Two days ago, I wrote about selfishness in two areas, in commitments and in raising the children. I will continue this morning. If you missed it two days ago, you can check it here:
You go out with colleagues, go out with friends, go out with the whole world except your spouse! Hey, that is extremely wrong! You need to pray against such selfish attitudes and then take action to make adjustments.
Marriage is a place of sacrifice, so you really want to go out of your way to satisfy your spouse, not just consider your own preferences.
That is what makes marriage beautiful, when each spouse seeks to satisfy the other, oh how beautiful will it be?
When we are selfish towards one another, that is when we create loopholes for the devil and then he tries to come up with more vices like jealousy, envy, and the like.
Imagine a couple that is constantly jealous of one another! Obviously, that is not God’s plan!
Ask your spouse deliberately how you can satisfy them and make them happy and then go a step further and do that thing!
You will love one another more!
d. Selfishness in cooking
Is this possible? Yes, the husband insists all the time that his best food must be on the table for everybody. It is really unfair when his best food is beans!
Or the wife cooks only what she likes and does not take into consideration the preferences of others!
It is also selfishness when the wife refuses to cook or make provisions for meals by saying “I thought nobody was hungry!”
It is selfishness when the husband never helps out in the kitchen, especially when there are no house-helps. Nothing is wrong with the husband helping out to cook sometimes or helping out with the dishes.
Leaving her to sweat it out all by herself while you are watching football or listening to the news is another level of selfishness.
Be involved with one another and help one another. Be a team. Show that you love your spouse deeply and let that love be unconditional.
Remember, marriage is not fifty percent from each side, but a hundred percent from each side!
Say This Over Your Lover. Let’s quickly look at a few important prayers to pray over your loved ones.
1. Take away a heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh
Everything is about your heart. Your productivity will never rise above the capacity and quality of your heart.
Make sure your heart is right. Everything rises and falls on your heart.
David realized that his heart was the main issue after the dual iniquity of adultery and murder he found himself in.
Thus, he prayed,
Psa 51:10 (KJV) Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
As a husband and wife, when you find yourself doing something you never thought you could do for your spouse, but which situation forced out of you and revealed, you just saw the capacity of your heart.
Lord, take away the heart of stone!
Eze 36:26 (KJV) A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.
The Message Translation nailed it!
Eze 36:26 (MSG) I’ll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I’ll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that’s God-willed, not self-willed.
2. Lord, bless my spouse, shield my spouse, and take my spouse to the next level in you
There is always a next level in God regardless of where you are in God.
Pray for one another and constantly too.
Ask God to bless and favor your spouse. It would be to the benefit of both of you eventually. Even when you feel your spouse is defective in one area, prayer would almost all of the time change the course of events.
Never ever give up on your spouse.
Keep praying and do not get weary. One day you will wake up and find out your prayers are answered.
I pray that God will bless your marriage abundantly.
There is a need to pray against selfishness in your family and also to take conscious steps towards being selfless. There are different sides of selfishness.
a. Selfishness in commitment
How committed are you to the marriage? Is apology always one-sided? Do you care about ending a disagreement or do you always wait for your spouse to say sorry even if it would take a year, you really do not care.
Are you really committed to the marriage or you are committed to your ego? Are you committed to making it work, or you are committed to making your spouse bow?
Who apologizes all the time? That is the most mature! Take it or leave it, that is the truth. Saying “sorry” is maturity,.
Refusing to say “sorry” whether you are wrong or right is a form of rebellion, and it is not wise to sow rebellion in your own home.
The spouse who is committed to the marriage has no problem offering a GENUINE apology. He or she is just not comfortable when you are apart.
Anytime you are comfortable when there is an issue, when you are okay with some underlying problems, without an effort to end an issue, you need to check your heart and pray more.
Refuse To Be A Selfish Lover
b. Selfishness in raising the children
There can be selfishness in raising the children. You have never been to your children’s school. You don’t even know which classes they are. You don’t know who bathes for them, or how they eat.
You are always buried in whatever you are doing. This is a definition of selfishness, however, you want to look at it. It is even more intense when both of you are building a career, and you are both busy.
Raising the children should be a joint effort so that you can have emotionally balanced children. Now, you don’t need to go and accuse your spouse over this, I am only pointing you to what we need to pray and take action about
Solomon was a king of a kind. He wasn’t your regular king.
If he were a Nigerian, he would have houses in all states of Nigeria, including plush places like Lekki, VI, and Abuja. He would have landed properties all over and this would be so easy because he would be the richest man not just in Nigeria but the richest man alive.
