A few things to note: 1. Let the leadership of the church be in the know with your decisions. Not with the intent of manipulating you, but to provide counsel relating to your decisions.
2. Don’t join a church for the sole purpose of getting a guy or a lady. Go there because you want to serve God. 3. Serve God genuinely and get busy for Him. When you get busy for God, God will get busy for you. 4. Let the pastor know before you ask a lady for her hand in marriage. It helps you to be orderly about it. In one of the churches where I had pastored, a guy went to propose to a lady who is already married with child. This could have been avoided if he went about it the right way. 5. Before you say ‘Yes,’ tell your pastor about it. Ask questions about him, what he does and where he is coming from. Imagine this kind of conversation:
Lady: Pastor, I will be getting married next month. Pastor: Good. To who? Lady: His name is Buddy Pastor: What does he do? Lady: I don’t really know… I think business. Pastor: Is he born again? Lady: He said so Pastor: Where does he worship Lady: ehmmm…I have forgotten the name of his church Pastor: Is he a worker in his church? Lady: He said he will start after marriage Pastor: Does he drink? Lady: He said he has stopped…. except for small stout for his health.
And so on.
Is this lady doing the right thing? No! You don’t fall in love with strangers! This is why weddings are canceled a few days before the proposed date. 6. Let God guide you, not your feelings alone. Feelings come and go, but God’s word will endure forever. 7. Become friends first. Let it grow. Don’t go and tell somebody you met two hours ago that you are in love. You cannot love somebody you don’t know! There is a difference between love and lust. 8. If a guy in church who is active or who is a leader is asking for jeru trip, disconnect from such a person, or you will soon yield to the pressures. You don’t visit such a person at home! Definitely, something will happen.
For those in courtship, do you find yourself in a situation where you think you might have made a mistake? Well, you need to stop afflicting yourself. What you need to do now is the way forward and not some regretful emotions. Get into a prayerful mode and ask God to intervene. Seek counsel from your pastors and mentors as well. God will surely send help to you and make everything new for you.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not fall in love with the wrong person
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask that God opens the eyes of your understanding
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness. (Psalms 143:10 KJV)
Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness. (Psalms 143:10 KJV)
In deciding who to marry, the singular most important factor is God’s direction. This cannot be traded with the fact that you met in church. Here is a story narrated by a lady some years back. I read the account in a Newspaper (It was either Punch or Daily Sun)
She was going out with a guy that she met in a big Pentecostal church in Lagos. Everything looked good. ‘At least they met in church,’ so she thought. The guy had a jeep and would often drop her for choir meetings and pick her up later. This went on for about six months.
One of those days after choir meeting, he came to pick her as usual. But that particular day, he seemed to be in a hurry. He asked that he needed to dash down to a place before dropping her. That was no issue for her; that was her fiancé talking!
So he drove quite a long distance and just drove and drove.
‘Sorry dear, we are almost there.’
The next thing was that he veered off the road and drove far into the bush. Then he packed, got down, dragged her down and wanted to cut off her head. The girl screamed, but there was nobody to help in the bush. He pressed the knife to her neck hard to decapitate her head, and the lady struggled. She was a little bit strong, she fought back, but the guy held the knife firmly on her neck, knowing she would become weak after losing much blood.
Then, some movements were heard. The guy jumped in his jeep and drove away, with the intention to come back for the head.
Some hunters showed up, but on seeing the sight of the girl, they ran away without offering help. The case could be turned on them.
In a daze, losing blood and already weak, this lady stood up and just began to move in just a particular direction. She got to a particular hut where she got help with herbal care and then she was later moved to town.
Of course, the ‘brother in the Lord’ was nowhere to be found.’ It was from the hospital bed that this lady narrated her ordeal.
You can read about this because she lived to tell her story. How many of these would have happened that the victims never lived to tell the story?
This story is to let you know that meeting a person in church does not automatically translate that you are in God’s will or God’s choice for your life.
You will always be responsible for the choice you make because you will always live with your choice.
There are different kinds of people in the church.
There are sincere people, deceptive people, and deceptive people who want to become sincere. There are newly born again Christians whose minds are not renewed at all. There are Christians who are still very carnal. There are those who are very religious who think being in the choir can insure their habitual sexual compromise. So you see all kind of people.
There are people who come to church not because they want to serve God but because they want a man or a lady.
Tomorrow, I will share with you lessons we can learn from the above story.
Don’t miss it!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not fall in love with the wrong person. I will not be meeting the right person at the wrong place.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask that God will arrange your meeting with the right person
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness. (Psalms 143:10 KJV)
Thismorning, I will like to share with you how to recognize if you are going too far in a marriage. There is no child of God that outrightly proceeds into an adulterous relationship. It is usually a subtle happenstance, an innocent friendship, albeit, the subtlety and innocence would never be an excuse for compromise.
There is a difference between a platonic friendship and a romantic relationship. When you have a platonic relationship with another married person, there would be no qualms. But the moment the relationship crosses the line from platonic to romantic, there would be issues and one can be easily trapped. An emotional affair is just a step before a full-blown affair and it is as sinful as adultery.
The question then is at what point does a friendship cross from platonic to romantic?
1. When that which ought to be kept secret between you and your spouse is divulged to the other person. This is the first sign that you are playing with fire. When a married person begins to share with you what ought to be secrets between him and his spouse, it is a good place to run away.
Or when as a married person, you begin to share with that young single lady what ought to be the exclusive reserve for you and your spouse, you are crossing the line and trying to hug some fire.
Also, when a married woman begins to look forward to seeing a single male friend, adultery is knocking.
