How Men Can Earn Authority in Relationships or Marriage
Yesterday, we started looking at how and why men are losing authority. We will continue in that light today.
How to Earn the Authority You’re Demanding.
1) Master Yourself First
“Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” (Proverbs 25:28)
Get your finances in order
Control your temper
Break free from addictions
Develop emotional intelligence
Take care of your physical health
Grow spiritually through consistent discipline
2) Serve Before You Lead
Find ways to serve your partner or family without being asked
Anticipate needs
Do the unglamorous tasks
Sacrifice your preferences
Put their well-being before your comfort
3) Become a Student
“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.” (Proverbs 4:7 KJV)
Read books on marriage, leadership, and emotional intelligence
Listen more than you speak
Seek counsel from older, wiser men
Learn from your mistakes instead of repeating them
4) Lead by Example
“In everything set them an example by doing what is good.” (Titus 2:7)
Don’t just tell your family what to do, show them. You want them to pray? They should see you praying. You want them to read Scripture? They should see you reading Scripture. You want respect? Show them what respectability looks like.
5) Own Your Failures
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” (James 5:16)
Real men apologize when they’re wrong. They admit mistakes. They don’t blame others but take responsibility.
6) Seek God First
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33)
Your relationship with God must be your foundation. Everything else flows from there.
Biblical submission is a woman’s RESPONSE to godly leadership, not her obligation despite ungodly leadership. When you love your wife like Christ loves the church, when you’re serving, sacrificing, protecting, providing, and prioritizing her good, submission becomes natural. It’s not forced or demanded, it just flows from trust and respect.
It’s time to grow up, earn the authority you’re demanding. It’s time to lead like Jesus led through service, sacrifice, and love. The women are scaling up. The question is: Will you?
In a world filled with distractions, pressures, and competing priorities, men are called to rise above the noise and live with purpose. The Bible provides clear guidance on how to navigate life as a man of integrity, strength, and faith. Here are five critical decisions every man should make to fulfill his God-given role and leave a lasting legacy.
1. Decide to Lead with Humility
True leadership isn’t about power or control—it’s about serving others. Jesus set the ultimate example when He washed His disciples’ feet (John 13:14-15), demonstrating that greatness comes through humility. As a man, decide to lead your family, workplace, and community not by demanding respect but by earning it through selfless service. Be willing to admit mistakes, listen to others, and prioritize their needs over your own ego.
2. Decide to Walk in Integrity
Proverbs 10:9 says, “Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.” A man of integrity aligns his actions with his words and values. Decide today to live honestly—even when no one is watching. Whether it’s in business dealings, relationships, or personal decisions, choose to do what is right rather than what is easy. Your reputation is built on the small, consistent choices you make daily.
3. Decide to Protect What Matters Most
Men are called to be protectors—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Ephesians 5:25 instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, sacrificing for her well-being. Beyond marriage, this principle applies to all areas of life. Decide to safeguard your family from harmful influences, defend those who cannot defend themselves, and stand firm against injustice. A protector doesn’t shy away from challenges; he faces them head-on with courage and conviction.
4. Decide to Pursue Wisdom
The Book of Proverbs repeatedly emphasizes the importance of wisdom, calling it more valuable than wealth or power (Proverbs 3:13-18). Decide to grow in knowledge and understanding by spending time in God’s Word, seeking counsel from wise mentors, and learning from life’s experiences. Wisdom enables you to make sound decisions, avoid unnecessary pitfalls, and guide others effectively. A wise man leaves a legacy of insight that benefits generations to come.
5. Decide to Depend on God
No matter how strong or capable you may feel, true strength comes from leaning on God. Isaiah 40:31 reminds us, “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Decide to surrender your plans, fears, and struggles to Him. Trust that His timing is perfect, His provision is sufficient, and His grace is abundant. When you depend on God, you become unshakable because your foundation is secure in Him.
Final Thought:
Every decision shapes the man you are becoming. Will you choose humility over pride, integrity over compromise, protection over passivity, wisdom over foolishness, and dependence on God over self-reliance? These choices define not only your character but also the impact you’ll have on those around you. Men, the world needs godly leaders who reflect Christ’s heart and exemplify His ways. Start making these decisions today, and watch how God uses you to build a legacy of faith, strength, and love.
Some time ago, I went to pick up my son from his school. As busy as the road was, I had no issue crossing it since I was alone. On my way back, with my son, I was more careful about crossing the same road. I stood there for a very long time, waiting for the road to be entirely clear before crossing.
I remember I saw others crossing with the speed of light while I stood there, calculating my next move.
People were watching me, wondering why I was finding it difficult to cross. I heard someone say,’ this man cannot live in Lagos State.’
Eventually, when the road was clear, I crossed.
On my way to his school, I crossed the road without thinking twice. On my way back, I had a tough time crossing the road – the same road, the same me…lol.
