What Couples Know That Singles Don’t. Most singles anticipate marriage so much they fail to take time to adequately prepare themselves for the challenges ahead. The wrong mindset before entering into marriage and not correcting such mindset will lead to serious issues in marriage. It’s like when you want to enter a university. That feeling of, ‘yes, at last, now I am on my own, no more school uniforms, no more plaiting of the hair, no more principal, no more caging by teachers and parents, no more …. and the list goes on and on.
Really it’s a good feeling and a good place to be but there are also challenges. Rigors of day-to-day activities, missing the pleasures of home and the comfort of parents. There are also a lot of risks.
However, those that were well prepared and guided with a good mindset and remain responsible while in the university have great testimonies despite the challenges.
This morning I would like to encourage and prepare the hearts of our singles about marriage. What Couples Know That Singles Don’t
1. Marriage is hard work A lazy person spiritually, emotionally, financially, and physically may not be able to endure the rigors of marriage. As a lady, there is hard work in keeping your home, children, in-laws, and husband. Hard work in balancing personal life, with career, ministry, home, family, and husband. You become the managing director of the home and personal adviser to your kids and family on all affairs. As a mother you become everything from the cook, to the nurse to the children’s teacher, to the driver, in short, you become super and spider woman together. As a guy, hard work in being the spiritual, physical, financial, and emotional head of your family. Providing money is hard work. Ensuring you are a good leader and worthy example is also hard work.
What Couples Know That Singles Don’t
TODAY IS DAY 6 OF FASTING AND PRAYERS FOR 2023. CHECK TODAY’S PRAYERS POINTS HERE AND DECLARATIONS HERE
2. Marriage is not just about feeling Marriage is about commitment and a decision to stick to a person you choose to live with till death do you part. Love includes feelings and feelings can be fickle. Situations affect our feelings. In marriage, you will not always feel loved nor will you feel like loving your spouse all the time. You will hurt and you will feel hurt.
3. Marriage is a lot of forgiveness. You need to start taking confessions now about being prompt to forgive. Jesus said we should forgive 70 multiplied by 70 times in a day. That’s such a high standard to follow, which we must meet up to.
4. Marriage is about the ability to stick it out through thick and thin. In marriage, we start from the lower rung of the ladder and keep going up. However, for some, the bottom of the ladder is really, really low. Whatever the bottom of the ladder is, we climb up. Remember, nobody climbs a ladder from the top.
What Couples Know That Singles Don’t
5. Marriage is first spiritual before it is physical It’s a terrible mistake to think your marriage is just physical. Remember, the source of a thing is the sustenance thereof. Marriage came from God so it takes God to sustain it. There are spiritual principles that sustain marriage if you will make a success of it. A lot of prayers, confessions, and spiritual warfare needs to be done. A lot of spiritual covering by mentors.
6. Marriage requires a lot of wisdom Wisdom is the principal thing, in all your getting, get understanding. As you are getting married, you also have to get wisdom. Wisdom is the engine of any successful marriage. Wisdom in knowing what to say, how, when, and why. Wisdom is knowing how to react. How to get what you what and not hurt your spouse.
What Couples Know That Singles Don’t
7. Marriage is balancing, the spiritual, physical, and emotional aspects together. All these three chambers of marriage have to be satisfied. There must be sexual satisfaction or fulfillment, emotional fulfillment, and physical and spiritual fulfillment. Maintaining this balance is not always easy but it must be achieved.
Will You Fight Or Give Up? I remember vividly. It was examination time. The news traveled all over the campus. He was a final-year student in the Law Department. He was writing one of his papers. But the examination was rudely interrupted because he lost his mind. He never wrote that examination.
We live in a wicked world. The devil has come down with wrath. His time is short and he wants to wreck as many destinies as he can.
We all have issues in our families and extended families. There is always a family or lineage issue. In some families, they simply die young. In some, they usually marry late. In some, they hardly marry at all. In some, there is not a single millionaire. The only one that attempted it lost his life at it. In some, they give birth late. In some, it is diabetes, while in others, it is cancer. In some, they travel out and they never come back. In some, they are mostly drug addicts. In some, they are prone to marital abuse. In some, they are never well-read. In some, they are well-read but never get good jobs, In some, it is a story of separation and divorce. It goes on and on.
When you find yourself in the midst of such attacks and visible trends that are negative, you don’t joke about your relationship with God, or else you will repeat the history of your lineage.
You see, there is a way to exempt yourself! Will You Fight Or Give Up?
The first thing is to make sure you are born again and you have a relationship with God. That is the starting point.
