We startedyesterday talking about how important it is for you to speak your wife’s language. I also stated that language here means your wife’s love language.
If you didn’t read yesterday’s post, I will implore you to go ahead and read it.
There are five basic love languages which are:
1. Words of affirmation 2. Quality time and Attention 3. Service 4. Gifts 5. Physical Touch
We have looked at Words of affirmation. Let’s continue from where I stopped yesterday.
2. Quality time and Attention It is good to know that basically, it is the responsibility of the husband to learn his wife’s love language. It is God’s order in a marriage that the husband loves his wife while the wife respects and honors her husband.
It is not a case of “my wife is too demanding, she always wants me to speak her love language while she doesn’t attempt to speak mine.” Husbands must concentrate on loving your wife.
Quality time as it suggests means spending quality time with her. Here, quality time could mean different things to different women. To some, it could mean spending time with her when she is in the kitchen cooking, it could mean going on vacation together, having weekend trips, going to the movies, shopping, just spend time with her.
It means you are spending time and giving her attention. You let her know your plans, your whereabouts, investments, meetings, friends, and everything. You don’t keep secrets.
Your wife may be crying for your attention and you are busy working yourself out to stupor trying to provide for the family. She will not sense your love until you slow down and spend some time with her.
If you are a busy husband, schedule time consciously to be together. We had to plan that into our marriage. Call it me and you time. Let nothing interrupt this time. You may need to switch off your phone or do a get-away for two.
It doesn’t have to be expensive or far. If the children are still young, find a friend’s place you can keep them for a few hours to just go. Your wife will appreciate you more for your effort.
Many quarrels go on in marriage because we don’t know where to focus our resources and energy. Once you discover your wife’s love language, go ahead and start speaking it and improve on speaking it.
Your wife may be throwing tantrums just because she doesn’t feel your love. She feels your love when you speak her love language. She will adore you and respect you the moment she can sense your love.
Try and pay attention to her and seek to find out her love language. What does your wife complain about all the time? It is a clue to what her love language is. You may have to try different things before you finally discover which one it is.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have wisdom for my marriage
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, open the eyes of my understanding
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY “In the same way you married men should live considerately with [ your wives ], with an intelligent recognition [ of the marriage relation ], honoring the woman as [ physically ] the weaker, but [ realizing that you ] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [ Otherwise you cannot pray effectively. ]” (1Pe 3:7, AMP)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Find out what her love language is
1. He will truly support your dreams and vision. Not a few women have had their dreams and vision suffocated and swallowed up because of unnecessary intimidation.
A man that truly loves you will truly support your dreams, vision and aspirations knowing fully well that you are one. What is the point of a lady serving God with so much zest and energy on her youthful and campus days and after marriage only to be permanently domiciled to kitchen and baby nursing affairs only? Yes, I know you have to take care of your family and you should but that doesn’t mean you should come to a place where you are not even lifting a finger in your local assembly. I also know that this situation could arise as a result of your own inability to properly transition from a single lady to a married woman and might not have anything to do with your husband.
If you find yourself in this situation, what to do is not go and put up a fight with your husband, but to lovingly discuss with him how you can strike a balance and be useful to God, even as a wife and a mother. I know there are also situations where you might have to blend with your husband, so I am not saying here that you should have a completely independent spirit wherein rather than be a helper to your husband, you eventually become a distraction.
2. He will truly be a lover boy to you only A godly man that truly loves you will be a great lover of you only. He is not going back and forth and getting involved with other ladies. He is focused on you. Being godly does not mean being unromantic.
A godly man that truly loves you does not come around to tell you that he has so many girlfriends but you are his first choice, as if he is filling a university admission form. He will not play games with you. He will not toy with your emotions and he will not manipulate you with logic. He knows how to take care of you and how to bring out the best in you. Ladies, do not stay with a man who sleeps around and even tells you to your face, that he would stop after marriage. Don’t subject yourself to that kind of affliction, even if he gives you a million bucks every month! You are not for sale!
In marriage, he will focus on you and will not be distracted. His love for you will keep him zipped up even in the face of pressure.
3. He will truly protect you. A man is supposed to be a protector of the lady. In courtship, he doesn’t want you to compromise your virtue, nay, he wants you to please God, so he is willing to wait. In marriage, his love for you will be evident in how he provides, pampers you, and prays for you. He wants the best for you. When there are issues, he tries to treat you gently, because he knows you are his wife.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not fall in love with the wrong person.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God leads you to your rightful partner
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Ask questions about your relationship and take decisions.
We started looking at this topic yesterday. We mentioned some things about the right woman.
1. She will truly love you. 2. She will truly and regularly intercede for you. 3. She will truly add to you and not deplete you.
What other ways can you know the right woman for you?
4. She will truly behave appropriately How do I mean? A lady that truly loves you will not aid and push you into sin. In courtship, she will not demand for jeru trip neither will she ‘supply’ it when it is being demanded. She will behave in a spiritually appropriate way. She will not trap you or manipulate you. She will not become a spiritual nuisance or distraction to you. I know guys can be forceful, manipulative and stubborn sometimes, but when a lady wants to say No, she knows how to say it.
