There are a lot of questionsabout in-laws that some of us might need answers to. An In-law issue is a very complicated one that one needs a lot of wisdom to address. You love your spouse very much, you don’t want to hurt or offend them, and yet there are issues with his/her parents.
They have been the ones taking care of your spouse before your spouse met you, so they cannot be wrong. They are flawless. They are saints, so does your spouse see them. How do you handle them in such a way that it doesn’t cause frictions? We will try and look into some of these issues.
Scenario 1 She grew up with her mum in Kaduna, who has been taking care of her ever since her dad traveled to South Africa when she was 12 years old. She is the firstborn and has been very close to her mum since then. Now she is married. Her mother does not understand that she is married. They live close to each other and their mum visits them every day. The husband is infuriated and irritated each time he sees her. She even passes the night and spends weeks with them.
Initially, she helps with the daughter. The husband complains a lot about this but the wife feels he is taking things too seriously. The wife, who is a Medical Doctor, is sure divided between her mum and her husband. Her time is divided, her attention, her finances, her care, she is divided in spirit, soul, and body.
Her mum will often take her time talking with her. She enters their room and she has no boundaries whatsoever. She gets on the husband’s nerve so much that they often have open confrontations. Instead of the mother seeing that she is intruding, she sees it as enemies not wanting her to stay with her daughter. The husband has instructed his wife a number of times about her mother but only falls on deaf ears. She claims ‘will I send my mother away?’
What should be done?
This is a clear case of over-familiarity. The bond between the mother and her daughter is so close, more so that she is more or less separated from her husband who has not been home for many years.
The husband should be patient and use a lot of wisdom while being firm. While they are looking for another accommodation far away from where the mother lives, the husband should try and reduce their dependency on her.
The husband should be very strict and put certain instructions and rules in place. The husband should also be very prayerful and very patient. No matter what, he should not allow himself to be provoked.
Scenario 2 The husband is the first born and lived with his parents before he got married. He was to get a house after the wedding but one week became six months.
The wife is not finding it funny but she tries her very best to be a good daughter in-law. The wife leaves her job as a Pharmacist in Abuja to stay with her husband in Ogun state where he leaves with his parents.
The wife doesn’t have a job yet in the new place and she is frustrated. They fight, quarrel and the husband concludes she’s not been patient enough. The husband’s job is not that stable so he doesn’t know whether he will settle in Ogun state, Abuja or outside the country.
The problem is with the mother in-law. She is so attached to the son. Her body language is that they should stay and keep living with them.She behaves like her son’s wife. She takes care of him, asks what he will eat as though the wife does not exist. She competes with the wife over him and for his attention
What should be done?
The husband has to try as much as possible and get a house in where he plans to settle down. Even if it is a room, he needs to take a drastic decision because it is obvious his wife is running out of patience. With that distance, they can reduce their proximity to the mother. They will still remain in touch through regular calls.
The wife should be full of prayers and very patient at this time not to do anything she will later regret. She should be calm and try harder to endure till it’s over.
They also need counsel and should be guided all the way.
Tomorrow, we will consider more scenarios and pick out lessons from them.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY Lord, I receive wisdom to handle all in-law issues.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father, give me wisdom and discernment to handle all in law issues.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his own wife.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Begin to handle every in-law issues in your marriage with God’s wisdom
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY 2 Chronicles 28; 2 Kings 16-17
David was very much loved of God. He was simply God’s favorite. Just as today, we are all God’s favorites through the death and the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ.
However, he fumbled along the way. From adultery, he descended so fast on the lane of iniquity, fueled by lust of the eyes and of the flesh. From the cage of adultery, he dug further into the dungeon of a murderous act.
In one swoop of his signature, he exterminated the life of one of his most loyal men, in a desperate bid to cover up a pregnancy.
And after all of that, our God’s man gathered enough temerity to convert the widow of the man he murdered into his harem. This did not go down well with God.
He had to be confronted, because his present deception will put him into eternal jeopardy.
Out came the fiery man of God, Prophet Nathan, in one of the most dramatic confrontations ever recorded in the scriptures.
David was cornered. But he did something so powerful I want you to see. He did not live in denial or delusion once confronted. He owned up. Psalm 51 was a prayer from the heart of a repentant man.
One verse that struck me however, which inspired this morning’s discourse is this:
Psa 51:11 Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
He knew if the Holy Spirit is gone, he is finished. He must have remembered Saul, and what happened to him when the Holy Spirit departed and took His mercy away from him.
Perhaps in your quest to settle down and get married, your greatest asset is the Holy Spirit.
He is the revealer. He is the teacher. He is the comforter.
Protect your relationship with Him. It is a key to a lasting relationship and marriage. He is the one that will show you who to marry, just as He showed me!
May God grant you more understanding!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY The Holy Spirit is my greatest asset. I value his friendship.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Thank God for the Holy Spirit. What a great asset!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 51:11 Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
Today’s topic is very important, And I want you to give it rapt attention, “Don’t let joy wither from your marriage”. I know youare a perfectionist. You like to fix everything and everybody. You don’t like things out of order. You feel the compulsion to fix your spouse. They have to be in a certain way. Eat in a certain way, laugh a certain way, or talk in a certain way. Oga, free yourself! You are not the Holy Ghost. You cannot change anybody so don’t kill yourself trying.
You are sensitive. If things don’t go the way you want, your day or week is spoilt.
It is good to demand high standards from our spouse and children lest we become mediocre. We have to understand that we can only influence people to change.
