Over the years, from counseling experiences, and even from the scriptures, one guaranteed reason a relationship or marriage will crash is when there is no form of mentoring or tutelage, or better put, when there is no accountability!
The kingdom of God is so orchestrated in such a way that you are not supposed to stay in isolation. Isolation will usually dovetail to desolation.
Here is God’s word:
God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land. (Psalms 68:6 KJV)
God in His wisdom has surrounded us with not only physical families but also spiritual families. You have to be able to identify your spiritual family and stay there. There is a man or woman that God has placed over you from whom you can access wisdom and who will be able to speak into your life in the times of storms.
There are times that you face some issues, and yet the solution to that storm is just a sentence or two away in the mouth of an anointed servant of God.
This is why I am often scared of couples that have nobody they are accountable to. I am often scared of couples that have no mentors over them. Somebody has rightly said that you need mentors to avoid tormentors of life!
Singles, beware of getting into a relationship with a person who is accountable to no one! The moment he or she begins to tell you that God is his mentor, something is wrong somewhere.
Now, I will tell you why it is so important that you get married to somebody who is accountable.
There are some times that couples call in for counseling and upon listening to them, there would only be one way to move forward.
So, I would ask the question,
“Who is your husband’s mentor?”
It is always sad when the answer is “Nobody sir!”
So, I would usually reframe the question, “Who does your husband respect? Who can talk to him?”
And then, a sadder answer comes “Nobody sir!”
Then I would make one more attempt, “What about his parents?”
“He does not listen to his parents! Nobody can talk to him!”
At this point, the situation actually looks bleak… because you can hardly help an isolated and disenfranchised person!
One of the pertinent things to be sure of in considering marriage is the issue of accountability!
Don’t get involved with someone who says you don’t need a mentor. That would be risky!
Let me conclude with this scripture:
Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established. (Proverbs 15:22 KJV)
Purposes can be genuine, but when they are without counsel, they can be frustrated and disappointed.
See it in Message translation:
Refuse good advice and watch your plans fail; take good counsel and watch them succeed. (Proverbs 15:22 Message)
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the wisdom of God. I am not isolated. My relationship will not crash.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, show me who you have appointed to speak into my life so that my relationship will not crash.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY The empty–headed treat life as a plaything; the perceptive grasp its meaning and make a go of it. (Proverbs 15:21 Message)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Discuss and decide on who will be your mentor
A happy marriage does nothappen by accident, there are deliberate steps both spouse have to take, we’ll continue on this topic today.
9. Delight in your days together.
That is consciously being a happy person. Celebrate what you have now. Yes, things will be better, but don’t postpone your happiness till when things become better.
At whatever stage you are in right now, be happy. Celebrate and be proud of your spouse. Don’t be quick to want to fix things about your spouse. Stop being overly sensitive to the faults of your spouse. Don’t use a magnifying lens to see and look at your spouse’s faults.
Don’t exaggerate your spouse’s faults. Know that we are all humans. We are giving to mistakes, errors, and shortcomings. Teach by example, give information, don’t sermonize, don’t criticize. Never allow your spouse to feel they are no good. Stop drawing attention negatively to your spouse.
Delight in your selves together. Enjoy your selves. Have a good sexual life and do a lot of talking. Don’t let work, business or the children steal your time spent together.
10. Aim at love every time. Let your guide post be to walk in love.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
1 Corinthians 13:4 – 7 NLT Let the words of this scriptures be before your face. Meditate on it. Keep not in your heart, put it on your lips. Confession brings possession. As part of your daily routine and daily prayers. Ask God to make you a love being. A dispenser of love and confess the whole attribute of love over yourself and your spouse. Speak to your spirit that you are patient and kind.
The more you talk about these virtues to yourself the more you become them. That is walking in the spirit and not gratifying the deeds of the flesh.
Try and follow all these tips and improve on them. You will see your marriage take a new turn for the better.
May God grant us more understanding.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will work.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me an understanding for my marriage in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:28 ESV In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Have a hearty discussion with your partner today.
Marriage is instituted by God. The devil hates marriages. That is why the devil attacks marriages with a passion. A lot of people have terribly wrong notions of what marriage is.
In looking at the scriptures, we see a picture of what marriage is supposed to be. This morning, we’ll look at some of those underlining principles. Here are some wrong notions.
1. Marriage is a necessary evil
God does not create evil. In Genesis, everything He created, He said, “It is good.” However, the devil has succeeded in most people at misrepresenting the original intentions of God as concerning marriage. Marriage is not a necessary evil. If it were, then God will be unjust to set us up in that way. If I may put things in perspective, I will say Marriage is a blessing. It is a beautiful, thoughtful idea of God on humanity.
God’s idea is that one will chase a thousand, but two shall put ten thousand to a flight! God’s idea is that in marriage, your strength is multiplied. Marriage is not a nemesis, it is not a mistake, it is a divine arrangement of God to fulfill His purpose on earth.
2. Marriage is not necessary; I can just have one or two children
I have heard several ladies say this. I don’t want to get married to any man, but I want to have children. In the arrangement of God, children are supposed to come from a couple, a husband and wife, a man and a woman. God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, not Eve and Eva! God’s idea is that children are raised in the atmosphere of love, with a man and a woman, a father and a mother. Every time, that man has flouted this, it has landed him into trouble.
Our prisons are filled today with people in a large percentage that were raised without a father or mother figure. Every time, a father or a mother was not there, it had produced dysfunctional children and ultimately dysfunctional families. By the time you have a dysfunctional generation, what you have in the end is a dysfunctional society.
