As we continue reflecting on how we can make our relationships and marriages better in this new year, I wish to show you one key principle that I believe will surely make things better in your life. It’s in the book of Ephesians:
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3
This is one verse that shows us that love is not just words (nor emotions), it requires effort. It can be easy to profess love verbally, but can you decide to really ACT IN LOVE this year and beyond? Don’t just SAY LOVE, ACT LOVE. Without corresponding actions of love, our profession of love can easily become like the noise of a clanging cymbal to our person. The Scripture says to be “patient, bearing with one another IN LOVE,” meaning that it is love that produces this action. Love always produces corresponding actions, so don’t just verbalize love, DO love.
“FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3: 16 NKJV
What is your love making you DO? You need to start asking yourself this question.
Love should make you strive to be a better partner.
Love should make you be patient, and bear with your spouse. For singles, this is not saying you should go ahead and marry someone who is already verbally, emotionally, and physically abusing you even when you are not yet married. To you, I say, “Flee o.”
Love will make you go out of your way to seek the good of your partner.
Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect. Love does not selfishly seek its own honor.
Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense. Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong. Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up. 1 Corinthians 13:5-7 TPT
Do you have the DOINGS of love, or is it just the SAYINGS?
Selah.
P.S.:
For singles, don’t just be carried away with the nice words, look beyond… look for the actions.
This morning, I’d like to share something crucial with husbands and wives. Of course, we’re all aware that marriage doesn’t magically work; it requires effort and commitment.
Secondly, the couple must be honest with themselves and be open with each other.
As I’ve said repeatedly over the years, insincerity invites the devil. We must not give the enemy of our souls any room!
Let’s take a look.
1Pe 3:6 (MSG) Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as “my dear husband.” You’ll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated.
1Pe 3:7 (CEV) If you are a husband, you should be thoughtful of your wife. Treat her with honor, because she isn’t as strong as you are, and she shares with you in the gift of life. Then nothing will stand in the way of your prayers.
Addressing your husband is a crucial skill for every wife to learn. After all, respect is a significant concern for men. As devoted wives, developing effective ways to express your affection and admiration for him is essential. By doing so, you can create a stable and harmonious home environment. A good wife should make it a habit to praise and acknowledge her husband’s efforts and qualities regularly.
For husbands, the Bible advises honoring and delighting in their wives’ entire person, not just their physical appearance. It emphasizes the importance of treating your wife with respect, as this will not hinder your prayers. Furthermore, it encourages you to be thoughtful of her, ensuring that she is constantly on your mind.
When you treat each other with love and respect, the Bible assures us that nothing can stand in the way of your prayers.
Decide to commit to your marriage with a sense of covenant. Don’t undermine each other. Stay on the same page. Work together, and you’ll be able to accomplish many things together!
The most crucial element in relationships and marriages is perhaps direction.
Knowing who to date.
Knowing who to go out with.
Knowing who to get married to.
Knowing where to settle down.
Knowing what kind of career path, job, or business endeavor to pursue.
Knowing how many children to go for.
The list goes on and it’s endless.
The greatest secret of resounding success is the direction and knowing specifically what to do.
We know that there is a template or blueprint that God has for us individually and for our relationships and marriages. Plugging into this specific template eliminates most issues that might arise.
How do we get to a place where God directs our paths?
That is what I want to show you this morning.
Pro 3:5 (KJV) Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
The greatest enemy of having God direct us is twofold from the above verse:
~ When you don’t trust God with all your heart
~ When you lean or depend on your understanding.
The next verse tells us precisely what to do.
Pro 3:6 (KJV) In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Did you see that? Acknowledge Him in all your ways and the next thing is that He will direct your paths!
How do you acknowledge God in all your ways, especially in relationships and marriages?
Put Him first place in your life. Put His Word first place and honour that Word by reading and studying regularly.
Talk to Him before every decision, both minor and major decisions! Let Him be involved all the way.
When you include God this way, He promises that He will direct your paths.
As I close, let us take a look at that same verse in The Amplified Version:
Pro 3:6 (AMPC) In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.
I pray that God will direct your paths indeed! He will give you the wisdom needed to be able to acknowledge Him in all your ways!
Eight Loving Things Wives Passionately Want from Their Devoted Husbands
Emotional Support
Emotional support plays a critical role in the foundation of a healthy marriage. Wives often seek empathy, understanding, and validation from their husbands as a primary source of emotional sustenance. The need for emotional support is not simply about solving problems but rather about feeling heard and valued.
Active listening is one of the most effective ways husbands can provide emotional support. This involves giving full attention to their wives without interruption, acknowledging their feelings, and responding thoughtfully. By doing so, husbands can make their wives feel understood and respected, which fosters a deeper emotional connection.
