Ten Toxic Mindsets That Sabotage Marital Harmony. Thoughts or mindsets are very powerful. In fact, the mind rules the man. Where the mind goes, the man follows. Victory in life is so much as the victory in your mind.
If you can master your mind, then you can positively channel it for a victorious living. Your level of victory in life is directly proportionate to the level of victory you have in your mind or soul.
Now your mind is the seat of your will, thoughts, emotions, and your intellect.
3Jn 1:2 (KJV) Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.
The soundness or health of our minds or souls is so important that we should constantly be checking on the state of our minds.
You need to constantly check your thoughts. Are your thoughts leading you to victory in your marriage and in life?
Your thoughts can come from different sources, they can come from your background, your situations, your environment, people around you, from media, your past, from the devil (demonic influence), from God’s word, through preaching, tapes, godly books, and more.
Just like there are positive thoughts there are also negative thoughts. Negative thoughts of rejection, selfish thoughts that lead to strife, malice, anger, quarrels, low self-esteem, and feelings of inferiority complex and superiority complex, will all have adverse effects on the marriage.
Ten Toxic Mindsets That Sabotage Marital Harmony
You must see these negative thoughts as they indeed are. They can destroy your marriage if you don’t destroy them.
The Bible teaches us how to handle our thoughts, especially the negative ones that can destroy our lives and marriages.
2Co 10:4-5 (KJV) (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) [5] Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
Every negative, ungodly, selfish thought must be cast down. They must not be allowed to govern your marriage, home, and life.
You have to take up that responsibility because nobody will do it on your behalf.
How do you handle negative thoughts? You use godly thoughts to cast down those negative thoughts or mindsets.
Ten Toxic Mindsets That Sabotage Marital Harmony. Here are ten wrong mindsets or thoughts that can ruin a marriage.
1. My spouse hates me and only shows he loves me when he or she wants something from me.
2. There is no ‘God’s perfect will’ in marriage. Just marry anybody, bear his name, and don’t expect too much.
3. There are no blissful marriages. It exists only as a figment of one’s imagination.
4. Husbands don’t have the ability to love their wives.
5. As a wife, I refuse to allow my husband full authority over my life. He will still end up hurting and cheating me.
6. Faithfulness in marriage is not real. Just pretend everything is okay and pray you don’t get caught or catch your spouse in adultery
7. You don’t have to be one hundred percent sincere, open, or transparent, it’s not worth it.
8. Without money in marriage, there is no love.
9. The Bible, God’s principle,s or learning about marriage is not necessary or very relevant to having a blissful marriage. For example, “wives submit” or “husband love your wife” are Old Testament advice, not compliant to today’s world.
10. Once my children are okay, that is okay. Expecting my husband to love me unconditionally is asking for too much.
If you have any of these mindsets, it is time to throw them away and discard them.
Cracking the Code: What Ladies Want. What women wish men understand about them
Next to spending time with God, the next person you should spend time with is your spouse! Spending time with her is so crucial you don’t want to even experiment with what will happen if you don’t spend enough time with her. When God created man, the scripture says that God will leave His throne, and come down to the garden in the cool of the day, to fellowship with man!
Now read this very carefully, “If you are not spending enough time with her, there will be issues!
I have been counseling couples for close to twenty years now, and I can tell you this is one area that people overlook and which the devil has greatly explored as a loophole in marital enclaves.
Cracking the Code: What Ladies Want
Think about this:
How did Satan get Eve? He spent time with her! Why was Eve so vulnerable? Adam was not spending time with her when the devil showed up!
Now some men are really spending time with their spouse or spouse-to-be, and yet things are not really working. What could be wrong?
You see, some men can be so skillful (pun intended) that they can spend time without paying one single attention!
That is not what we are talking about here! You can spend five hours with her and yet she can’t reach you!
When you want to spend time with her, it is not time to check Facebook. When you want to spend time with her, it is not time to reply to emails.
Somebody says, is that all we will be doing? Spend time with her and not work?
The problem is that you don’t know that part of your work is to make your marriage work!
Cracking the Code: What Ladies Want
When I was studying for a Master’s Degree in Communication and Language Arts some eighteen years ago, my lecturer told me there are different levels of listening. You can listen for fun like watching a comedy, you can listen for exactness as you do in class, and you can also listen with precision in more intense cases but the highest level of listening is what you practice with your spouse. It is called empathic listening and it is listening to her by putting yourself in her shoes to know and feel what she is feeling.
It is not the kind of listening you do, with your laptops on, your iPads on, and Television showing CNN and picking up your calls at the same time.
In every relationship or marriage, you should have time dedicated regularly to her. That way, it shows your commitment to her. Be available. Don’t let it get to a point where she wants to book an appointment with you!
Pastor, what if my job takes me away from home?
There are two things you can do.
1. Anytime you are around, make it memorable. Don’t riddle it with quarrels such that the little time you meet is full of regrets. Be mature. Let the time you meet be a time to make deliberate deposits into her emotional bank so that she has enough to withdraw from when you are not around.
2. Use your phones and social media to sustain attention. If you are not always around, and you still don’t have time to call regularly or chat, then something is wrong somewhere!
You see, when you genuinely love someone, you want to be in touch with that person!
