Expecting your spouse to change overnight will leave you heavily disappointed. It is entirely different if either spouse is an unbeliever; change in that sense is possible and can be anytime.
But when we talk about habits, attitudes, and behavioral patterns it can take a while.
Take note of these few points:
1. Patience
You will need to exercise patience! It takes a while. Let’s assume your spouse was twenty-five years old by the time you got married. It means that he or she has been formed into a certain mold for twenty-five years. Coming into marriage and expecting a quick change because you sermonized or lectured him or her will not make a change in a few days, expecting a quick change, may leave you disappointed.
Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud… -1Corinthians 13:4 (CEV)
I think in marriages, you always get to understand that virtue called “long-suffering!”
2. Don’t Lecture Or Sermonize
Your lectures and long talks do nothing at the end of the day; it only turns you into a nag, a domineering spouse, and an impatient spouse.
Between a husband and a wife, one will talk more than the other; don’t ever make the mistake of thinking your ability to package words is effective on your spouse.
It is even much more annoying and irritatingly hilarious if your spouse is a phlegmatic who doesn’t want trouble; he or she will allow you to talk and talk, and then will promise you there is change, only so that you can stop talking!
Only to do the very thing you’ve been talking about again!
You feel like escaping from the marriage, but sorry, you are hooked already!
Trust God that things will get better.
3. Pray Rather Than Talk And Talk
Your most effective and sure way to create any change is to pray. Take it to God and stop wearing yourself out.
Try and think about it, you’ve been complaining about something for seven years, yet no change! and you keep complaining!
Don’t you think in seven years, your spouse has disconnected himself or herself from your complaints?
He or she has mastered the art of closing the gate of his heart; you are only talking to the ears!
It does nothing and it would do nothing!
Pray about it!
4. Get Back Into Dating Mode
You used to love yourselves! You used to overlook and ignore some things you are bitterly complaining about now. What happened?
You need to get back into that romantic mode and love each other again rather than thinking your spouse is the problem of your family!
Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting. -1Corinthians 13:7 (CEV)
Be supportive, be hopeful, and trust again. Cast your cares unto Jesus and stop focusing on the flaws of your spouse.
Get back into appreciating him or her in their area of strength.
I pray that God will help you need and send the very help you need in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am patient
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to love my spouse again
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, and never gives up. -1Corinthians 13:7 (GW)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Read Myles Munroe’s book on the Myth of Singleness
Women can completely relate to the art of cooking, it’s a beautiful art that requires focus and mastery. When you want to eat a meal, it doesn’t just appear by merely desiring it, or just thinking about it.
It takes a lot of deliberateness to cook a nice and tasty meal. For food to be prepared a lot of things have to come together; these things are called ingredients.
Spice, proteins, vegetables, you name it. These things have to come together before you can have a meal, and depending on what you decide to combine, it results in the aroma, taste, and outlook of your end product.
Just like cooking is an art, marriage is also an art; the only difference is you can’t master it because every day is different.
But certainly, there are principles (ingredients) you can use to address every issue, to get certain results, regardless of whether it’s the same scenario or not.
Love is a major ingredient in marriage; it’s not just the feeling of butterflies or Goosebumps. Even those that have been married for a short while will agree with me that you don’t feel butterflies in your belly all the time.
What exactly is this ingredient called Love? Let us see what the bible says.
Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies. -1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (MSG)
As husband and wife, the greatest good you can do for yourselves is to love each other passionately, love yourself from the depths of your heart and really mean it.
Let love be without dissimulation.
I love the way that The Message Translation puts it.
Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it. –Romans 12:9a (MSG)
Don’t fake love for each other; let your love be genuine, genuine love can be felt, and it will also reflect in every area.
Pray for one another’s weaknesses; take every anxiety and fear to God in the place of prayers. As you begin to do this, you will receive the strength to love your spouse appropriately and passionately.
So shall it be in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will love my spouse unconditionally
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, send your help into our marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly. –Proverbs 14:29 (KJV)
Still on our series to discovering wisdom this morning, we will yet consider one more thing to note about wisdom.