2. When you catch yourself fantasising or daydreaming about somebody else apart from your spouse. You are travelling beyond the platonic into the romantic, and definitely, something will soon happen that might culminate into regrets later.
3. When you start discussing your marital problems with somebody else. When a married person of the opposite sex starts discussing his marital issues or starts reporting his spouse, the conversation is probably going too far. You might be feeling cool that the person trusts you to divulge such prized information, but if you are not careful, emotions would soon be involved.
You might even have the righteousness complex where you become a counsellor, trying to encourage him or her. The problem is that compassion can turn into confusion very quickly. It is all a ploy when a married person stands before you like or she needs help from you.
What wisdom does a thirty-five-year-old married man need from a single beautiful twenty-three-year-old girl? Where are the pastors and counsellors? It is a trap. At what point did you become a counsellor? Did you read Guidance and counselling in school? Many people have attempted to counsel others like that and ended up cancelling their destinies.
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not careless with my destiny
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, guide me from stepping into wrong paths
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. [ Pro 6:23 ]” (Psa 119:105, AMP)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Run away from every friendship that has crossed the line
This is the concluding part of our series on what ladies need to know about men before saying ‘I do’.
We have talked about
1. Be ready to massage his ego 2. Be ready to respect him 3. Be ready to satisfy him sexually 4. Be ready to cook for him 5. Be ready to dress for him
6. Be ready to pray for him. Pray for your husband. Don’t let your early years in marriage be characterized with quarrels and hurts and wounds. You will slow yourself down that way. Yes, he is not a good man, he is not caring, he is not loving, she is not submissive, she is not respectful…but you are married! You are one in God’s eyes. You need each other’s agreement; you need each other’s prayers!
Pray for him from the depth of your heart and support him, don’t close up your spirit on him because of some issues…support him. Never open your mouth to curse him; it would be like cursing yourself because you are one!
7. Be ready to help him You are a helper. There are only two people referred to as ‘helper’ in the whole of Genesis to Revelation. That is the Holy Spirit and your wife!
That is why you have been told never to grieve the Holy Spirit and never to be bitter with your wife. That is why you don’t lift your hand against your helper! Ladies, be there to help him succeed. Support his endeavours.
Singles, you help your fiancée when you refuse to compromise. You are not helping him when he says ‘let’s kiss baby, and you too submit your lips for the next two hours like you are submitting a paper in the exam hall! Tell him, if you are hungry, you go by Ponmo or some cow-hide in the market, you ain’t chewing my mouth! These lips are reserved till marriage!
The power of life and death lies in your mouth, you use it to give direction to your life, not for kissing the one you are not married to! After, your marriage, you can do all of that, even for days, and God will still be excited about it!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have wisdom to make my relationship work
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh God, help me to know what I ought to know that I do not know
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Proverbs 4:7(KJV) Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.
Today, we continue on our topic which we started few days back.
We have talked about
1. Be ready to massage his ego 2. Be ready to respect him 3. Be ready to satisfy him sexually
Here we go;
4. Be ready to cook for him Now, this is very important. Food is very important and it is something constant in a family system.
‘Whatever happened to house-helps?’ Yes, they can help, but don’t let them take over the kitchen completely except in situations where you are your husband agree to employ trusted family cooks. But this is not usually the scenario in young families. Not a few ladies have their families disrupted by house-helps who were lured by the man in the house.
Even if the house-help will help in certain times, which is inevitable, try as much as possible to serve your husband yourself. This is very important. By the time you are not always there for days, while a young girl serves your husband, anything can happen if the man lacks self-control or has no fear for God.
While you are still single, don’t leave your mum to do everything, get in there and learn all you can.
Don’t be like the lady who got married and for days they were just eating out. After a while the husband got tired and requested for Amala. (A Nigerian local delicacy) Then trouble began. So the pot of water is on the fire, and she calls her mum to ask, ‘Mum the pot is on the fire now, at what minute do I add the yam powder?
5. Be ready to dress for him This is important as well. You should learn to dress for your husband at home. Why is this important? Men are moved by sight. They are moved by what they see, including anointed men and apostles and popes!
Don’t be like a lady who is so busy tied up in a wrapper and that was the last picture her husband saw before leaving for work. By the time he comes back, she is back in the wrapper trying to get food ready! Meanwhile, at work, he is accosted by this delectable, adorable and impeccably dressed secretary every morning who is saying ‘I am available’ with her body language! If the guy doesn’t’ know what he is doing or is brainless like Message translation says concerning adultery, he will simply mess up.
I don’t like wrappers and my wife doesn’t like it as well. So unromantic! It is not a sin to wear a lingerie at home! Dress cute for your husband at home and learn to set him in the mood. He likes that, he may not verbalize that, but I am helping him to do that now.
Singles, watch what you wear to your fiancée’s house. Don’t kill the guy; let him fulfill destiny! You are going to see him so that you can pray together by 9.00pm in a mini skirt that has a slit! How will the guy pray? The eyes will be turning red, the tongues will change and you will think it is the anointing? Nay, he is suffering and his tongues is probably, ‘O Lord deliver me from what I see with my eyes!’
When they David saw Bathsheba taking her bath, a seed for adultery and murder was sown. When Samson saw a harlot, he went in unto her. He saw another lady, and he could not speak correctly again, he told his father,
‘Get her for me to wife!’ Check it out in your Bible!
Men can lose their temper, temperature and temperament altogether when they see a beautiful lady!!! Men, can you bear me witness?
What other things do you need to know before saying I do?
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know the things to do to advance my life
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask for wisdom to know the things to do.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Proverbs 4:7(KJV) Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Write down the things you are learning.
