Somebody was once asked what are the three most important ingredients of a relationship or marriage that would be successful. He simply gave them:
Communication
Communication
Communication I believe he was right!
Communication is powerful and is so essential. Right from the very first few seconds of a baby’s entrance into this world, there must be communication or the baby will be given some baby smacks to give out a sound! As a matter of fact, communication, in an unexplainable way begins right from the embryonic stage of the baby in its mother’s womb. When communication in a relationship or marriage nosedives, the consequences show up immediately. In every relationship and marriage, there are levels of communication that must be explored to create a balance.
1. Communication with your maker No matter how good you are with communication or how adept you are in relating with others, if you have not first communicated with your maker, all the efforts will be futile. You see, you need to understand this, as it is fundamental. Your success in a relationship or marriage is predicated on your relationship with God as a foundation. Do you know God? If you don’t know God first, you won’t be able to know him or her. For you to understand what love is and how to love appropriately, you have to know God first because God is love! When you say something like, “I don’t want to be spiritual,” you are not being true to yourself, because you are essentially a spirit! You are a spirit who thinks with a soul and lives in a body! The body is not the real you! That is why the body is here on earth and decays after the man dies. When a man dies, the real him escapes from the body and reports to God!
Marriage itself is spiritual, from the very day that God instituted it. To succeed therefore in such, you need to first retrace your steps and establish a deliberate relationship with God. This is why we often say that it is risky to marry a man or woman that doesn’t know God! Do you know that knowing God, reading His word regularly will help you from falling into the hands of the wrong spouse? You see that in the book of Proverbs where it says specifically that He will deliver you from the evil man and from the strange woman!
To deliver thee from the way of the EVIL MAN, from the man that speaketh froward things; (Proverbs 2:12 KJV) To deliver thee from the STRANGE WOMAN, even from the stranger which flattereth with her words; (Proverbs 2:16 KJV)
2. Communication with yourself The next stage is communication with yourself. Who are you? This answers the question of identity. Why are you here? This answers the question of purpose. This stage is important because if you don’t answer these questions before venturing into a relationship or marriage, you will end up frustrating him or her.
The questions of identity and purpose, if left unanswered would weary you and bring confusion as you begin to deal with another person. True love with yourself is a personal discovery of who you are and why you are here. If you don’t have true love for yourself, you cannot love another person. A person for example, who has answered the questions of identity and purpose, would not sleep around irresponsibly. The reality of who he or she is in God and the weight of his assignment would not allow him or her to misbehave. The gloriousness of his assignment would debar him from traveling down the road of compromise. When you know who you are, you will not try to get affirmations from the opposite sex who is looking for some lustful flings. When you know God’s plan for your life, the awesomeness of your future will prevent you from opening your legs to everybody that knocks! When a sense of purpose drives you, the fear of God will keep you from deceiving that guy or girl because of some paltry sums of money. When you know who you are, you won’t end up with a gut or girl in bed who you just met a few hours ago.
I challenge you this morning to seek the face of God in fasting and prayer to answer these questions. Who are you? Why are you here? Where is your location? There is a geographical milieu where you will thrive and flourish. Where is that place? You are a seed of God and every seed doesn’t grow everywhere. Before you travel or relocate to that country, have you been led by God? These are simple questions that will solve complex equations in your lives! May God grant more understanding! Wherever you are now, you can begin by talking to God and asking him these questions!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will communicate right with my maker
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to do it right.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Prov 2:11-12 (NIV) Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse,
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study the word “communication”
Over the years, from counseling experiences, and even from the scriptures, one guaranteed reason a relationship or marriage will crash is when there is no form of mentoring or tutelage, or better put, when there is no accountability!
The kingdom of God is so orchestrated in such a way that you are not supposed to stay in isolation. Isolation will usually dovetail to desolation.
Here is God’s word:
God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land. (Psalms 68:6 KJV)
God in His wisdom has surrounded us with not only physical families but also spiritual families. You have to be able to identify your spiritual family and stay there. There is a man or woman that God has placed over you from whom you can access wisdom and who will be able to speak into your life in the times of storms.
There are times that you face some issues, and yet the solution to that storm is just a sentence or two away in the mouth of an anointed servant of God.
This is why I am often scared of couples that have nobody they are accountable to. I am often scared of couples that have no mentors over them. Somebody has rightly said that you need mentors to avoid tormentors of life!
Singles, beware of getting into a relationship with a person who is accountable to no one! The moment he or she begins to tell you that God is his mentor, something is wrong somewhere.
Now, I will tell you why it is so important that you get married to somebody who is accountable.
There are some times that couples call in for counseling and upon listening to them, there would only be one way to move forward.
So, I would ask the question,
“Who is your husband’s mentor?”
It is always sad when the answer is “Nobody sir!”
So, I would usually reframe the question, “Who does your husband respect? Who can talk to him?”
And then, a sadder answer comes “Nobody sir!”
