This is the concluding part of our series on what ladies need to know about men before saying ‘I do’.
We have talked about
1. Be ready to massage his ego 2. Be ready to respect him 3. Be ready to satisfy him sexually 4. Be ready to cook for him 5. Be ready to dress for him
6. Be ready to pray for him. Pray for your husband. Don’t let your early years in marriage be characterized with quarrels and hurts and wounds. You will slow yourself down that way. Yes, he is not a good man, he is not caring, he is not loving, she is not submissive, she is not respectful…but you are married! You are one in God’s eyes. You need each other’s agreement; you need each other’s prayers!
Pray for him from the depth of your heart and support him, don’t close up your spirit on him because of some issues…support him. Never open your mouth to curse him; it would be like cursing yourself because you are one!
7. Be ready to help him You are a helper. There are only two people referred to as ‘helper’ in the whole of Genesis to Revelation. That is the Holy Spirit and your wife!
That is why you have been told never to grieve the Holy Spirit and never to be bitter with your wife. That is why you don’t lift your hand against your helper! Ladies, be there to help him succeed. Support his endeavours.
Singles, you help your fiancée when you refuse to compromise. You are not helping him when he says ‘let’s kiss baby, and you too submit your lips for the next two hours like you are submitting a paper in the exam hall! Tell him, if you are hungry, you go by Ponmo or some cow-hide in the market, you ain’t chewing my mouth! These lips are reserved till marriage!
The power of life and death lies in your mouth, you use it to give direction to your life, not for kissing the one you are not married to! After, your marriage, you can do all of that, even for days, and God will still be excited about it!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have wisdom to make my relationship work
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh God, help me to know what I ought to know that I do not know
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Proverbs 4:7(KJV) Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.
Ok, I promised to continue from where we left off yesterday and I will keep to my promise as some new topics are screaming at me right now. Yesterday we looked at the first two things that are very important before you say ‘I do’, which are
1. Be ready to massage his ego 2. Be ready to respect him
We still have five more points to go.
3. Be ready to satisfy him sexually 4. Be ready to cook for him 5. Be ready to dress for him 6. Be ready to pray for him. 7. Be ready to help him
Today we continue from the third one.
3. Be ready to satisfy him sexually You and I know this is very important right? But here are few things about that. Now, talking to married couples first, I want to tell wives, if it is possible, try as much as you can to always satisfy your husband sexually. It is the number one preventive for an adulterous lifestyle. I am not trying to justify any man’s recklessness in his family, but I am saying a few things can be guard against.
Young wives, you need to know that jeru trip is not a tool for punishment or reward. When he is nice and has bought something for you, you cooperate with him. When he has not been nice, you start singing ‘my head, my shoulder, my knees, my toes, they all are paining me! That is not fair!
Well, the scripture admonishes couples, ‘defraud ye not one another!’ The scripture calls it fraud when you deny one another without genuine reasons! And really, genuine reasons should only come up once in a while!
Why is jeru trip so important to men? It is because of their wiring, it is not their fault. However, the scripture makes it clear that a sexual relationship should only be with your spouse, not with a colleague or somebody you met in a one-nightstand somewhere! The consequences of adultery are debilitating. It comes with agony and regrets!
If you are not enjoying it as a wife, you should let your husband know so that you can find ways to resolve that. It is not right to keep rebuffing his advances because ‘you are not enjoying it!’ You should be enjoying it to the fullest because one of the reasons why God made jeru trip is pleasure. There could be many reasons why you don’t enjoy it and you might need to see a trusted counselor together (never alone) who can keep your issues confidential.
If you feel your husband rushes you and is never patient, teach him and lead him gently until he learns to wait for you. I would have gone deeper on this, but singles are reading this too, so I don’t want to ‘afflict’ their souls! Lol.
Let him know areas you would want him to touch. Every man ought to know every lady needs an average of twenty minutes to be fully ready! So ladies, when you notice your husband has been reacting, withdrawing, getting angry at little things, getting irritated at almost everything, complaining about what he used to ignore, check out whether you have been refusing his advances and his ego is not allowing him to ‘beg’ for it. It is actually not a good place for any man to be because a sexually starved man is capable of messing up anytime!
Protect your marriage by enjoying each other and never denying each other. For a lady, it is more than a physical workout, it is an emotional thing for her, so when she is hurt, she may not be able to release herself. This is why it is important to forgive easily and let go…because you are still one! It is also why you should treat your wife gently and be caring!
For the singles, I mentioned some things yesterday. You are not to satisfy anybody until after you say I do, which is in marriage. You can put forth all kinds of lame excuses why it should happen but that is not God’s order. If you are going to have God’s support, favour, and help in this life, then you had better do it God’s way. And I really don’t think anybody wants to live without God’s support, favour, and help in this life. Those are what would distinguish and make a difference in your life.
If as a married couple, you are already involved with adultery or with pre-marital sex as a single, it is never too late to ask God for forgiveness and turn around in your ways. That is how not to delay yourself or slow yourself down.
Conclusively, you will never be able to ‘insure’ any relationship or ‘keep’ a man through compromise. Your body is not a commodity to trade; it is the temple of the Holy Ghost! Respect your body and don’t trade it around because God puts a lot of value on your body and on your person!
To be continued tomorrow.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the wisdom to make my relationship work
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask that God will give you wisdom.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Proverbs 4:7(KJV) Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.
It should beour aim in marriage to want to do those things that please our spouses, whether you are the wife or husband. I remembered how I used to read about anything that has to do with marriage when I first got married. I wanted to have a good marriage and so I looked for ways to improve our marriage.
In my twenty-one-plus years of marriage, I have found these 3 things particularly heartwarming. No matter how these three things will make your husband be endeared to you.
