COUPLES – Help Pastor! I Am Living An Adulterous Life. –Part 2
Continued from yesterday.
These will help if you have not started an affair or living an adulterous life, but you want to avoid it.
Don’t spend time alone with the opposite sex
If you are fantasizing about a sexual relationship with someone else apart from your spouse, stay away from that person.
Refuse to talk about feelings of attraction to any other person apart from your spouse.
Never share intimate details about your marriage with a member of the opposite sex. Don’t discuss or report your spouse to another colleague in your office.
Avoid outside influences and environments as much as possible!
Constant office trips, office dates, business parties, and private lunches, should be avoided if possible because such can build marital unfaithfulness.
Let your spouse be your top priority.
Talk together and work out all arguments or quarrels. Don’t store up grievances. Learn to resolve all issues and keep your love aflame.
Adjust your attitude.
Love flourishes in a relationship where there is wholehearted trust, respect, and love. Have fun with your spouse.
What if you are already involved in adulterous life? I don’t judge you and God does not condemn you. But He won’t condone that lifestyle as well.
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am faithful to my spouse. I love my spouse. I will not allow any distraction to tear my marriage and home apart. I am sincere to my spouse. My marriage is preserved.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY I destroy every marriage killer; I receive wisdom from God to rule in the affairs of this world. Spirit of God, envelope my marriage with your wisdom and power
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Wives understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. –Ephesians 5:22 (MSG)
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church–a love marked by giving, not getting. –Ephesians 5:25 (MSG)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Disconnect from every relationship/affair that your spouse does not know anything about of that he does not approve
One of the ways God has planned that Couples get closer to each other is through the act of sex. It is God’s design. However, God wanted it to be an act within the matrimonial sanctity.
It is so powerful that God said when either couple wants to abstain from it for a while, to fast, for example, permission must be taken from the other spouse.
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. -1Corinthians 7:5 (KJV)
The Bible strongly advises that couples must seek each other’s desires. This is an area where wives must be extremely careful. Never deprive your husband sexually. If you do that, you can get him into troubles with secretaries, house-helps, and any other thing in a skirt. You may not understand this fully until you discover how his body is wired.
This is not a justification for marital infidelity, however. The Bible acknowledges that sexual desires are strong, but that marriage is powerful enough to contain it.
The Holy Spirit advised through Paul that you must not deprive your spouse sexually. In fact, the Bible calls it fraud when you do so.
Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly, but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality–the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting–but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. -1Corinthians 7:1-5 (MSG)
Why is God particular about sex? The reason is obvious. It creates bonding between spouses. It is God’s way of rekindling the fire in marriage.
During an act of sex, what takes place is more than physical. While non-religious writers may debunk the reality of its spiritual consequences, they are apt to accept the fact that something more than physical takes place during the act.
Within marriage, it affirms the dignity and uniqueness of the couple, strengthens the marital bond, and brings a healthy pleasure.
You will make it. You will not fall by the wayside. You will not be cut off in the midst of your days. You will not become a victim of a sexualized society. God will keep you from falling. I see God sending that help you need right now to you as you call on Him! It is a new day for you!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not deprive my spouse of my duty and his or her right. I am not angry or bitter toward my spouse. My spirit is not closed towards my spouse. I love _________(mention name of spouse) dearly. He/She is the love of my life. I am not self-seeking, I honour my spouse.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to make necessary changes in this area of my life. Grant me Lord, a quick forgiving spirit.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex. -Hebrews 13:4 (MSG)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Sex can be spontaneous or strategic, be available for both.
Yesterday we looked at how important it is for wives everywhere to praise their husbands. We looked at how a little girl danced in honor of king Herod and praised him. He was willing to part with half of his kingdom. When women praise amazing things happen.
Today, we will be looking at ‘Husbands Appreciate your wives’.
To appreciate means to recognize the good qualities of something or someone. Husbands, your wives are your helper; they are created for you and for your good.
The fuel that keeps wives going and functioning in their calling as helpers, is appreciating their efforts and labour of love.
Any husband that doesn’t appreciate his wife is stifling the potential of his wife.
Appreciation comes with a sense of thoughtfulness that allows for gratitude. You become grateful for the little gestures and the big things your wife does.
Every wife is moved to do more or motivated by words. For example, if your wife cooks a meal and you appreciate her, she will remember the appreciation and will want to do better the next time she is cooking. If she is not appreciated, however, the creativity to do more or do better is not there.
