Yesterday, we lookedat what every man wants in his spouse that women need to pay attention to. Today, it’s the other way round, we’re looking at what a wife wants from her husband, so let’s go!
1. A head, not a headache This is one of the vital things a wife wants from you. A man is supposed to be his wife’s head, not her headache. What is the head supposed to do? The eyes are located in the head, so one of the principal responsibilities of a man as the head is to cast a vision for the family and give direction as well. The mind is located in the head, so the man is supposed to be a thinker and be responsible.
Being the head does not mean she is subservient to you, for there is nothing the head can do alone. It is the body that holds the head and so the head needs the cooperation of the neck and the body to function in its assignment.
The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. (Ephesians 5:23 Message)
There are some singles ladies in courtship that are already having sleepless nights by virtue of who they are involved with. This is not the plan of God for you, and when you see negative trends like that, the man is not likely to change after marriage. Don’t close your eyes to all the red lights because you want to get married desperately.
2. A protector, not a manipulator A man is supposed to be the protector of the lady, even in a dating situation. But what is rampant today is a brazen display of manipulation and high degree insincerity. We have men today who are not really interested in marriage but just in jeru trip. A wife wants to feel safe and protected
As a lady, there is no point courting such a man because if you are not careful, he will soon have his way while you are left heartbroken. A manipulator knows how to feed your weaknesses just to get what he wants. A husband that manipulates knows how to logically blame the wife for everything.
3. A caring husband, not a scary one There are wives that can’t talk in their matrimonial home. They are permanently muted. For such women, the fear of their husbands is the beginning of wisdom! There are even ladies who are in courtship and they have no say. Now, this is very defective and it is not God’s order! The man that loves God and loves his family does not scare. You don’t rule your home with an iron fist, you rule with love.
A situation where the boy is playing football, but upon hearing the blast of dad’s car horn, dives through the window, the wife rushes to the kitchen to get food ready…. all because the lion of the tribe of his house has come! Children raised in this kind of atmosphere always rebel in the end. Be caring, rather than be scary!
4. A praying husband, not a preying one It will interest you to know that every lady wants a spiritual man. Every lady wants a man that will wake her up to pray. Every lady wants a man that can lay hands on her and bless her. Now, you don’t have to be a pastor to do that. You only need to have a relationship with God.
Tomorrow, I will show us more things a woman wants from her husband.
May God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I receive the wisdom of God to advance my marriage
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father, help me to be a husband indeed.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:11-12 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Support your spouse all the way.
There are five levels of communication in marriage. Communication is simply talking, but of cause, there are more things involved than just talking. A healthy conversation involves not just what is said but what is heard.
In essence, communication is a two-way conversation that involves speaking and hearing. The two spouses must form the conscious habit of allowing the other spouse to express himself or herself. While he/ she speaks, the other partner should be actively listening.
Not listening for pleasure, not listening for information but should practice empathic listening. This is putting yourself in the conversation. Trying to understand and feel the impulse of the speaker.
It is unhealthy to dominate a conversation without waiting at intervals to get feedback, to check whether your hearer is hearing the right thing, to know how he/she is processing the information. The aim of your conversation, especially in marriage, is for your partner to understand what you are saying and then obey you.
Listening should not also be done with the intention of giving a reply that will defend your status or what you represent in the marriage covenant.
I think we cannot also have a good conversation with our spouse if our interpretation of what marriage is, is defective. Until we see our marriage from the viewpoint of it being a covenant relationship, every other thing becomes loop-sided.
What we see most couples practicing is a contract and not covenant marriage. This is so important. It is a contract (which could be unwritten and informal) when the marriage is based on mutual benefit. That is, we are both doing something for each other.
For example, I will be nice to you, if you bring in enough money. Or, if you help out in the house, I will prepare the meals. The opposite obtains if your spouse doesn’t do what is expected. I will be very cold and unresponsive to you if you hurt my feelings. I will be uncaring to you if you disrespect me.
Marriage is a covenant in which each partner takes up his/her responsibility. The wife is to submit fully. The husband takes up his responsibility to love her like Christ does irrespective of what she does. It is the aim of a covenant relationship to please and serve the other person despite what he/ she does.
It’s kind of difficult right? Very hard. Especially if you have been to some school of hardknocks where you have been deeply hurt.
If you are starting on a clean note and you have this understanding, how blessed you are.
No matter how farther away we have gone, in Christ there is always a way out. He shows us and leads us in the way since He is the way.
We need to retrace our steps and in humility, accept what works. When a marriage is not working, both partners are responsible. It is not just one person’s fault but the two parties have their contributing factors.
Tomorrow, I will attempt to summarize the five levels of communication. A further read is encouraged on the subject of communication especially by the best-selling author Gary Chapman.
