Yesterday, we looked at how to handle an affair from the erring spouse part. This is so important because the bulk of the work lies on the spouse that had an affair.
The responsibility is on him/her. The spouse is just to be support and to forgive.
The erring spouse has the responsibility of being brutally truthful, sincere and repentant.
There are some scenarios that the spouse is under demonic influence and finds it difficult to be sincere or truthful. Prayers of God healing by giving him/her a new and clean heart will be necessary. This is because to successfully handle an affair squarely requires sincerity and truthfulness.
Let’s continue today with the other steps. You can read yesterday’s devotionals HERE
4.Attach pain to the experience of having an affair.
Until an affair is associated with pain in the mind and the brain, thorough work is not done. The erring couple must have several quiet moments of self-talk and deep ruminating of the issue. That’s why depending on the situation, the erring spouse must be left alone to have some sober reflections.
This sober reflection is necessary for a certain positive conclusion to be made. Although a lot of prayers are needed in this period. The support of the other spouse is also needed by not criticizing, nagging, and not showing rage or irritability.
A lot of love, emotional support, care, and reassuring words should be given to the erring spouse at such times as this. A spouse should come out of this ordeal stronger, better, and bigger ready to help those in the same predicament.
That’s the way God organized things in the kingdom. What you have overcome, you have the Grace to help set others free.
6.Change the environment.
It might be necessary to that environment where the affair happened. However, this may not always be possible. If you can’t change your environment, you can at least change what YOU do within that compromising environment.
Whether you have lunch breaks together alone with a particular lady, you have to change this. It is to be noted that the affair could be an emotional affair. Don’t be deceived, an emotional affair is as serious as a sexual affair. In God, they are the same.
But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28 NLT
7.Make sure you don’t play the blame game.
What has happened has happened. Don’t cry over split milk. Don’t wallow in self-pity. That is the devil domain. You don’t want to cooperate with the devil to make your freedom difficult.
You must embrace Gods free gift of forgiveness and obey all His principles.
Don’t go to the extreme concerning yourself. David committed adultery and murder yet God called him a man after my heart. God restored him and he was one of the most famous kings on earth.
Don’t doubt God’s love. When He says He has forgiven you He means exactly that. Embrace His love and His forgiveness.
I believe you have found these steps helpful. May God enlighten our darkness in Jesus name.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am committed to my marriage vows.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to love my spouse appropriately.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY If you are having an affair, make amends today
There is no doubt that God speaks to His people. For me, God spoke to me clearly while I was a student on the Campus as relating to relationships and marriage. Knowing the right lover is key!
God still speaks today. He is a speaking God. “saith the Lord’ is found over eight hundred times in the scriptures.
Jesus constantly speaks to us.
Isa 30:21 AMP And your ears will hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way; walk in it, when you turn to the right hand and when you turn to the left.
The Holy Spirit is a speaking Spirit.
Joh 12:50 KJV And I know that his commandment is life everlasting: whatsoever I speak therefore, even as the Father said unto me, so I speak.
He desires to lead us. Here a few things to note in Intricacies of Knowing the right lover
God will not speak to you outside of His word.
2. To hear God more, read His word the more. His word in your Spirit prepares your Spirit like a receptacle to hear God.
3. When you seek His face, you will hear Him speak to you. God still speaks.
4. Fasting and prayer often helps to hear God more clearly.
Act 13:2 KJV As they ministered to the Lord, and fasted, the Holy Ghost said, Separate me Barnabas and Saul for the work whereunto I have called them.
5. Relationship and marriage should not be the first issues that arise when you are trying to hear God. Try developing hearing Him in other areas as well. Intricacies of Knowing the right lover is in hearing Him.
6. God is particular even with the minutest details of your life, and when you learn to relate with the Holy Spirit like you will relate with a friend, He will always speak to you, like a friend will speak to you.
7. When God shows you a guy, calm down, don’t get suggestive, let him discover too. The lady is not the aggressor; she is the responder.
8. When God shows you a lady, it is just information because you are His child and fathers speak to their children. You are His friend. So He tells you of what is to come. Jesus said when the Holy Spirit comes, He will tell us of things to come.
9. That he showed you does not mean you should go ahead and propose. You also need to ask Him when to go ahead and propose. There is a difference between preparation and performance. This is Intricacies of Knowing the right lover
10. In the things of God, He often shows you things ahead. Because the information is coming from God, it would look like you should act immediately. But most of the time, it is never an immediate action. He showed Joseph some things that only came to pass several years later. David was anointed but never mounted the throne immediately. Some of these promises have to be patiently obtained.
11. It is possible to get a big ‘NO’ from a lady and yet God has spoken to you. You jumped ahead and did not follow His leading completely. The lady is not ready at the time. Just like God spoke to you, God has to speak to her too!
