The ultimate goal of every marriage is for both the husband and the wife to grow increasingly in love and intimate with each other.
When you look at your marriage, can you say of the truth that you and your spouse are growing in love?
You may start out not being so close with each other in terms of understanding each other, but as the years roll by, you should be growing in intimacy.
However, it takes some couples longer years to grow to that level of intimacy. Some couples are like cat and mouse. They have not been able to work out their differences.
It is like a rat race, the husband always wants the wife to be exactly like him and vice versa. They always want to fashion their wife into what they want or what they feel she should be like. The same thing with the wife, always trying to make her husband into her image of what a husband should be.
God has not called us to the ministry of changing our spouses. It is a futile ministry, a ministry that will never prosper. If anything, you will end up having a spouse who is a clone of himself or herself.
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Allow your spouse to grow at his/her pace. Don’t try to change your spouse. Your spouse is not essentially your primary responsibility in terms of monitoring him /her. Do more prayer and intercession for your spouse and allow God to get through to him/her.
Don’t let us be too hasty in judging our spouse. Let’s learn to rather commend them to God and to the word of his grace which is able to build up and give them an inheritance among them that are sanctified, as instructed in Acts 20:32
Here are some characters to watch out for that can hinder intimacy in marriage
1. Immaturity Learn to handle things in your marriage maturely. Learn to separate issues from your spouses’ personality.
2. Being temperamental When you are too strong on your personality or being a difficult person.
3. Being too emotional
4. Not forgiving easily
5. Not respecting your spouse as an individual and God’s child.
6. Not being easy to talk with
7. Lack of understanding If you don’t understand that you and your spouse are different and that you see things from different standpoints, intimacy is going to be difficult
All these and much more are things that can prevent any marriage from experiencing the intimacy they so much desire.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I choose to be intimate with my spouse
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, teach me how to love my spouse with all my heart
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Gen 2:24[NKJV] Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Register for KHC Couples camp meeting
We started on the topic “Ways to Know that your marriage needs help” in yesterday’s devotional. let’s look at a few more
3. When the couples keep secrets from each other
There are different vital information that your spouse considers you should not keep away from them. Keeping such information away for whatever reasons could create a crack in the marriage. Trust is broken and you never see yourself as being naked and not ashamed.
4. When there is still parental influence
The Bible clearly says in Gen 2: 23, the husband should leave father and mother and cleave to his wife.
Parents, no doubt, want what is best for their children but we have to obey scriptures for our marriage to work like God planned it. Parents could be sentimental and biased when it comes to their opinion or judging issues in case there is a misunderstanding. So avoid the involvement of your own parents in your marital affairs as much as possible.
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5. When there is extramarital affairs
When there is extra marital affairs either by the husband or wife or from both couples, it’s a serious sign that all is not well. Whatever the justification whether out of retaliation, offense, being promiscuous, ignorance, neglect from either spouse, health conditions, financial constraints or whatever the reason. Whenever there is infidelity there is serious problem.
Maybe it is not a full blown affair, it is still under an emotional affair or an office affair they are all danger signs.
Seek help before it gets out of hand.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I seek the needed help when I need it.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord surround me with my helpers and let me recognize them.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 20:2 Send thee help from the sanctuary, and strengthen thee out of Zion;
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY I will sincerely look into my marriage and identify areas where we need help
We all need help at some point or another. Needing help just shows that we are only humans and there is nothing to be ashamed of when we need help.
Some couples out of shame and not being sincere have sabotaged their marriage. In the physical, we have hospitals and Doctors to the sick. What of if the sick is ashamed and refuses to open up or go to the hospital? He simply die in his sickness.
Help is always available to whosoever will seek the necessary help when necessary.
In marriage too, we need help at different times for different reasons.
Your marriage may need help if these 5 signs are obvious in your marriage but of cause, it is not limited to these 5 things.
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1. If the wife is always denying her husband sex either to punish him or get her way. The need for sex in man is so enormous that this need has to be met. A man is satisfied and optimal condition when he has regular Jerusalem trips.
Yes, the wife could have a lot of reasons why they deny them but please this has to be talked about. Seek help through books or counselor. Don’t keep quiet, as this could be detrimental to your marriage.
2. When there is regular misunderstanding and strife that lingers. Find the source of your constant quarrels and prayerfully get to the root of it. Obviously, you will marry someone opposite of you. Your spouse will be of a different temperament to you. Try and accommodate your spouse excess while you grow up to maturity together.
