SINGLES – How To Detect A Problem in Your Relationship
When you hear statements like these, then be rest assured the relationship is defective and there is a problem.
1. I don’t know how to communicate, that is how I am
How do you know a man or woman who is not right for you? You will find out in his or her words.
His words will reveal his heart. His words are like a searchlight, highlighting the intents and the intentions of the hearts.
Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
There is nobody who doesn’t know how to communicate. People only choose whether they want to do so or not. There is something about somebody you love genuinely. The vocal chords will resonate!
The voice of my beloved! behold, he cometh leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills. – Son 2:8 (KJV)
You are at an interview. You are about to be hired and they have one last question for you. “Tell us about yourself.”
Will you say you don’t know how to communicate? You will suddenly have inspiration.
When you stay incommunicado with a supposed lover for weeks, something is not quite right.
2. I serve God my own way, I am not like a fanatic
When a person says things like that, it shows deeper resentments for God and His ways.
His definition of serving God is his own invention. It is as defined by him and at his convenience. This type of heart that is not ready to sacrifice cannot go far in God.
To follow after God, you must be prepared to carry your own cross.
Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. Mat 16:24 (KJV)
To be continued.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the wisdom of God to solve the problem
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, show me what may not be obvious
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Jer 33:3 (KJV) Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.
Communication is simply talking, but of cause, there are more things involved than just talking. A healthy conversation involves not just what is said but what is heard.
In essence, communication is a two way conversation which involves speaking and hearing. The two spouses must form the conscious habit of allowing the other spouse express himself or herself. While he/ she speaks, the other partner should be actively listening.
Not listening for pleasure, not listening for information but should practise empathic listening. This is putting yourself in the conversation. Trying to understand and feel the impulse of the speaker.
It is unhealthy to to dominate a conversation without waiting at intervals to get feedback. To check whether your hearer is hearing the right thing, to know how he/she is processing the information. The aim of your conversation especially on marriage is for your partner to understand what you are saying , understand and then obey you.
Listening should not also be done with the intention of giving a reply that will defend your status or what you represent in the marriage covenant.
I think we cannot also have a good conversation with our spouse if our interpretation of what marriage is, is defective. Until we see our marriage from the view point of it being a covenant relationship, every other thing becomes loop sided.
What we see most couples practising is contract and not covenant marriage.
This is so important. It is a contract (which could be unwritten and informal), when the marriage is based on mutual benefit. That is, we are both doing something for each other.
For example, I will be nice to you, if you bring in enough money. Or, if you help out in the house, I will prepare the meals.
The opposite obtains if your spouse doesn’t do what is expected. I will be very cold and unresponsive to you if you hurt my feelings. I will be uncaring to you if you disrespect me.
Marriage is a covenant. In which each partner takes up his/her responsibility. A wife is to submit fully. The husband takes up his responsibility to love her like Christ does irrespective of what she does.
It is the aim of covenant relationship to please and serve the other person despite what he/ she does.
It’s kind of difficult right? Very hard. Especially if you have been to some school of hardknocks, where you have been deeply hurt.
If you are starting on a clean note and you have this understanding, how blessed you are.
No matter how farther away we have gone, in Christ there is always a way out. He shows us and leads us in the way since He is the way.
We need to retrace our steps and in humility, accept what works.
When a marriage is not working, both partners are responsible. It is not just one persons fault but the two parties have their contributing factors.
Tomorrow, I will attempt to summarize the five levels of Communication.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am communicating well with my spouse.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to be a better communicator
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY They said to him, “Hezekiah says, ‘This is a black day. We’re in crisis. We’re like pregnant women without even the strength to have a baby! Isaiah 37:3 – MSG
The blockage could be anything from malice, anger, unforgiving spirit, selfishness, hurt, fear, lack of trust, tiredness, hatred, jealousy, envy, and a lot more.
Rather than for you to keep mopping the flood in your marriage, you can stop the flood, remove the blockage and repair the sink!
Repair your blocked communication line and you will be amazed at how much you will eliminate sleepless nights in your marriage.
How can you repair your communication sink?
