Three Ways To Change Your Lover And Spouse. Mr. And Mrs. Johnson have long embarked on an endless journey of changing themselves, as they both believed they were each other’s problems. They also believed that if they were able to change their spouse, then their marriage would become heaven on earth. However, their attempt to change each other was the least feeble, and they constantly met a brick wall that stood like the rock of Gibraltar. Their missions failed woefully! How would they change themselves?
It has been said that you cannot change your spouse! And that is very true. Only God can change anybody. But wait, there are things you can deploy and activate to effect a lasting change in your spouse. Ultimately, it is God that will do the job, but there is a man-ward side to be deployed to enter into that economy of God where true change happens.
I want to quickly show you three such things you can do when you have a difficult spouse or an uncooperative spouse. The kind of change you want can be anything ranging from, “I want my spouse to be romantic” to “My spouse is an unbeliever”
If you are still single, and your lover is an unbeliever, there is no need to pray for any change. Just leave because God’s word is extremely clear on that!
What are the Three Ways To Change Your Lover And Spouse?
Through Your Words
Eph 5:26 (KJV) That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
Speak the right words in your relationships and marriage. Keep saying what you want to see and not what is happening. I am not asking you to endorse or endure something wrong, I am saying, rather than sulk, think, get moody, or depressed, open your mouth and declare and activate God’s counsel by the spoken word.
Three Ways To Change Your Lover And Spouse
2. Through Prayers
Jas 5:17-18 (MSG) [17] Elijah, for instance, human just like us, prayed hard that it wouldn’t rain, and it didn’t—not a drop for three and a half years. [18] Then he prayed that it would rain, and it did. The showers came and everything started growing again.
Prayers can do the impossible. Deploy the power of prayers rather than slide into depression. Enter into the realm of God where you can touch the heavens and birth something supernatural in your relationship and marriage!
Three Ways To Change Your Lover And Spouse
3. Through Praise
Psa 149:6 (KJV) Let the high praises of God be in their mouth, and a twoedged sword in their hand;
High praise in your mouth equals a two-edged sword in your hands. Use it effectively and constantly and you will see God’s power in your life and marriage.
The Child In Your Lover and Spouse. It was first an intense attraction, then it became an unending attrition of the same attraction. The Johnsons loved each other so much, and yes it was evident. However, after the wedding, a lot of hidden issues surfaced and they didn’t seem to know how to handle them.
The stubborn posture of the couple added to their issues. Mrs. Johnson believed her husband did not love her, again! Mr. Johnson believed that his wife no longer respected her. Her disrespectful cycle seems so incessant and makes it impossible to love her, so he said!
She said, “I can’t respect you because you don’t love me.” He said I can’t love you because you don’t respect me. It became a vicious cycle, and they landed on an endless rope of frequent quarrels over their posture.
First, they forgot they are to love one another unconditionally, but they had unwittingly attached conditions.
Secondly, they brought their items of baggage and hard-lined opinions from their past into their marriage and they were unwilling to unlearn to learn!
In the story we have been looking at concerning the boy that Jesus healed of dumbness and deafness, I want you to take note of something. Jesus asked the father of the boy that was healed a very important question and I want you to see his response.
Mar 9:21 (KJV) And he asked his father, How long is it ago since this came unto him? And he said, OF A CHILD.
The Child In Your Lover and Spouse
His affliction, or his inability to speak started when he was a little child.
Dear husband and wife, most of the issues you are dealing with in marriage now have been there since your spouse was a child.
Dear single in courtship, you are not only engaged to that guy or lady, there is a little boy and little girl in everybody!
Marriage then becomes a place of patience, a place of prayers, a place of adapting, and a place of continual forgiveness.
Your spouses’ attitudes, opinions, way of life, dispositions, and many more have been there since childhood.
You may be unable to change them overnight.
Patiently and lovingly humble yourselves and work together. God knows that when you lovingly come together in agreement, you will overcome any issues.
Take note of these three things in dealing with The Child In Your Lover and Spouse
Why Your Lover or Spouse Is Not Talking. The Johnsons are here again. The once vivacious, excited, laughing-out-loud Mrs. Johnson has become a shadow of her herself. She is completely withdrawn into her shell and then sealed the shell with super glue. Her husband couldn’t reach her again. She is not just distant, she is unreachable, akin to the annoying response from mobile phones which says “this number is unreachable!”
Sally on the other hand who is engaged to George is completely frustrated with the new leaf her fiancee has turned. He just won’t talk and comes across as stiff as a board most times.
Why do our lovers and spouses press the mute button? Why do our lovers who were once “always on” hibernate to the inner recesses of their minds where their emotions are iced and the romance’ nervous system shuts down indefinitely?
This is what we will look at today and maybe next few days. I will attempt to give us five reasons why this may be so.
Why Your Lover or Spouse Is Not Talking
They are not hearing anything
When your spouse is hearing nothing, they say nothing!
Take a look at the Scripture we’ve been looking at the past few days.
Mar 9:17 (KJV) And one of the multitude answered and said, Master, I have brought unto thee my son, which hath a DUMB SPIRIT;
When they brought the boy to Jesus, they complained about a dumb spirit. This means he can’t talk. But why couldn’t he talk?
When Jesus would cast out the spirit, he mentioned something more!
Mar 9:25 (KJV) When Jesus saw that the people came running together, he rebuked the foul spirit, saying unto him, THOU DUMB AND DEAF SPIRIT, I charge thee, come out of him, and enter no more into him.
When they complained to Jesus, they said he had a dumb spirit. When Jesus would cast out the spirit, he said “dumb and deaf spirit!”
In other words, the reason he was dumb and won’t speak is that he was deaf!
