Abuse in relationships and marriage is the most common cause of separation and divorce in marriage.
As Singles, you should watch out for signs of abuse and be courageous enough to take the necessary steps.
First, let’s look at the meaning of abuse.
Abuse means treating a loved one or partner with violence, disrespect, cruelty, harm, or force. When someone treats their partner in any of these ways, it’s called an abusive relationship. Abuse in a relationship can be physical, sexual, verbal, financial, or emotional. Or it could be all of these.
In an abusive relationship or marriage, it takes a positive mindset and courage to confront the abuser. Having healthy self-esteem will also help to know that you are not to be abused but loved and cherished. No one should be a victim, whether male or female.
When a partner is showing signs of abuse it is not alright to ignore it. An abuser in relationships will be an abuser in marriage.
There are many reasons for being an abusive partner, a major cause is a dysfunctional background. Most people who abuse their partner have been abused and they usually have a deep-seated emotional issue or immaturity.
In an abusive marriage, the husband or wife has a power imbalance and uses manipulation, intimidation, threats, and physical or emotional violence to control the other.
Abuse in relationships and marriage is often characterized by extreme jealousy, possessiveness, and a lack of respect for the other partner’s boundaries.
A lot of marriages go through abuse of various kinds and different degrees. When violence and physical abuse are involved, a professional therapist must be sought.
The use of scriptures to pray and make daily declarations and confessions is also known to get amazing results.
Declaring the word and speaking the Word over the abuser helps in rewiring the brain.
Genesis 1:1-2 (KJV) In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
God spoke His Word to a situation that was without form and void. You too can speak to that situation.
Singles should not go on to marry a partner who is already showing serious signs of abuse.
Taking Care Of Your Lover/Spouse Okay, so you are in love. Butterflies are flying in the tummy, your heartbeat accelerates, and there are twinkling little stars on your face. How do you take care of each other? Or you are married, somehow the butterflies have decided to rest, the heartbeat is stable and the stars have hibernated. How do you take care of each other or probably rekindle this love?
Here are some ideas for singles and married couples.
1. Communication Stay in touch. Words are powerful; use them to your advantage. As singles, don’t let your courtship season be a memory of fights, quarrels, and arguments. Be mature with each other. Avoid being incommunicado.
Make it a rule; we must keep talking. That can also be a powerful principle to live by as a married couple. The devil feasts on silence; assumptions will persist and complicate the issue because assumptions are the lowest form of knowledge.
What is a man looking for? Respect! What is a lady looking for? Love! If you learn to communicate this, there will be less tension!
Singles should however note that it is wrong to say you are showing respect while you are disobeying God’s injunctions! More aptly put, you are not showing respect to your fiance by cooperating with him when he asks for pre-marital sex.
2. Spirituals Oh, pastor, what has this got to do with being romantic? It’s got a lot to do! Somebody said, to be romantic, read the book of Romans! Your spiritual life as single or married can determine the success of your relationship or marriage. There are two elements to your spiritual life: reading God’s word (which also includes study and meditation) and praying to God. If you can make this regular and consistent, some order will enter your relationship/marriage.
Overcoming Wicked Spirits That Manipulate and Deceive
Valentine’s is tomorrow! This wicked spirit will be in operation! Beware
What do I mean?
Yesterday, I established that the spirit realm is filled with good and bad spirits.
We are not supposed to yield to these bad spirits that are wicked. We are supposed to yield to the Spirit of God!
There are wicked spirits that operate through manipulation and deception.
How can one identify these spirits? How can one protect themselves from such influences?
Do you remember the story of Samson and Delilah?
Jdg 16:4 (KJV) And it came to pass afterward, that he loved a woman in the valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah.
Loving this particular woman was the beginning of Samson’s nemesis.
The lords of the Philistines have tried several means to snuff out the life of Samson but to no avail. They were frustrated each time. They resorted to using Delilah.
Delilah obliged having been promised some large chunk of money!
Three times, Samson deceived Delilah and in those three times, he saw clearly that Delilah was after his life!
But he still became a victim?
How?
There was the operation of wicked spirits employing manipulation and deception.
Jdg 16:15 (AMPC+) And she said to him, How can you say, I love you, when your heart is not with me? You have mocked me these three times and have not told me in what your great strength lies.
How many times have you heard this statement?
And you say you love me? That was what Delilah used and Samson fell for it. This same statement will fly around a lot on Valentine’s Day! Please don’t fall for it! Don’t lose your virginity if you still have one! And even if you are not one, don’t sleep around on that day!
The goal of this manipulative and deceiving spirit is constant harassment till you yield.
Jdg 16:16 (AMPC+) And when she pressed him day after day with her words and urged him, he was vexed to death.
Samson fell asleep on her lap!
A lot of destinies have fallen asleep, and hibernated under the influence of these wicked spirits!
You will not be caught sleeping when you should be awake in Jesus’ name!