Most of our frustrations in marriage is because we are trying too hard to fix our spouse. Don’t forget we are only privileged to be married to our spouse. They are as much individuals just as we are. They have their own opinions, view points, ideologies and standards.
Even your babies are individuals and must be treated with respect. We should respect the fact that they are separate entities. How much more should you respect your spouse!
If you become too forcy about trying to have things done your way, first you won’t get the best of your spouse. They will be living under your shadow, not expressing their individuality. Things will be boring around you. You want to force people to be and do exactly like you want?
Learn to be joyful. Be happy. Be someone with gladness all the time. Let your spouse be happy around you. Give room for expression of their individuality.
Don’t let joy wither from your home and marriage. Celebrate your wins. Celebrate small victories as though they are big wins and eventually the big wins will come.
Things dry up because you allow joy to dry up. Finances, testimonies, breakthrough are all a response to our joy.
The meat offering and the drink offering is cut off from the house of the Lord ; the priests, the Lord’s ministers, mourn. The field is wasted, the land mourneth; for the corn is wasted: the new wine is dried up, the oil languisheth. Be ye ashamed, O ye husbandmen; howl, O ye vinedressers, for the wheat and for the barley; because the harvest of the field is perished. The vine is dried up, and the fig tree languisheth; the pomegranate tree, the palm tree also, and the apple tree, even all the trees of the field, are withered: because joy is withered away from the sons of men. Joel 1:9 – 12 KJV
Things dry up when we allow joy to dry up. Let nothing steal your joy.
As couples, consciously and intentionally make room for joy. Learn being cheerful. Practise it. It is a command from God.
Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. Philippians 4:4 KJV
God won’t ask us to do what He knows we can’t do. He asked us to rejoice. It is not a suggestion. It is not based on our situation. The word is the same under favorable and unfavourable situations.
Rejoice in your home. Rejoice in your marriage. Rejoice ever more.
We have to consciously respond to the joy in our spirit. That joy is in us. It is in our recreated human spirit.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. Galatians 5:22 – 23 KJV
As a wife, the tempo and atmosphere of the marriage and home depends largely on you. So maintain your joy. If the devil cannot steal your joy he can’t have your goods. He can’t have your marriage. Your marriage and home belongs to God.
Whatever you are trusting God for, rejoice, celebrate and be thankful, sing songs of joy.
All the days of the afflicted are evil: but he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast. Proverbs 15:15 KJV
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am joyful always.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray for the spirit of joy in your home.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. Philippians 4:4 KJV
One of the most difficult things to do is to try and maintain the spiritual glow now that you are married. Before marriage, my husband would read about 40 chapters of the bible, pray in tongues for hours and practice the presence of God. Apart from the fact that he is a pastor and must study and pray, all those times given to reading 40 chapters are no longer there.
When you are a married couple your time just seemed to be shared. It is no longer your time. The home is there, the kids are there to take care, responsibilities keep piling up and you just have your 24 hours in a day to maintain all that balance.
With maturity comes the ability to do a lot of things together at once, it is called multitasking.
As a mother, if you don’t know how to multitask, you have not yet started, especially if you are a career woman. If you have a job you do, I mean 8am to 6pm job like I used to do, and you don’t have a maid, and you have a ministry and God’s people to oversee, you had better know how to multitask, because multitasking is a must skill.
You have to learn to continually maintain the spiritual tempo not only of yourself but of the home. I am not there yet and I have to repent sometimes of not doing what I should be doing in terms of spiritual activities. I just come to terms that what has to be done must be done. So my daily reading of God’s word, my daily prayers, my daily confessions must be observed no matter what.
So, you must make a quality decision to make your spiritual glow a priority.
May God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY We are strengthened
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, strengthen our marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 2Sa 22:33 (KJV) God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect.
This morning I prophesy to you, the womb of your life shall not be empty. Receive the power to experience fruitfulness in your marriage in the name of Jesus
This prayer is not just for married women only looking for the fruit of the womb but for every man and woman who wants to be fruitful, to multiply and to fulfill destiny in life. God abhors fruitlessness and you will see God in scriptures opening wombs and causing them to conceive and bear children.
I am persuaded this morning that if you are trusting God for your own miracle child, just hold on to God. He is ever faithful to do that which He has promised.
Every womb is destined to carry babies, that is God’s intention, so for the womb not to fulfill that purpose is an error. Now, your womb is that part of you that makes you function in the class of God.
Your womb is that God ordained part of you where you conceive God given ideas, where your brain child is nurtured and ready to be birthed. It is that part of you that connects you to divinity making you relevant and a celebrity on earth. Your womb is that place where the greatest miracle of all time takes place. It is a part of you God has access to, where you share in His ability to create.
Your womb shall not be barren or empty. God’s blessing and favor will come upon your life and you will accomplish all your heart desires. You will fulfill life and destiny. Your life will turn out beautiful. You will be celebrated and relevant in this life. Generations after you will refer to you.
You will reach the zenith of your life. You will not be cut off in the midst of your days. Like Esau, you will not trade your glory for a morsel of bread. You will not offer your glory on the altar of pleasure.
So shall it be for you and yours.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY
I am fruitful. I will conceive
PRAYER FOR THE DAY
Lord, I receive the grace to be fruitful in all areas
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
“You’re here to bear fruit, reproduce, lavish life on the Earth, live bountifully!”” (Gen 9:7, MSG)
