Act 20:32 KJV And now, brethren, I commend you to God, and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up, and to give you an inheritance among all them which are sanctified.
Everything you do in life is like a load and for every load, you need strength. The success you have in life is as a result of the load you can carry. The business you are doing for a living is as a result of the financial load you can handle. Your intellectual prowess and the parameters of your cognitive abilities are defined by the load your brain can accommodate. Going to school is a load. Starting a relationship is a load. Getting married is a load.
Even, being blessed is a load in itself because it comes with responsibilities.
If you leave your precious expensive phone with a three-day-old baby, the phone will be safe. It is not a load the baby can carry. However, you don’t want to leave that same phone with a one-year-old baby, because you could find the phone in a bowl of water. However, your big laptop is not what your one-year-old baby can carry.
It is about the strength and stamina that one possesses that determine what you can eventually do and what you dare not do.
A small 1.5KVA generator cannot carry much load. You don’t plug in your freezer on that! Your freezer can render the destiny of that generator useless. However, a 500KVA will accommodate five freezers without ‘shaking’ because it has the strength to carry such load. In life, your spirit man or inner man is like a generator, supplying power to your mind and body.
So, we see that it is important that you be built up. When you are built up, little afflictions will not render you incapacitated. Little skirmishes will not stop you from attending church service. You will not backslide because you had a breakthrough of a Million bucks. You will not fall for fornication because you sighted a hot leg!
If you begin a relationship with not enough strength and stamina, you will mess up and then break up! If you are wise, you will slow down to find out what went wrong. But you know what most of us do? We jump into another relationship because of self-esteem issues and in order to get back at our ex! You are not able to keep one person; you dabble into double dating? It won’t work out! There is no available strength from God to carry that kind of strange load in a double dating scenario.
The next question then is how can I increase stamina and strength?
You see it right there in the scriptures…
The word of God which is able to build you up…
This is what gives you strength and stamina in life. This is what determines the loads you can carry. Just like you eat food to develop your physical outlook, you have to eat God’s word regularly to develop your inner man. The mentors and fathers you admire in life are where they are because of the loads they are carrying. Your own load is there to carry. Nobody will carry it for you. Some white garment prophet or prophetess is not meant to carry the responsibility of fasting to help you discover God’s direction for your life. That is a load you must carry by yourself. That prophet has loads he would carry himself, and he is deceiving you when he tells you he will help you fast and pray.
You must be built up. You must eat God’s word regularly. Study it. Meditate on it. Read it. Memorize the verses. Listen to it on your phone. Set it before you daily. Say it. Think it. Soliloquize on it. That is how you build up the muscles of faith to deal with situations of life. When you sin, you are weakening your spirit man and his capacity to do exploits. Make up your mind today. Decide to do it God’s way. You are not built or configured to carry these loads in your own strength. You will always need God. You will always have God if you make up your mind.
It is not by power, nor by might…but His Spirit!
That way, there will be stamina to pull a relationship through courtship into marriage without compromise or breakdown along the way. It is like a vehicle. You keep on refilling with Holy Ghost fuel. You keep on maintaining it with God’s word. This applies to whatever load you are carrying, be it career, business, or ministry.
I see God’s help made available for you this month! I see God’s Spirit opening up your understanding for His revelation in your inner man. I see God coming to your rescue this month! I see God organizing helpers of destiny for you in the coming month!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the strength of God in my life
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to carry the load I must carry and give me the strength to fulfill destiny in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Act 20:32 MSG”Now I’m turning you over to God, our marvelous God whose gracious Word can make you into what he wants you to be and give you everything you could possibly need in this community of holy friends.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to be built up by His word today
One of the purposes of making love with your spouse is to establish bonding at the highest level. However, when this is done with someone you are not married to, a bonding also takes place, but it is an unhealthy bonding because it is spiritually illegal, a direct violation of God’s injunction, a sin unto God, and unto one’s body. Rather than soul harmony that happens with married couples, what happens is a soul tie that tends to suck one more into the compromise.
What if I make just one mistake; is a soul tie formed? The answer is yes because the devil doesn’t need many mistakes, he only needed one to get you into trouble. You give the devil an inch, he takes a mile!
That is why the Bible says:
Eph 4:27 AMP Leave no [such] room or foothold for the devil [give no opportunity to him].
