It is sure too early to get hurt or to entertain bitterness, to be in strife or malice, Wale told Sade.
Those words hurt her the more. The feeling of having fell straight on her face was not a good feeling.
I thought I had overcome this ‘hurt’ issue. Where did I lose it? At what point exactly did I lose it? Why did I not nip it in the bud? Why did I not snap out of hurt? Why do I find it difficult to talk about issues, especially when I am hurt?
Why do I have to let things degenerate for weeks before trying to salvage things? Why do I even hurt so badly and deeply?
These and many more questions were what filled Sade’s mind as their two weeks old strife and not talking to each other, gradually eased off.
In those two weeks, Sade had experienced a whole lot of emotions. She had moved from anger to being hurt, to giving Wale the silent treatment, to being frustrated, to feeling sorry for herself (self pity), to a feeling of abandonment just to mention a few.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals kindly go HERE
Wale was not left out in the different shades of emotions. He was first confused, then frustrated and then he become angry. Angry because he could not understand how his wife will not be able to express herself if something bothered her. And the silent treatment was just unbearable. The truth of the matter was that Wale was already getting pissed off.
He also had learnt to ignore Sade when ever she decides to go on her withdrawal escapades. Now she had withdrawn and Wale had also decided to leave her. Those two weeks were not funny at all.
Think of what could have happened. The devil could have exploited them at this point and caused some terrible tragedy. Thank God, Mercy said ‘No’. Mercy kept bearing them up for those two weeks they were vulnerable.
In the process, Sade learnt some valuable lessons I will be sharing with us.
Let’s look at some of them, take these lessons learnt so we don’t fall as Sade fell.
1. Let out the hurt. Don’t keep it brewing.
2. Learn to find a good time and opportunity to talk about issues that hurt you or that are bothering you.
3. Separate the issue from the person.
4. You don’t solve a problem by wishing it will go or hoping your spouse will get to know. You talk about it intelligently.
5. ‘I am sorry’. It works wonders in marriage and resolves issues faster.
6. Strife, malice and bitterness is the devils domain, avoid going there by all means.
7. The silent treatment is bad. No spouse can take it.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage is blessed. I do not harbour grudges.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to forgive my spouse at all times.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
We must accept the uniqueness of our spouse and that of our marriage. No two marriages are the same and no two spouses are the same. There are no two people who have gone through the same things, in the same way, the same measure, and come out the same way.
Apply the principle of Jesus and His word to the uniqueness of your marriage.
In counseling, glean the principles and apply it to your situation putting in mind the uniqueness of your spouse.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals kindly go HERE
Every walk with God is a personal journey, so know God for yourself. Also, note that what worked for spouse A may not work for spouse B.
Don’t compare your marriage or spouse to another spouse. Only fools compare rather than accept the uniqueness of their marriage
8. Love
Love is the conclusion of the law. The whole subject of marriage is about love. If you don’t love your spouse, then why get married to them?
1 Cor 13 sums up what love is. Check your life and daily see how much you are walking in love with your spouse.
Marriage is about those who can love as Christ loves the church, giving Himself for it.
You cannot love and cheat on your spouse. You cannot love your spouse and not take care of Him/her.
May God grant us more understanding.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will be glorious.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to forgive my spouse, no matter how difficult it may appear.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Corinthians 13:13 (KJV) And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
We have been looking at the topic “Tips To Having A Graceful Marriage” for two days now and we will continue today.
God wants our marriages to be graceful. He wants us as husband and wife to glide on the wings of Grace.
There is an unforced rhythm of grace that belongs to every couple if we learn to watch Jesus, learn how he behaves and follow after Him.
The marital life is lived just by following the outline in His word.
The principle is ‘whatever He tells you to do, do it’ John 2:5
Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” – Matt 11:29-30 (MSG)
God wants us to walk with Him and work with Him. He wants us to keep company with Him and not be distracted in any way. As we do this, our marriages begin to enjoy the unforced rhythms of Grace.
We begin to glide and we find our relationship sweeter than ever.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals kindly go HERE
It is in marriage that we get hurt the most. We don’t get as hurt with our colleagues at work, and our friends don’t hurt us as deeply as our spouse.
Because we live together and are committed to each other, our spouse hurt us so deeply. The issue is while we are trying to understand each other and minimize the hurt, we must forgive.