Being present is another essential aspect. In today’s fast-paced world, it can be challenging to set aside time and focus on one’s partner. However, prioritizing quality time—whether through daily conversations, shared activities, or simply being physically present—demonstrates commitment and care. This presence reinforces a sense of partnership and solidarity.
Showing compassion, especially during challenging times, is equally important. Life’s difficulties, such as personal losses, work stress, or health issues, can be overwhelming. Husbands who offer a shoulder to lean on and express genuine concern can significantly alleviate their wives’ emotional burdens. Simple gestures of tenderness and reassurance can make a profound difference in how supported a wife feels.
Communication
Effective communication plays a pivotal role in strengthening relationships, particularly between husbands and wives. Open, honest, and respectful dialogue is essential for fostering mutual understanding and trust. To improve communication with their wives, husbands should prioritize regular check-ins. This could mean setting aside dedicated time each day or week to discuss various aspects of life, ranging from daily routines to long-term goals.
Discussing feelings openly is another critical component of healthy communication. Husbands should feel comfortable expressing their emotions and, equally important, be receptive to their wives’ emotional expressions. This practice helps in avoiding misunderstandings, which can often lead to unnecessary conflicts. It is crucial to address issues as they arise rather than letting them fester, as unresolved issues can create emotional distance.
Non-verbal communication is equally significant. Body language, facial expressions, and even tone of voice convey messages that words sometimes fail to express. Being mindful of these cues can enhance understanding and empathy between partners. A simple gesture, like a reassuring touch or a smile, can often communicate support and affection more effectively than words.
Being a good listener is an indispensable quality in a husband. Active listening involves not just hearing the words but understanding the underlying feelings and intentions. This means putting away distractions, maintaining eye contact, and providing feedback that shows genuine interest and concern. Reflective listening, where one repeats what the other has said for clarification, can also be useful to ensure accurate understanding.
Shared Responsibilities
In a contemporary marriage, the concept of shared responsibilities has become crucial in fostering a harmonious and balanced home environment. One of the key elements that wives often seek from their husbands is active participation in household and parenting duties. Sharing responsibilities is not only about splitting chores but also about demonstrating commitment and partnership in maintaining a well-functioning household.
A balanced division of labor can have numerous benefits. When husbands actively engage in tasks such as cooking, cleaning, and laundry, it alleviates the burden on their wives and promotes equality. This shared effort in managing household chores translates to a more organized home, reducing stress and preventing burnout for both partners. Equally important is involvement in childcare, where husbands play a pivotal role in nurturing and supporting their children, creating a nurturing environment that fosters emotional well-being.
Practical ways for husbands to contribute include setting a schedule for household chores, dividing tasks based on strengths or preferences, and ensuring consistent involvement in daily routines. Additionally, being present and engaged in parenting activities such as attending school events, helping with homework, and participating in bedtime routines can significantly strengthen the familial bond.
Furthermore, supporting their wives’ careers and personal goals is a vital aspect of shared responsibilities. This support can be manifested by encouraging continuous professional development, sharing the load of household duties to provide time for personal pursuits, and celebrating their achievements. When husbands show genuine interest and support for their wives’ aspirations, it fosters mutual respect and enhances the partnership.
Affection and Intimacy
In the realm of marital relationships, affection and emotional intimacy are foundational elements that wives highly value. Physical affection, encompassing gestures like hugs, kisses, and holding hands, serves as a tangible expression of love and connection. These small acts of tenderness foster a strong emotional bond, reinforcing the sense of security and belonging between spouses. Compliments and verbal affirmations of love further enhance emotional intimacy, making wives feel appreciated and cherished.
Prioritizing quality time together is crucial to maintaining a healthy and thriving relationship. Couples can nurture their bond by setting aside dedicated time for each other, free from the distractions of daily life. Activities such as shared hobbies, meaningful conversations, or simply enjoying each other’s company can deepen the emotional connection. Additionally, maintaining a healthy sexual relationship is integral to marital satisfaction. Open communication about desires and boundaries, and a willingness to meet each other’s needs, are key components in sustaining physical intimacy.
Keeping the romance alive requires intentional effort and creativity. Regular date nights, whether a night out on the town or a cozy evening at home, provide opportunities for couples to reconnect and enjoy each other’s presence. Surprise gestures, such as love notes, unexpected gifts, or planning a special outing, can reignite the spark and remind each other of the love they share. By consistently nurturing affection and intimacy, husbands can contribute significantly to a fulfilling and harmonious marriage.
Respect and Appreciation
Mutual respect and appreciation are foundational elements in any successful marriage. Respecting each other’s opinions, boundaries, and individuality nurtures a healthy and harmonious relationship. When husbands demonstrate respect for their wives, it cultivates an environment of trust and understanding, essential for the longevity of their union.