In marriage, she will behave appropriately. She will not defraud her husband! That’s what the Bible calls it. When you deny your husband in marriage, it’s fraud!
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (1 Corinthians 7:5 KJV)
This doesn’t mean husbands should not allow their wives to rest, right?
Don’t go and tell your wife, ‘Pastor Dunamis said even if it is five times daily, you should be good to go!” In reality, never sex-starve your husband. It is not supposed to be a tool of punishment or reward.
5. She will be truly faithful. A lady in courtship that truly loves you will not double date. She will not live in deception. She will not be caught in betwixt the triple operation of greed, money and sex. She will remain faithful. That is all about fearing God.
In marriage, she will not cheat on you or hide things from you. Do ladies who are believers cheat on their husbands? Yes. How do I know? Through counseling! It starts with emotional affairs, nursing secret desires and keeping it away from your spouse. You see, iniquity is perpetuated in the atmosphere of secrecy. The power of iniquity is broken when it is exposed. When you are capable of hiding things from your husband, well, you don’t love him like you should, and a seed of adultery can be planted, because all it takes is your ability to do things and hide them.
Well, if you find some defects in your courtship, you might want to lovingly discuss them and make adjustments. You might also want to talk to a mentor or a counselor. You might also want to pray and ask God for wisdom. I pray that God will give you wisdom on how to make it right in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know the right person to marry
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask that God leads you in the right direction
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Prov 18:22(KJV)Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.
I purposelydid not use the word ‘Love Language’ but used your wife’s ‘Language’ so that you can see the similarities. It is easier for us to relate to ‘your wife’s Language’ than it is to relate to love language.
Just as you can never think of marrying a wife who does not speak your language, it is ridiculous for you not to speak your wife’s love language.
Every woman has a love language. That love language is what she understands, is used to, and can relate to. In this language, she understands and can sense love.
Until you speak this language, she cannot sense or understand that you love her. It is like speaking Japanese to an English woman. It does not make any sense, and you sure are not making sense to her.
A woman knows that you love her when you communicate this love in a language that she understands. The problem is that most men are communicating this love to their wives in another language.
Note that there is something in every woman that craves being loved by her husband. Yes, she can be loved by her colleagues, friends, or siblings but there is something about the love of her husband. It may be because it is the way God ordered it from the beginning.
Eph 5:33 Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband.
If husbands want to be found fulfilling their primary and basic role in the marriage covenant, it is good for each husband to learn to speak his wife’s language.
It makes a lot of sense if you at least become conversant with your wife’s language. It helps better communication in the marriage institution. Just like in our illustration of the English woman and the Japanese language speaking to her.
There are five basic love languages. We will look at each one so you can get a good understanding of each of them.
1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality time
3. Service
4. Gifts
5. Physical touch
All these love languages are to be understood if you want to love your wife on her own terms (in her own language) and not yours.
1. Words of affirmation.
If this is your wife’s love language, that just means that she likes to be spoken to. She may or may not be quiet, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that your words mean a lot to her. You have to be constantly speaking words of encouragement to her.
Appreciating her by commenting on her efforts, looks, achievements, and verbalizing your love must be regular.
She senses love when she’s been constantly spoken to. Her energy to move on comes by appreciating her and saying sweet words to her. When you don’t speak kind words to her, she doesn’t sense your love towards her as a husband. Your words must be kind.
If on the contrary, you speak harshly to her, she senses harshness rather than love and sensitivity.
We will continue tomorrow.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am patient.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray for wisdom in your marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY “In the same way you married men should live considerately with [ your wives ], with an intelligent recognition [ of the marriage relation ], honoring the woman as [ physically ] the weaker, but [ realizing that you ] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [ Otherwise, you cannot pray effectively. ]” (1Pe 3:7, AMP)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Find out what her love language is
Today, I wantto encourage us to keep on asking, keep on seeking and keep on knocking. Help is on the way, Help is closer than you think. Don’t give up on your spouse, don’t give up on your children. Help is on the way
Matt 7:9 says, ‘Ask and keep on asking and it shall be given you; seek and keep on seeking and you shall find, knock and keep on knocking and the door shall be opened to you’.
Keep on asking, seeking and knocking on a continual basis day in day out 365 days a year, so that we may keep receiving what we need.
How long do we stay awake all night wrestling with our issues and losing our sleep? Instead of simply casting our cares upon Him by asking Him and trusting Him.
Maybe your spouse has a weakness and you have talked to him/her about it for a long time and he doesn’t seem to listen.
Maybe your spouse even agrees to change but finds it difficult to change. Your children are wayward and they seem impossible.
You are having a difficult time maintaining a close, godly relationship with them. Just don’t give up or maintain the status quo.
You must know how to stay with what you want. Jesus already promised in His word that (Luke 11:13) …how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him”.
God wants us to trust Him with our request. He wants to see how much we trust Him and how much we can stay on what we want without shifting grounds.
You have to keep asking till your marriage becomes what you want it to be. You have to keep on knocking until your children become what they should be.
Never give up on God and this goes for everything. Never give up until you are rich, until you have your children, until you get that job.
God is committed until it is completed.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not give up
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord make right everything wrong in my marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 128:2 (KJV) For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.