The second thing is to stay away from compromise. Do you know what compromise does? It drags you back to the devil’s turf, and it is like cooperating with the enemy of your soul. You see, you cannot go far with God if you are always getting into sinful habits and yielding to the flesh. That is what Apostle Paul is trying to say here:
“Are you so foolish and so senseless and so silly? Having begun [ your new life spiritually ] with the [ Holy ] Spirit, are you now reaching perfection [ by dependence ] on the flesh?” (Gal 3:3, AMP)
You started a life in God as His child. You cannot go back to your old way of living while still claiming you are His child. You cannot be in the choir and sleep around. You cannot be the assistant pastor and be desecrating that soul committed into your hands. You cannot be a leader in the church and yet you are defiling several lives. You cannot be canceling lives that came for you for counseling.
Paul said it was foolish and senseless. Why would he say that?
It is the same reason I started with. You looked around yourself and you see battles. You see attacks. You see haters. You see people that don’t want you to rise.
As a child of God you are simply exempted from these attacks. But when you go back into some habitual sins, you actually empower the devil and his cohorts against yourself. That is why Paul said it is simply senseless and foolish.
Yes, it simply foolishness to shoot yourself in the leg.
Your grandfather had a child out of wedlock. The same thing happened to your dad. And now, your girlfriend wants to be spending nights at your place, does anybody need to tell you that condoms would soon fail and the same household wickedness is about to be perpetuated?
Your dad and mum are divorced. Now, you and your wife are about to do the same thing and you blame it on “she is disrespectful or he doesn’t love you.” Don’t you know that forces of hell are at work?
Will You Fight Or Give Up? Listen to me, it is time to fight. Fight for your life. Fight for your destiny. Fight for your marriage. Fight for your posterity and prosperity. Fight for your dream. Fight for God’s counsel over your life!
Decide to live right. That is how to fight. Decide to stay away from all forms of sexual sins. Do not empower the enemy against your destiny.
Jesus destroyed the curse of the law. All curses have been dealt with and you have been redeemed from the curse of the law. Jesus spoilt principalities and powers and made a show of them. He lined them up and showed them to the body of Christ that they are now weak and beggarly elements.
Glory! Jesus conquered them! Will You Fight Or Give Up?
Now, you need to enforce victory over every evil by your relationship with God and by living a life devoid of sin.
Fight by looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith! You already won, you only need to enforce that victory.
Let me conclude with this well-known scripture:
“From the time of John the Baptizer until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful people have been seizing it.” (Mat 11:12, GW)
Decide to be forceful from now. Decide to rebel against what God has not given you! It is time to uproot every tree that God has not planted in your life.
May God grant you more understanding. Will You Fight Or Give Up?
How To Strengthen Your Connections. Our connection has to be strong whether we are married or single. It’s all about friendship oneness, union, togetherness, and understanding.
for you in courtship, know that your courtship is to build a solid friendship. The married folks will tell you that friendship is everything.
When you are friends with your spouse the problem is half solved. You don’t fight your friend and even when you fight you easily end it because you are friends and share a lot in common. But if you can harbour strife successfully for two weeks or more, then we should question your friendship.
One important ingredient your courtship and marriage should never lack is your ability to constantly talk. Have loving, meaningful, and thoughtful conversations.
In strengthening our connections, we will be using the illustration of tending a vineyard as an example.
We can strengthen our connection using four analogies for those that are married and intend to get married.
How To Strengthen Your Connections
1. Adjusting
Just as in tending a vineyard you make adjustments as a couple.
As couples, you need to make certain adjustments to accommodate another life in your space. You no longer live for yourself. You make your own necessary adjustment because it’s easier to change yourself than your spouse.
As a single person begin to adjust your thoughts, words, and actions
How To Strengthen Your Connections
2. Prunning
As you prune your vineyard to get a better harvest, so also you prune your life’s activities. You begin to cut off unnecessary activities that can hinder your aims as a couple. Not all activities are beneficial for your relationship. You cut off such non-essentials.
How To Strengthen Your Connections
3. Supporting
Just as you support a vineyard for maximum productivity, you have to support your relationship and marriage. The support of godly friends, mentors, family, and whatever can be of support to your relationship or marriage at whatever stage you are.
How To Strengthen Your Connections
4. Renewing
Your relationship and marriage need to be constantly renewed so that you will not lose the taste and flavor of your marriage.
Renew your relationship by having constant date nights, vacations, and fun trips together.
Reduced To A Piece Of Bread. What I want to write about this morning is a plague that is eating deep into the body of Christ. You see believers, tongue-talking, bible reading children of God falling into this sin, some very deliberately and some not so deliberately. Whether it was a deliberate sin or not, it doesn’t make it any less sinful and displeasing to God.