Just one mistake of David with Bathsheba, an intrigue and tragedy of murder, lies, deception and death of a baby were what ensued.
So what do I need to do to break a soul tie?
1. The first thing you have to do is to genuinely repent of the mistake and decide to stop the act.
When you say you have repented of a particular sin, and the next day, you visit the same person and announce that you only came to say hello, knowing fully well that one thing will still lead to another, then you have not really repented. When you say you have repented and then he comes visiting the following week, and then you start cooking Rice and Beans for him when it is already late in the night, then you are just playing games with your destiny, because you sure know what will happen afterward.
And you know, God cannot be mocked. You can fool your pastor or parents, but don’t even think you can fool God. Don’t even nurse that idea because it is not possible. You need to understand that God does not only listen to the words of your mouth as you cry and say that you will never do it again, He looks into your heart and knows whether you are just acting or you are truly and genuinely repentant. This then determines the release of His mercy that can suspend judgment and overrule damning consequences. His mercy endureth forever.
What does it mean to repent?
It means a change of mind and a turn around. You don’t go back there again!
You want to break soul ties? The first thing is to repent genuinely.
2. The second thing to do is to forgive yourself and forgive the person that has wronged you.
When you are genuinely repentant, God forgives and forgets!
Heb 8:12 KJV For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.
Take a look at the Message translation:
Heb 8:12 MSG They’ll get to know me by being kindly forgiven, with the slate of their sins forever wiped clean.
That is God for you! He is a merciful God. He is your father. He will forgive….well that is understandable…but forget? How is that possible?
I am not talking about amnesia here, that is a disease of forgetfulness. I am talking about when you genuinely repent, the blood of Jesus cleanses you and gives you right standing with God as if you have never committed that sin! It is not as if the sin is still lurking somewhere in some hibernated corners of God’s brain (if there is anything like that) where it can be retrieved later, like restoring a file from recycle bin, it is that the sin is permanently and divinely shredded and does not exist again. There would be no records again and you become like you were before God before you ever committed that sin!
You are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus! Your slate is wiped clean, your life becomes anew, and you become new specie!
Well, of course you know that genuine repentance is not when you are habitually hooked to a particular sin…and you keep asking for forgiveness everyday. That is not true repentance, you are just trying to pacify your conscience and it is a dangerous state to be in.
So upon genuine repentance, God forgives and forgets! But do you know where the problem is? You have to forgive as well. Forgive the person that wronged you if that is the case, and then forgive yourself! That is very important. This stage is necessary in order to break soul ties and move on with your life! After asking God for forgiveness, stop going back to ask again because there is no record again. You have been cleansed, so rise up as the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus that you are!
I pray for you this morning that you will indeed come to the knowledge of that which Christ has done for you in Jesus name. Every where there has been illegal soul ties, God will deliver you.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that wherever there have been wrong soul ties, God will deliver you.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him. (2 Corinthians 5:21 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study the word ‘Righteousness’ in the New Testament
If as singles not yet married, you are not cool at all!
You are more like carrying fire in your bosom!
Okay pastor, show me in the scripture where kissing is wrong!
Well, you will never find anywhere in the scripture where the Bible says ‘thou shall not kiss! In fact, if the Bible says anything about it, it is the fact that we can kiss one another with a holy kiss! Why then do we make so much issue and big deal on what the scripture says we are advised or commanded to do?
So, let’s take a look at the scriptures.
Greet one another with an holy kiss. (2 Corinthians 13:12 KJV)
Greet all the brethren with an holy kiss. (1 Thessalonians 5:26 KJV)
Salute one another with an holy kiss. The churches of Christ salute you. (Romans 16:16 KJV)
It is true that the Bible says, we should kiss one another with a holy kiss, but you need to understand the cultural context under which that is said!
The Jews normally kiss one another with a kiss.
If you remember, Jesus was even saying at a time nobody offered him a kiss. That is because a kiss at the side of the mouth is a form of greeting in Jewish culture.
Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet. (Luke 7:45 KJV)
If you also see the scriptures above, they use the word “greet” and “salute” with a kiss. This Jewish cultural practice dates back to the Old Testament days.