One way husbands can show respect is by actively listening to their wives. This means paying attention when she speaks, validating her feelings, and considering her viewpoints seriously. Respecting her boundaries, whether they pertain to personal space, time, or emotional limits, is equally vital. Recognizing and honoring her individuality, rather than trying to change her, shows a deep level of respect.
Appreciation goes hand in hand with respect. Expressing gratitude for both the small and significant efforts that wives make can have a profound impact on the relationship. Simple acts of appreciation, such as saying “thank you” or acknowledging her hard work, can make her feel valued. Celebrating her achievements, whether they are career milestones, personal goals, or family-related accomplishments, further reinforces her importance in the relationship.
Feeling valued and respected has a positive ripple effect on a wife’s well-being and the overall health of the marriage. When a wife feels appreciated, it fosters a sense of security and happiness. This mutual respect and appreciation create a strong foundation, allowing the marriage to thrive and grow. By consistently showing respect and appreciation, husbands can build a loving and enduring partnership with their wives.
Support for Personal Growth
In the realm of a fulfilling marriage, one pivotal aspect is the support for personal growth. When husbands actively encourage their wives to pursue their aspirations, it fosters a nurturing environment where both partners can thrive. This support extends beyond mere verbal affirmations; it encompasses providing the necessary resources, and motivation, and celebrating milestones along the way.
Encouraging personal growth begins with recognizing and respecting each other’s individual goals and passions. Whether it is a career ambition, a desire to further education, or an interest in a new hobby, a husband’s support is vital. Offering words of encouragement can boost confidence and morale, making a wife feel valued and understood. Simple phrases like “I believe in you” or “You can do this” can have a profound impact on one’s drive to achieve personal goals.
Moreover, providing tangible resources can significantly aid in personal development. This might involve financial support for courses or training, assisting with research, or even taking on additional household responsibilities to free up time for the wife to pursue her interests. For instance, if a wife is passionate about painting, a thoughtful gesture could be setting up a small studio space at home, equipped with the necessary supplies.
Celebrating milestones is another crucial component of supporting personal growth. Acknowledging and celebrating achievements, no matter how small reinforces a sense of accomplishment and motivates continued efforts. This could range from congratulating her on completing a project to planning a special dinner to celebrate a promotion. Such gestures not only validate her efforts but also strengthen the emotional bond within the marriage.
Trust and Honesty
Trust and honesty serve as the bedrock of any successful marriage. These elements are not merely abstract concepts but essential pillars that support the relationship’s overall stability and health. When a husband is truthful, transparent, and reliable, it fosters an environment where both partners feel secure and valued. Trust is built over time through consistent actions that demonstrate reliability and integrity.
One of the crucial aspects of trust is keeping promises. Whether it’s a small commitment like being home for dinner or a significant vow like financial transparency, honoring one’s word strengthens the marital bond. Breaking promises, on the other hand, can erode trust and lead to feelings of betrayal and resentment. Therefore, it is imperative for husbands to follow through on their commitments consistently.
Honesty goes hand-in-hand with trust. Being honest about feelings and concerns, even when they are uncomfortable, is vital for open communication. Concealing emotions or withholding information can create a barrier that hinders mutual understanding. By being forthright, husbands not only validate their own feelings but also create a space where their wives feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and emotions. This open dialogue is crucial for resolving conflicts and achieving mutual respect.
Secrecy can be detrimental to trust in a marriage. When one partner hides aspects of their life, whether minor or significant, it can lead to suspicion and doubt. Transparency in actions and decisions reassures both partners that there is nothing to hide, thereby reinforcing a sense of safety and trustworthiness in the relationship.
Quality Time Together
Spending quality time together is a cornerstone of a strong marital bond. In today’s fast-paced world, busy schedules and daily routines often pose challenges to maintaining meaningful connections. However, prioritizing time for each other is crucial for nurturing a healthy and happy marriage.
Quality time means being fully present and engaged with your spouse, setting aside distractions like work and digital devices. This intentional focus strengthens emotional intimacy and fosters a deeper understanding of each other.
To carve out quality time amidst hectic lives, couples can start by scheduling regular date nights. These don’t have to be elaborate or expensive; the key is consistency and mutual enjoyment. Simple activities such as watching a movie together, going for a walk, or cooking a meal can be incredibly bonding.
Shared hobbies and interests also provide excellent opportunities for couples to reconnect. Whether it’s gardening, playing a sport, or attending a class together, these activities create shared experiences that enrich the relationship. Traveling, even if it’s just a weekend getaway, can break the monotony of everyday life and offer new experiences that bring couples closer.