Then I would make one more attempt, “What about his parents?”
“He does not listen to his parents! Nobody can talk to him!”
At this point, the situation actually looks bleak… because you can hardly help an isolated and disenfranchised person!
One of the pertinent things to be sure of in considering marriage is the issue of accountability!
Don’t get involved with someone who says you don’t need a mentor. That would be risky!
Let me conclude with this scripture:
Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established. (Proverbs 15:22 KJV)
Purposes can be genuine, but when they are without counsel, they can be frustrated and disappointed.
See it in Message translation:
Refuse good advice and watch your plans fail; take good counsel and watch them succeed. (Proverbs 15:22 Message)
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the wisdom of God. I am not isolated. My relationship will not crash.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, show me who you have appointed to speak into my life so that my relationship will not crash.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY The empty–headed treat life as a plaything; the perceptive grasp its meaning and make a go of it. (Proverbs 15:21 Message)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Discuss and decide on who will be your mentor
A lot of singles and married couples are often caught up in the hustles and bustles of life and become distracted. Here is a reminder list of what you should do regularly to each other and how to go about it.
1. Pray for him.Pray for her.
Let it be genuine. This helps you to harness the help of God to come to bear for you. Genuine prayers for each other will go a long way to keep you together. Minimize the quarrels and maximize the times for prayers.
2. Call each other daily.
Whether you will see each other later in the day is not the issue, the issue is that communication is the live wire of any relationship or marriage that will survive. Keep in touch. Send SMS. Use chats.
3. Exchange gifts regularly.
It doesn’t have to be expensive! But let it be touching. Notice what I wrote, exchange gifts; not collect gifts! Those little gestures help to keep the fire of your relationship and marriage aflame.
4. Share with him or her what God is dealing with you in His word.
Whatever God tells you in your devotion or in your personal walk with God, will also bless him or her as long as it blesses you. You don’t have to make it look like you are in another service when you want to do that, but you make it as natural as possible.
5. Encourage one another.
You are his number one fan. You are her number one fan. Don’t discourage each other. Don’t dissipate your energy on criticism. Be aware that your input goes a long way because you are the closest person.
6. Forgive each other so that your heavenly father will forgive you also.
You are not perfect, are you? So don’t become a judge, rather lovingly overlook and forget any mistakes that are meant to show up.
7. Let corrections be done in love.
Do you know it takes up to nine affirming statements to be able to accommodate and see one criticism as it should be seen? But you know what people do is give nine brutally critical statements and one or none of affirming statements. It will not yield any positive result like that.
8. Seek to help each other in obeying God’s instructions.
You are the greatest influence. Don’t encourage him or her to sin. Stand on the path of truth and help him or her to resist temptations.
9. Don’t feed each other’s weaknesses.
Rather, you should balance him or her out, because you will always have the strength and in areas where he or she is weak. Be available to help him stand. Be there to help her say No to iniquity. Don’t be seen as a partner in crime, or partner in iniquity. Let him or her be able to say, I trust my fiancé/fiancée/spouse; he will never compromise. Trust one another and protect your trust.
10. Make sure you have a mentor you talk to from time to time.
Sometimes, the very intense issues and disagreements are dissolved with a few statements. Well, that is the grace of God upon our lives and upon this ministry; to provide positive intervention in crisis-laden marriages and to provide godly counsels for those in courtship.
Accountability to those who have done what you are trying to do is a lot of wisdom. Stay close with these devotionals that have been a succor to a lot of marriages and relationships across the world, discuss it from time to time and keep on making adjustments! So help us God!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will apply discretion in every area of my relationship and marriage as God helps me. I seek help regularly.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, I ask that you give me wisdom and understanding in my relationship and in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Colossians 3:15 MSG Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Learn to discuss regularly with your fiance/fiancee
2Sa 8:15 ERV – David ruled over all Israel, and he made good and fair decisions for all of his people.
This morning, I want to write to you by the Spirit of God on a few things you can do that are guaranteed to turn your life around for good. Life is about decisions!
Think about yesterday and look back at the number of decisions you made alone yesterday.
The life you are living now is a consequence of the decisions of yester-years. The life you will live tomorrow is a springboard from the decisions you are making today.
Every MAN has M-A-N seasons. That is Morning, Afternoon, and Night!
The problem is that the consequences of bad decisions made in the morning of one’s life do not show until nighttime!
You are probably in the afternoon season of your life now. The mistake of the morning season does not fixate you into a permanent regret night-time.
You can change what your tomorrow will look like with strong decisions.
The challenge behind making decisions is that habits and comfort zones will be confronted, most times painfully. But it is the price you must pay to move forward.
If you want a different result in your life, you cannot continue to do things the way you have been doing them.
Here are the decisions to make. The list is not exhaustive, however.
1. Decide to have a relationship with God.
You cannot go far without this. Your life could be ended with a gentle breeze like when you blow off a candle-light, and that would be it. Fear Him who created you and have kept you alive! Be grateful for the gift of life by giving your life back to Him!