And his father Isaac said unto him, Come near now, and kiss me, my son. (Genesis 27:26 KJV)
Having established that this is a Jewish cultural practice, we can understand that this is not our culture in this side of the world. The western world is also a little bit disposed to greeting with a kiss without lust attached. But in a place like Nigeria, we don’t greet with a kiss!
In our culture, (even though this is fast disappearing) when a boy wants to greet his father, in some part of Nigerian culture, he prostrates. A girl kneels down! As the lady grows older, she is taught to genuflect when she wants to give something to an older person.
My point? There are holy kisses and there are unholy kisses! The Jewish kiss is holy because it is a form of greeting! The Nigerian kiss is unholy because it is not a form of greeting! Period!
If I walk into a meeting to preach with my wife beside me, and one of the ushers grabs my wife and plants a kiss saying “welcome ma,” I am going to remove my suit and fight real good!
Somebody will say, “but you are a pastor,” and I will say “Yes, and that is why I am fighting!” Why is that example funny? Because we don’t greet with kissing in this part of the world!
That is why we often do it behind doors!
If I am kissing my wife behind the church and you bump into us, you will have to apologize. If I bump into you kissing a girl you are not married to, you are still the one that will apologize!
The problem with kissing as we see it in this part of the world and why we say you should avoid it as much as possible, is that it will lead you into some other sexual sins! Before you know it, you are involved in Jericho trap!
Whatever you did the last time you met, will not satisfy you the next time you meet because intimacy will increase when two people are in love, which will keep calling for more physical expression. That is what the law of progression says. Sincerely, there is nothing wrong with a peck, but the question is will you stay on that alone? Your body will call for more!
I usually tell ladies, you cannot submit your lips to a guy for kissing like you are submitting a paper in the exam hall. If the guy is hungry, let him go to the market and buy Kpomo (a type of meat from cowhide). Must it be your mouth he turns into food?
As Married Couples, don’t stop kissing one another in marriage. Do it regularly and at all times!
Singles, wait for your time, okay? Don’t fan the embers, stay off every form of iniquity!
A lady came into my office years ago with her mouth doubled up like she’s been hit. I said, “what’s wrong with you, who hit you?” She hesitated and she knew she couldn’t lie. So she said, “it is one rough kisser!” Can you imagine?
That one is not a Jewish kiss, nor Nigerian kiss, that is a German kiss! Just kidding!
When you are married, if you like, you can decide to kiss from morning till evening. God will say, “Well done!” But not before marriage!
The power of life and death lies in your mouth, keep it well. Your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost! Respect it!
Married Couples, don’t stop kissing one another in marriage. Do it regularly and at all times! Singles, wait for your time, okay? Don’t fan the embers, stay off every form of iniquity and God will help you.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I discipline myself. I put my body under.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask for grace to stay chaste in thoughts, words, and deeds.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Corinthians 9:27 (KJV) But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.
Yesterday, we began this discussion, pointing out tell-tale signs to look out for, so that your lover who is on fire today, may not backslide after marriage. If you missed it, see it here.
Our anchor scripture remains:
2Pe 2:20-22 (MSG) If they’ve escaped from the slum of sin by experiencing our Master and Savior, Jesus Christ, and then slid back into that same old life again, they’re worse than if they had never left. [21] Better not to have started out on the straight road to God than to start out and then turn back, repudiating the experience and the holy command. [22] They prove the point of the proverbs, “A dog goes back to its own vomit,” and, “A scrubbed-up pig heads for the mud.”
What are other things to note in the area of relationships?
7. When you meet a new person in a church setting, beyond falling in love with some height or some hot legs, find out how involved he is in church. Is he or she a worker in that church? How long has he or she been in the church? Does the pastor know him or her personally?
Is he filled with the Holy Spirit? All these do not guarantee a successful or stress-free marriage, however, they go a long way to establish some credibility and spirituality of the person involved.
This is a better approach than meeting someone in church and on the same day, you are in his house! You must learn how to protect yourself!
8. You need to know that being born again can be genuine and yet the guy or lady is still involved in some sharp practices. When you are born again, your spirit is regenerated, but your mind is in the process of being renewed as you listen to God’s word.
This often takes time and is determined by how studious you are in the word and how much time you give to the study of God’s word. In the process of the mind being renewed, a lot of ‘sinful’ mistakes can happen.