I pray that God will grant you more wisdom on this. I come against every storm in your marriage and I declare, Peace, be still in Jesus name!
Portrait Of A Truly Admirable Couple. Hullo dear singles and couples. This morning, I want to delve into more profiles of a great couple that will do well. Some days ago, my wife and I wrote about this. This morning, I will write more on it.
6. The Forgiving Couple
Forgive each other so that your heavenly father will forgive you also. You are not perfect, are you? So don’t become a judge, rather lovingly overlook and forget any mistakes that show up.
7. The Correcting Couple
Do you know it takes up to nine affirming statements to be able to accommodate and see one criticism as it should be seen? But you know what people do is give nine brutally critical statements and one or none of affirming statements. It will not yield any positive result like that.
Portrait Of A Truly Admirable Couple
8. The Obedient Couple
Seek to help each other in obeying God’s instructions. You are the greatest influence. Don’t encourage him or her to sin. Stand on the path of truth and help him or her to resist temptations.
9. The Balanced couple
Don’t feed each other’s weaknesses. Rather, you should balance them out, because you will always have strength in areas where they are weak. Be available to help them stand. Be there to help them say No to iniquity. Don’t be seen as a partner in crime, or partner in iniquity. Let them be able to say, I trust my fiancé/fiancée/spouse; he will never compromise. Trust one another and protect your trust.
Portrait Of A Truly Admirable Couple
10. The Accountable Couple
Be accountable together. Make sure you have a mentor you talk to from time to time. My wife and I do this for a lot of couples. Sometimes, the very intense issues and disagreements are dissolved with a few statements. Well, that is the grace of God upon our lives and upon this ministry; to provide positive intervention in crisis-laden marriages and to provide godly counsels for those in courtship. Accountability to those who have done what you are trying to do is a lot of wisdom. Stay close to these devotionals that have been succor to a lot of marriages and relationships across the world, discuss them from time to time, and keep on making adjustments! So help us, God!
There are three instructions that I believe every married couple and all singles in courtship should take cognizance of.
1. Be kind to one another
2. Be tenderhearted.
3. Forgive one another
These three instructions will go a long way to help couples relate with one another and also help in managing a lot of issues.
These three instructions can also be found in
Eph 4:32 (KJV) And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
Romantic Tenderness: Caring for Love’s Flame
A kind husband living with a kind wife will minimize unnecessary quarrels.
Then it says to be tender-hearted.
That is, let your hearts be tender towards each other.
Do you know how a mother is tender towards a day-old baby?
How does she handle her, feed her, carry her, and nurture her?
What if you are tender this way to your loved one?
You won’t shout at each other.
The husband will never lift his hands against his wife.
The wife will never use abusive words on her husband.
Then it talks about forgiving one another.
And this is powerful.
Don’t be bitter towards each other. Forgive easily and quickly.
Romantic Tenderness: Caring for Love’s Flame
Take a look at the Message translation:
Eph 4:32 (MSG) Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.
Be gentle.
Be sensitive.
Let forgiveness be quick and thorough.
Do not forgive halfway.
Finally, let’s take a look at the amplified Version:
Eph 4:32 (AMP) And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [ readily and freely ], as God in Christ forgave you.
Take a look at the words used.
Compassionate. Understanding. Loving.
This attitude will eliminate screaming at each other, shouting at each other, being at each other’s neck, being vindictive, being in strife, being violent at each other, and speaking wrong words at each other.
I pray that God will grant us more understanding.
I pray for your marriages, that God will abate every storm and crush every opposition in Jesus’ name!
The plans of the devil over your marriage are destroyed in Jesus’ name!
Investing in your marriage is an intentional practice that takes time, effort, attention, and patience. Here are some helpful tips.
1. Respect each other
Know that you are both adults each having something unique to contribute to the marriage. Show Mutual respect for each other’s opinions. This becomes very beneficial.
2. Appreciate each other
Show and express your gratitude for each other’s efforts, and contribute to the marriage. It is true that a tree doesn’t make a forest.
3. Spend Time together
A couple that doesn’t spend quality time together grows apart. You could be together and not be available for each other. Do activities that connect you together physically, emotionally, intellectually etc
4. Talk with each other
Regularly talk and listen to each other’s thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Listen as much as you talk. I guess that is why God gave us two ears and one mouth.
5. Feel for each other
Can you feel your spouse? That’s why the Bible says we should be tenderhearted to one another. Try and understand each other’s perspectives and emotions.
6. Address issues and Conflicts
Problems, issues, and conflicts are meant to be solved. Address them calmly and work together to find solutions to them.
7. Stay intimate with each other
Physical and emotional intimacy should not be compromised. Keep the marriage bond strong. Stay intimate emotionally, more importantly, as a foundation for physical intimacy.
8. Continual learning
Knowledge improves our lives both as individuals and as a couple. Invest in your growth by continual learning. Stagnant water stinks. Don’t let your marriage stink.
9. Pray together
Couples that pray together stay together. Marriage is more spiritual than physical. So spend time talking to God together about every detail of your marital lives.
10. Support Each Other
Be each other’s greatest fan. Priorities each other above any other one. Be your spouse’s greatest supporter in your own unique way. Be there for each other and don’t be too busy to show up when needed.
