Communication is simply talking, but of cause, there are more things involved than just talking. A healthy conversation involves not just what is said but what is heard.
In essence, communication is a two way conversation which involves speaking and hearing. The two spouses must form the conscious habit of allowing the other spouse express himself or herself. While he/ she speaks, the other partner should be actively listening.
Not listening for pleasure, not listening for information but should practise empathic listening. This is putting yourself in the conversation. Trying to understand and feel the impulse of the speaker.
It is unhealthy to to dominate a conversation without waiting at intervals to get feedback. To check whether your hearer is hearing the right thing, to know how he/she is processing the information. The aim of your conversation especially on marriage is for your partner to understand what you are saying , understand and then obey you.
Listening should not also be done with the intention of giving a reply that will defend your status or what you represent in the marriage covenant.
I think we cannot also have a good conversation with our spouse if our interpretation of what marriage is, is defective. Until we see our marriage from the view point of it being a covenant relationship, every other thing becomes loop sided.
What we see most couples practising is contract and not covenant marriage.
This is so important. It is a contract (which could be unwritten and informal), when the marriage is based on mutual benefit. That is, we are both doing something for each other.
For example, I will be nice to you, if you bring in enough money. Or, if you help out in the house, I will prepare the meals.
The opposite obtains if your spouse doesn’t do what is expected. I will be very cold and unresponsive to you if you hurt my feelings. I will be uncaring to you if you disrespect me.
Marriage is a covenant. In which each partner takes up his/her responsibility. A wife is to submit fully. The husband takes up his responsibility to love her like Christ does irrespective of what she does.
It is the aim of covenant relationship to please and serve the other person despite what he/ she does.
It’s kind of difficult right? Very hard. Especially if you have been to some school of hardknocks, where you have been deeply hurt.
If you are starting on a clean note and you have this understanding, how blessed you are.
No matter how farther away we have gone, in Christ there is always a way out. He shows us and leads us in the way since He is the way.
We need to retrace our steps and in humility, accept what works.
When a marriage is not working, both partners are responsible. It is not just one persons fault but the two parties have their contributing factors.
Tomorrow, I will attempt to summarize the five levels of Communication.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am communicating well with my spouse.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to be a better communicator
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY They said to him, “Hezekiah says, ‘This is a black day. We’re in crisis. We’re like pregnant women without even the strength to have a baby! Isaiah 37:3 – MSG
A husband that is into ‘house-binding’ and not husbandry loves his wife genuinely, the God kind of love (Agape) that is kind, patient, gentle etc (1Cor 13:4-8)
In Eph.5:25, husbands are given a direct and clear command. ‘Husbands love your wife…’ Husbands are commanded to love but the love being described here is not sexual in which love is based on your wife’s body and the sexual pleasure you can get from her body.
Some husbands are only nice and full of compliments when it is time for sexual pleasure.
In husbandry (animal kingdom), there are no affections, no kind words, no thoughtfulness and tenderness. The male just goes ahead to mate the female.
But for a ‘house-binding’ husband, love is total and complete. It is the God kind of love which says, ‘I love you in spite of this issue.’
It is a willingness to accept your wife for who she is. It is a love that is unconditional. It is sacrificial, willing to go the extra mile.
It is not overly demanding, critical or fault finding. It is simply based on a conscious decision to walk in love not because she deserves it but because the word of God commands it.
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a love being. God’s love flows in me. My love is selfless and not selfish.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, teach me to walk in love daily in Jesus Name. Shed your love abroad in my heart , O Lord
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Col 3:19 AMP Husbands, love your wives [be affectionate and sympathetic with them] and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful toward them.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Memorize and meditate and confess the attributes of love in 1 Cor. 13
In summary, these are a few pragmatic things to do when you want a change.
1. Give your life to Jesus Christ genuinely and ensure every member of your family does.
2. Find a Bible-believing church and join the foundation class, with intention of becoming a worker. Do not go to church to seek miracles only, let your motivation be to grow in the things of God.
3. Never miss reading God’s word daily. Find scriptures that address that area where you need change. That is what will renew your mind.
4. From what you read daily, pick one or two verses to meditate on daily. You can do it with your spouse.
5. Go for water baptism by immersion
6. Go for Holy Ghost Baptism with evidence of speaking in tongues. This is the power of Christianity and it is the power of the Holy Spirit that gives you dominion over sin.
7. Pray in the Spirit often
8. Have a close mentor for accountability’s sake. Somebody you and your spouse can access one on one or via phone that will keep you on your toes and help guide you in major decisions.
Your mentor is not the one that pursues you; you are the one that pursues him because he usually has many protégées. I do this for quite a number of people and help mentor their marriage.
9. Serve in any capacity in God’s house and be sensitive to give when God asks you to.
10. You and your spouse should do a personal retreat from time to time.
CONFESSION OF THE DAY My mind is being renewed daily by God’s Word and the power of the Holy Spirit.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father in the name of Jesus, I pull down every stronghold in my mind that is keeping me bound to low life.
THOUGHT OF THE DAY Phil 4: 13 ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me’.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take relevant scriptures in the area you need renewal in your mind and begin to study, meditate and speak them to yourself.
Your thinking directs your life. Your thinking gives meaning to your life. Where your life is today is an indication of how and what you have been thinking about.
Your mind is the engine of your life, it drives your life. A healthy mind will give a healthy life.
If you are born again, there is victory for you. The solution to depression and mood swings is in renewing your mind. Your mind is the seat of your will, intellect, and your emotion. You can become emotionally stable by renewing your minds with God’s Word. You can be all God desires you to be by renewing your mind.
What is a renewal of mind? How do you renew your mind?
To renew means to simply make new, and you renew by studying and meditating on God’s Word. You meditate on God’s Word by thinking on His Word, speaking it to yourself audibly and inaudibly.
The beginning of a change in your life is when your heart is filled with God’s word! Replace those negative, stinking thoughts with life-giving and strength imparting thoughts. Replace lustful, dirty thoughts with pure thoughts.
It has been discovered that it’s only God’s Word that can positively change our minds and make it pure. As you stubbornly dwell on God’s word, think on it, rehearse it, say it, and brood on it, it will create a picture of what God really wants for you.
As you reach out for those pictures, change will begin. Change starts from the inside, not outside. In God’s word is the inherent power to cause itself to come to pass.
CONFESSION OF THE DAY My mind is being renewed daily by God’s Word and the power of the Holy Spirit.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father in the name of Jesus, I pull down every stronghold in my mind that is keeping me bound to low life.
THOUGHT OF THE DAY Phil 4: 13 ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me’.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take relevant scriptures in the area you need renewal in your mind and begin to study, meditate and speak them to yourself.