3. There are no good men; all the good men have died
This is a wrong conclusion. Usually, ladies who have gone through harrowing and unpleasant experiences and disappointments in the hands of several men usually sing this song. Well, experiences, no matter how intense, cannot replace the truth of God’s word.
The reality is that there are still faithful men and good men! The danger here is that what you believe is what you attract. That is the law of life.
You see, it is always good to do things God’s way and not try to put things into your hands. When you try to follow your own limited wisdom, things can really get awful. You are not designed to do it by yourself or in your own strength!
4. You cannot be a ‘celebrity’ and have a good marriage
This is another lie of the devil. First of all, who does God see as a celebrity? I am not sure it is the same way our society views that. But that topic is for another day. Let’s follow the secular definition of who a ‘celebrity’ is.
Here are few things that usually land them in many unsuccessful attempts at marriage.
a. They have a lot of fame. With that comes a massive ego and a lot of pride. Usually, the selflessness that makes a marriage work does not come with all that.
b. They have a lot of money, so submitting to a husband or loving a woman is a great challenge. Without the constant renewal of mind which comes as a result of God’s word, this is usually a challenge.
c. There is something called deceitfulness of riches. It makes one feel you can do all you want to do and you don’t really need God. But then, this kind of attitude to life usually comes with its consequences as seen in today’s world.
d. They usually stay away from marriage because they feel that would tie them down and not allow them to live the kind of life they wanted.
e. A few of those who were married ended in divorce ad separation because they were not able to give time and attention to their spouses.
f. Their lifestyle and nature of work usually attract adulterous relationships. This further complicates the whole equation.
g. They are not able to submit to any authority figure for spiritual accountability purposes.
5. Marriage succeeds as long as there is money.
It does not work that way. Marriage requires both parties to work at it, loving themselves genuinely, understanding and speaking their love languages, spending quality time, and giving attention to the marriage.
I pray that God will give us more wisdom on this topic as we all work towards a successful marriage.
I pray for all going through one challenge or more in their relationships or marriages, I ask for peace on every storm and pray specially for God’s intervention in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the wisdom of God. I am delivered from the wrong relationship.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to discard every wrong notion about marriage in my mind.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female (Mark 10:6 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to live by God’s principles.
Dear wives, you have to learn to freely ask for it. Ask him for jeru trip when you feel like.
In marriage, wives should learn to ask for jeru trip when they want it from their husbands. And dear husband, when your wife asks for it, don’t deny her, just go ahead and enjoy the wife of your youth!
Pro 5:18-19 (AMPC+) Let your fountain [of human life] be blessed [with the rewards of fidelity], and rejoice in the wife of your youth. [19] Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant doe [tender, gentle, attractive]–let her bosom satisfy you at all times, and always be transported with delight in her love.
Pro 5:18-19 (MSG) Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! [19] Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose— don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted!
There is nothing wrong with a wife asking her husband for jeru trip and there are several fun ways to do that!
Don’t be so spiritual to the extent that you cannot ask him when you feel like it!
His body belongs to you and your body belongs to him, so feel free in your matrimonial home!
You see, when the strange woman outside corners your husband, the first thing she asks for is jeru trap and that could get him excited if he doesn’t have the fear of God! God forbid!
So keep your husband very well, and feel free to discuss your sexuality and ask him when you feel like it.
It is not a sin!
May God bless our homes.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have God’s wisdom in dealing with my husband
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, give me the grace to run my race in righteousness and integrity
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God–given and God–modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. (1 Corinthians 6:18 Message)
Can yousee the possibility of a happy marriage. You have to believe that it’s possible, and tell yourself “I will have a happy marriage”, and then do the things necessary to have a happy marriage. We’ll continue from where we stopped yesterday
3. Never go to sleep with an argument.
An argument can occur between the couples at any time, on whatever issue, and in any particular place. However, it is maturity on the part of the couple not to spread the dirty linen outside for all to see.
It is maturity on the part of the husband to lovingly correct any mistake his wife does. She is not your daughter neither is she your maid or servant. She is your wife and covenant partner.
The wife is meant to respectfully suggest her opinion and ideas in such a way that it will not lead to an argument. That is maturity on her part.
Both husband and wife should be discerning enough to know when an argument is ensuring. They should also take note of their responses and how they react.
A soft answer is what the Bible recommends.
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. Proverbs 15:1 KJV
All couples should learn and practice how to answer softly.
Each couple must deal with anger. You cannot do marriage with anger
That is why it is important to deal with every unresolved issue. Every hurt, pain, unforgiveness will only lead to more unhealthy issues in marriage.
Every couple should be willing to fight for their marriage and be ready to walk in and by the Spirit. Only then can we be sure of not being carnal, judging issues rightly, having the right perspective, and being loving in our approach.
Finally, the bible says we should not let the sun go down on our anger. The life span of your anger shouldn’t be more than 24 hours
Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil. Ephesians 4:26 – 27 KJV
4. At least once a day, say something complimentary to your spouse.
If your spouse’s love language is words of affirmation, you will have to be very deliberate about complimenting him/her often. Your words mean a lot to your spouse and will often look to you for this need to be met.
You must be quick to look for virtues to celebrate, little baby steps to notice, efforts to acknowledge, and things to appreciate in your spouse.
Some temperaments don’t really need as many compliments and will do well even without a single compliment. You will do well not to judge or criticize your spouse if they need a lot of compliments.
However, as we mature, God should be our source of compliment and we should be secure in His word and promises to us and about us.
I will stop here for today. See you tomorrow by God’s Grace.
God grant us more understanding.
May God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will work.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me an understanding for my marriage in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY EPH 5:28 ESV In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Have a hearty discussion with your spouse today
