The ultimate goal of your marriage is that you and your spouse become best of friends, an intimate relationship or better still a covenant relationship. This Is what marriage is meant to be. We have to find a common ground of friendship where we truly love and like ourselves. That’s why we always advise you marry your friend.
Some of us were not really friends before they got married while some others lost their friendship along the way in marriage. Life happened to them and the very basis for their friendship was eroded. Others could not manage their differences, and as such lost their friendship. Yet others allowed third parties come between them.
Our friendship as couples is meant to last till death do us part.
Pro 18:24 (MSG) Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.
Pro 18:24 TPT) Some friendships don’t last for long, but there is one loving friend who is joined to your heart closer than any other!
We are supposed to stick together for life.
Here are some tips that will help you build friendship with your spouses and become best friends. We must show ourselves friendly if we must have our spouse as our friend. {Pro18:24)
How To Best Be Friends with Your Spouse
Spend a lot of time together and learn how to start and sustain conversations. Friendship is spelt time together doing activities together and communicating. Stay as much as possible and keep in touch through text, calls, chats etc. and also enjoy each other’s company.
Forgive easily, quickly and completely
Pro 17:9 CEV You will keep your friends if you forgive them, but you will lose your friends if you keep talking about what they did wrong.
Do activities you both enjoy together. Do what you both enjoy doing. Eat out, walk together, watch movies, go sight seeing.
Be each other’s cheer leader. Let your spouse always feel like a million bucks. Don’t pull your spouse down.
Be vulnerable with each other. Encourage open conversations.
Accept each other’s flaws. Roses have thorns, if you focus on the thorn you will not enjoy and appreciate the fragrance of the rose.
Don’t focus on each other’s weaknesses. Stop drawing attention always to your spouse’s weaknesses. Give them time to grow and trust God to work on them.
Encourage each other during tough times. Be the support system for them, always be there for them.
Don’t be a boss or be domineering. Respect each other’s feelings, boundaries and personality differences
Be honest. Give your sincere opinion or correction in love
This is How To Best Be Friends with Your Spouse. God bless our marriages.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am my spouse best friend, no one and nothing can come between us
PRAYER FOR THE DAY
I let go of every offense that has cause our friendship to be turned in hatred in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 18:24 KJV A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
Today, I want to encourage us to keep on asking, keep on seeking and keep on knocking.
Don’t give up on your spouse, don’t give up on your children.
The Bible says,
‘Ask and keep on asking and it shall be given you; seek and keep on seeking and you shall find, knock and keep on knocking and the door shall be opened to you’. – Matt 7:9
Keep on asking, seeking and knocking on a continual basis, day in, day out, 365 days a year, so that we may keep receiving what we need.
How long do we stay awake all night wrestling with our issues and losing our sleep? Instead of simply casting our cares upon Him by asking Him and trusting Him.
Maybe your spouse has a weakness and you have talked to him/her about it for a long time and he doesn’t seem to listen.
Maybe your spouse even agrees to change but find it difficult to change. Your children are wayward and they seem impossible.
You are having a difficult time maintaining a close, godly relationship with them. Just don’t give up or maintain the status quo.
You must know how to stay with what you want. Jesus already promised in His word that
…how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him”. – Luke 11:13
God wants us to trust Him with our request. He wants to see how much we trust Him and how much we can stay on what we want without shifting grounds.
You have to keep asking till your marriage becomes what you want it to be. You have to keep on knocking until your children become what they should be.
Never give up on God and this goes for everything. Never give up until you are rich, until you have your children, until you get that job.
God is committed until it is completed.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not give up on my dreams.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord make right everything wrong in my marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 128:2 (KJV) For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.
Today, we will be looking at a house that is not united; the causes and consequences and the possible solutions.
God created homes to be united and to be the greatest source of togetherness and unity so that from our homes, unity can spread to the nation, our workplace, and to other relationships we have.
The devil is scared of families. He is scared of the unity in the family. He cannot imagine the havoc that will be done to his kingdom if families are united. He became proactive, and so all his attack is on the family. He wants to prevent unity in our homes and families as much as possible.
