If I were a Single or Married Lady. This morning, I want to write to all ladies in the house and to all the men in their lives. From the wealth of experiences gathered during counselling times, there are things I would do and things I would never do if I were a lady.
Come to think of it, the lady seems to always be the one on the receiving end and the one that ‘suffers” and bares the consequences of unwise actions.
Think about it:
When a relationship breaks or doesn’t work out, who gets hurt the most? The guy or the lady?
When there is disappointment concerning the wedding, who cries endlessly for days? The guy or the lady?
When there is pre-marital sex, who is afraid of getting pregnant? The guy or the lady?
When pregnancy is anticipated, who starts drowning in pills like a fowl? The guy or the lady?
Who goes for all kinds of tests in the hospital? The guy or the lady?
Who goes through the pain of abortion in the event of that? The guy or the lady?
Who goes through the psychological trauma of murdering a life the most? The guy or the lady?
Who combines psychological trauma with emotional pain and then with physical discomfort? The guy or the lady?
If there were complications in the abortion process, whose body is affected? The guy or the lady?
If a complication arises and life is threatened, who loses her life? The guy or the lady?
If the womb is affected, who won’t be able to conceive eventually? The guy or the lady?
If the decision is to have the baby, whose tummy protrudes? The guy or the lady?
Who goes through the seeming stigma of carrying an unwanted pregnancy? The guy or the lady?
Who goes through all the morning sickness? The guy or the lady?
Whose body adjusts to the different trimesters with accompanying inconveniences? The guy or the lady?
Who goes through labour pain, at that moment when a lady goes through enough pain that would drown any man and make a grown-up man cry like a baby? The guy or the lady?
Hours or days before childbirth, who goes through the cramping, the tightening, the pounding, the stabbing, the back pain, the waves, the pressure, the pushing, and the exhaustion? The guy or the lady?
Who becomes a “single mother?” The guy or the lady?
Who does the breastfeeding afterward? The guy or the lady?
I can go on and on….but wait a moment…
Who ought to be wiser? The guy or the lady?
But really, who seems to be unwise? The guy or the lady? The answer to all of these seems to be The lady!
If I were a Single or Married Lady.
If I were a single lady,
1. I will not indulge in sex. If you can not wait for me, then you can be on your way.
2. I will not use my body to prove any love, because sex does not prove any love. If it does, then every prostitute ought to fall in love with their clients
3. I will not be used as a toy. I am not created to satisfy a man’s lust
4. Any man that cannot wait till marriage is not worth it. If any guy wants to go, I will let him go, maybe his name is Abedne-go!
5. I will be secure in God. It might look like it is taking long, but God will surely do it.
6. I will serve God in my generation. I will pay the price for greatness.
7. I will stay out of every compromise. If I am doing anything wrong now, I will make all things right. I will move out of his house if I am not yet married. I will not go and spend any weekend again. I am not a dry cleaner or house help.
8. I will not run after any man. I am to be wooed, pursued, and valued. Not the other way around.
9. I will focus on God as my Jehovah Jireh, not on some money bag who wants to destroy my life.
10. I will wait for the salvation of God. I will not be ahead of God.
If I were a married lady
1. I will respect my husband and be humble in my home
2. I will seek to please my husband
3. I will pray and find ways to help my husband.
4. I will stay away from any unfaithfulness, knowing it could open doors for the devil
5. I will be open to my husband and I will keep no secrets
6. I will deliberately choose to be joyful, and shut the door of depression and the negative atmosphere at home
7. I will not close up my spirit against my husband knowing it will bring lack into the family
8. I will get healed of any hurts and bitterness and always trust God to make all things well.
I pray that God will send help to you in specific areas where it is needed.
An Excursion Into The Mind Of A Lady Part 2. What does a lady want? That is our subject for today. Here is a typical conversation:
Bro.Zeru – Husband
Sis.Sube – Wife
Bro.Zeru: Hey dear, why are you looking so unhappy? What is wrong again?
Sis.Sube: Nothing
Bro.Zeru: Common, I know you now, there is something.
Sis.Sube: I said there is nothing.
Bro.Zeru: Ok, please, let’s talk
Sis.Sube: Is there really any need? It won’t change anything.
Bro.Zeru: Ok, I promise, let’s talk
Sis.Sube: You’ve not been there for me. You are not available. I can’t reach you.
