Dear Pastor, Can I Change My Spouse?

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Expecting your spouse to change overnight will leave you heavily disappointed. It is entirely different if either spouse is an unbeliever; change in that sense is possible and can be anytime.

But when we talk about habits, attitudes, and behavioral patterns it can take a while.

Take note of these few points:

1. Patience

You will need to exercise patience! It takes a while. Let’s assume your spouse was twenty-five years old by the time you got married. It means that he or she has been formed into a certain mold for twenty-five years. Coming into marriage and expecting a quick change because you sermonized or lectured him or her will not make a change in a few days, expecting a quick change, may leave you disappointed.

Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud… -1Corinthians 13:4 (CEV)

I think in marriages, you always get to understand that virtue called “long-suffering!”

2. Don’t Lecture Or Sermonize

Your lectures and long talks do nothing at the end of the day; it only turns you into a nag, a domineering spouse, and an impatient spouse.

Between a husband and a wife, one will talk more than the other; don’t ever make the mistake of thinking your ability to package words is effective on your spouse.

It is even much more annoying and irritatingly hilarious if your spouse is a phlegmatic who doesn’t want trouble; he or she will allow you to talk and talk, and then will promise you there is change, only so that you can stop talking!

Only to do the very thing you’ve been talking about again!

You feel like escaping from the marriage, but sorry, you are hooked already!

 Trust God that things will get better.

3. Pray Rather Than Talk And Talk

Your most effective and sure way to create any change is to pray. Take it to God and stop wearing yourself out.

Try and think about it, you’ve been complaining about something for seven years, yet no change! and you keep complaining!

Don’t you think in seven years, your spouse has disconnected himself or herself from your complaints?

 He or she has mastered the art of closing the gate of his heart; you are only talking to the ears!

It does nothing and it would do nothing!

Pray about it!

4. Get Back Into Dating Mode

You used to love yourselves! You used to overlook and ignore some things you are bitterly complaining about now. What happened?

You need to get back into that romantic mode and love each other again rather than thinking your spouse is the problem of your family!

Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting. -1Corinthians 13:7 (CEV)

Be supportive, be hopeful, and trust again. Cast your cares unto Jesus and stop focusing on the flaws of your spouse.

Get back into appreciating him or her in their area of strength.

I pray that God will help you need and send the very help you need in Jesus name.

I am patient

Lord, help me to love my spouse again

Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, and never gives up. -1Corinthians 13:7 (GW)

Read Myles Munroe’s book on the Myth of Singleness

1 Samuel 1-3

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Dear Pastor, Can I Change My Spouse?


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