Marriage is the placewhere you will have to come to terms with the practicality of forgiveness. In other relationships, forgiveness is also essential but it may not be as that of marriage.
In marriage, you will have to forgive for the relationship to be healed. You and your spouse cannot avoid each other. You live together, have children together, for the sake of peace and progress, forgiveness is very necessary.
The standard of the Word of God is so high. That’s why it is a narrow road that leads to heaven. The Bible does not mince words when we are told to love our enemies. Hmmm. I thought we should love our friends and well-wishers and stay clear and avoid our enemies.
The bible tells us to love them, and bless those who curse us. That is pretty hard; a hard pill to swallow. I believe that is why we have to live in the spirit so we do not gratify the lust of the flesh. We need the Holy Ghost power. We cannot do it in our own natural strength.
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; Matthew 5:44 KJV
Our differences will most often act as a threat to our marital union and our mandate as couples. It will pose a problem to our becoming one. The natural man tends to be selfish and only the one that is submitted to Christ and His word can love genuinely.
It is easier for women to hold on to hurts and have difficulty forgiving. Women are hurt deeply essentially because they are emotional beings and because they analyze more. Whichever way, let God be true and every man a liar. The standard of God’s word must be followed. A different gospel is not for men and another for women. We are to follow and obey the same word. We should allow the Holy Spirit to rightly discern the situation and analyze it for us.
God is not saying we should not be hurt, angry, or need time to heal. We should do that and then get over it and move on. That’s where power lies. That’s where victory begins. The Word says we should be angry but we are not permitted to sin.
We sin when we over-analyze. There is a spiritual way to analyze things that instead of being bitter we become better. When we allow bitterness we open the door for other demons to enter our lives and afflict us. Disobedience opens the door for the enemy of our souls. We open the door for sicknesses, diseases, poverty, disfavor, et cetera.
Joseph could have wasted his life being bitter. He could have lost years by being bitter. He could have lost opportunities, but he chose to enjoy where he is on his way to being better and his way to where God is taking him to.
Joseph saw his brothers who sold him into slavery and he analyzed the situation well with the help of the Holy Spirit. He said what they meant for evil, God used it to preserve many lives. Can you allow that situation to become a tool in the hands of God?
I am not saying it will be easy. That’s where taking up your cross daily and following God is about.
Couples, learn to give that situation to God. You are reviled, persecuted, unjustly treated, abused, afflicted, cheated, et cetera. . Surrender it to the Lord. Give it to Him. Allow the Holy Spirit to make you see what it really is. Until Joseph saw correctly, he could not forgive and forget.
Jesus was able to pass through the cross because he saw well. For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross. He could say father forgive them, for they know not what they are doing. God is able to turn things around and make your mess a message that will liberate thousands.
Don’t fight your spouse, forgive and move on. Learn what you are to learn. Don’t be afraid of being misjudged or treated unfairly. Jesus was wrongly and falsely accused. He shut His mouth and didn’t answer back. It was though, but in the end, He was justified and glorified
Ask the Lord to help you see well and He will come to your aid.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I amseeing well. I choose to forgive ahead.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask for the help of God concerning your marriage.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Matthew 5:44 KJV But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
Thismorning, I will like to share with you how to recognize if you are going too far in a marriage. There is no child of God that outrightly proceeds into an adulterous relationship. It is usually a subtle happenstance, an innocent friendship, albeit, the subtlety and innocence would never be an excuse for compromise.
There is a difference between a platonic friendship and a romantic relationship. When you have a platonic relationship with another married person, there would be no qualms. But the moment the relationship crosses the line from platonic to romantic, there would be issues and one can be easily trapped. An emotional affair is just a step before a full-blown affair and it is as sinful as adultery.
The question then is at what point does a friendship cross from platonic to romantic?
1. When that which ought to be kept secret between you and your spouse is divulged to the other person. This is the first sign that you are playing with fire. When a married person begins to share with you what ought to be secrets between him and his spouse, it is a good place to run away.