He wasn’t hearing anything, and so he wasn’t saying anything!
Have you ever spoken for two hours to your spouse and then your wonderful lover replies with “Ok!” What? The reality is that they might not have heard anything!
Psa 19:2 (AMPC) Day after day pours forth speech, and night after night shows forth knowledge.
Speech comes because something has been heard or shown!
As couples, when your spouse who talks before now hardly talks, this could be why?
Are you sure you are really communicating? Why Your Lover or Spouse Is Not Talking
Stop nagging, ranting, lecturing, sermonizing, and screaming, at your lover or spouse! Those utterances are doing more damage than good.
Seek to make your spouse understand lovingly rather than just talk! Your goal should not be to just talk and spill out, but to be understood!
Henceforth, one of the things you should do is to lovingly ask your spouse to talk back to you based on what you have just said. If they are able to, they have listened. If they are unable, then you have not communicated yet! Rather than get angry at that, seek to be understood!
May God grant you more wisdom. We continue tomorrow. See REVIVE Day 14 below and use it to pray for your relationship and marriage!
Foaming, Grinding, Or Stiff As A Board? Mr. Johnson would get the award of “most ranting husband” effortlessly, and uncontested. His wife would get a prize too. “Most withdrawn wife” The anomaly in their marriage is too pronounced. Mr. Johnson thinks he is an expert in communication because he talks! Sadly, communication is not “just talking!” Mrs. Johnson believes she is the most submissive wife because she hardly talks, but sadly too, her withdrawal into her shell is a form of rebellion, not loud but stubborn!
Their marriage is at crossroads, things are falling apart and the center refused to hold.
The event we started looking at yesterday illustrates the situation in many marriages and relationships!
Mar 9:17-18 (MSG) [17] A man out of the crowd answered, “Teacher, I brought my mute son, MADE SPEECHLESS by a demon, to you. [18] Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He FOAMS AT the mouth, GRINDS HIS TEETH, and goes STIFF AS A BOARD. I told your disciples, hoping they could deliver him, but they couldn’t.”
There are relationships that are speechless, but sexual!
There are marriages that are speechless, and survive on sign languages of irritation, frowns, and so on.
There are marriages rather than bringing forth speech, what is coming out are foams.
There are marriages where rather than communicating, it’s just grinding of teeth.
There are relationships and marriages where the individuals are stiff as a board where commutation is concerned.
Foaming, Grinding, Or Stiff As A Board?
Rantings, complaining, murmuring, and internalizing are all anomalies that can be referred to as foaming, grinding of teeth, and going stiff as a board.
Now you can’t go to your loved one and say “You see, you’ve been foaming or you’ve been grinding your teeth” That will be counter-productive.
However, these actions are what the devil uses to replace actual healthy communication!
Remember what I told you before? True communication involves the 7-38-55 rule. The rule states that 7 percent of meaning is communicated through spoken word, 38 percent through tone of voice, and 55 percent through body language.
So, remember when the tone is wrong, and the body language is wrong too, the remaining thing which is words is just 7% of the whole deal. That is why many words spoken in anger, and without love end up ineffective because they are akin to foaming and grinding of teeth and which elicit a stiff-like-a-board response!
Foaming, Grinding, Or Stiff As A Board?
I pray for your relationship /marriage that every communication anomaly is removed in Jesus’ name! Use the video for REVIVE Day 14 and use it to pray!
Confronting The Deaf and Dump Spirit in Relationships and Marriage. Sally is engaged to George. They are so much in love or so they thought! They are planning to get married soon, however, Sally began to notice that George hardly wants to talk. She did all the talking on the phone while George simply listens. Sally was happy because she felt she was getting married to a perfect gentleman and would easily have her ways and excesses sponsored without much drama!
Eventually, they got married and discovered that the package is a two-edged sword. George does not talk much and also would not listen! He does what he wants to do, and his stubbornness has no second part!
Sally became both the talker and the listener and she eventually became frustrated!
The reality is that relationship can go on a little bit without communication but marriage cannot survive without good communication!
Confronting The Deaf and Dump Spirit
I call the cause of this anomaly in relationships and marriage, a deaf and dumb spirit. Pastor! Which one is this again?
Sometimes, the husband takes the deaf part while the wife takes the dump part, or one spouse takes both. Whichever way, the end result is mega frustration and can truncate a good love story.
Take a look at the scripture:
Mar 9:20, 25 (AMPC) [20] So they brought [the boy] to Him, and when the spirit saw Him, at once it completely convulsed the boy, and he FELL TO THE GROUND and kept rolling about, foaming [at the mouth].
The goal of the spirit is to keep your relationship or marriage to the ground! Your marriage will not be grounded in Jesus’ name!
Jesus has to address that spirit directly!
[25] But when Jesus noticed that a crowd [of people] came running together, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, YOU DUMB AND DEAF SPIRIT, I charge you to come out of him and never go into him again.
Here Jesus addressed the spirit as dump and deaf spirit.
Confronting The Deaf and Dump Spirit
I am not saying your spouse is demonized if he or she is quiet or does not talk, but I am showing how this spirit can operate in a relationship or marriage!
Your lover hardly talks.
Your spouse never listens.
Your spouse hardly talks.
Sometimes, we blame this on temperaments!
But you know what, when you are in love, you talk!
When the marriage has near zero communication, that marriage is dying!
Refuse the operations of that spirit in your relationship and marriage and startConfronting The Deaf and Dump Spirit!
Be friends with each other. Talk about everything and anything! The moment you internalize and keep secrets, you open the door. So talk and talk! Be your spouse’s fan and keep talking!
There are many aspects to this, and I will continue tomorrow. Use Prayers on this topic on REVIVE Day 12 which you can find below!