Bro.Zeru: (Surprised) But I spend the whole office leave with you last week. We were together for one week.
Sis.Sube: Did we talk?
Bro.Zeru: But you didn’t say anything either. Will I be talking to myself?
Sis.Sube: You don’t have time for me. I am lonely.
Bro.Zeru: How can you say that? I don’t agree with that. How can you be lonely when I am here for you?
Sis.Sube: That is it. You will never agree.
Bro.Zeru: I am confused
Sis.Sube: When you are not watching movies, you are replying emails. When you are not replying emails, you are chatting away.
Bro.Zeru: I have to work now?
Sis.Sube: Yes, you are married to your work. Your work is more important than me.
Bro.Zeru: How can you say that? You know that is not true
Sis.Sube: That work is your first wife. I am just the neglected second wife
Bro.Zeru: I have to make money now? How would we have eaten?
Sis.Sube: You still don’t get it.
Bro.Zeru: I can’t get it. Very soon now, you will ask me to write you a check for shoes, jewelry, and others. I thought providing money makes you happy.
Sis.Sube: It makes me happy, but not as much as your availability.
Bro.Zeru: I am available, dear.
Sis.Sube: You are available, but I cannot reach you. You are there and you are not there. You are so near, but in your nearness, you are so distant.
Bro.Zeru: Ah! I am confused. Lord, help me. I want to make heaven.
Bro.Zeru is obviously frustrated. What he doesn’t know is that the greatest need of a lady is time and attention.
An Excursion Into The Mind Of A Lady Part 2.
Now I know there are ladies who don’t care a hoot about time and attention and all they want is money from some money bag who may be already married. These types of women are referred to as strange women in the scriptures.
I am talking about an average lady out there who loves God. Her greatest need is time and attention. Men need to understand this so they wouldn’t lose their wives! There are many marriages where the couple is no different from co-tenants or roommates because this great need has been neglected. It is a legitimate need, and every lady needs quality time and attention to function properly in her capacity as a helper.
When you give a lady what she wants, you will enjoy the best of her in marriage. I wish men could understand this and stop being unnecessarily bossy or egotistical.
A lady who cannot get this legitimate need met would be vulnerable to meeting this legitimate need in illegitimate ways. When this need is not met, you open your wife up to temptation from colleagues at work, men she encounters who care less about destroying your marriage.
Due to this serious issue, a lot of wives have closed up their spirits against their husbands, and it would affect a lot of things! It would affect finances, it would affect productivity and even children.
As singles in courtship, the same goes for you. You can easily lose her if you can’t give her time and attention. Yes, you may not be in the same location, but thank God for technology. When you have not called her in a week, she finds it difficult to believe that you really love her. And sincerely, as a man, when you really love a lady, you will want to reach her as often as possible.
Even when you are posted to a place that has no network, you will raise your phone high in the air, climb mountains or trees, and stand by the roof of the house, all in a bid to hear her sweet voice. That is what love is to her!
When you have not spoken to her in weeks, and she does not bother, you can as well know that she is getting emotional fulfillment elsewhere. It may be from other friends, from parties, from church, from children if she is married, but she will definitely find a way to meet her emotional needs.
And that is when it can really get dangerous. If one Casanova walks up to her at such times, she becomes vulnerable!
So what have we learned from our excursion into the mind of the lady today? Never ever neglect her. Give her time and attention! Men, be humble and go ahead and repent! Take her out today and spend time with her. Let her talk to you! Leave your iPad and Newspapers at home! This is An Excursion Into A Lady’s Mind Part 2
An Excursion Into A Lady’s Mind. Most men are frustrated today when it comes to understanding their spouse or spouse-to-be. Most people even believe that marriage is a necessary evil. But it is not like that in God’s word and since the scripture says no evil will befall us, God will not bring an evil institution upon us through marriage.
The devil has perverted the institution and has almost succeeded in selling the lie to the generation. You will thus find many people saying, it is better to stay unmarried. The problem with that is that such people often end up in a life of promiscuity.
A wife is not supposed to be a knife, she is supposed to be a helper. But most times, she is not fulfilled and does not have an enabling environment to be who she ought to be.
With over two decades of speaking, teaching, and writing on relationships and marriages, I have some ideas that can help you when it comes to how women think. Hundreds of young ladies, middle-aged ladies, and older ladies have spoken to me in counselling scenarios. Most of them would weep profusely as they narrate their ordeals. When guys call me, they are usually trying to find out how to choose a good lady, but when ladies call me, they are trying to get healed and get broken hearts mended. This however does not mean that men are incapable of experiencing broken hearts.