Ecc 2:4 (KJV) I made me great works; I builded me houses; I planted me vineyards:
He would have farms, and forests and would grow all kinds of exotic flowers and plants, having massive income in the tourism sector.
Ecc 2:5 (KJV) I made me gardens and orchards, and I planted trees in them of all kind of fruits:
He would have the largest irrigation system that even APC and PDP would envy.
Ecc 2:6 (KJV) I made me pools of water, to water therewith the wood that bringeth forth trees:
What if King Solomon hailed from Nigeria?
He would have the highest number of employees, Dangote would easily be one of his boys where wealth is concerned. He would have the largest livestock company in Africa.
Ecc 2:7 (KJV) I got me servants and maidens, and had servants born in my house; also I had great possessions of great and small cattle above all that were in Jerusalem before me:
He would largest amount in all the Banks, he would have diamond chains that David and Burnt Boy would envy. Sinach, Dunsi Oyekan, Simisola, and their like would be regular guest ministers in his palace. Tiwa Savage, Teni, and the like would be regular too. Beyonce and Rihanna would be flown in weekly to entertain him.
Ecc 2:8 (KJV) I gathered me also silver and gold, and the peculiar treasure of kings and of the provinces: I gat me men singers and women singers, and the delights of the sons of men, as musical instruments, and that of all sorts.
He would be an impulsive buyer, purchasing just anything he likes no matter how expensive. His daily expenses would easily run into hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Ecc 2:10 (KJV) And whatsoever mine eyes desired I kept not from them, I withheld not my heart from any joy; for my heart rejoiced in all my labour: and this was my portion of all my labour.
What if King Solomon hailed from Nigeria?
But upon all, he would conclude that it is all vanity!
Ecc 2:11 (KJV) Then I looked on all the works that my hands had wrought, and on the labour that I had laboured to do: and, behold, all was vanity and vexation of spirit, and there was no profit under the sun.
There was nothing to all of it. Just smoke, nothing but smoke!
The reality King Solomon is telling us. Is that without Jesus, all is vanity
Without Jesus, that wedding honeymoon in the Bahamas is vanity. That multi-million dollar wedding budget is all rubbish without Jesus.
All the money, acquisitions, properties, power, followers, and fans on social media are all vanity without Jesus.
The message is clear. Go after Jesus first. Don’t waste your time! Learn from the wisest and the richest man on earth at a time.
We all want to have our desires when it comes to our choice of spouse. Well, there is nothing wrong with that. It is ideally in order.
We know that man we want. Tall, dark, and handsome. Loaded with muscles and six packs and also loaded in the pocket, enough to afford a honeymoon in Dubai or the Bahamas.
Very cool. Nothing wrong with these desires.
We know that lady we want. Beautiful enough to turn heads. Curvy with Coca-Cola Bottle shape. Catwalk, nice shape, and all that.
You have all these desires.
What is Really Important In A Spouse?
After the wedding though, your priorities change quickly. Yes, you are proud of all the equalities, but you soon promptly discover, there are deeper qualities that are even more important!
Pro 31:30 (KJV) Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
All of a sudden, you begin to discover that favour or charm can deceive. The Message Translation puts it this way;
Pro 31:30 (MSG) Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-GOD.
You just simply find out that someone can be beautiful and stupid. Somebody can be handsome and wicked.
At the end of the day, you soon and out that charm can be misleading and deceitful, while beauty can be vain and can quickly fade.
What is Really Important In A Spouse?
What is the most important thing?
It’s a spouse who fears the Lord! Wow! How can I emphasize this?
A spouse who fears the Lord will take care of you, love you, and care for you, irrespective of mistakes, weaknesses, and whatever along the way!
No, I am not talking about coping with rubbish, I am talking about being accepted as who you are, and becoming better by the day because you are married to a spouse that fears the Lord.
Single, looking for a God-fearing spouse? Are you already married, and having issues? Seek counsel and don’t just keep quiet! Couples, go for rejuvenation before things get really messy. Don’t just watch things degenerate, for the sake of your mental health and children as well.
Myself and Pastor Sophia have a five-week renewal and rejuvenation journey for couples that can help your marriage massively!
You will watch some videos, we will have some one-on-one live video classes and reviews with both of you and you will go through a workbook for all topics treated! This will make you dig deep and ultimately bring new wine into your marriage and rapidly improve all areas including communication, intimacy, esteem, love, respect, what your spouse wants, needs and so on. If you are interested in this up close mentoring session for your marriage, chat me up on Whatsapp: +234 802 350 7395