As long as they are not habitual, God will forgive and you will be okay. But when you do something habitually and unrepentantly, the conscience becomes seared and a religious spirit takes over.
9. When you see obvious character defects, don’t close your eyes to them especially when he or she says he will change later. Marriage changes nobody.
Anybody that tells you he or she will change later is deceiving you. What do you do when you see character defects? Seek help! Don’t keep quiet.
10. If during courtship or after marriage, you suddenly discover you never knew who you were in the same boat with, here is what to do. In courtship, take a pause on everything until you find a solution. For example, if the issues has to do with physical violence or physical abuse, don’t just keep quiet thinking that marriage will soften him.
Don’t walk down the aisle into that kind of marriage, or you might need to soon run up the aisle and out! If you are getting slaps in courtship, guess what will happen in marriage? In marriage, divorce is not the first option. Look for a Christian marriage counselor or marriage therapist for help.
11. If you are in a distant relationship or some online dating, you need to know that you will not have a distant marriage and you will not live online.
The reality must dawn on you never to make life-involving decisions without knowing the person very well. It is wrong for you to fall in love with a stranger. Something is not quite right with falling in love with an online profile or some voice over the phone! Marriage is not a game! It is a covenant!
12. Finally, we are all projects in the making in the hands of God. Nobody is perfect, but there are things that are unbecoming for a child of God. When you see some of these things, it is time to seek help, or if intense, run for your life!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have divine wisdom from God to make decisions.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray and ask God to show you what you don’t know about your life
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. (Jeremiah 33:3 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take an inventory of all the relationships in your life
The issue above is one of the commonest statements of regret from several people that I counsel every other month. Avoiding in marriage a lover on fire today but cold later is possible.
“Pastor, he has changed…”
“Pastor, I never knew he was like this…”
“Pastor, before we got married, he was a leader in the fellowship, but now, he doesn’t go to church…”
“Pastor, during our courtship, he was so sweet, but now, he beats me up!
“Pastor, I never knew him because our courtship was a distant one…”
…And so on and so forth…
Well, what went wrong along the way?
2Pe 2:20-22 (MSG) If they’ve escaped from the slum of sin by experiencing our Master and Savior, Jesus Christ, and then slid back into that same old life again, they’re worse than if they had never left. [21] Better not to have started out on the straight road to God than to start out and then turn back, repudiating the experience and the holy command. [22] They prove the point of the proverbs, “A dog goes back to its own vomit,” and, “A scrubbed-up pig heads for the mud.”
Here are a few things to note.
There are pretenders out there. There are people who will feign being in the faith just to get a ‘good’ girl that will not give them ‘problems’ in marriage. This is where Christian pre-marriage counseling comes in.
2. That you met somebody in church does not guarantee that he or she is a true child of God or that you are avoiding in marriage all troubles. Anybody and everybody can attend church services for different purposes. Always seek counsel before you get involved with anybody.
3. Not everybody in the church setting is looking for God. That is why phones and personal effects get missing in church. An angel didn’t steal them. They were stolen by people with whom you worship but with ulterior motives.
4. Let the leadership of the church be involved in your relationship and marriage. There are some churches that have marriage guidance councils, these are not instituted to control you or spy into your private life but to guide you appropriately. Let your pastor be in the know. This is important because the pastor usually knows the committed ones and those who are insincere to an extent.
5. Learn all you can learn. Get marriage tips and free Christian advice online for avoiding chaos in marriage. On Kisses and Huggs Club, for example, we offer free Christian advice for singles and married couples and you can get advice on marriage issues on our daily devotionals, daily discussions and several other materials online. Don’t walk into a marriage ignorantly and so naïve that you fall for anything.
6. As a marriage counselor for some years, I can rightly say that it is true some people really love the Lord, but along the way, there is a turn around. Avoiding in marriage such people is what this post is about. This can be due to negative influence, change of environment, pressure that comes with marriage, choice of career and so on. Whatever it is, when you find yourself in this kind of scenario, you need to quickly find a marriage counselor to talk to.
I will stop here today and conclude on this topic tomorrow.
Be blessed.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have divine wisdom from God to make decisions.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray and ask God to show you what you don’t know about your life
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. (Jeremiah 33:3 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take an inventory of all the relationships in your life