Or when as a married person, you begin to share with that young single lady what ought to be the exclusive reserve for you and your spouse, you are crossing the line and trying to hug some fire.
Also, when a married woman begins to look forward to seeing a single male friend, adultery is knocking.
2. When you catch yourself fantasising or daydreaming about somebody else apart from your spouse. You are travelling beyond the platonic into the romantic, and definitely, something will soon happen that might culminate into regrets later.
3. When you start discussing your marital problems with somebody else. When a married person of the opposite sex starts discussing his marital issues or starts reporting his spouse, the conversation is probably going too far. You might be feeling cool that the person trusts you to divulge such prized information, but if you are not careful, emotions would soon be involved.
You might even have the righteousness complex where you become a counsellor, trying to encourage him or her. The problem is that compassion can turn into confusion very quickly. It is all a ploy when a married person stands before you like or she needs help from you.
What wisdom does a thirty-five-year-old married man need from a single beautiful twenty-three-year-old girl? Where are the pastors and counsellors? It is a trap. At what point did you become a counsellor? Did you read Guidance and counselling in school? Many people have attempted to counsel others like that and ended up cancelling their destinies.
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not careless with my destiny
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, guide me from stepping into wrong paths
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. [ Pro 6:23 ]” (Psa 119:105, AMP)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Run away from every friendship that has crossed the line
Marriage likeany other structure or organization can fall or fail. Ours will not fall in Jesus’ name.
It is amazing how people, CEOs, general overseers, managing directors put a lot of energy and structures into their businesses, organization, churches, and empires and care little about their marriages.
We think differently about our businesses and differently about our marriages. It won’t work that way. We should aim at putting as much effort, prayers, faith, learning, structures, principles that we put into other vocations into our marriages and things will work out better.
To get a different result, we should do things differently. We respect team work in our organizations, let’s do same in our marriages. We respect other people’s opinions, we are kind and nice to others, we value other people’s uniqueness, let’s do same with our spouses. We spend time, energy, money learning strategies and implementing new ways of doing things, let’s do so with our marriages too.
Here are five simple things that will help keep our marriages strong
1. Never neglect your spouse no matter what Neglect could be in various dimensions. First seek what neglect is to your spouse. Be willing to adjust and avoid neglecting each other spiritually, emotionally and physically. Neglect will cause your love for each other to dwindle.
2. Never stop real communication Communication is very important. In fact, the health of a marriage can be determined by their level of conversation, it’s quality and quantity.
Communication in marriage should not just be reduced to passing of important information and instruction. To keep communication going, there must be a lot of understanding.
Decide to have meaningful, heart to heart conversation with your spouse daily. It warms your heart to each other. Never be too busy. Sexual communication is also important.
3. Never take each other for granted Taking each other for granted is similar to neglect but slightly different. When you take your spouse for granted, you treat them casually or with levity, or without much concern. Never be a one man gang that is always, only concerned about your own affairs.
4. Never harbor hurt or unforgiveness When there is hurt or offenses, try and talk about it. Make your self easy to talk to and with. Some spouses have made themselves so defensive their spouse can’t express their real feelings to them. Hurts will cage your feelings and make your heartthrob grow cold towards you.
5. Never stop forgiving, praying and loving your spouse No matter how rough or tough it may seem. Never stop forgiving your spouse. Never stop praying and trusting God for the best in your marriage.
God is able to bring His beautiful plans and purpose out of your marriage. He is able to make all things work out for your good.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will never fail
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, grant me wisdom I need in my marriage.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Col 3:18 – 19 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
This is the concluding part of our series on what ladies need to know about men before saying ‘I do’.
We have talked about
1. Be ready to massage his ego 2. Be ready to respect him 3. Be ready to satisfy him sexually 4. Be ready to cook for him 5. Be ready to dress for him
6. Be ready to pray for him. Pray for your husband. Don’t let your early years in marriage be characterized with quarrels and hurts and wounds. You will slow yourself down that way. Yes, he is not a good man, he is not caring, he is not loving, she is not submissive, she is not respectful…but you are married! You are one in God’s eyes. You need each other’s agreement; you need each other’s prayers!
