Good morning everybody, we are continuing our topic of love language in marriage. Couples should go all out to speak the language of their spouse unreservedly since our aim in marriage is to place our spouse.
It will be good to always look for creative ways to speak the love language our spouse understands. Marriage is a place where we serve each other. We don’t think of ourselves first. We allow and trust God through our spouse to take care of us
That is why it becomes imperative for us to learn and understand our spouse love language.
3. Words of Affirmation
Here, words mean a big deal to your spouse. In speaking his/her love language, you want to be careful of what is said, how it is said, when it is said, your body language, your tone, pitch and everything surrounding the words you say.
Here, it means a lot to your spouse when you give words of encouragement. Words that will uplift him/her. You might not be able to provide all the money in this world but your reassuring words makes them feel loved.
Your thoughtful words keeps him/her going. In times of stress, needs, bills to pay, weakness etc, your words are like magic.
Speaking negative, derogative, harsh and hard words or sermonizing or nagging your spouse could be counterproductive.
Please watch for those other than your spouse that speak gently, softly and tenderly to you. Avoid them, it could be a danger spit for the devil to exploit. An emotional affair could develop if you are not
discerning and careful.
Never look forward to anyone’s company or enjoy any ones company other than your spouse.
4. Quality time
If the love language of your spouse is quality time, then love mean time. Not only quantity but quality of time.
Your spouse will appreciate being present with him/her. Your presence and not just present matters to them.
Create memories. Go out for outings together, dinners, vacations, go to seminars together and just spend time together. However, what you spend your time on also matters.
Quality time means time of getting to know your spouse better, listening them talk, being sensitive to them, trying to understand them and knowing how to react and respond.
The lord will help is all. If could be challenging since usually opposite temperament will always attract and some time our love languages are different or we want our love language expressed in a different way from that of our spouse.
Our male female differences, the background we grew up in and other factors are responsible for this.
As a matter of rule, watch out for people of the opposite sex you spend too much time with.
5. Gifts
Your spouse feels love is not complete until it is expressed in buying of gifts. Something must be given to show you care. It has to cost you. More often than not, the thoughtfulness behind the given will mean more to your spouse. So its nor about the gift, but you taking the pains of know the appropriate gift to buy at what time or occasion. Example you wife just deliver a baby, and you got her a a sexy gown. She probably can’t even wear it because of breast feeding.
Find out our favorite color, scent, her size, her preference, her need. What is the point buying your wife high heels when she is pregnant or buying your husband an expensive office suitcase when he needs a belt and doesn’t go to office but works from home.
In all these love language, we all need the help of the holy spirit to lead and guide us. Lest our good works become evil spoken of. We get offended and not appreciated because it didn’t meet our deepest desire.
The holy spirit is our helper, when we call on him he will help us even in performing our duties of speaking our spouse’s love language.
May God grant us understanding.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I learn to speak my partners love language.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray for wisdom to speak the love language of your spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:25 ESVHusbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Speak your spouses’ love language
Words are powerful. Words are eternal. They don’t die.
Jesus said words are spirits.
Joh 6:63 KJV It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.
Nations have gone to war because of words spoken and battles have been known to come to an end because of words.
Jesus also said that words reveal what is in a man’s heart.
Luk 6:45 AMP The upright (honorable, intrinsically good) man out of the good treasure [stored] in his heart produces what is upright (honorable and intrinsically good), and the evil man out of the evil storehouse brings forth that which is depraved (wicked and intrinsically evil); for out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart his mouth speaks.
You can decode a man’s attitude from his words. His words, when analysed will show you where he is going.
This morning, I want to show you a few words that men who claim to be your lover often say that show something is defective somewhere. They let you know that your relationship or marriage needs some attention and counsel. Here are a few of those statements that your lover may not be saying.
1. I am not a religious freak. I don’t like church stuffs. I can’t be a fanatic.
What he is really saying: I don’t want to be spiritual. I will not always go to church. I don’t believe in God that much. Once we are married, you will have to stop going to church as you do now.
The implication: Your spiritual life will be depleted. You will not be on the same page. Without a good foundation of spiritual life and relationship with God, you will be limited, you will do a lot of things with struggles and you will never be able to enter the fullness of God’s blessings for your life.
2. There is nothing wrong with sex as long as we love ourselves, although I am not insisting. Even pastors are messing up.
What he is really saying: I will soon get you. It is a matter of time. I will wait for you to get emotionally connected with me and fall in love hopelessly and then you won’t be able to say No. How will I be in a relationship without having sex? ‘You never know anything!’
The implication: His word already reveals his heart. If you stay in a relationship with such a person, you will soon compromise. It is just a matter of time. If you value your relationship with God, you will disconnect from any tiny appearance of compromise before you become entangled and fall in love.
3. Let’s keep our relationship to ourselves for now. I don’t want any pastor or parents to know. Don’t even tell too many of your friends for now. I am a private person and I don’t like being discussed all over the place. Let it just be between the two of us. When the time comes to go public, I will let you know.
What he is really saying: I don’t want to go all the way with you. I don’t want any commitments; all I want is sex! Let’s make the casualty to be only you and not involve any authority figure that will tie me down.
The implication: He will not walk the aisle with you. He is not interested in marriage and there is no point wasting a few of your years with him. A good courtship is not supposed to operate as a secret cult!
4. I really love you and that is why you are number one out of all my girlfriends. You are the one I want to get married to.
What he is really saying: I have other girlfriends that I sleep around with. Be careful so I won’t change my mind about you because I have so many of them in my hands.
The implication: He is manipulating you with that statement and he may not get married to you eventually. Even if he does, there would not be an automatic disconnection with his girlfriends especially if they are sexually involved. You will have to contend with that after marriage and practically fight battles that could have been avoided. As a child of God, you are to be loved and adored by your husband. The moment you are being threatened this way, something is not quite right. Don’t stay under a manipulative man; that is not God’s plan for you.
