Learning to Love the Person God Gave You

“And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.” — Colossians 3:14 (KJV)

One of the greatest lessons in marriage is this: Love is not sustained by feelings alone. It is sustained by choice.

When two people first fall in love, they often focus on each other’s strengths. But as time passes, weaknesses become more visible. Habits become familiar. Differences become obvious.

And if we’re not careful, we begin to focus more on what our spouse is not than on who they are.

God never intended marriage to become a constant project of trying to change your spouse. He calls us first to love. To extend grace. To encourage growth. And to remember that we, too, are still growing.

1. Love the Real Person, Not an Imaginary Version

Many disappointments come from comparing our spouse to an unrealistic picture in our minds. Real people have flaws. They get tired. They make mistakes. They are still learning. Healthy love embraces reality while encouraging growth.

2. Stop Trying to Change What Only God Can Change

You can encourage. You can pray. You can lovingly correct. But only God can transform a heart. Trying to control your spouse often creates resistance. Praying for your spouse invites God’s power into the situation.

3. Appreciation Changes Perspective

Whatever you constantly focus on becomes larger in your mind. If you focus only on faults, frustration grows. If you intentionally notice strengths, gratitude grows. Choose to celebrate your spouse’s efforts, not only point out their shortcomings.

4. Growth Happens Best in an Atmosphere of Grace

People flourish where they feel loved and accepted. Correction has its place. But constant criticism discourages the heart. Grace does not ignore weaknesses. It lovingly supports growth.

5. Remember Why You Chose Each Other

Life’s pressures can make us forget the qualities that first drew us together. Take time to remember the kindness, the laughter, the friendship, and the shared dreams. Revisit the reasons you said “I do.”

6. Comparison Is the Enemy of Contentment

Social media and unrealistic expectations can quietly steal joy. Don’t compare your spouse with someone else’s highlight reel. God gave you your spouse, not someone else’s. Nurture the relationship He entrusted to you.

7. Love Is a Daily Decision

Biblical love is more than emotion. It is choosing patience, kindness, forgiveness, humility, and faithfulness every single day. Strong marriages are built one loving decision at a time.

8. Encourage the Best in Your Spouse

Instead of constantly pointing out failures, speak words that inspire growth. Believe in them. Pray for them. Support them. Encouragement often accomplishes what criticism cannot.

9. Christ Loves Us While We Are Still Growing

Think about how patient God has been with you. He didn’t wait until you became perfect before loving you. He loved you while transforming you. Let Christ’s love become the model for your marriage.

10. Choose Gratitude Over Complaint

Every marriage has challenges. But every marriage also has blessings. Don’t become so focused on what is missing that you stop appreciating what God has already given you. Gratitude protects love.

Colossians 3:14 reminds us to “put on charity.” Love is something we intentionally wear every day. It binds relationships together and reflects the heart of Christ. When love becomes our daily choice, marriages become places of grace, growth, and peace.

If you’ve spent more time trying to change your spouse than appreciating them, today is a good day to begin again. Choose grace. Choose gratitude. Choose encouragement. Choose love. Not because your spouse is perfect. But because Christ has loved you perfectly.

A happy marriage isn’t built by two perfect people.

It’s built by two imperfect people who keep choosing to love each other God’s way. And that’s the kind of love that lasts.