Let’s look at the scriptures
But he, knowing their thoughts, said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and a house divided against a house falleth.- Luk 11:17
The Amplified version puts it in a better way
But He, [well] aware of their intent and purpose, said to them, Every kingdom split up against itself is doomed and brought to desolation, and so house falls upon house. [The disunited household will collapse.] – Luk11:17
It says a disunited household will collapse. May that not be our portion in Jesus name!
We should try to prevent disunity in our homes. Husbands and wives need to be on the same page. And one major thing that can cause disunity or a breach in the spirit is not being truthful.
Insincerity will break the unity. In the spirit realm, it is like a breach. Quarrels, strife, and suspicion, are all causes of disunity.
Wives not being submissive to their husbands threatens the unity in the home. One degree away from the truth is falsehood. There is no little lie or white lie. A lie is a lie
May God bless us.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not disobedient to God. I am quick to hear and obey.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, teach me your ways that I may do it your way
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 133:1 (KJV) Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!
This type of conversation is not just limited to a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ answer. The wife’s or husband’s opinion is needed and necessary.
For example, ‘Are the children eating rice this afternoon?’ ‘I don’t think it will be the best option for them. They need more vegetables in their diet’.
It is important to note that, the question, what do you think about….is so important in husband-wife conversations.
Your husband or wife’s opinion matters and don’t want them feeling like they are not smart. If the wife is just accepting every decision made and is not really a part of the decision-making process and involved in the intellectual aspect of thinking through, there will eventually be problems later on in the marriage.
4. Emotional Talk.
‘Let me tell you how I feel’.
In this fourth level of Communication, we share our feelings. When our feelings are shared, we share ourselves because we are what and how we feel.
We are simply making ourselves vulnerable. When we share with our mate how we feel, the intention is not whether we are right or wrong. We mostly don’t want to be judged because of how we feel. We just need our spouse to listen, understand and accept that that’s the way we feel.
We kill intimacy when we are quick to judge the feeling. I am not saying we should not correct but first acknowledge your spouse’s feelings.
It is more difficult for most people to share their feelings than their thoughts. These are two very different things
‘I feel that guy is a thief’.
‘I feel the car will break down’
‘I am thinking the issue with the woman is not natural’.
When you share your feelings, you are expressive. When you don’t share your deepest feelings, a path of you is left hidden or covered.
When you share your feelings, you are vulnerable, open, unashamed, no inhibitions.
Couples should aim at growing together into this fourth level of communication, to enjoy a higher level of intimacy.
In our concluding part, I will be talking about how your marriage can move up on the level of Communication and you both can become intimate couples. The goal in every marriage should be to know each other and be as intimate with your spouse as much as possible.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will be a blessing to many
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, teach me how to communicate effectively
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. –Jeremiah 33:3 (KJV)
There are five levels of Communication. A further read is encouraged on the subject of communication especially by the best selling author Gary Chapman. I am sure you will find it rewarding and worth your while.
1. The Hallway talker
In this type of conversation no intimacy is developed or worked at. This conversation doesn’t involve wanting to know the feeling or thought process or pattern of the other person. The conversation is on autodrive.
You have a particular way of response to what is said or asked. Example,
‘How are you doing?’.
‘Fine’.
‘How are the kids?’
They have gone to school.’
The essence of communicating with each other is develop intimacy. No deep communication, no intimacy. And intimacy is the essence of marriage.
Why am I married if I can’t enjoy love, acceptance, understanding, oneness, sincerity and transparency?
Every married couple, should aim at climbing the steps of communication to further develop the intimacy between them.
You can’t be involved in monosyllable answers and expect intimacy to be developed.
If couples are not careful or well discerning, twenty years of their marred life will pass so quickly and they will discover they have not improved on their communication and that they are still in the ‘hall way’ method of communicating.
They were distracted by work, a busy schedule, distracted with the children and yet each spouse were just coping and not really pleased with each other.
The children are grown and they are now left with each other to deal with the hurts piled up for so many years and not talked about.
May God in His mercy send help to us out of Zion in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the wisdom of God
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, help me to communicate well with my spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Jer 33:3 (KJV)Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.