5. Even though, I am married, I don’t love my wife. I don’t know why I have not met you before I got married. You are my true wife. I will find a way to leave that woman and marry you. You are so caring, loving and I can do anything for you. Just stay with me, I will give you anything you want and I will marry you eventually.
What he is really saying: You think it is so easy to leave the mother of my children? You are just a baby, and I will keep on giving you paltry sums of money to get what I want. I will rent a house for you and buy you a car and I will visit you there for sex. The day you say you are no longer interested, I will collect my car and my house.
The implication:Adultery is not worth it. You will simply waste your youth and practically stop your life. It will look sweet initially but soon turns into gravel in your mouth. Disconnect from such relationships because God doesn’t want you there.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am wise. I have a better understanding of my lover. I know what my lover is saying and not saying.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will show you what your lover is not saying.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. (John 6:63 ESV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Review all your relationships and follow God’s instructions to find out what your lover is not saying.
Pro 13:2-3 KJV (2) A man shall eat good by the fruit of his mouth: but the soul of the transgressors shall eat violence. (3) He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction.
I want to write about something important this morning. It is a principle of the scripture and that which guarantees us daily victory in our daily work, in our relationship, marriage, and life generally.
It is what you say with your mouth. What you say with your mouth is very important because it will literarily give direction to your life! The words you say with your mouth are so powerful that they will overwhelm your life and seek to control the events of your life and love affair.
I believe it is for this reason that Jesus Christ said:
Joh 6:63 KJV It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.
When you were born, you needed to make a sound. That would be the sign of life. If a baby refuses to make sounds, he gets some spankings. As the baby grows into a toddler, everybody expects the baby to start talking.
Words are formed eventually and that becomes a sign of growth. You needed to ask a lady out and she needed to respond with words before marriage can happen. Nobody proposes or reply a proposal with silence.
On the wedding day, vows of words are exchanged and those words are terms of the marital covenant. In a marital affair, constant, loving words must go on or the marriage will die. That is how important words could be.
To give your life to Jesus, some words must be confessed and that would be it! In the Spirit realm, words are so important and the devil knows this. That is why he seeks to feed you with negative thoughts so that you can verbalize them. The moment you verbalize that negativity, it becomes your experience. That will not be your portion in Jesus name.
So the question this morning is “what are you saying?”
The scripture above says when you keep your mouth, you keep your life. Watch what you say!
Don’t make statements like:
“I don’t even understand my life.” (You will never understand it when you keep saying that)
“I am very confused” (You just invited the spirit behind confusion to have legal entry into your soul)
“I think there is a curse working against me” (You just empowered the devil to operate)
Never say the wrong words. Never use wrong words on your fiancée or your spouse!
Don’t say words like, “you are very stupid!”
Don’t say to your wife that she is slow.
Don’t call your husband an irresponsible man.
Potential Wife, don’t cut your potential husband into two with your mouth. There is a difference between a wife and a knife!
Husbands-to-be, don’t hurt and wound your wife-to-be with insensitive words, words mean a lot to them.
There are parents who call their children, “coconut head!”
How will the child be brilliant with that prophecy when you know the only thing inside a coconut is water? Or don’t you know that as parents, whatever you call your children is like a prophecy into their future?
Don’t say to your wife, “Fat lazy woman, you were once slim and beautiful when I found you, but now, you are….” Guess who turned her that way? Rather than say that, go and enroll her in a gym!
Don’t say to your husband, “It is the greatest error of my life marrying you,” I regret ever knowing you!” Rather than say that, pray for him, because you are one!
As singles, if you are enduring verbal abuse daily, don’t close your eyes and walk like a zombie into that relationship. Seek help, because he might not change, in fact, it will often get worse after marriage because marriage doesn’t change anybody.
If the lady you want to marry is always shutting you down for whatever reason, it is defective, seek help and seek counseling!
Words are very important! Don’t tell me somebody loves you when he or she tears you apart with words that demotivate and weaken you daily!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am speaking the right words to help my love affair
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will give you the wisdom to speak rightly always.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 10:19 MSG The more talk, the less truth; the wise measure their words.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Analyze your love affair and check if you have been speaking the right words
The message how your words affect your life was taught by Rev. Dunamis Okunowo on the 24th of March 2021 at Shouts of Grace Center, Joke Plaza, Beside Trans Amusement Park, Bodija-UI Road, Ibadan.
To Listen to the audio of messages from Rev. Dunamis kindly go HERE or HERE
1 My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation. 2 For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body. 3 Behold, we put bits in the horses’ mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body. 4 Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth.
5 Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. 7 For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind:
8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. 9 Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. 10 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. 11 Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? 12 Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh.
James 3:1-12, KJV
He started the message by saying that a good leader will not manipulate his followers. We are not perfect as humans because our words are not perfect, because our mouths and the words we speak gives direction to our lives. He said “Wherever your mouth goes is where your life goes”
Wherever your mouth goes is where your life goes
He also mentioned in his teaching that the quality of the life we live cannot go beyond the quality of our thoughts. Our words carry power, so it’s of utmost importance that we stop joking carelessly and stop talking anyhow. He said “You must watch your words and be careful with your words and thoughts”
You must watch your words and be careful with your words and thoughts
In his teaching he said it was very important we watch the words we say, he said “nothing dies, until you say it with your mouth. Taming the tongue can only be by the help of the Holy Spirit. He emphasized that carefulness cannot tame the tongue, positive confessions also cannot tame the tongue.
The church is not for perfect people, it is for growth so people don’t continue in sin. The church is a place for correction.
