girl in bed who you just met a few hours ago.
I challenge you this morning to seek the face of God in fasting and prayer to answer these questions. Who are you? Why are you here? Where is your location? There is a geographical milieu where you will thrive and flourish. Where is that place? You are a seed of God and every seed doesn’t grow everywhere. Before you travel or relocate to that country, have you been led by God? These are simple questions that will solve complex equations in your lives! May God grant more understanding! Wherever you are now, you can begin by talking to God and asking him these questions!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will communicate right with my maker
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to do it right.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Prov 2:11-12 (NIV) Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse,
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study the word “communication”
