Thereare couples that are sitting on a keg of powder! As married couples, you are to deliberately work things out in your marriage and with the help of the Holy Spirit.
Here is what the scripture says:
Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. (Philippians 2:12 KJV)
In marriage, you are to work things out. A relationship or courtship does not lead to marriage automatically, you are to work things out in your disposition, attitude and reactions. A marriage does not just succeed; you are to work things out between yourselves.
Now there are some couple combinations that are sure to crack along the way. When you find yourself in these spots, you need to seek help prayerfully and with a lot of wisdom to address the lurking issues. Here are those combinations:
1. Two people who are unbelievers Two people who are unbelievers may love themselves, may be committed to each other, but when the storms of life come, they will fight their battles alone and you know, some of those battles can be very fierce.
They will not have God’s support since they don’t have a relationship with God. They will not have the benefit of son ship and it can be very intense! They need to connect with God!
2. Two people who are believers but refuse to grow The second group of couples are those who may be believers but whose minds are not renewed. The only thing is that they already have a relationship with God, but apart from that, they are still carnal.
They still do their stuffs like unbelievers would do. They still want to have fun in forbidden areas and they still want to explore the perverse, which would often come with dire consequences.
My advice for couples in this group is that they seek help as soon as possible.
3. Two people where one is born again and the other is not Here is another scenario that doesn’t always play out well, except with a lot of patience, prayers and perseverance.
I always advise singles, don’t think of getting married to someone who doesn’t have a relationship with God. It would always be filled with challenges that you might have to fight alone, because you are not agreed on your choice of weapons.
You want to pray, but he or she thinks you are just being fanatical. That can be very disconcerting, to say the least. It is always a good combo when both are agreed and are going in the same direction in terms of belief systems and practices.
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will grow in my relationship with my spouse.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, open the eyes of my understanding.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 2 Corinthians 6:14 (KJV) Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to be faithful to your partner
Marriage is often time associated with wine, because our union with our spouse is supposed to bring joy to us.
The marriage ceremony itself is a joyous occasion with the bride and groom looking their best. Everyone is happy, lots of food to eat and drinks, music, dancing and the exuberance of finding the love of your life.
All these sum up to give joy and excitement. Both for the new couples, the parents, families, the couples’ friends and all.
But a few years down the lane we see that joy almost vanished from the face of the once over joyed couple. Why is this?
We may have differentreason why, but I want to point to us that the devil is the real culprit here.
The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows). John 10:10 AMPC
The above scripture identifies the devil as a thief who come to steal if not stopped, graduates to kill and then finally to destroy. Bringing to total ruins, both what you desire and what you have laboured for. He destroys legacy of families and what they stand for.
The devil is the one that steals joy from marriages. He does this through several means and does it in whose ever marriage he is allowed to perform his three-fold agenda and mission.
Every believers’ marriage is precious and priceless. The devil hates anything joyous, good and glorious. He is attracted to it, to steal from it, kill and destroy it.
The devil is not just a nuisance, he is an enemy. That is the fact and the truth. You must always take the offensive against his onslaught.
The scripture in John 10:10 didn’t just say that the devil cometh to steal, kill and destroy. It concluded that ‘I am come that they might have or enjoy life and it more abundantly.
For every of the attempt of the devil to steal the joy of and in your marriage whether by misunderstanding, strife, unforgiveness, infidelity, sin of different types, anger, works of the flesh et cetera, Jesus also came.
He came once and for all to deal with the three-fold agenda of devil. Jesus is not only the answer to the problem, He is much more than that.
It is not your wife or your husband that is hurting you or cheating on you. Am I saying we should not take responsibility for our actions? No, I didn’t say that.
We take responsibility and deal with the root cause of the issue. The devil hides under the works of the flesh or sin to carry out his three-fold agenda.
Begin to insist on your joy, peace in marriage, prosperity and every good thing Jesus already paid for there.