To be continued…
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I seek the needed help when I need it.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord surround me with my helpers and let me recognize them.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 20:2 Send thee help from the sanctuary, and strengthen thee out of Zion;
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY I will sincerely look into my marriage and identify areas where we need help
In marriage, our intentions don’t count as much as our actions. So verbalizing our affection to our spouse is very important. Learn To Verbalize Your Love To Your Spouse
It does something to the wife hearing from her husband that she is the best cook in the world. Honestly, she will want to live to the expectation of her husband and the name he has called her.
Of course, what is good for the goose is also good for the gander. Husbands also respond to words spoken to them by their wives. If you call your husband unromantic, you are right because the little ingenuity he has will be lost and he will be very unromantic. Call your husband romantic, and I believe he will go out of his way to see to it that he is more romantic. All in all, we all respond to words whether negatively or positively.
There is a king and a beast inside every husband. It is the one you call that will come forth. As wives, we should always try to call and address the one that makes you happier. Some wives address the beast and their husbands behave like one.
Also, inside every wife is wisdom, folly, a queen, virtues as well as a beast. Address the one you want. Not just occasional but learn to do it always. If you want the queen, then address her gently and with sweetness. You will see her behavior change.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals kindly go HERE
This is a principle in marriage that I believe God wants us to practice.
In Genesis, where the first marriage existed, we saw Adam using the same principle.
And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Gen 2:23-24
In verse 23, God was the one that took a rib from Adam and made a woman, but it was Adam that spoke up and called the woman bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.
He called her my intimate friend, the one that is like me, the one who meets all my needs perfectly like no one else would. As a result of his confession, the cleaving process was now possible and then they could become one flesh.
The principle is very simple but it requires our commitment.
Say good things that you want to see and believe God has put inside your spouse and you will begin to see your spouse manifest such.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I speak positive words to my spouse.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY God teach me how to love my spouse with all my heart
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Gen 2:23 [TLB] “This is it!” Adam exclaimed. “She is part of my own bone and flesh! Her name is ‘woman’ because she was taken out of a man.”
The ability to enjoy whatever God has given to us despite imperfections is the maturity that takes for happiness in life and marriage. It is in loving our spouse unconditionally that makes marriage beautiful and fulfilling. We all have so many buts, we can choose to or choose not to consider in our spouse.
The Bible says love covers a multitude of sins. It means if we choose to walk in love, we can ignore or better still, hand our spouse’s flaws to God.
This prayer becomes handy; Lord give us the Grace to change the things we can change and the courage to leave the ones we cannot.
When we hand over such things to God, we should know that God is capable of handling them in His own way. Once in God’s hands, we should rest and trust in His love.
What most people do is that they give God and then collect it back. God knows what best to do to change a man. There is no overnight transformation. Even God appreciates the process of gradual change or transformation.
Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God—what is good and is pleasing to him and is perfect.
Rom 12:2 GNB
Am I asking us to keep quiet and suffer in silence? No. Neither am I justifying wrong behaviors or any character flaws or defects. Most of the character flaws we see in marriage were already there as singles. It only became amplified in marriage.
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An irresponsible man had always had those tendencies. It was only fully expressive in marriage.
If we will not focus on the temperamental differences of our spouse, we would have done well.
So far as what we complain about are our differences, fear not. God will always see us through. The opposite will always attract. You found yourself attracted to your spouse and eventually married him/her because he was different from you.
If you are a fast person, you will be attracted to a quiet, easy-going person. A serious person will marry a playful person. It is these same differences that later repels, annoys and, gets us aggravated.
Some couples say, I love my spouse but she talks too much, but she is lazy, but she is careless. I love my spouse but he is aggressive, but he works too much, we can’t even go for vacation….and on and on.
What we should do is appreciate and thank God for the difference. Know that God put the differences there so you can accomplish much in your marriage. Try and let love, understanding, and patience have their full course in your lives.
You have to understand that neither you nor your spouse is correct or wrong, it is just about being wired differently, having different opinions, and seeing things from different viewpoint and perspectives.
So if you are hoping and thinking, ‘I love my spouse, but…’, you have to begin to remove the ‘but’ from your marital dictionary and begin to love your spouse despite their faults. Learn to forgive and forgive fast. Never allow issues to linger for long before seeking to forgive. Don’t allow ego or pride to finish your marriage.
I know a couple whose marriage is fast heading for the rocks. The wife has chosen to believe she is right and is waiting for her husband to come rolling on the floor begging. The husband too is unwilling to bend, saying she is fond of doing that and that he is tired of begging.
The wife has refused to listen to counsel. It is their differences that the devil wants to use to scatter their marriage. We are to walk through our differences allowing God to mature us.
May God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I love my spouse and my sin covers his/her flaws
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me enjoy the wife of my youth
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Rom 12:2 GNB Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God—what is good and is pleasing to him and is perfect.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study your spouse and learn to accept your differences
