Sometimes the strongest message in a relationship is not what you say but what you choose not to say. Silence can be golden, but it can also be dangerous—depending on how you use it.
For singles, silence might mean learning to walk away from someone who only entertains your emotions but has no intention of committing. You know those kinds of people, right? Silence can also mean choosing not to argue endlessly with someone who clearly doesn’t share your values. It’s guarding your peace instead of wasting words on someone who doesn’t listen.
For married couples, silence can be a tool or a weapon. It is a tool when you hold your tongue in a heated moment to avoid saying things you’ll regret. It becomes a weapon when you shut down communication and use silence as punishment. The first builds trust, the second destroys it.
Just by way of summary: silence should never mean avoidance. If you’re single, don’t keep silent about your boundaries and expectations. If you’re married, don’t bury issues under silence—because silence doesn’t heal wounds; conversations do.
Now let’s talk about how to use silence wisely.
Pause before speaking in anger.
Walk away when someone is baiting you into unnecessary drama.
Take time to think before responding. Then, when emotions have settled, return with words that heal rather than hurt.
In love, silence is not about shutting down—it’s about holding on for better words to come. It’s choosing peace without abandoning truth. It’s waiting for the right moment to speak, so that what you say edifies, not fries. (Smiles)
If you master when to be silent and when to speak, your relationship—whether single or married—will carry less drama and more meaning.
Are you a minister, pastor, church worker, or leader, and do you live in Ibadan? You are cordially invited to “Equip” a Minister’s Conference with Rev Femi Oduwole and Rev Gbeminiyi Eboda as part of our 9th anniversary convention.
Rev Dunamis and Sophia Okunowo will also be hosting us. Attendance is free, but registration is required. Kindly register HERE
Don’t miss it. Spread the word!
There are days when love feels like a lot to handle. Not because your feelings have changed, but because you’re tired. You’re putting in the effort, showing up, trying to communicate, praying, overthinking, making adjustments, and still, there’s this tension. Something feels off, and you can feel it.
This part is not often talked about. When you’re trying to love someone the right way, it stretches you thin. It’s not about a big disagreement or some obvious issue; it’s the emotional toll of striving to be consistent, patient, forgiving, and open all at once. It can start to feel overwhelming.
That’s why this scripture resonates with me so well, it says;
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair.” — 2 Corinthians 4:8 (NIV)
Paul wasn’t necessarily addressing relationships here, but this verse really speaks to them. Love can sometimes feel like a heavy load. When you love someone, especially in a way that reflects God’s heart, it will expand what you can handle. And every now and then, it makes you wonder what’s really going on.
So Why Does It Feel This Heavy?
Here are three reasons love feels heavy, even when it’s genuine:
1. God uses love to grow you.
It sounds good in theory, but in real life, it means you’re going to be stretched. To love someone well, you need patience, self-control, humility, and forgiveness, and those qualities don’t just appear out of the blue. They develop through struggles. True love will expose parts of you that might still be selfish, reactive, insecure, or scared. That’s not a failure but a sign of growth.
2. You’re carrying more than just the present.
Often, the pressure isn’t solely about what’s going on right now. It can stir up past experiences. Maybe it’s a fear of being hurt again or a response to something traumatic. Perhaps your need for control is rearing its head. So, the pressure isn’t just emotional, it’s layered.
3. You’re trying to love from your own strength.
We tend to do this more than we realize. When you try to love without refreshing your spirit through God, you often end up feeling drained. What starts as effort can morph into resentment. Care becomes anxiety, and soon your relationship feels more like a burden than a joy.
Tomorrow, I will tell you what to do when love feels heavy. Don’t miss it.
I thought love was constant communication: texting every hour, long late-night calls, never giving a breathing space.
But then I learned—love is not obsession. It breathes. It gives space. It respects boundaries.
Communication is vital in love, but love doesn’t choke each other.
I thought love was fireworks. You know, butterflies. That head-over-heels, can’t-eat, can’t-sleep feeling. Uhhhhh, my God! That kind that elicits “God, when o?” “Am I a spoon?” from friends.
But then I realised—feelings can fade. Real love shows up when the butterflies are gone; commitment is the only thing standing.
Yes, love elicits butterflies, but if love is not founded on commitment, it’s never gonna last. Never!
I thought love was someone finally choosing me, so I’d feel valuable. Ehm, don’t blame me. The blame is on low self-esteem. I was immersed in it from the experiences I had in childhood. Well… I sought love to feel valuable.
