I used to feel that my thoughts were harmless and not toxic since they remained in my realm of thoughts. I believed I wasn’t doing anybody harm – not my marriage, my situation, and of course, not myself.
I was deceived and didn’t consider my thoughts ‘all that bad’, but I will admit they were far from positive, beautiful, and empowering. I beat myself down most of the time, thinking about the gloomy side of things and life.
Those thoughts controlled me and my actions, and I was a very gloomy person, discouraged, and not achieving my goals. The question I want to ask us this morning is, what are your thought patterns about yourself and your marriage and relationship?
“As a man thinketh, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7)
You are what you have been thinking about. Your marriage is as strong as your thoughts about it. Your relationship will be as strong as the thoughts you entertain.
You might be saying, “I don’t think of pornography, masturbation, fornication, or lustful thoughts. What about negative, evil thoughts?”
Proverbs 12:20 KJV [20] Deceit is in the heart of those who imagine evil: But to the counselors of peace is joy.
From this scripture, those who fill their hearts with evil, negative thoughts will be deceived.
God calls rebellion against Him and His word “evil”. That’s what He told the Israelites. What are you thinking about yourself, your partner, your spouse, your relationship, and your marriage?
You have to be disciplined enough to carefully choose your thoughts and not allow the devil to just dump any thoughts on your mind. I used to feel and think I was helpless about my thoughts, but I know better now. I thought that whatever thoughts came into my mind, I had to dwell on them. On the contrary, we are empowered to resist any thought that doesn’t benefit us.
We have to be strong enough to stand up to the devil and reject any negative thoughts. The Bible calls it ‘casting down’; this paints a picture of taking those negative thoughts and slamming them down. It’s a conscious, deliberate, and decisive effort in dealing with thoughts that seek to keep us down.
2 Corinthians 10:4-5 KJV [4] (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds;) [5] casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
A negative pattern of thinking becomes a stronghold when the devil makes it our regular pattern or way of thinking. Remember not to allow negative thinking patterns to fester in your mind towards your partner or spouse. Fill your mind with empowering thoughts.
See the scripture in Philippians 4:8 of what the Lord calls right thoughts. He alone knows how best we should function because He created us.
Philippians 4:8 KJV [8] Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
We need to study each of these words in other translations because the battlefield is the mind. When we win in our minds, we win in life. Let your thoughts about your relationship and marriage be good thoughts, and you will eat the fruits thereof.
Sandy’s face contorted in pain as she strolled alone, her face an exact picture of the rush of confused emotions that gripped her soul.
How could this ever happen to me? She queried a non-existent companion.
Her pain had been triggered by a huge financial loss in her business and had been exacerbated by the sudden break up of a promising relationship. The guy simply eloped with another babe, no explanation!
Sure, this is not supposed to happen to me. She queried again, loudly as if her invisible companion caused it all.
She looked up and screamed, God, why?
Many of us are in Sandy’s shoes, probably even going through something worse, where it feels as though “God has lost it over one’s life!”
Some are going through intense times in their marriages and homes. From dealing with an irresponsible spouse to health issues and financial pressures. The list is endless.
Are you at that place where it feels as though you are abandoned and God isn’t looking at your side?
I have been there several times. My wife ahs been there several times.
At such time, the first thing you need is an assurance in your heart from God.
I want to share with you the assurance God gave me in one of such times.
Jer 29:11 (MSG) I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
Wow!
That is huge. God says He knows what He is doing!
He is not confused about your life!
He has it all planned out! He will take care of you and He will not abandon you!
Stay on this word, study it, meditate on it, pray on it and you will see light begin to shine in that darkness!
I pray for you, to receive God’s intervention today in Jesus’ name!
I spoke along this line in church yesterday and I will just admonish us with this, I hope it blesses someone!
The scripture makes it clear as believers, we will face God one day and give an account of our lives, and how we lived on this side of the world.
We are not to live irresponsibly!
We are to conduct our lives and live as though we will give account because we will SURELY give account!
In what areas are we going to give account? Find it below in a simple presentation I used in church yesterday.
These seven areas are what you should pay attention to. It seems to cover every part of our lives. What this means is that we will give an account of all areas of our lives!
Words Spoken
Actions and Deeds
Thoughts and Intentions
How We Use Our Resources
How We Treat Others
Response to God’s Revelation
Our Spiritual Influence on Others
Not just our words, but also our actions and deeds, and even our intentions are going to be examined!
