I startedthis topic yesterday and I will be concluding on it today. Other signs that shows that your marriage needs attention on time before it becomes too late are:
5. Your spouse cannot be trusted.
In this case trust has been ruptured in time past by some events and the spouse in question has done nothing to build back the ruptured trust. The spouse is also still doing things that makes his spouse suspicious like keeping secrets, passwording phone, not been able to receive calls when your spouse is around, deleting messages, keeping late nights and the list goes on. Your marriage needs a lot of help and both of the spouses will need to be counselled. Forgiveness on the faithful spouse and repentance on the erring spouse will be necessary for healing.
6. When there is extramarital affairs.
Nothing breaks marriage like extra marital affairs. Whatever the reasons for this, scriptures enjoins us that no matter what, we should never drink water from another Cistern unjustifiably. For no reason should any of the spouses go onto an extra marital affair. The book of Proverbs especially chapter 6, talks about transparency. Couples should be sincere, open and truthful to each other.
7. When both husband and wife are not on the same page.
The very essence of marriage is that the couples be naked and are not ashamed, and that the union produces oneness that no man can put asunder. When both couples are not on the same page, the power of agreement is broken. Couples can no longer pray the prayer of agreement and see results. There are several reasons for this, that’s not what we are looking at today. The couple should not just wait, hoping some day things will turn out better. Time doesn’t make things better only intervention help sort out issues.
8. Unresolved conflicts.
Nearly all marriages have had several conflicts in their marriage. In fact, conflicts show that you married a human being with feelings and different opinion to yours. What makes the difference and marks the boys from the men, is the ability to resolved issues and get better and stronger together. It takes a whole lot of maturity to resolve conflicts. Unresolved conflict, no matter how small or little the conflict was, has the ability to break a marriage. Always resolve every issue and ensure no party is in unforgiveness, bitterness, anger.
9. Criticism
Couples should have constructive criticism which is healthy for the union. When criticism become frequent, destructive and done outside of love, then it is a sign the marriage needs help and the erring partner should be educated.
10. Finances
When couples are not transparent and open about their financial dealings, the marriage needs attention. When you hide your money, your investments, your debt, your financial givings, things you buy, and the language “my money” is often used rather than “our money”, something is terribly wrong. Your marriage needs help. You need to seek wisdom. I never want to know who is responsible, but couples should pull their resources together and jointly forge ahead. Any issue in marriage that attempts to pull you away from each other makes you need help. You can sort for help in several means, you can pray about your marriage, you can read books to enlighten you, you can take up the matter with your mentors, or change your character for the better. Whichever method is chosen, don’t just gloss over issues on your marriage.
May God grant us more understanding. God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I pay attention to my marriage.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to pay attention to my marriage.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Signs or symptoms make us pay attention to certain areas of our lives.
There are certain signs or symptoms that our marriage shows that make us know that it is time to pay attention to our marriage. When you have a headache, it is a sign that you need to pay attention to your body. Something is wrong somewhere. It could be as a result of body weakness or something.
Finding out what went wrong is a whole lot of effort on its own. After you find out what is wrong, you then take the right medicine to cure or get rid of the symptoms.
In the same way, our marriage show certain signs that makes is aware of the fact that our marriage need help.
Here are some of those signs:
Observation from friends and family. When friends and family begin to ask questions and are worried about the way your marriage is going. When things are obviously wrong and it is visible to your friends. Then you need to retrace your steps and begin paying attention to your marriage.
When your children’s attitude begins to change. There are several ways when things are not cordial between husband and wife, that affect the children. They may become withdrawn, stubborn, sickly, prone to domestic accidents, lower performance in school. Once you begin to see these signs, then your marriage needs attention.
Physical abuse If there is any kind of abuse in your marriage then that marriage needs attention. Either you visit a marriage counselor, read books, pray, listen to messages, or change your attitude or behaviour. When either of the spouses becomes violet or threatens the marriage, then your marriage needs attention. Note that in all these, it is not about who is right or wrong, it’s about quick intervention in the marriage, and proffering solution to wherever the problem is.
Withdrawal When either of the spouse is withdrawn and no longer enjoy the company of the other spouse, that marriage needs quick intervention. When the couples are nothing but mere bed mate or housemate When silence becomes the order of the day and you find it difficult to share your thoughts, feelings, et cetera. That marriage needs help. When the new normal is monosyllable questions followed by monosyllable answers, your marriage needs help.
I will stop here today and continue tomorrow by God grace.
May God send us needed help at the right time.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I pay attention to my marriage.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to pay attention to my marriage.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
You can’t afford to fail God or your spouse in your marriage. Apartfrom the fact that marriage is a wonderful relationship with the one you love, there is also the responsibility part. There is something always there to remind us of his truth. Yet for some of us our flesh, stubborn self, ego, revenge, the taste of tit for tat, strife, unforgiveness keeps us constantly with our spouse, like a mosquito always thirsty for blood.
When you view your marriage from another perspective, from the perspective of Covenant, it will change the way we view your marriage.
My husband, during our midweek service, taught along this line. It was such a blessing and it changed my perspective about my marriage forever. God is cutting a new covenant with His people. To God, our marriage is about the covenant and not just about our spouse.
And I will give them one heart and one purpose: to worship me forever, for their own good and for the good of all their descendants. And I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good for them. I will put a desire in their hearts to worship me, and they will never leave me. I will find joy doing good for them and will faithfully and wholeheartedly replant them in this land. Jeremiah 32:39 – 41 NLT
More so, God was in Christ when He cut a new covenant with us by His blood. Jesus became both the offering and the offerer. When He had to fulfill the demands of the law to set us free from death and its consequences. Jesus took the cross, suffered great agony, endured such shame and pain that He might see us free.