So, this morning, I want to take you by the hand, and let’s go on an excursion into the mind of a lady.
What do they think? What do they want? Why is she always moody? Why is she happy at this moment and then the next she is depressed? Why is she disinterested in sex sometimes? Why does she like to buy things? I can go on and on and there are so many questions. Let’s Take An Excursion Into A Lady’s Mind.
She is deeply emotional
Now, that is just plain difficult for guys to understand because again, you are trying to process emotionalism with logic. A lady is emotional, but a man is logical.
That are two different worlds.
Let me give you an example.
A couple is driving home after church service in their beautiful car when they suddenly sighted a young girl who appears homeless. This is a likely conversation that might ensue.
Wife: Oh Jesus, look at that little cutie. What is she doing on the road?
Husband: What is she doing? Obviously, she is homeless.
Wife: Can we take her home?
Husband: Take her home? Just like that?
Wife: But she is homeless and she needs help
Husband: So I should just park like that and ask her to hop into the car?
Wife: At least, let’s park and help her first
Husband: I am not parking. I don’t know her.
Wife: You are heartless
Husband: But I am not stupid
Wife: You are heartless. That is how you deal with me as well.
Husband: Why do you always like to pick up fights with me? What is your business with that child?
Wife: And you are coming from church. Is that what you are being taught?
Husband: What has church got to do with this for God’s sake? Why are you just difficult?
Wife: It is you that is wicked
Husband: (tunes in to car radio)
Wife: (Sobbing) That is how you always ignore me.
That is how a simple event can escalate and get the couple on edge because she is an emotional being.
What this means is that a guy and a lady will never think the same way, will never see things the same way, and will never say them the same way. They are thinking from different sides of the brain.
In courtship scenarios, the following type of conversation can ensue:
Guy: (Calls his fiancée who lives in another state) Hey, Baby, how are you doing?
Lady: (Answers unhappily) I am fine
Guy: What’s wrong? You don’t sound good
Lady: Are you just noticing?
Guy: But I just called now! There you go again. What is wrong this time?
Lady: Nothing
Guy: How can you say “nothing?”
Lady: Nothing
Guy: Ok, I will call you later
Lady: So, you want to hang up the phone?
Guy: But you said there is nothing?
Lady: I have always known you don’t love me!
Guy: Baby, I love you
Lady: If you love me, you would have called me yesterday
Guy: But I told you that I would be in class throughout yesterday
Lady: Whatever happened to SMS and chats?
Guy: I told you my phone would be with a repairer
Lady” Why can’t you borrow a phone? Am I not important to you?
Guy: Oh God. You just feel like picking a quarrel. So that’s the issue?
Lady: Yes
Guy: Ok, I am sorry
Lady: You are always sorry. Every time, you are sorry.
Guy: What do you want from me? So what do you want now?
Lady: Nothing
And they can go and on without any meaningful conclusion.
This is An Excursion Into A Lady’s Mind
The first thing I will like you to know this morning is that guys and ladies think differently. So, in a relationship or marriage, you don’t set out to win an argument, you simply try to understand each other.
Something that is insignificant to you can be a passionate issue for her and you need to deal with her with a lot of understanding. She is not logical, which sometimes makes her use too many words, but you need to know that she is intuitive.
CONFESSION I will live with understanding
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, teach me by your Holy Spirit in my areas of ignorance
How To Build Up Your Self-Esteem. Low self-esteem has driven many into sexual promiscuity. They really want somebody to affirm them. Such people must be in a relationship overtime because they feel incomplete without a boyfriend or girlfriend. But you see, you cannot get from a man what is designed to come from God and His word.
Let’s find out How To Build Up Your Self-Esteem. It is a “self” thing.
In building up your self-esteem, the first thing I will like you to note is that it is a “self-issue!” That is why it is called “self-esteem!” It is not lecturer esteem or father esteem or boyfriend esteem. It is self-esteem. In having good self-esteem, you are not to seek it from anybody, you can only build it by yourself by giving yourself to study of God’s word which will then strengthen you from within.
“For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.” (Psa 139:13-14, KJV)
When you go into a relationship or get married for the sole purpose of building your esteem, it usually would not work out because you would eventually be disappointed. Why is that? It is not a job for man, it is a job for your God.