What happened? I was more conscious the second time because I was carrying something. I was carrying someone. I was carrying my son.
That consciousness altered the way I thought, acted, and even spoke. I didn’t mind the insults rained at me. I didn’t mind the time wasted. I couldn’t afford to miscalculate because it wasn’t just me this time.
How conscious are you of the one you are carrying? It is not enough to say it. You must act it and live in that consciousness. That consciousness won’t allow you to slide your hands into a lady’s blouse. That consciousness won’t allow you to send your nude pictures to him. That consciousness won’t allow you to alter that document. That consciousness won’t allow you to take advantage of the one you are meant to protect.
Perhaps I should remind you of who you’re carrying.
II Corinthians 6:16 [NKJV] And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will dwell in them And walk among them. I will be their God, And they shall be My people.”
God dwells in you. You carry God inside. Let that consciousness guide you throughout today.
Marriage is one of life’s most significant commitments, and it requires careful preparation, self-awareness, and a strong foundation. Before jumping into this lifelong partnership, it’s essential to assess whether you’re truly ready emotionally, spiritually, and practically. Below is a quiz designed to help you reflect on your readiness for marriage. Answer honestly, and use the results as a guide for further growth.
1. Do You Have a Deep Relationship with God?
Marriage should be grounded in faith, especially for Christians. A strong relationship with God equips you to navigate challenges, make wise decisions, and prioritize love over selfish desires. If you feel distant from God or unsure about His role in your life, consider investing more time in prayer, Bible study, and spiritual growth before committing to marriage.
2. Can You Communicate Effectively?
Healthy communication is the cornerstone of any successful marriage. Are you able to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly? Can you listen actively without becoming defensive? Misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts can strain relationships, so mastering communication skills is crucial before tying the knot.
3. Are You Emotionally Mature?
Emotional maturity means understanding and managing your emotions while showing empathy toward others. Do you handle stress well? Can you take responsibility for your actions and apologize when necessary? Emotional immaturity can lead to unhealthy patterns in marriage, such as blaming, controlling behavior, or avoiding tough conversations.
4. Do You Know Yourself Well?
Self-awareness is vital for building a healthy marriage. Are you clear about your values, goals, strengths, and weaknesses? Do you understand what you bring to the table—and where you might need improvement? Knowing yourself helps ensure that you enter marriage as a whole person, not someone seeking completeness through another.
5. Are You Financially Responsible?
Money is one of the leading causes of conflict in marriages. Do you have a basic understanding of budgeting, saving, and financial planning? Are you free from excessive debt or reckless spending habits? While no one expects perfection, being financially responsible demonstrates maturity and readiness to manage household responsibilities together.
6. Have You Resolved Past Hurts?
Unresolved issues from past relationships or family dynamics can resurface in marriage if left unaddressed. Have you worked through any lingering pain, trauma, or bitterness? Healing these areas ensures that you don’t carry unnecessary baggage into your new life together.
7. Do You Share Core Values with Your Partner?
While differences can enrich a relationship, core values like faith, family, career, and lifestyle priorities must align for long-term harmony. Do you and your partner share similar beliefs about raising children, finances, and commitment to God? Compatibility in these areas lays a solid foundation for lasting love.
In conclusion, if you answered “yes” to most of these questions, congratulations—you’re likely ready for marriage! However, if some areas need improvement, take the time to grow and prepare. Remember, entering marriage prematurely can lead to unnecessary struggles. Trust God’s timing, and invest in yourself and your relationship. After all, a successful marriage isn’t just about finding the right person—it’s also about being the right person.
Most of the time, our immediate actions have futuristic consequences, which is why we have to be careful about what we do or what we don’t do. Our choices – whether good or bad, transcend us.
David, for example, chose to go for another man’s wife after murdering him. One would think God’s silence on the matter for over a year meant He approved David’s actions. Well, his choices threw his family into problems as the sword never departed from his house.
What about Abraham, the father of faith? He wanted a permanent solution to his issue of childlessness as the supposed promise of God was taking too long to manifest. Of course, we know he eventually had to send Ishmael away.
I could also talk about Samson, Joseph, Gehazi, Saul, and a host of others whose choices outlived them.
What is my point this morning? It doesn’t end with you. That 5 minutes of pleasure doesn’t end there. That subtle text doesn’t end there. Yes, it is taking longer than you thought but compromising has never solved any problem beforehand. Ask everyone who has compromised in one way or another. It never ended there. More often than not, the moment you are done compromising, then the issues begin.
Jos 24:15 [NKJV] And if it seems evil to you to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”
Before you take that decision, think about your children. Think about your assignment. Think about your purpose. Jesus could have easily turned the stones into bread. He not only had the power, he was hungry, but he knew better. He knew his work on earth was more than bread.
Like we say in Nigeria; the food you do not have plans to put in your mouth, do not bring it close to your nose.