I am sure you will find it rewarding and worth your while.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know how to communicate with my wife
The Bible says husbands should enjoy the wife of their youth. This means you should enjoy yourself while you have strength as young couples. Don’t be too serious at home and learn to live together as best friends.
The force of joy is very vital in the home front. Joy, celebration, thanksgiving, rejoicing, the sound of melody, praises, and worship to God all go hand in hand.
Psa 67:5-6, KJV Let the people praise thee, O God; let all the people praise thee. Then shall the earth yield her increase; and God, even our own God, shall bless us.
We are encouraged in this scripture to praise the Lord, then our earth; whatever it is that represents the earth to us will yield her increase. Whether barrenness, lack, joblessness, debt, et cetera
The logical thing to do is get moody when things are not working. But we operate from a higher level. We rejoice to get the increase.
Your boss, spouse, or colleague may be treating you badly. Rather than fight back, you switch into praise.
Receive Grace and strength to enter into praise. God inhabits your praise. Your praise invites God to fight on your behalf.
Php 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice.
Let nothing steal your joy. Let your rejoicing be in the Lord
Don’t allow the pressure of finances, raising children, in-laws and others destabilize your togetherness and joy.
Nothing must come in between your joy. Between the two of you, one person will be more playful and tend towards being joyful all the time.
Let the playful one take the initiative and the other follows suit.
The Holy Spirit knows what He’s saying when He says enjoy the wife of your youth.
Be deliberate in making each other happy. Do not make others outside your home or marriage happy at the expense of your spouse.
Read books together and discuss them. Invest in each other.
I pray your marriage will be beautiful and filled with new wine.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FORTHE DAY I love my spouse and we enjoy life together
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help us to be joyful always.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ecc 9:9 Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Rejoice and enjoy yourself
The issue of honor in marriage is critical. A marriage where there is no honor is no order. The wife does what she likes and the husband does what he likes. The marriage is not governed by any rules. Christ is not at the center of the home.
We must understand that God instituted marriage. He is the one who said it is not good that man be alone.
He has an original plan and purpose for all marriages. Each marriage is unique. Each home has its own unique pattern. Each marriage has its own unique place in the heart of the Father.
Honor is thus a way to invite the Lordship of Jesus Christ into our lives.
Couples must learn the honor code at all cost. Without honor, nothing will work in the home.
Here are three major areas you honor your spouse
1. Honour your spouse by giving preference to Jesus in your marriage
Giving preference to Jesus is giving Him the leadership in your home. Let Him take the lead. It is seeking to find out what Jesus would do in every situation.
2. Making sure that the marriage works.
It includes doing everything possible to see that you forgive yourselves.
3. Making sure that you are patient with each other.
Everything in marriage has two sides to it.
In anger, calm down.
May God bless our marriages!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will honor my spouse daily
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to stay focused on you
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Col 2:2 (MSG) I want you woven into a tapestry of love, in touch with everything there is to know of God. Then you will have minds confident and at rest, focused on Christ, God’s great mystery.
In today’s devotional we’ll be looking at pleasing your spouse without dishonoring God, let’s take note of the following, they are not exhaustive.
Do whatever your spouse loves Learning about love languages is not just for learning sake. It is so that you begin to do those things you discovered they love and enjoy. You must seek to become an intentional spouse and lover.
Loving your spouse by speaking their love language may not come naturally to you. You have to make efforts in pleasing your spouse. That’s when love comes with it being a choice, a decision, and a sacrifice.
Seek wisdom Marriage is an institution where wisdom is required to be successful in it. Don’t ever assume you are a guru in understanding your spouse.
Some have made this mistake only to be awaken to the rude shock that their spouse have not really being happy for decades. That’s when the spouse seeks divorce after so many years and people are wondering what happened.
Seeking wisdom on various issues in your marriage is very vital. Read books about marriage. Hear veterans in the marriage institution talk and counsel you.
Learn male / female differences God is a God of variety and multiplicity. As different as there are people, cultures, languages, food, nations, so wide are the differences between male and female.
Until you learn about these differences, you cannot fully understand or enjoy the uniqueness in the differences between you and your spouse.
Get a mentor
The place of a mentor in your marriage is very crucial. There are some things you should learn not by experience but by the wisdom of those who have gone ahead of you.
You don’t have to learn through mistakes. Sometimes the mistake might be too costly. Avoid that route of heart ache and head ache.
Get good mentors, seek their wisdom, listen to them, learn from them and obey their advice, their wisdom will help you in pleasing your spouse.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have understanding
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, bless my spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 44:7 (KJV) But thou hast saved us from our enemies, and hast put them to shame that hated us.