When you begin to see your marriage as a vital art of you, that Jesus paid the price for you will sit up.
Just like the Israelites, Pharaoh wanted to negotiate them out of taking their children, livestock and all that belong to them. They were wise enough to know that God was giving them a total and complete deliverance that includes all they have.
Your marriage to God is all about the covenant. There is a higher purpose, there is a more important agenda in the father’s heart. Which is total deliverance.
Jesus didn’t just die for our spirit not to be lost in hell. He died for everything about our lives. Our health, children, marriage, finances, mental health, emotional life, everything.
We owe God to respond back in gratitude, faithfulness and obedience to our part of the covenant. Our part is to obey every instruction in the word.
For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. Ephesians 5:22 – 26 NLT
My marriage before God is obeying Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 to 26, whether I feel like obeying or not, is not the issue.
That Jesus also despise the shame. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Hebrews 12:2 NLT
Necessity is laid on is to carry our cross of fulfilling our marriage covenant.
If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. Matthew 10:38 NLT
We become worthy of the sacrifice of Jesus when we carry our cross daily and follow Jesus. We carry our cross by obeying Him despite how or what we feel like doing.
To our spouse, our marriage is a responsibility that we must not fail to fulfill. It is spelt out in Ephesians 5: 22-26. What husbands should focus on doing as well as what wives should focus on doing. Here each party must focus on his/her part of the deal.
We owe our spouse to appropriately respond to our part in our covenant with them. To make sure we provide a conducive environment that will not leave our spouse vulnerable to the attacks and lies of the devil.
We owe our spouses to conduct ourselves in such a way that makes them comfortable in our presence. In being submissive, loving, caring, forgiving, available et cetera. We owe our spouses to be covenant partners in all ways and all aspects of our lives and existence. Whether spiritual, in the soulish realm, and physically.
But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself. He will be wounded and disgraced. His shame will never be erased. Proverbs 6:32 – 33 NLT
We owe our spouses to surround them so that we shut the door against the senseless and foolish sin of adultery and every form of emotional affairs.
May God grant us understanding.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not fail God in my marriage
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me no to fail you.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY then I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear Me forever, for the good of them and their children after them. (Jer 32:39 NKJV)
I said yesterdaythat it is important we believe that we can have a happy marriage. The mind has a very important role to play. If you don’t believe that you can have a happy marriage, you will not be willing to take the steps necessary. We’ll continue from where we stopped yesterday
5. Never use God’s word as a hammer.
God’s word is never meant to be a tool of destruction. It’s never meant to condemn anybody, especially your spouse.
You are to lovingly correct with God’s word. Teaching and showing by examples the right way to live or master our thoughts or the flesh.
Some spouses could find it easy to be disciplined without much stress maybe because of their upbringing or their background. Some of us have very strict parents who brought us up under very strict rules.
Some religions, jobs, or even skills require so much discipline whereas others don’t.
If you are a spouse that is privileged to have gone through such strict background and your spouse didn’t go through such, don’t be hard on him/her.
Some spouses have perfected the act of sermonizing their spouse. No one can change another. You can only pray for a person to change or influence them to change
6. Always welcome each other with an affectionate welcome.
It is important to do something special to your spouse that will make them hold you dear to their hearts.
For example, call each other special names, have coded language or phrase in communicating.
Whatever the case, just have fun. I believe it is the fun in the marriage that adds spice to our marriage.
Life itself is full of stress. We only have each other to enjoy and it’s not about the money we have or don’t have.
May God grant us more understanding.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will work.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me an understanding for my marriage in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:28 ESV In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Have a hearty discussion with your partner today.
Can yousee the possibility of a happy marriage. You have to believe that it’s possible, and tell yourself “I will have a happy marriage”, and then do the things necessary to have a happy marriage. We’ll continue from where we stopped yesterday
3. Never go to sleep with an argument.
An argument can occur between the couples at any time, on whatever issue, and in any particular place. However, it is maturity on the part of the couple not to spread the dirty linen outside for all to see.
It is maturity on the part of the husband to lovingly correct any mistake his wife does. She is not your daughter neither is she your maid or servant. She is your wife and covenant partner.
The wife is meant to respectfully suggest her opinion and ideas in such a way that it will not lead to an argument. That is maturity on her part.
Both husband and wife should be discerning enough to know when an argument is ensuring. They should also take note of their responses and how they react.
A soft answer is what the Bible recommends.
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. Proverbs 15:1 KJV
All couples should learn and practice how to answer softly.
Each couple must deal with anger. You cannot do marriage with anger
That is why it is important to deal with every unresolved issue. Every hurt, pain, unforgiveness will only lead to more unhealthy issues in marriage.
Every couple should be willing to fight for their marriage and be ready to walk in and by the Spirit. Only then can we be sure of not being carnal, judging issues rightly, having the right perspective, and being loving in our approach.
Finally, the bible says we should not let the sun go down on our anger. The life span of your anger shouldn’t be more than 24 hours
Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil. Ephesians 4:26 – 27 KJV
4. At least once a day, say something complimentary to your spouse.
If your spouse’s love language is words of affirmation, you will have to be very deliberate about complimenting him/her often. Your words mean a lot to your spouse and will often look to you for this need to be met.
You must be quick to look for virtues to celebrate, little baby steps to notice, efforts to acknowledge, and things to appreciate in your spouse.
Some temperaments don’t really need as many compliments and will do well even without a single compliment. You will do well not to judge or criticize your spouse if they need a lot of compliments.
However, as we mature, God should be our source of compliment and we should be secure in His word and promises to us and about us.
I will stop here for today. See you tomorrow by God’s Grace.
God grant us more understanding.
May God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will work.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me an understanding for my marriage in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY EPH 5:28 ESV In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Have a hearty discussion with your spouse today