Pray for him from the depth of your heart and support him, don’t close up your spirit on him because of some issues…support him. Never open your mouth to curse him; it would be like cursing yourself because you are one!
7. Be ready to help him You are a helper. There are only two people referred to as ‘helper’ in the whole of Genesis to Revelation. That is the Holy Spirit and your wife!
That is why you have been told never to grieve the Holy Spirit and never to be bitter with your wife. That is why you don’t lift your hand against your helper! Ladies, be there to help him succeed. Support his endeavours.
Singles, you help your fiancée when you refuse to compromise. You are not helping him when he says ‘let’s kiss baby, and you too submit your lips for the next two hours like you are submitting a paper in the exam hall! Tell him, if you are hungry, you go by Ponmo or some cow-hide in the market, you ain’t chewing my mouth! These lips are reserved till marriage!
The power of life and death lies in your mouth, you use it to give direction to your life, not for kissing the one you are not married to! After, your marriage, you can do all of that, even for days, and God will still be excited about it!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have wisdom to make my relationship work
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh God, help me to know what I ought to know that I do not know
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Proverbs 4:7(KJV) Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.
Today, we continue on our topic which we started few days back.
We have talked about
1. Be ready to massage his ego 2. Be ready to respect him 3. Be ready to satisfy him sexually
Here we go;
4. Be ready to cook for him Now, this is very important. Food is very important and it is something constant in a family system.
‘Whatever happened to house-helps?’ Yes, they can help, but don’t let them take over the kitchen completely except in situations where you are your husband agree to employ trusted family cooks. But this is not usually the scenario in young families. Not a few ladies have their families disrupted by house-helps who were lured by the man in the house.
Even if the house-help will help in certain times, which is inevitable, try as much as possible to serve your husband yourself. This is very important. By the time you are not always there for days, while a young girl serves your husband, anything can happen if the man lacks self-control or has no fear for God.
While you are still single, don’t leave your mum to do everything, get in there and learn all you can.
Don’t be like the lady who got married and for days they were just eating out. After a while the husband got tired and requested for Amala. (A Nigerian local delicacy) Then trouble began. So the pot of water is on the fire, and she calls her mum to ask, ‘Mum the pot is on the fire now, at what minute do I add the yam powder?
5. Be ready to dress for him This is important as well. You should learn to dress for your husband at home. Why is this important? Men are moved by sight. They are moved by what they see, including anointed men and apostles and popes!
Don’t be like a lady who is so busy tied up in a wrapper and that was the last picture her husband saw before leaving for work. By the time he comes back, she is back in the wrapper trying to get food ready! Meanwhile, at work, he is accosted by this delectable, adorable and impeccably dressed secretary every morning who is saying ‘I am available’ with her body language! If the guy doesn’t’ know what he is doing or is brainless like Message translation says concerning adultery, he will simply mess up.
I don’t like wrappers and my wife doesn’t like it as well. So unromantic! It is not a sin to wear a lingerie at home! Dress cute for your husband at home and learn to set him in the mood. He likes that, he may not verbalize that, but I am helping him to do that now.
Singles, watch what you wear to your fiancée’s house. Don’t kill the guy; let him fulfill destiny! You are going to see him so that you can pray together by 9.00pm in a mini skirt that has a slit! How will the guy pray? The eyes will be turning red, the tongues will change and you will think it is the anointing? Nay, he is suffering and his tongues is probably, ‘O Lord deliver me from what I see with my eyes!’
When they David saw Bathsheba taking her bath, a seed for adultery and murder was sown. When Samson saw a harlot, he went in unto her. He saw another lady, and he could not speak correctly again, he told his father,
‘Get her for me to wife!’ Check it out in your Bible!
Men can lose their temper, temperature and temperament altogether when they see a beautiful lady!!! Men, can you bear me witness?
What other things do you need to know before saying I do?
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know the things to do to advance my life
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask for wisdom to know the things to do.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Proverbs 4:7(KJV) Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Write down the things you are learning.