1. It is important you discover his or her love language. It helps communication better and you can be sure you are effective in your communication.
2. Ladies, do not close up your spirit on your husband! It will slow things down generally in marriage because the power of agreement is the greatest weapon you have.
3. Men, do not stop wooing your wives. Let the fun continue.
4. When communication sink is blocked, it encourages adulterous relationships as the legitimate need of communication can be sought to be met in illegitimate ways.
5. Stay in touch with God in fellowship as this helps a lot to put things in perspective and makes the wisdom of God available through the Holy Spirit to manage the home well.
I pray for you today that God will give you the strength to end that strife, that bitterness and let go of that unforgiving spirit and join forces together to advance your marriage and lives in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know how to communicate with my spouse. My spirit is not closed towards my spouse. I am a good listener. I am sensitive to my spouse.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY I pray, Lord, that you teach me by your Spirit to know how to communicate to my spouse with the right words and at the right time in Jesus Name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY All the words of my mouth are in righteousness; there is nothing froward or perverse in them. Proverbs 8:8 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Have a meaningful discussion with your spouse today
Several years ago, the weather was really hot. The power was out. One particular night, power was restored and I woke my hubby to put on the air conditioner. I usually enjoy him doing stuff like that for me. He woke up and as he was getting out of bed, he discovered that the whole rug was flooded with water.
What happened was that the sink in the bathroom was blocked, someone (probably one of the boys) left the tap on and when power was restored, the brother staying with us switched on the pumping machine and before we knew it, our room was simply flooded!
This was a little past 12.00 am and we had no choice but to remove the rug and start mopping. You can bet it was not funny at all. Thank God for a good, hardworking hubby like mine who did the job. (I did a little too).
My point this morning is that if your sink is blocked, be ready for some sleepless nights, unnecessary mopping, and the like.
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. – Ephesians 4:29 (KJV)
In marriage, this same principle applies to your communication sink. Once it is blocked, you require extra work. Repair and remove every blockage affecting your communication. It only causes troubles uncalled for.
What could cause blockages in your communication sink and how can you handle it?
That is what I will discuss tomorrow.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know how to communicate with my spouse. My spirit is not closed towards my spouse. I am a good listener. I am sensitive to my spouse.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY I pray, Lord, that you teach me by your Spirit to know how to communicate to my spouse with the right words and at the right time in Jesus Name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY All the words of my mouth are in righteousness; there is nothing froward or perverse in them. -Proverbs 8:8 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Have a meaningful discussion with your spouse today
If you are not married, don’t demand for sexual gratification. If there is respect, you won’t want his/her virtue compromised to satisfy your own lust. Real love and respect is waiting.
2. Communication
Don’t discuss your past, inadequacies and failures in great detail at the inception of the relationship. Some details are better left until there is acceptance, trust and understanding between the two parties.
However, basic issues like health status, genotype, family history and some other crucial issues need to be discussed as early as possible. If he/she finds out years later, mistrust can easily rear up its heads.
3. Chastity
Don’t start kissing someone you met two hours ago. Don’t end up in a car or in corner in a sexual encounter with a total stranger. That is gross irresponsibility and indiscipline. Moreover, you will be offending God.
4. Emotional Needs
Do not depend on one another for the fulfillment and satisfaction of every emotional need. Your partner is not the Holy Spirit. Participate in activities outside your romantic relationship. Don’t be parochial. Be creative and be open to ideas that will further move your relationship forward. Learn, read books, attend seminars together.
5. Selflessness
Guard against selfishness. Both sides should be involved in giving. Love should be reciprocal. It is not a one way affair, it is a song done by a duet. In marriage, there are no spectators; both are actors striving to get better and sowing energies and time into the marriage to make it work.
Stop quarreling everyday of your courtship. Follow the principles of God and stop every compromise. Make sure your foundation for marriage is rightly laid.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY Our love is rekindled daily. I love my spouse and I am committed to our marriage.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, open my eyes and show me what I know not.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Gal 6:7 GNB Do not deceive yourselves; no one makes a fool of God. You will reap exactly what you plant.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Talk to God. Pour your heart to Him now
