I have been married for over 20 years and I can categorically tell you, love is not blind at all.
Love is a serious business, that you engage in with all your five senses intact and even the sixth one.
Sometimes ago, I was revisiting the marriage vows taken from a wedding I attended. I thought to myself, most people taking these vows don’t understand half of what they are saying. Then I felt like the wedding day sermon should be spent on explaining a little about the vows.
Many couples spend most of their time together praying. Is it that prayers or praying together is not good? Absolutely, it is 100% good.
Many other couples spend most of their time talking. Is it that talking is not good, (depending on what they are talking about). Absolutely, good.
Marriage is both spiritual and physical, so we have to take care of the spiritual aspect as well as the physical aspect. Talking to God will handle the spiritual aspect while talking together about issues will handle the physical aspect.
We cannot enjoy the marriage and maximize our full marital potential by engaging in one at the expense of another. We have to pray as though our marriage depended on our prayers and we also have to talk as though our marriage depended on it.
When I mean talk, I mean talk to yourselves, not about something or someone. All most couples do is talk about events, news, something or someone, they hardly talk about themselves. They simply gossip and that is all they do.
Most of your time together must be spent on talking about yourselves, leave the remaining to talk about other events or issues.
Love is no longer blind. Some of us had loose ends before marriage that has left us as prey to the enemy. We should not be afraid to talk and trash out issues after all, we get to know ourselves by asking and answering questions.
There has to be a balance between praying and talking. No matter how long you have been married, we should go back to asking ourselves pertinent questions, and write our discussions down. At least God wrote down His thoughts.
These serves as our projections, our values, our commitment. We get to know and understand each other’s expectations.
One of the major causes of problems in marriage is unmet expectations. We have expectations our spouse didn’t even know anything about. They are not aware of those expectations not to talk of meeting them.
Talk, ask questions. What are your expectations in marriage? What do you want from me? Were you in cult when you were in school? What is your vision in life? What do we do to avoid divorce? What do we do to have a blissful marriage? What can I do that you will never forgive me? And so many questions.
Keep asking questions and talking all through your marriage. Your words together coupled with your prayers are knitting your hearts together until the Twain became one flesh, and nothing will be able to put you asunder.
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. – Mat 19:6 (KJV)
May God grant us more understanding in Jesus name. May God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My eyes of understanding are open.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me in every you can in the name of Jesus
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. – Mat 19:6 (KJV)
Below are signs to know whether you are ready for marriage or not.
1. You are not lonely.
If you are lonely, you are not ready for marriage. Adam was alone, not lonely. Loneliness and alone-ness are miles apart.
Marriage is never intended to cure loneliness, rather it is to complement you and provide companionship.
If you study the word, “helper’ you will understand what I am saying here.
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. – Genesis 2:18 (KJV)
The Amplified Bible calls it helper and then goes further to expatiate that word.
Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him. – Genesis 2:18 (AMPC)
2. You are not looking for a house-help.
A lady is to be a helper and not a house-help. The roles are defined. They are not the same.
She can help out do laundry depending on your arrangement, but she is not a dry-cleaner or a washing machine.
She is not coming to work her hands off while the husband sits back and watch news and football.
This even becomes important these days when there are a lot of career women.
If the young couple don’t have house-helps or any body helping out, then they need to both face the work and not leave it for one party.
This does not undermine the hard work and industriousness of the wife as this is exemplified in the virtuous woman, but it also doesn’t make the husband redundant in house as well.
There should be “division of labour” in love!
And this is why ladies should not go and spend weekends with a boyfriend all in the bid of securing a wedding. It doesn’t work that way.
You will end up having plenty of jeru trip and less of meaningful discussions to advance your marital plans.
Time that should be spent in knowing each other and probing character defects are spent locked up in each other’s embrace, in passionate sex, and this is why there are problems after wedding.
You never got to know that person with you on the bed.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY God will help me.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me in every you can in the name of Jesus
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Isaiah 42:19 (MSG) You’re my servant, and you’re not looking! You’re my messenger, and you’re not listening! The very people I depended upon, servants of GOD, blind as a bat—willfully blind!
Women get easily hurt. And the husbands may not even be aware that they are hurt because their needs are miles apart.
Those are the times a husband asks his wife, “what is wrong?” She simply answers “Nothing!”
She says nothing because she doesn’t feel good explaining that something so little gets her upset.
Or she knows if she tries to explain, the husband might end up making her look like an idiot. So she keeps quiet.