Jdg 16:21 (MSG) The Philistines grabbed him, gouged out his eyes, and took him down to Gaza. They shackled him in irons and put him to the work of grinding in the prison.
They eventually caught him and the first thing was to take out his eyes! That is the goal of this wicked spirit, to make you stop reading and studying God’s word!
Your eyes will not be taken out!
We judge every wicked spirit operating through manipulation and deception in Jesus’ name!
What to do when you find yourself weak, down and out
Never Compromise! Delays can often make a person vulnerable. The pressures from people, friends, family, and the environment can create unbelievable pressures that quickly increase vulnerabilities to temptations. Now, I speak to you this morning, as by the Spirit of God, don’t compromise!
You see, never allow pressures to push into the “whoever-comes-corner! That is not your portion! You cannot end up with a wife-beater because of pressure! You cannot end up hooking up with a son of Belial because of pressures. You cannot dine with an adulterer because of pressure.
Listen to me, you have waited a while, your waiting will not be in vain! Your waiting will not culminate in shame! Your waiting will not be a ‘waste!”
God has you in mind and He will not fail you.
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. (Isaiah 40:29 KJV)
When you are down and out, rather than turn to compromise, turn to God. He will lift you in that weak moment. It is not a sin to become weak, it only becomes a problem when you try to feed your weaknesses by compromise rather than turn to God. God is waiting to give power to the faint and increase in strength when you turn to him.
So, my dear, when you are so down and discouraged, when you are so weak and feel like crying all day, go back to God in that moment! He will speak to you and assure you of what He will do in your life.
When you feel like going back to the world, go to the throne of grace lest you become like the proverbial dog that went back to its vomit!
That will never be your portion. Continuing from the verse above
Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: (Isaiah 40:30 KJV)
Many people will fall around you. Many will go back and compromise and for a while, it would seem to be working for them. It would be like they are smart while you are so foolish! You cannot follow people; you are to follow God. Why? You’ll see it in the next verse.
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31 KJV)
Let your waiting be a ‘waiting upon the Lord.” It will change your level, it will bring speed into your life, and you will be able to do a lot without getting tired.
It will all end in a testimony when you refuse to compromise in those vulnerable moments!
For those who are married and experiencing delay, in finances or particularly in childbirth, fill yourself with God’s word and never doubt God that He will do it this year! There is nothing wrong in going for a medical test and it doesn’t disturb your faith. It helps you to focus on the issues and be able to channel your spiritual energy to deal specifically with the situation.
All in all, be in agreement with your spouse. Avoid any form of hate that may lead to bitterness, for such can dissipate the anointing quickly. Don’t allow concerned family members to push into compromise of any sort, focus on God and you will surely see His salvation!
I pray for you this morning, that God will open your womb in Jesus’ name! Whatever could be the hindrance, low sperm count, blocked tubes, abnormal hormonal level, or whatever it is, by the anointing of God upon this ministry, we put a stop to it in Jesus’ name. Take a moment to pray in the Spirit for all waiting in God in this regard that God should visit them this year unfailingly in Jesus’ name!
3. Physical Attraction: A Balance of Spirituality and Reality
While spirituality holds significant weight, physical attraction should not be overlooked. Marrying someone you find attractive contributes to long-term happiness. Avoid the pitfall of spending decades with a partner solely for financial stability. Don’t marry somebody you are not attracted to physically, only because you are attracted to his or her money! Choose someone who brings joy and contentment to your life.
Balancing Spirituality and Attraction
Acknowledging the importance of physical attraction doesn’t diminish the spiritual aspects of a union. Strive for a balance that ensures both spiritual fulfillment and a genuine appreciation for your partner’s appearance.
Don’t come around and say God forced you to marry somebody you are not attracted to! God is an intelligent God and would not lead you into such afflictions!
4. Mutual Love and Romance: Nurturing the Connection
Love and romance form the bedrock of a successful marriage. Proverbs 5:19 emphasizes the significance of cherishing one another. Never take love for granted, and make a conscious effort to fill your heart with thoughts of your spouse.
Nurturing Love and Romance
Delight in your partner’s presence, appreciate their qualities and nurture a connection filled with love and romantic gestures. Cultivate an environment where both partners continuously express affection.
Don’t be too spiritual to the point of being insensitive to your spouse!
5. Purpose and Destiny Alignment: Ensuring a Fulfilling Union
Above all, aligning with your partner’s purpose and destiny is paramount. Marriage should enhance, not overshadow, your love for God. Discussing life’s purpose, dreams, and alignment of minds becomes crucial.
Singles, discover “purpose” before the “propose!”
Fulfillment Beyond Marriage
Guard against losing fulfillment in God’s purpose due to the demands of marriage. If already married and feeling adrift, turn to prayer for guidance. Just as Joseph dreamt another dream, God can provide a new vision and heart fulfillment.