We shall take our text from the book of
2 Sam 11: 2-5 One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.” Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (Now she was purifying herself from her monthly uncleanness.) Then she went back home. The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, “I am pregnant.”
The mere fact that it is a well-thought process means we can prevent it from happening.
The book of Proverbs calls it a senseless act. It turns those who involve in it into a crust of bread. Reduced To A Piece Of Bread
Pro 6:26 (KJV) For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.
TODAY IS DAY 2 OF FASTING AND PRAYERS FOR 2023. CHECK TODAY’S PRAYERS POINTS HERE AND DECLARATIONS HERE
The consequences far outweigh and outlive the momentary pleasure. What. it does is that it throws the family into perpetual sorrow and heartache. It affects finances and one’s wealth and health.
There are countless stories of men who were once rich but adultery swept their wealth away. Their families are not always together.
Why do you want to put fire in your bosom and then not expect to be burnt?
You will definitely be burnt. And you know burns always leave a scar. Reduced To A Piece Of Bread
You are unmarried, a guy or a lady, and you are involved in this, just know that it has consequences.
You say you can’t help it. Days of ignorance God has winked at but now He is holding us accountable for our sins. God will forgive but the consequences live with us.
As in the days of David in our text, it was a well-thought-of action like it is with most of the people that engage in it.
There is always enough time to think about the consequences.
I want to encourage us this morning to stop the process and think of the heartache and pains you are putting your family through. Reduced To A Piece Of Bread
You are getting too close for comfort to the opposite sex, cut off the relationship before you get into trouble
You really like him but it’s too late you are already married, cut off that relationship before you cut off your life and destiny
Be true to yourself and retrace your steps. Ask for God’s Mercy and turn around from your ways.
You are in another man’s arms because you want no one force you. You are in the embrace of another woman other than your wife because you love the pleasure of sin.
Let me stop here. We will not be Reduced To A Piece Of Bread
I pray for God’s Mercy to come into the heart of all those truly seeking a way out in Jesus’ name
A Gentle Response Turns Anger Away. We can either respond or react. Most times husbands and wives are seen reacting rather than responding. It takes great maturity and understanding to respond and not react. Understanding the marriage covenant that you and your spouse are a team and understanding the personality of your spouse.
This scripture in Proverbs is not just for the wives but also for the husbands. Let’s take a look at what it says:
Pro 15:1 KJV A soft answer turneth away wrath: But grievous words stir up anger.
It’s talking about both our words and our response to words. In any scenario, in marriage or a relationship, we are either talking and responding or reacting to what is being said.
TODAY IS DAY 3 OF FASTING AND PRAYERS FOR 2023. CHECK TODAY’S PRAYERS POINTS HERE AND DECLARATIONS HERE
A Gentle Response Turns Anger Away. Ask questions to seek knowledge of why your spouse did certain things. Don’t jump to conclusions about things. In order words, don’t be judgemental or accusatory, Seek to find out the reasons behind your spouse’s action.
Correction is better done when the reason behind an action is known.
Let’s look at another translation in the Amplified
Pro 15:1 AMP A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath, But harsh and painful and careless words stir up anger.
Don’t be careless with your words. We see that both in our relationships and marriage, what is said and how it is said matters a lot. So also how we respond. A Gentle Response Turns Anger Away
We often leave how we spoke and focus on how our spouse responded. And this could be a cycle of speaking in an offensive manner, your spouse reacting to what is said, and the spouse who initially said something now reacting back to the reaction of the spouse. And before you know it a whole lot of time and energy is dissipated
God is not about pointing accusing fingers. In marriage or a relationship, it is not about who is right or wrong. Or trying to prove a point, it’s about fixing the marriage and letting the marriage run smoothly.
Anytime there is a negative vibe, a negative reaction follows. But God is asking us not to react but to respond in a calm and loving way. That is where the work is. To speak softly even when your natural reaction should be that of anger.
Let’s look at another scripture
Eph 4:29 KJV Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
Eph 4:29MSG Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.
So in conclusion, in your relationship don’t speak harshly to your fiance or fiancee. Speak in a way that is thoughtful. Carefully think of what you want to say and how you say it. Ask the Holy Spirit for His help in your choice of words tone and body language when speaking. It is not just saying what you feel like saying, it is considering others. Yes, the truth hurts but even Jesus spoke the truth in parables.
In our marriage let us be mindful of our words. Be mindful of your responses too. Don’t react in anger or withdrawal or give the silent treatment. Respond by explaining and admitting when you are wrong.
God bless our marriage. A Gentle Response Turns Anger Away