Therefore with joy will you draw water from the wells of salvation. Isaiah 12:3 AMPC
Joy in your marriage is not just having a good behaviour. You need your joy to draw from the well of salvation. No wonder the devil is after your joy.
Without joy, you cannot draw. You can speak in tongues, fast and pray but you also need joy. When devil throws different issues at you, he is after your joy. Insist on your joy. Respond in joy to any attack on your marriage. It is an overflowing joy, the joy that is full of glory.
Laugh at the face of lack. You begin to draw wealth and prosperity from the well of salvation.
Let nothing steal your joy. Be joyful with the wife of your youth.
May God grant us more understanding.
God bless our marriage in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY Nothing will steal my joy. I have joy in the Holy Ghost
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, I ask for grace to reach my destiny in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY James 4:12 MSG God is in charge of deciding human destiny. Who do you think you are to meddle in the destiny of others?
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Have a hearty discussion with your spouse today
There are five levels of communication in marriage. Communication is simply talking, but of cause, there are more things involved than just talking. A healthy conversation involves not just what is said but what is heard.
In essence, communication is a two-way conversation that involves speaking and hearing. The two spouses must form the conscious habit of allowing the other spouse to express himself or herself. While he/ she speaks, the other partner should be actively listening.
Not listening for pleasure, not listening for information but should practice empathic listening. This is putting yourself in the conversation. Trying to understand and feel the impulse of the speaker.
It is unhealthy to dominate a conversation without waiting at intervals to get feedback, to check whether your hearer is hearing the right thing, to know how he/she is processing the information. The aim of your conversation, especially in marriage, is for your partner to understand what you are saying and then obey you.
Listening should not also be done with the intention of giving a reply that will defend your status or what you represent in the marriage covenant.
I think we cannot also have a good conversation with our spouse if our interpretation of what marriage is, is defective. Until we see our marriage from the viewpoint of it being a covenant relationship, every other thing becomes loop-sided.
What we see most couples practicing is a contract and not covenant marriage. This is so important. It is a contract (which could be unwritten and informal) when the marriage is based on mutual benefit. That is, we are both doing something for each other.
For example, I will be nice to you, if you bring in enough money. Or, if you help out in the house, I will prepare the meals. The opposite obtains if your spouse doesn’t do what is expected. I will be very cold and unresponsive to you if you hurt my feelings. I will be uncaring to you if you disrespect me.
Marriage is a covenant in which each partner takes up his/her responsibility. The wife is to submit fully. The husband takes up his responsibility to love her like Christ does irrespective of what she does. It is the aim of a covenant relationship to please and serve the other person despite what he/ she does.
It’s kind of difficult right? Very hard. Especially if you have been to some school of hardknocks where you have been deeply hurt.
If you are starting on a clean note and you have this understanding, how blessed you are.
No matter how farther away we have gone, in Christ there is always a way out. He shows us and leads us in the way since He is the way.
We need to retrace our steps and in humility, accept what works. When a marriage is not working, both partners are responsible. It is not just one person’s fault but the two parties have their contributing factors.
Tomorrow, I will attempt to summarize the five levels of communication. A further read is encouraged on the subject of communication especially by the best-selling author Gary Chapman.
I am sure you will find it rewarding and worth your while.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know how to communicate with my wife
The Bible says husbands should enjoy the wife of their youth. This means you should enjoy yourself while you have strength as young couples. Don’t be too serious at home and learn to live together as best friends.
The force of joy is very vital in the home front. Joy, celebration, thanksgiving, rejoicing, the sound of melody, praises, and worship to God all go hand in hand.
Psa 67:5-6, KJV Let the people praise thee, O God; let all the people praise thee. Then shall the earth yield her increase; and God, even our own God, shall bless us.
We are encouraged in this scripture to praise the Lord, then our earth; whatever it is that represents the earth to us will yield her increase. Whether barrenness, lack, joblessness, debt, et cetera
The logical thing to do is get moody when things are not working. But we operate from a higher level. We rejoice to get the increase.