If the love language of your wife is words of affirmation, you have to give her big doses of appreciation. Appreciate your wife for her looks, appreciate her for her dress sense, appreciate her being a home keeper, appreciate her for her intuition, appreciate her for her sacrifices, appreciate her for her kindness, for taking care of the children, for believing you, for encouraging you, for being there, for doing the dishes, and the list goes on and on.
One thing about appreciation like praise is that the more you give it the more you see reasons the give more appreciation.
In the same way, the less you show appreciation the less you will find reasons to show appreciation.
May God grant us grace to show more appreciation to our wives.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be more loving and tender to my wife
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to be a good husband, teach me how to always praise my wife
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY But when Herod’s birthday came, the daughter of Herodias danced in the midst [before the company] and pleased and fascinated Herod, and so he promised with an oath to give her whatever she might ask. –Matthew 14:6 – 7 (AMPC)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take out time to praise your wife today
The two words Appreciate and Praise have same elements but are slightly different.
Every wife should know how to praise her husband. If you wait till your husband is perfect you will wait a long time. Besides, who says you have the right standard to judge him? You may have a thousand things against him, but look for and focus on the good things he has done.
How he has been a good father to your children, he didn’t neglect you when you were pregnant, he didn’t abuse you, he provided for you, he prayed and fast for you.
The truth of the fact is that your husband has done so much for you, that you are not even aware of. It will take eternity to discover some of the things our husbands have done for us. Just like it will be in eternity to unravel the so many things our heavenly father has done for us.
Sometimes we have misjudged their motives, yet God is the judge of all and He looks into the heart.
God our heavenly father loves praises and men are created in the image of God, so there is a part of every man that craves praises.
If every wife will look beyond the pains and hurts, and just praise her husband for what he does, I believe that praise will work wonders.
But when Herod’s birthday came, the daughter of Herodias danced in the midst [before the company] and pleased and fascinated Herod, and so he promised with an oath to give her whatever she might ask. –Matthew 14:6 – 7 (AMPC)
That is what praise can do. We can learn this principle from this young girl, who despite who King Herod is or whatever he has done, danced with all her heart, and honored him till he felt so wonderful.
She could access what the king has by simply honoring him. She brought herself to a place of prominence by forgetting herself and praising the king first. She was rewarded for it.
Let us all as wives focus on praising our husbands. Let us be selfless. Let us not be too mindful of ourselves.
We can’t dance unless we learn to forget whatever issues, and grievances we have towards our husbands. For us to dance in a way that pleases and catch the attention of our husbands, our hearts must be free of offenses.
Have a light heart. So you can dance well. All you want is for your king to open his mouth and give you half of his kingdom, his heart, his life, his commitment, his loyalty, his attention.
The principle is to do his own first!
May God grant us the heart of humility to rid our hearts of everything that will not make our hearts light, so that we can dance for him.
God bless our marriage
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to be a good wife, teach me how to always appreciate my husband
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY But when Herod’s birthday came, the daughter of Herodias danced in the midst [before the company] and pleased and fascinated Herod, and so he promised with an oath to give her whatever she might ask. –Matthew 14:6 – 7 (AMPC)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Make a list of the things your husband has done for you and appreciate him for it
So we learned how important communication is in marriage. Not just anyhow communication but husbands and wives should dedicate time and attention to proper and effective ways to communicate with each other.
It can’t be over-emphasized, that Intimacy in marriage can only be brought as we grow from one level of Communication to the other levels.
There are five levels of Communication. I started with the first level yesterday, which is Hallway talker. Today, I am continuing:
2. Reporter’s Talk
This level is a step further than the first. Here, the conversation moves from general talks to talking or giving facts or information about events. It is a reported kind of talk.
Here more information is given, but still, this kind of conversation does not promote intimacy. In level two communication, we do not express our opinions, thoughts, or how we feel about the subject matter.
If you are at this level two communication, your aim should be to move up and climb the steps of effective communication so that intimacy could be engendered.
Remember, level two communication is summarized; Just give me the facts.
3. Intellectual Talk
In this conversation level, your spouse is given the freedom to think differently. This is an amazing gift to give each other in marriage.
It is recognizing the fact that each one of you is a unique individual with a different perspective, viewpoint, and way of reasoning.
Marriage is trying to bring our way of thinking into alignment without suffocating the uniqueness of each other’s thinking. Two becoming one is choosing the best of our different thinking patterns and or merging our different opinions till we arrive at the best alternative.
When we recognize our weaknesses and strength and know that each one of us has a role and part to play and that neither of us is superior to another. We will honor each other and give each other the opportunity to air their opinions.
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will be a blessing to many
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, teach me how to communicate effectively
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. –Jeremiah 33:3 (KJV)