12. The primary way God will lead you is through inner witness. You just know within you. Do not seek dreams and visions because the devil can give them. Stay consistently in God’s word and pray in the Spirit a lot. That way, God will ensure that you don’t miss it in life. God still speaks.
13. It is one thing for God to speak to you about a person. That does not mean it will work out or lead into marriage especially if you unrepentantly compromise regularly, or you did not work at your relationship in terms of character development. For example, God might have spoken to you and yet anger problems can ruin it all.
14. Until you have heard from God, do not take that step. Be still and know that He is God! Calm Down!
Psa 46:10 (CEV) Our God says, “Calm down, and learn that I am God! All nations on earth will honor me.”
I pray for you this morning, your life will not become an experiment. You will enjoy God’s leading in every area of your life in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I hear God’s voice daily.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, open my ears to hear your voice every day of my life.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Isaiah 30:21 ERV and thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it; when ye turn to the right hand and when e turn to the left.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take time to pray in the spirit
Thank GOD because he’s good, because his love never quits. Psalm 118:1
Nation/Church
Intercede for your nation and church.
If you listen obediently to the Voice of GOD, your God, and heartily obey all his commandments that I command you today, GOD, your God, will place you on high, high above all the nations of the world. Deuteronomy 28:1
Pastors/Parents/Mentors
Father, let your blessings rest upon my pastors, parents and mentors.
All these blessings will come down on you and spread out beyond you because you have responded to the Voice of GOD, your God: Deuteronomy 28:2
Finances
In the name of Jesus, I am prosperous, I rebuke insufficiency.
GOD will throw open the doors of his sky vaults and pour rain on your land on schedule and bless the work you take in hand. You will lend to many nations but you yourself won’t have to take out a loan. Deuteronomy 28:12
Family
(SINGLES) – Relationship and settling down.
(MARRIED) – Spouse and Children
GOD will order a blessing on your barns and workplaces; he’ll bless you in the land that GOD, your God, is giving you. Deuteronomy 28:8
Warfare
Father, send confusion into the camp of my enemies in the name of Jesus.
GOD will defeat your enemies who attack you. They’ll come at you on one road and run away on seven roads. Deuteronomy 28:7
Desire this Month
Mention your specific request for the month of May to God in prayers.
GOD will lavish you with good things: children from your womb, offspring from your animals, and crops from your land, the land that GOD promised your ancestors that he would give you. Deuteronomy 28:11
Psalm 91 Declaration
Recite the whole of Psalm 91 prayerfully and believe every word in your heart.
Psalm 91
Blood Declaration
I overcome every power working against my blessing by the blood of Jesus.
They defeated him through the blood of the Lamb and the bold word of their witness. They weren’t in love with themselves; they were willing to die for Christ. Revelation 12:11
Pauline Prayers/Wisdom
Father, fill me with spiritual wisdom and understanding in the name of Jesus.
Be assured that from the first day we heard of you, we haven’t stopped praying for you, asking God to give you wise minds and spirits attuned to his will, and so acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which God works. Colossians 1:9
Healing
Father, let your healing power flow through my body in the name of Jesus.
Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. 3 John 1:2
Favour/Mercy Today
Father, raise help for me today by your mercy in the name of Jesus.
You will arise and have mercy on Zion; For the time to favor her, Yes, the set time, has come. Psalm 102:13
An affair is an illegalrelationship with anyone other than your spouse. It could be sexual and non-sexual in nature. Each spouse should set boundaries of how far they can go with the relationship with the opposite sex. I feel we should all work on our relationship with our spouse in such a way that we will not need other persons to fulfill our desires, cravings, attention, and longings. If we are satisfied emotionally and sexually there will be no reasons for an affair. We don’t live in a perfect world or perfect situation neither are our spouses perfect.
A born-again child of God is not expected to have an affair. However, when an affair does happen, these are practical steps to go about handling it. No matter what happens, our spouse remains our covenant partner. We should seek their restoration by handling the situation well. On the part of the spouse having an affair, things should also be handled with all sincerity so that it never happens again.
1. Confrontation
The first step to handling an affair is confronting it. What you don’t confront you can never change. The erring spouse should come to a place where he/ she knows that having an affair is an attempt of the devil to steal, kill and destroy from you. You should call it a sin and not just a mistake. You are not confronting when you still make excuses or when you explain.
2. Ask for forgiveness.
There is no forgiveness until there is a willingness to turn around from your sins. The erring spouse should acknowledge that he/she needs to be forgiven.
3. Seek help and support.
That an affair has taken place shows that there are principles you don’t know or are taking for granted. You need to be educated and informed. This is the time to search for books that talk about how to handling lust, how to handle affairs, how to set healthy boundaries, how to love and satisfy your spouse. The resources are so much. What reading along this line does is that you get enlightened. When the light comes, ignorance vanishes. It is also good to learn how you fell, because recognizing the pitfall will help you avoid such next time.