Mat 10:28 (MSG) “Don’t be bluffed into silence by the threats of bullies. There’s nothing they can do to your soul, your core being. Save your fear for God, who holds your entire life—body and soul—in his hands.
2. Decide to fellowship with God daily.
You need that daily renewal and rejuvenation or you will soon be wearied. Weariness at its peak can bring suicidal feelings. Be wise!
Isa 40:31 (MSG) But those who wait upon GOD get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, They run and don’t get tired, they walk and don’t lag behind.
3. Always seek the help of the Holy Spirit.
As a believer, you have been configured to succeed only with His help. Without Him, you will not have dominion over sin.
Gal 5:16 (KJV) This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
4. Decide to be accountable.
Don’t live your life recklessly. Deliberately get a mentor or pastor over your life. That is how you are preserved. Get somebody over your life that you can call on the phone anytime for wisdom! Stay in touch with that person. Give to him. Pray for him. That is how to be a good protégée.
1Ti 4:14 (TPT) Don’t minimize the powerful gift that operates in your life, for it was imparted to you by the laying on of hands of the elders and was activated through the prophecy they spoke over you.
5. Decide to stay off iniquity.
Don’t cut yourself short and jeopardize your destiny because of exuberance. Zip up! Stay away from all sexual sins. Be a man, not a boy! Ladies, preserve your virtue! Stay faithful to your spouse. Don’t trifle with pre-marital sex!
2Ti 2:19 (KJV) Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity.
I will stop here and continue tomorrow.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I chose to make quality decisions that will advance my life.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to be disciplined with my decisions.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Galatians 5:16, NLT: “So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.”
Pro 13:2-3 KJV (2) A man shall eat good by the fruit of his mouth: but the soul of the transgressors shall eat violence. (3) He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction.
I want to write about something important this morning. It is a principle of the scripture and that which guarantees us daily victory in our daily work, in our relationship, marriage, and life generally.
It is what you say with your mouth. What you say with your mouth is very important because it will literarily give direction to your life! The words you say with your mouth are so powerful that they will overwhelm your life and seek to control the events of your life and love affair.
I believe it is for this reason that Jesus Christ said:
Joh 6:63 KJV It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.
When you were born, you needed to make a sound. That would be the sign of life. If a baby refuses to make sounds, he gets some spankings. As the baby grows into a toddler, everybody expects the baby to start talking.
Words are formed eventually and that becomes a sign of growth. You needed to ask a lady out and she needed to respond with words before marriage can happen. Nobody proposes or reply a proposal with silence.
On the wedding day, vows of words are exchanged and those words are terms of the marital covenant. In a marital affair, constant, loving words must go on or the marriage will die. That is how important words could be.
To give your life to Jesus, some words must be confessed and that would be it! In the Spirit realm, words are so important and the devil knows this. That is why he seeks to feed you with negative thoughts so that you can verbalize them. The moment you verbalize that negativity, it becomes your experience. That will not be your portion in Jesus name.
So the question this morning is “what are you saying?”
The scripture above says when you keep your mouth, you keep your life. Watch what you say!
Don’t make statements like:
“I don’t even understand my life.” (You will never understand it when you keep saying that)
“I am very confused” (You just invited the spirit behind confusion to have legal entry into your soul)
“I think there is a curse working against me” (You just empowered the devil to operate)
Never say the wrong words. Never use wrong words on your fiancée or your spouse!
Don’t say words like, “you are very stupid!”
Don’t say to your wife that she is slow.
Don’t call your husband an irresponsible man.
Potential Wife, don’t cut your potential husband into two with your mouth. There is a difference between a wife and a knife!
Husbands-to-be, don’t hurt and wound your wife-to-be with insensitive words, words mean a lot to them.
There are parents who call their children, “coconut head!”
How will the child be brilliant with that prophecy when you know the only thing inside a coconut is water? Or don’t you know that as parents, whatever you call your children is like a prophecy into their future?
Don’t say to your wife, “Fat lazy woman, you were once slim and beautiful when I found you, but now, you are….” Guess who turned her that way? Rather than say that, go and enroll her in a gym!
Don’t say to your husband, “It is the greatest error of my life marrying you,” I regret ever knowing you!” Rather than say that, pray for him, because you are one!
As singles, if you are enduring verbal abuse daily, don’t close your eyes and walk like a zombie into that relationship. Seek help, because he might not change, in fact, it will often get worse after marriage because marriage doesn’t change anybody.
If the lady you want to marry is always shutting you down for whatever reason, it is defective, seek help and seek counseling!
Words are very important! Don’t tell me somebody loves you when he or she tears you apart with words that demotivate and weaken you daily!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am speaking the right words to help my love affair
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will give you the wisdom to speak rightly always.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 10:19 MSG The more talk, the less truth; the wise measure their words.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Analyze your love affair and check if you have been speaking the right words