They are;
1. Good food 2. Jeru trip 3. Attention
1. Good food Men enjoy good food, well prepared. If you have a husband that can cook and enjoys cooking you are sure blessed. But basically, the kitchen is not their place. They enjoy varieties but you have to know your own husband. Some don’t like experiments. They have a sensitive tummy and so won’t try out anything different.
You will do good to spice up your cooking. These days that women are career women, it may be difficult. But anything for your marriage and home is worth it. The jobs will go but what will remain is your marriage and your husband.
2. Attention This comes in different flavors but attention is still attention. As a married woman, your husband does not want to have the slightest feeling that someone else is taking your attention in any way.He wants to be reassured over and over again that he is the only one you are dedicated to in terms of time and attention. Your husband also enjoys it if you spend time with him talking and playing.
3. Jeru trip Every man enjoys jeru trip. What jeru trip is for a man is different from what it is for a woman. For a man, it releases tension. All his creativity comes alive. It is like a renewal of strength and rejuvenation. So your husband enjoys it. So if you are a married woman, just know that you have signed for these three things for life.
You must up your game not to be found wanting in these three areas. Never complain, never wish your husband was less demanding but be up to the task and the Lord will help you.
Some husbands are more demanding than usual but God will give you the grace you need.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am able to meet my husband’s need
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, grant me the grace to meet the needs of my husband
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 31:11 (KJV) The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
1. Be ready to massage his ego Every man has an ego. It is part of him and that is what makes him a man. He needs that ego to survive and to be the best he can be. While I don’t subscribe to men who are overly egocentric and who manipulate their fiancées or wives as a result, I know that as a lady you should be ready to stroke that ego and not crush it. If you keep on crushing a man’s ego, you will keep seeing the other side of him that is not really nice! How do you crush a man’s ego?
Let me give you a sample. You and your husband are dining alongside another couple. The other lady goes like, ‘one thing I like about my husband is that he is so patient with me, always available to even help me out in the kitchen most times” And then, you go like, “You are so lucky! My own husband? He is so lazy and behaves like an impatient drone. Rather than for him to help me out in the kitchen, he prefers to sit down playing cards with little kids like a deranged man. I wish he is like your husband…you are so lucky o.”
This looks like an extreme example, but anything like this, you have just finished the man, and he would look for ways to finish you as well because you just crushed his ego publicly! A man’s ego is so important to him that even if you try crushing it in privacy when you are alone, he will react immediately, not to talk of openly. It is not the way to go.
2. Be ready to respect him Respect is a major issue for men. So major that they are not ready to compromise in that area. So make up your mind to respect and be submissive to your husband if you really want to enjoy your marriage. Interestingly, the more submissive you are, the more he will listen to you eventually, and the more you will be able to influence him.
If you are a lady, and your song is ‘he never listens to me,’ I can tell you what is happening. Somewhere in his mind, he believes you are disrespectful.’ So any attempt to make contributions he flares up! Do you know why? He sees your contributions as trying to usurp his authority and he shuts you down or ignores you. When you find yourself in this kind of situation, rather than fight back or withdraw in frustration, try making adjustments in how you respect him, even in your choice of words and tone of voice, it all matters.
But Pastor, he doesn’t love me, why should I respect him? The instruction in Ephesians 5 is not a 50-50 contract. It’s 100% instruction. You are not to respect him because he loves you. You are to submit to him because he is your husband. The same goes for men, you don’t love your wife because she respects you, you are to love her because she is your wife. When couples start seeing it this way, they will be amazed at the changes that will take place in their marriage!
Now, listen to this, if you are so independent and you are not ready to respect and submit to your husband, you are not ready for marriage! It doesn’t matter whether you earn more than him or whether you are more traveled, he remains the head of the house. There cannot be two heads in the house, any two-headed creature is a monster. This is how God instituted it, and that is how it is going to work. But sincerely, in an atmosphere of love, the wife does not need to be shouted upon, ‘I am the head of the house!’ Like somebody said, the moment you have to keep screaming that, you have just lost the headship!
For singles in courtship, here is what you need to know. Never ever try disobeying God in any way because you want to respect your fiancé. For example, he asks you to come over and spend the weekend with him while you are not yet married. You have every right to disagree on that because you and I know what that would lead to. In fact, you need to review any kind of relationship where the guy is putting pressure on you for pre-marital sex. So, in your
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the wisdom of God. I know how to make my relationship work
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask that God will help you to know what to do per time.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Proverbs 4:7(KJV) Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.
Hello there, every couple or marriage has the potentiality of being tempted into an affair. Now, you need to understand that there are different types of affairs. Whatever or whichever affair, it’s best to close the door on any type of affair. Your spouse may be innocent or naive but there are desperate fellows out there. Oftentimes, these people are under the influence of Satan.
Remember the devil’s ministry is to steal, kill and destroy. Don’t give the devil a foot hold or he will take a mile. Affair proofing your marriage is not about becoming a SSS or a monitoring spirit and stalking your spouse all around.
Here are some tips that will help you protect your spouse from affair.
1. Make yourself so valuable to your spouse, he/she will always need you 2. Be true and genuine friends. 3. Love your spouse deeply. 4. Strive at all times to meet each other’s deepest needs. 5. Keep communication open all the time. The more you share communication on deep issues the more you protect your spouse from external influences. 6. Pray for your spouse daily and pray together daily. 7. Let your marriage be mentored. 8. Make God and His word and principle be the life line of your marriage. 9. Be sincere with each other in all things no matter how insignificant it may look. 10. Develop your individual fellowship with the Holy Spirit so you can be sensitive to His leading. This way the Holy Spirit can help you discern people with a ulterior motive around your spouse.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My spouse is protected from affairs
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father, keep me and my spouse safe from affairs.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: (1 Peter 3:8 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Begin to affair proof your marriage