So it is called self-esteem because nobody can study God’s word for you. You have to do it yourself. It is called self-esteem because you are supposed to build up your personal prayer life instead of looking around for some prophets who will end up deceiving you.
It is not siblings’ esteem, not uncle esteem and definitely, it is not pastor esteem. Self-discovery and purpose discovery are personal journeys you must embark on. When you discover God’s purpose for your life, it will stabilize your emotions and you will not be driven to and fro by the storms and winds of life. When you know God’s plan for your marriage, you will not even consider it when a married man comes around telling you all kinds of lies.
When you have good self-esteem, you will not be persuaded intoner marital sex by guys who are only looking for fun. Now listen to this, you will never be able to build up your self-esteem through sex. That is not what your body is designed to do. Your body is not meant to be used as a weapon to get what you want. Don’t reduce what God calls His temple to what is cheaply available to all and sundry. Raise your shoulder and embrace the dignity with which you are created.
On the contrary, sex offers you a quick temporary feeling of being loved, but the feeling quickly disappears because feelings are fickle. After you are done, you find yourself back in the deep gully of low self-esteem. You then need to offer your body more to get some love and affirmation, but it will always end in frustration because that is not what God designed you for.
For married people, a lot of other issues can spring up from a spouse dealing with low self-esteem. It can be constant irritability when corrected. It can be communication issues. It can be unnecessary inhibitions in the bedroom, and so on and so forth.
Decide to deliberately build your esteem through God’s word, serving Him, purpose discovery, and living that purpose.
In 1996, I proposed and my wife said Yes. We were campus sweethearts. She would always tell me that she said ‘Yes’ in faith! Can you imagine? Is it that I am not fine ni? Today we both laugh over that statement and of course, trust me, I would say, I also proposed in hope since faith and hope work together! Lobatan!
Exercising faith in your relationship and marriage is very important. Faith in God, His word, in the man you are saying Yes to, and in yourself that all will be well.
Doubt and worry are the devil’s attempts and attacks on our minds to steal God’s will and God’s best from us.
What are the 5 Ways Doubt Can Cause Havoc?
1. It can lead to confusion.
Marriage is a faith institution. Its foundation cannot be anything apart from faith. When you doubt, you become unsure of what exactly you are to do. God never configured us to function outside of His leading. An attempt to do so will only lead to confusion. I pray for you this morning, confusion will not be your portion in Jesus’ name 2. It can lead to considerations of alternatives and other options
There will always be alternatives. But the question should be, where will the other alternatives lead you to? That’s when other ladies and guys will look more attractive than God’s best for you. It’s all about your purpose. This singular knowledge will keep you contented. I pray for you this morning, you will not be sidetracked from God’s purpose.
In marriage, there are no more options for you. Simply concentrate on the one you have chosen, and get blessed there.
3. It can make you be double-minded
When you are in doubt, you are double-minded and like the Bible says, a double-minded man cannot receive anything from the Lord. It becomes difficult for God to bless your relationship when you are still in doubt. Today, you are convinced, tomorrow you are no longer sure. Every doubt in your heart is terminated in Jesus’ name.
In marriage, that assurance is needed to keep you standing when the marital wind and storms show up.
4. It can tamper with your focus
Focus is very essential in building a successful relationship and marriage. God really blessed us with a lot of focus while in courtship. We were focused on making things right and doing things God’s way. We laugh now, but more of being grateful to God when we look back and see that we spent most of our courtship time praying and preparing for what God will have us do in the future.
You will not be distracted in Jesus’ name
5. It can take genuine love from your relationship.
Pure, genuine love will have no room to entertain doubt and worry. Love needs to grow in an atmosphere of certainty, clarity of purpose, oneness, and single-mindedness. Fear has torment but perfect love cast out fear. Once you are in doubt and unbelief, you cannot even attract God’s help because you don’t trust him enough to be sure He will take care of you. You will be reluctant to give your full commitment. For a successful relationship, a hundred percent of your heart and commitment are needed. These are the 5 Ways Doubt Can Cause Havoc
May God help us in Jesus’ Name. May His word take root in our hearts to build strong faith in our God.
CONFESSION I will not succumb to worry and doubt in my life
PRAYER Lord, teach me to rely on you and put my trust in you in Jesus name