Bringing that to our relationships and marriages, how we relate with our spouses, and our thoughts towards them are all going to be examined, and we will give account.
We all know how emotional affairs begin from the thought realm. Well, we will give an account of our thoughts and intentions!
Heb 4:13 (KJV) Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do.
With this realization, it is important we love fully and with a focus on our spouses because a day of reckoning is coming.
Who wants to stand before the Lord of Lords and be stammering and be found wanting? Certainly not me. What about you?
Treat your husband well. Treat your wife well. Be nice. Stay faithful. Love with focus. May God help us all.
Connection Between Individual Progress and Marital Success
Growth signifies life. Stagnant water stinks. If you are not growing, you are dying. It is high time we prioritize our individual growth journey if we desire to see growth in our relationships and marriages. Everyone is born a clean slate, naive. As we begin to take our personal growth seriously, we start to develop skills and mature in who we are.
A lot of crises in relationships and marriages are due to knowledge gaps between couples. We don’t have to make any effort to grow chronologically. All we need for such growth is food, all other things being equal. However, the growth that leads to transformational change is not automatic. It requires effort, consistency, and sacrifices.
I told a friend the other day that I wondered what I had been doing all my younger years when I had time. There is so much to learn in every aspect of our lives that it seems 24 hours is not enough. If you are not growing, you cannot be excused. You have to make efforts and plan to grow.
The Bible says in Genesis 2:24:
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
There is a leaving, a cleaving, and becoming one flesh. All these processes require learning, unlearning, and relearning. It takes personal growth to know what you are “leaving” to “cleave” to, and you have to know the part you have to play in the process of becoming one flesh.
Your relationship or marriage cannot grow beyond the level of personal growth of the individuals in the relationship or marriage. Ask yourself this question: how many books have I read on relationships? As married couples, what books have you read about the different aspects of marriage?
To succeed in your relationship or marriage, you must take the issue of developing yourself seriously. There are different ways you can learn. You can learn through mentors, through experience, by asking questions, but the most effective and cheapest way to learn is by reading books. Books contain the experiences of others encapsulated in the pages, so you don’t repeat the mistakes they have made in the past.
There are so many aspects of your relationship and marriage that you need to personally grow in for the health of your union to emerge. If you prioritize personal growth, there will be some fights that will be eliminated from your relationship and marriage.
Genesis 1:27 states:
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”
God created us distinctly different by purpose, on purpose, and for a purpose. If the purpose of something is not known, abuse is inevitable. Our purpose in relationships and marriages has to be discovered through a personal growth journey. Nobody can do that for us. The growth has to be personal; the man has to grow as much as the woman.
Make a quality decision today to prioritize personal growth for the well-being of your relationship and marriage. The more you know, the better for your relationship and marriage. For example, knowing the differences between men and women is fundamental to how you relate to one another. It affects almost every aspect of our relationships and marriages, including communication, decision-making, and understanding yourselves as partners.
I urge you this morning, keep learning and never stop growing.
There is a personal responsibility you have, single or married. That responsibility is that there are certain decisions you must make in your life all by yourself. Your parents can’t make that decision for you. Your fiance can’t do it for you. Not even your spouse can take that responsibility on your behalf.
Take a look at the scripture:
Pro 6:5 (KJV) Deliver thyself as a roe from the hand of the hunter, and as a bird from the hand of the fowler.
Deliver thyself! The emphasis is explicit enough. You are the one that will deliver yourself from anytime that looks like a trap.
What is the lust that draws you away?
Jas 1:14 (KJV) But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
When you identify that list or weakness, the you have identified the power behind the trap of the hunter, and then you can easily deliver yourself.
The Amplified Bible puts it this way:
Jas 1:14 (AMPC) But every person is tempted when he is drawn away, enticed and baited by his own evil desire (lust, passions).
You are always baited by something that is consistent. That is the power behind the trap. The scripture says, deliver yourself!
In other words, don’t put the responsibility on God!
God said this is something you have to do yourself. Make up your mind not to cooperate with the traps of the enemy over your soul.
Don’t live in pretense, and don’t live in denial.
Another translation says you should run!
Pro 6:5 (MSG) Run like a deer from the hunter, fly like a bird from the trapper!
God will not help you to run. You have to do the running away!
You already know the “lust” or the weakness, don’t you?
Run away from it and you would have delivered yourself.