Moreover, integrating small but meaningful rituals into daily routines can make a significant impact. Having meals together, even breakfast can become a cherished time to catch up and communicate. Establishing a nightly routine, such as reading a book or discussing the day’s events before bed, fosters a sense of closeness and routine.
In the bustling city of Lagos, Nigeria, lived a man named Chike Okonkwo. Chike was a shrewd businessman, revered for his uncanny ability to turn every venture into a goldmine. From humble beginnings, he clawed his way to the top, building an empire that spanned real estate, oil, and import-export businesses. Yet, amid his towering achievements, one thing eluded him: the love of a family.
Chike had always believed that marriage was a transaction, one that required substantial capital to be successful. He watched his peers struggle in their marriages, often due to financial woes, and vowed that he would not fall into the same trap. So, he delayed getting married, dedicating his life to amassing wealth. Even though he could afford to do a classy wedding before now, he deliberately delayed it, because he thought the more money, the more peaceful your home will be. By the time he turned forty, he was one of the richest men in Lagos, ready to find a wife.
At a lavish charity gala, Chike met Adanna, a stunning woman in her late twenties. She was not just beautiful but also intelligent and poised, with a degree from a prestigious university in England. Adanna came from a wealthy family herself, but what drew Chike to her was her charm and grace. He courted her with the fervor of a man on a mission, showering her with expensive gifts, trips abroad, and grand gestures of affection. Adanna, flattered and captivated by his charisma and wealth, soon agreed to marry him.
Their wedding was the talk of the town. No expense was spared: a fleet of luxury cars, a banquet hall adorned with gold and crystal, and a guest list that included the who’s who of Nigerian society. Chike basked in the glory of his success, believing that his financial prowess had secured him the perfect marriage.
For the first few months, their life was a fairy tale. They traveled the world, attended glamorous events, and lived in a palatial mansion that overlooked the Atlantic Ocean. However, beneath the glittering surface, cracks began to form. Adanna, who had always been independent and career-oriented, felt stifled in the role of the pampered wife. She wanted more than just material wealth; she craved purpose and fulfillment.
One evening, Adanna approached Chike with a proposition. She wanted to start her own fashion line, something she had dreamed of for years. This wasn’t the first time she discussed her dreams with Chike, but this time, she felt the outcome would be different. Chike, expecting his wife to be content with her luxurious lifestyle, was taken aback. He dismissed her idea, believing it was a frivolous pursuit and not a wise investment. Adanna, hurt by his lack of support, began to withdraw emotionally.
The tension between them escalated when Chike’s business started facing unexpected challenges. Unbeknownst to Chike, a ruthless rival had been orchestrating his downfall. This rival spread rumors, bribed officials and manipulated markets to sabotage Chike’s empire. The sudden downturn in the oil market, coupled with allegations of corruption and fraud within his company, led to a significant financial crisis. Chike, once confident and invincible, found himself scrambling to maintain his empire. He poured all his energy into saving his businesses, often neglecting Adanna in the process.
Feeling abandoned and unappreciated, Adanna decided she could no longer stay in a marriage where she felt stifled and unsupported. She packed her bags and returned to her father’s house, seeking solace and the opportunity to pursue her dreams. Chike was devastated and enraged when confronted with an empty mansion, the reality of his choices sinking in. His wealth, which he believed would secure his marriage, had failed him.
In the following months, his business empire crumbled under the rival’s relentless sabotage, forcing him to sell off his assets to pay his debts. The man who once had everything was now stripped of his wealth and his pride.
In the aftermath, Chike retreated to his ancestral village, seeking solace and reflection. He realized that he had placed too much value on money and not enough on the true essence of a partnership. He began to rebuild his life, this time with a focus on meaningful relationships and personal growth.
Years later, Chike, having heard of Adanna’s success as a renowned fashion designer, felt a mix of pride and regret. He knew he had wronged her and decided to make amends. With humility, he traveled to her father’s house to apologize and beg for her forgiveness.
Adanna, gracious and forgiving, listened to his heartfelt apology. “You gave me everything except what I truly needed—support, love, and understanding. Money can’t buy those things, Chike. But I appreciate your apology.”
Moved by his sincerity, Adanna saw a possibility for a new beginning. Chike sought her forgiveness and, with hope in their hearts, they decided to start afresh. They attended marriage conferences and sought knowledge in that area, determined to build a stronger foundation for their relationship. They learned about communication, emotional support, and the true essence of partnership.
Together, Chike and Adanna worked on their marriage, understanding that wealth alone could not sustain it. They rebuilt their relationship on love, respect, and mutual support. In time, they found the peace and happiness they had both longed for, proving that the heart of marriage lies not in the wealth that surrounds it, but in the love and respect that bind two souls together.