It is my prayer that God will grant us more understanding.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am committed to my marriage vows.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to love my spouse appropriately.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY If you are having an affair, make amends today
Falling in love is a special experience, or so it is intended to be. But there are ways to fall in love. The foundation to falling in love the right way is to fall in love with God first. God Himself is love and when you fall in love with Him, He will teach you and help you to understand what real love is.
So when somebody comes toasting and cajoling you, you will know right away whether it is love or lust! God is the lover of your soul and He is your first true lover! Any attempt to ignore Him is at your own peril to your eventual love life. Without Him, you will never be able to know how to love and how to be loved. Here are a few ways not to fall in love.
1. Don’t fall in love secretly. I have said it many times; a godly relationship is not a secret cult. It is not a fraternity between two people. If you like yourself and you will like to protect yourself, heed my advice this day by the Spirit of God, don’t fall in love with a closed-up person. Let your friends know about it. Let your Pastor know about it. The moment he or she insists that nobody should know, that should be a red light for you. Why hide something that is meant to be good news?
When I asked my wife out while we were students at Ogun State University (now Olabisi Onabanjo University) and she said ‘Yes,’ I announced to all that cared to listen! It was a joyful experience for me as a twenty-four-year-old chap! I later got married at twenty-seven years of age some three years later in 1999. (Some of you are calculating my age right now; it’s okay!)
Are you in a relationship where nobody knows except the two of you? Why would that be? The risks are high! The first sign of commitment in a relationship that is intended to lead to marriage is that the authority figures in your lives will be involved. While this may not totally ensure the success of the relationship, it goes a long way to validate the relationship.
2. Don’t fall in love hopelessly. When you are falling in love, fall in love with some life! Don’t fall in love with a profile on social media. You may be disappointed. Don’t fall in love with a picture! You never know who you are dealing with! Before you give your heart out, be sure you see the person you are dealing with, or else your heart can be wrenched apart! “Pastor, it is not just a profile, I heard his voice!” It is still the same hopelessness, falling in love with a voice. Who owns the voice?
The rule of thumb is simple, never give any commitment to someone you have not seen. If he is not committed to travel down to where you are, or he doesn’t have enough money to come or he doesn’t have the time, then he is not ready for marriage. I know there can be situations when the persons are far away, probably in another country, then get family members who are around involved.
You cannot just fix a wedding date with somebody in Brazil and then travel there. I cannot recount how many have called me to talk about the greatest disappointment of their lives upon emptying their accounts and resigning from work to go and meet a guy somewhere who eventually turns out to be mentally imbalanced. A word is enough for the wise.
3. Don’t fall in love carelessly. Don’t fall in love carelessly. You met two hours ago. Now you are in bed! That is not love! That is lust and you are going to be dropped soonest like hot potatoes! The principles of God are being violated like that and you are not going to have His support. The purpose of falling in love is not to take somebody to bed; it is to take somebody down the aisle. Sex outside marriage with someone will never be able to prove your love. They are just not the same, otherwise, the prostitute will fall in love with all her clients, but it never happens that way. Fall in love with care and caution!
4. Don’t fall in love foolishly. Fall in love with your common sense! Don’t fall in love with a married man or woman! He tells you that you are the one he loves. That is a lie! He loves his wife at home; they might just have issues. Why fall in love and play the second fiddle? Why fall in love with a man that visits twice a week in a house he rented for you? What kind of life is that?
God has got your own spouse for you, but you will keep on delaying what God wants to do when you are busy carrying out your own agenda. Be wise!
A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing. (Proverbs 9:13 KJV)
5. Don’t fall in love with a stranger Don’t fall in love with somebody you don’t know. In fact, it never happens, it will never be love when it is a stranger. There is nothing like love at first sight, only with foresight. There may be a ‘knowing’ at first sight, but it is never love at first sight. Why? You cannot fall in love with somebody you don’t know!
The rush of adrenaline in your body does not translate into love! Body chemistry is not love! Infatuation is not love. Lust is not love. Love is a deeper ‘sensing’ and knowing, more than a feeling, it is an assurance, and it is deep-seated in the heart.
It is not something that happens with a stranger. Fall in love with a friend, not with a stranger, so that strange things will not happen to you! You don’t’ even know her name, and you are saying you are in love!
For married people, never get tired of your spouse. You have to keep falling in love over and over again. Wives, learn to dress for your hubby at home, he is moved by sight, so stop tying wrappers all the time unless that is what your husband wants. Go get some lingerie and learn to fire up his blood. It is a holy thing to do, for your husband!
I pray that God will grant more understanding.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am led by God towards my rightful partner.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, open the eyes of my understanding.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Prov 9:13 (AMP) The foolish woman is restless and noisy; She is naive and easily misled and thoughtless, and knows nothing at all [of eternal value].