It is a must in marriage. We must come to a point where we practice advance forgiveness.
Settle it in your heart that there is nothing my spouse can ever do that will be difficult for me to forgive.
Most of us hold on to the error of our spouse. We must learn to forgive quickly and move on.
When we refuse to forgive, it is like a breach in the spirit. With unforgiveness in our marriage, we open the door for the devil to afflict us.
May the devil not have access to our homes in Jesus’ name.
To be continued tomorrow.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will be glorious.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to forgive my spouse, no matter how difficult it may appear.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Matthew 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
Women are generally emotionally complex than men. Their emotions are endlessly and intricately intertwined!
Women are deep. That is why they can hold a baby for nine months without bulging. Have you ever left a baby alone with a man for thirty minutes?
That is why God listens to them because they understand what it means to travail. They know what it means to hold a growing life and then birth that life at the right time.
Understanding a lady is a journey!
A guy who had been in courtship for seven months sat in my office and said he knows everything about his fiancé. I chuckled. He probably doesn’t understand anything about her.
I have been married to my wife for twenty two years, and yet I am not quick to want to say I understand her.
I once heard a man who had been married for fifty years saying he just discovered one new thing about his wife! Lobatan!
So, how do you begin the journey of understanding a woman? I am just going to give you ideas ni o!
1. Understand her God
One of the most sure ways to understand that special lady in your life is to seek to understand her maker.
Nobody understands a product like the manufacturer of that product.
Nobody, no human being will ever understand her like God would.
So, the beginning of the journey is when the man develops a conscious relationship with God. When you are rooted in God’s love, God will now cause His love to be shed abroad in your hearts.
As you begin to understand the breadth, the length and the depth and height of this love, this will give you a wisdom that surpasses every effort in trying to understand her, and you will know how to do the right things that will unlock her creativity and make her feel loved.
That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. – Eph 3:17-19 (KJV)
To be continued…
CONFESSIONFOR THE DAY I choose to understand my partner.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY I receive wisdom to understand my partner.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 3:17 (KJV) That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love.
Yesterday, we looked at two of these tips, which are 1.Giving 2.Respect.
We will continue on this topic this morning.
3. ACCEPT
There is a great need for accepting your spouse. There is a difference between not accepting your spouse and loving them as they are.
Every character issue or difference our spouse’s show now have always been with them when we were courting. The difference between now and then is that we accepted those character flaws because we were in love.
Love truly is blind but in marriage, our eyes are opened, hallelujah.
Accept your spouse for who they are. We are not giving to change our spouses. Only God’s word and His Spirit can change them. So pray.
You mean I don’t have to talk? Well, yes. At least you minimize your talking and ranting.
But if I don’t talk, how will he/she change? You can talk but not angrily. Because you trust God is the enforcer and the one to change your spouse.
So you give your spouse the gift of ‘accepting’ them. That love you demonstrate can even make them want to change.
4. COMPROMISE
In marriage, we must learn to compromise. We live a successful married life when we learn to live a little to the left, a little to the right.
In marriage, you stop living for yourself and start to live for your spouse. Don’t you ever insist on your own if you want your marriage to be graceful.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals kindly go HERE
My husband, when we were courting, loved beans. He could eat beans three times a day and still eat it the next day. But I was a rice person. On campus then, we always ate together. So he will be like beans and I will be like rice. But we both compromised. Today, we don’t have any issues of whether to eat rice or beans.
Beans provide a high source of protein, so I even opt for beans atimes. My Husband also prefers rice now and hardly does he eat beans. He complains it makes him bloat.
That is a simple one, but we solved that issue by learning to compromise. We were both willing to compromise.
5. EMPATHY
In marriage, we are to show empathy towards our spouse. Where there is no empathy, love is absent. You love your spouse when you are able to empathize with whatever they are feeling.
Empathy simply put is to put yourself in your spouse’s position and feel what they feel. When you are in your spouse’s shoe, you become like they are and feel for them.
Don’t just stay in your position as a male and make decisions. Sometimes, feel what it means to a female and just understand, and vice versa.
Wives, try to be husband for a while with the burden of leading the home and see that it is not easy. So learn to empathize with one another.
There is still more to talk about in this topic. Join me on the concluding part tomorrow by God’s Grace.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will be glorious.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to respect my spouse at all times.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Reach a compromise with your spouse on certain issues.