But then I understood—love doesn’t prove your worth. It recognises it. You don’t need love to feel valuable. You need value to love well.
I thought love meant never arguing, always agreeing, always smiling.
But I discovered—love isn’t the absence of conflict, it’s the presence of grace. It’s knowing how to “disagree to agree,” how to apologise sincerely, and how to grow together. It’s learning that I am on the same team as the one I love.
I thought I knew what love was.
Now I’m unlearning and relearning with God as my teacher.
I’m chasing wholeness. Wisdom. Purpose.
Because I want a love that looks like Christ—selfless, kind, consistent, and strong.
Loneliness is a powerful feeling. Like desperation, it can make people settle for less—for relationships they know aren’t right. They do this just to fill the empty space in their hearts. However, if you make a decision based on loneliness, it will often lead to premium tears—your temporary fix causing you long-term pain.
Sometimes we mix it up, but get it straight now. God didn’t propose marriage to Adam because he was lonely. No! There’s a world of difference between being alone and being lonely.
“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’” Genesis 2:18 [NKJV]
A man can be alone, but not lonely. Another man can be married to a woman, yet lonely. “Being alone” means being singular—be it physically, in an assignment or project, etc. while “being lonely” is a void in the heart—a feeling of emptiness in the soul that is often caused by a lack of active participation in purpose.
Adam was too busy with what God had committed into his hands to do that he didn’t even have time to be lonely. He was alone but not lonely. God had to come to initiate marriage when he saw that Adam needed a helper.
For singles, the temptation to say “Maybe this is the best I can get” often springs from loneliness. Seeing others in relationships makes matters worse, making you feel like time is running out. That’s desperation. But don’t let the feeling of loneliness and desperation push you into something unhealthy. It’s better to wait alone than to walk into a relationship that steals your peace, your values, or your destiny. The wrong relationship will drain you much more than loneliness ever could.
For married couples, well, you can be married and still be lonely. Loneliness can still creep in—especially when communication is broken down or when life gets overwhelming. However, the solution isn’t to withdraw, seek emotional validation elsewhere, or compare your spouse to others. The solution is to fight for your marriage to thrive again—work towards reconnecting. Talk. Pray together. Block out every channel (the opposite gender) that gives you emotional satisfaction. Remember why you chose each other. And fight to reconnect.
A good marriage is not built on constant excitement; it’s built on commitment through every season. Commit to working on your marriage. Commit to fighting for the spark to return again. Sometimes, or most times, it starts with just one of the spouses. If it’s you, then don’t get discouraged. Keep your eyes on the goal, regardless of what you see on the way. Don’t allow loneliness to last. Don’t allow it to lead you into an emotional affair and, ultimately, a full-blown affair.
Ultimately, may we all always recognize that God is always present with us, so we can draw strength from Him.
“Do not fear, for I am with you.” Isaiah 41:10.
God is always present, even in seasons when you feel lonely. So, instead of making hasty decisions out of desperation as singles, trust that His timing is perfect. While waiting, keep active with your purpose. The right love—one that honors God—will come. And if you’re married, the love you already have can be strengthened.
I was at a meeting this past few days, and our father, Dr. Albert Femi Oduwole, was ministering. He quoted a scripture that really struck a chord. It will bless you.
2Sa 14:26 (KJV) And when he polled his head, (for it was at every year’s end that he polled it: because the hair was heavy on him, therefore he polled it:) he weighed the hair of his head at two hundred shekels after the king’s weight.
The scripture above referred to Absalom, who was the most handsome man in the Old Testament.
He would cut his hair at the end of every year because it had become heavy on him.
What is heavy on you that you are coping with? You are supposed to “poll” it.
Interestingly, the same hair was the point of his beauty. But that which is responsible for his beauty also became a point of weariness due to the heaviness.
How often have we found out that our point of giftings can often become a point of distraction, if left unpolled!
This is the end of the year! You need some polling to do!
The Amplified Bible calls it a burden!
2Sa 14:26 (AMPC) And when he cut the hair of his head, he weighed it–for at each year’s end he cut it, because its weight was a burden to him–and it weighed 200 shekels by the king’s weight.
Many of you are probably gifted and smart, but your weight has become too much of a burden!
The scripture rightly says:
Mat 11:28 (KJV) Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
That hair that has grown over your relationship needs some polling. Some numbers need to be deleted. Some relationships need to be discarded. They have become a point of iniquity, and you know! Go get some barbing now!
Refuse to carry all demonic hair on your head! Do not allow any heaviness!
May God give you proper rest as you approach the coming year!