Our anchor scripture remains;
Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom: I am understanding; I have strength. By me kings reign, and princes decree justice. By me princes rule, and nobles, even all the judges of the earth. I love them that love me; and those that seek me early shall find me. Riches and honour are with me; yea, durable riches and righteousness. – Proverbs 8:14-18 (KJV)
8. Wisdom loves those who seek it.
One more thing about wisdom is that it loves those who seek it. If you are wisdom seeker, wisdom will love you.
If you go all out seeking for wisdom, you will find it.
There will always be a difference between someone who starts preparing for an examination from the beginning of the term, and someone who starts preparing for the same examination a day before the examination.
To get wisdom, you have to be intentional and deliberate about it.
A wise person is loved because he always something beneficial to give.
So here is the conclusion; if for any reason, you feel unloved by your parents, guardians, siblings, teachers, environment or whatever, go for wisdom.
Invest in your mind. Develop yourself. Focus on being a better you. I can assure you the narrative will change I er time.
Before we can talk of keeping love ablaze we have to talk of couples living true to their covenant responsibilities. First, we should know that our marriage has a certain mandate in the heart of God to fulfill.
And here’s a second offense: You fill the place of worship with your whining and sniveling because you don’t get what you want from God. Do you know why? Simple. Because God was there as a witness when you spoke your marriage vows to your young bride, and now you’ve broken those vows, broken the faith-bond with your vowed companion, your covenant wife. God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that’s what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you. Don’t cheat on your spouse. -Malachi 2:13-15 (MSG)
Let’s see how the scripture goes in the Amplified version.
Yet you ask, Why does He reject it? Because the Lord was witness [to the covenant made at your marriage] between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously and to whom you were faithless. Yet she is your companion and the wife of your covenant [made by your marriage vows]. -Malachi 2:14 (AMPC)
This is an indication that God takes our marriage vows seriously.
Our marriage vows are not just some cute words spoken on our wedding day, it is a promise before God and then to our spouse.
It is this understanding that will help us to see the reason why love must be kept ablaze, it is a lifelong work. We have to keep at it, at good times and not-so-good times, if we don’t understand the covenant of marriage, we will struggle.
Finally, let me add this for women. Being your best means being a virtuous woman, protecting your husband by satisfying him always sexually, know that his vulnerability will increase and become more intense if you don’t. Refuse to cheat on him no matter what, come what may.
I pray God helps us all in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY The wine in my marriage will not run dry, our love is rekindled and our hearts burn for each other.
PRAYER FIR THE DAY Lord, help me to keep my marriage covenant
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Yet you ask, Why does He reject it? Because the Lord was witness [to the covenant made at your marriage] between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously and to whom you were faithless. Yet she is your companion and the wife of your covenant [made by your marriage vows]. -Malachi 2:14 (AMPC)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study the word ‘one flesh’
It is important as young people, and also as people trusting God for marital bliss to keep your focus on God. That is how things are going to work. Why focus on God and on God’s word?
Here it is:
Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds. –Hebrews 12:2-3 (KJV)
Looking unto Jesus! Why the focus? You see it right there. He is the author and the finisher. Your life is like a book. Each year is like a chapter. 2022 is a chapter. It has been authored. He has authored great and mighty things about your life!
So you have to focus on Him in order to be consistent with what is in the book concerning your relationship life. In that book, there is no compromise, no fornication, or any other form of sexual perversion. So you must abstain from all these in order to have your destiny aligned with His plan for your life!
I want you to read verse 3 carefully in The Message Translation:
When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! –Hebrews 12:3 (MSG)
At those times when you get weak along the way, and your faith begins to flag, you focus on Him and His word, read it and study it, meditate on it and you will get some shots of adrenaline to your soul!
This day, I pray for you, God will strengthen you and honour you as you focus on Him in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I acknowledge you Lord as the Lord over my life, I say today that you are the most important person in my life and relationship
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father, in Jesus’ name I ask for a heart that loves and worships you. Make my focus be on you continually, Lord.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds. –Hebrews 12:2-3 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Make a commitment to spent time daily in prayers, worship, and reading God’s word. Also start attending a good bible believing church.