Your boss, spouse, or colleague may be treating you badly. Rather than fight back, you switch into praise.
Receive Grace and strength to enter into praise. God inhabits your praise. Your praise invites God to fight on your behalf.
Php 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice.
Let nothing steal your joy. Let your rejoicing be in the Lord
Don’t allow the pressure of finances, raising children, in-laws and others destabilize your togetherness and joy.
Nothing must come in between your joy. Between the two of you, one person will be more playful and tend towards being joyful all the time.
Let the playful one take the initiative and the other follows suit.
The Holy Spirit knows what He’s saying when He says enjoy the wife of your youth.
Be deliberate in making each other happy. Do not make others outside your home or marriage happy at the expense of your spouse.
Read books together and discuss them. Invest in each other.
I pray your marriage will be beautiful and filled with new wine.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FORTHE DAY I love my spouse and we enjoy life together
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help us to be joyful always.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ecc 9:9 Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Rejoice and enjoy yourself
In today’s couples‘ devotionals, we will be looking at commandments for all wives on KHC. These “commandments” and principles will be the game changer in your marriage.
1. Thou shalt love the Lord thy God, thou shalt love Him and thou shall ensure your relationship with God is intact. Thou shall know that is it is not by power, nor by might but by His Spirit. Thou shall know that it is not about thy beauty, thy carriage, thy acumen, thy intelligence or connections, but by the Lord thy God which helpeth thee.
2. Thou shall not double date. If thou double date, thou shall not have God’s support and favor in thy marriage. Thou shall not play games with your life or destiny. Thou shall not slow thyself down by deliberate disobedience to God’s way of doing things.
3. Thou shall not love another man apart from thy husband. Thou shall not secretly fall in love with another man either in thy heart or reality. Thou shall not practice emotional affairs. Thou shall only love and defer to thy husband for that is where the Lord commandeth His blessings. Thou shall not do anything that will render thy prayers ineffective.
4. If thou art delayed in the area of childbirth, thou shall not because of that compromise or look for other ‘alternatives’ Thou shall know that God has a plan for thy life and that waiting and trusting for that plan is the best to do. Thou shall know and believe that the thoughts of God towards you are thoughts of peace and not of evil.
5. Thou shall not succumb to the pressures at work. In your environment or from those that thou callest friends, thou shall stand as a rock and refuse to be moved. In all that thou puttest thy hands to do, thou shall make up thine mind to do it God’s way.
6. Thou shall not disrespect thy husband. Thou shall defer to him in all things in the Lord, thou shall honour him, and treat him as your head and crown. Thou shall know that if thou disrespect him whom God has set as your head, thou will not be able to enter into the fullness of the blessing that God hath for you.
7. Thou shall not nag thy husband. This is the seventh commandment. Thou shall understand that thou can send thy husband away from thy home when you become contentious.
8. Thou shall not deny thy husband Jeru trip. Thou shall not pretend to have headache or fever when thy husband toucheth you. Thou shall know that thy husband will never be able to love you the way he should if you denieth him at most times. Thou shall not use Jeru trip as a punishment or reward!
9. Thou shall not offer thy body to another man. Thou shall know that that thy body is the temple of the Holy Ghost and God seeth it as sacred. Thou shall hold thy body in dignity and good self- esteem. Thou shall not offer your body in exchange for money. Thou shall not travel to see another man I the name of ‘business.
10. Thou shall learn to dress for your husband at home because he is moved by sight. Thou shall dress well for thy husband. Thou shall understand that a man is moved by sight.
I know there are still a lot more, so you may add other commandments that resonates with you with the comment form.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be or aspire to be a good woman and wife. I obey God’s commandments
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask God to mould you into the picture of the woman He has for you
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. 3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price (1 Peter 3:1-4 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide on steps to take to be the woman that God really wants