What are examples of those little things that could upset your wife?
1. Don’t do things that make her uncomfortable sexually. Don’t embarrass her and don’t compare her with some past escapades.
2. Don’t ignore her when it comes to making important of financial decisions. Don’t leave her in the dark, keeping her guessing all the time.
3. Don’t compare her with others especially when it has to do with her appearance, weight or hairdo. Don’t go out of your way to appreciate and dote on other women while you completely ignore her.
4. Don’t do things that you have disallowed her from doing, making her feel like a little child who cannot think for herself.
5. Don’t ignore her when she is emotionally down or physically tired. Don’t say things like, “I am tired of you. When you get out of your nasty moods, let me know!”
6. Don’t hug and embrace other ladies endlessly while you don’t even hold her hands in public. Go out of your way and offer some PDA! Public Display of Affection!
7. Don’t leave her alone to do all the house chores while still expecting her to be an amazon in bed later in the night. That would be insensitive.
8. Don’t watch football all day and all night while refusing to let her watch her favorite programs. Don’t make her look like an idiot for her preference of programs. Join her to watch sometimes, and encourage her to join you as well.
9. Don’t forget or deliberately ignore her special days like birthdays and other anniversaries. Rather go out of your way to set notifications so that you can surprise her on those special days.
May God grant more understanding
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am good spouse
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, bless our marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 5:18 (KJV) Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
Now, let’s take a look at the physical symptoms of a guy that will not marry you.
1. He will not introduce you to any authority figures in his life.
He will not introduce you to his Pastor, (you don’t have any business with a man that doesn’t have a Pastor in the first place) nor will he introduce you to his parents. He will refrain from any action that could validate or stamp that marriage commitment. When you see this sign, it is an indication he is not really ready for marriage.
2. He keeps postponing the wedding date several times and keeps on procrastinating.
The date never comes and yet he keeps on telling you he loves you. Well, the date may never come!
3. He will tell you that you are number one on the list of his girlfriends and that you are very lucky.
He will tell you that even though he still sees his other girlfriends; you are the first on his list. You see, you don’t have any business being in this kind of relationship as the trend will continue after marriage and can threaten the marriage itself.
4. He is very jealous and he is very suspicious of you.
He does not trust you because he has a feeling you are doing the same thing he does. To the pure, all things are pure, to the impure all things are impure!
5. He does not want you fiddling with his phones so that you won’t discover the love tantrums going on via SMS and chats.
He sometimes keeps his phones “passworded” or tells you out rightly he doesn’t want you with his phone.
Don’t get into sinful adventure because of frustration, don’t try to satisfy the cravings and the emptiness of your heart with drinking or partying or sleeping around, run to your maker, the re-writer of history, the one that shows mercy to whom he will, the one that can reconfigure your life, and when you do that in faith, He will surely answer you.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY
I have God’s direction in my everyday life
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY
Lord, guide my steps and help me to make the right decisions in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me. – Psalm 31:3 (KJV)
Have you ever seen a Nollywood movie where the couple are close or seen a couple where the wife is so loving?
I am sure you also must have seen couples who just seem to be close but there is something that just doesn’t add up, they are in one way or another disconnected.
When there is a disconnect and you are sensitive, you just know it, you just pick it up and are able to discern it.
Either the wife is cheating or the husband is cheating or they are just not agreed. Well apart from both couples praying together, there are some practical things the wife can do to be a good wife. The kind of wife any husband will be proud to call his wife.
1. Be loyal to your husband 2. Make your husband and his affair matter to you 3. Seek to do whatever he likes and things that pleases him. 4. Be thoughtful of and about your husband. 5. Cook his meals, serve them yourselves and make it a special something 6. Be fun to be with every time 7. Be a defender of your spouse anytime and always 8. Be his cheerleader and make him feel good about himself always 9. Enjoy the company of your husband every time 10. Absolutely let your husband trust you 11. Be gist partners 12. Be his confidant and his companion 13. Be his prayer partner and a prayer warrior for him 14. Be his mum, wife, side chick and flirt with him 15. Be his collaborator, his manager and his covenant partner
You may not be these naturally but you can engage in the place of prayer. Be the specific things you want to see yourself become.
Be focused and decisive about what is it you want to see your self become. Let it be as your goal. Let it be SMART. Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time bound.
The Lord will help us in Jesus name.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage is a blessing
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, do a miracle in my marriage today.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. – Heb 13:4 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Put the above points to use.
