This discusses delayed gratification, where you ‘pay’ now and ‘gain’ later as opposed to ‘gaining’ now to ‘pay’ later. This paradox is noteworthy, and we need to take note of it. It is always better to ‘pay’ now and ‘play’ later in our relationships and marriages.
I want to discuss 5 things this morning that we need to do now in our relationships and marriages that will yield great dividends for us later on. We must learn as individuals and as couples to delay gratification. One of the marks of maturity is when we learn to delay gratification.
Tonight is MASTERCLASS with singles and couples! Don’t miss it. Find details below. Invite others, and see the links to our Whatsapp groups below the page!
As Singles, engaging in premarital sex is tantamount to not knowing how to delay gratification. It’s better to invest a few years in getting to know yourselves before marriage and then spend all of your married lives enjoying sex together.
As a couple, we need to learn how to delay gratification when we feel like having an anger outburst or when we feel the need to express our emotions intensely. God doesn’t want us to yield to our flesh every time. He wants us to be controlled by the Holy Spirit. He wants the Holy Spirit to govern our moods, feelings, and actions. We are not to engage in tit for tat in our relationships and marriages.
Let’s now explore 5 areas where we can apply the Pain Paradox in our relationships and marriages.
Our spiritual life: From the time of finding the right person to marrying to living out our married life blissfully, we need to embrace the principle of the Pain Paradox. It makes a lot of sense if we take time out to discern God’s perfect will for us before entering into marriage.
We save ourselves a lot of heartache when we are sure we are on the same page with God on our marital journey. We can always turn to God for direction and guidance whenever we are in a dilemma. As married couples, it’s highly beneficial to prioritize walking with God because marriage cannot thrive outside of God.
Spend time getting to know and following God now, rather than using that time to pursue frivolities. Immerse yourself in God’s Word. Learn His principles now for your marriage, and you won’t have to deal with the pain of ignorance later. There is a time to sow and a time to reap. Sow now and reap later. Don’t sow now, and you won’t have anything to reap later.
Our Financial life: Finances are one of the greatest tools in relationships and marriage. The Bible says money answers all things. We need to plan our finances well. As Singles, you need to be financially intelligent. Don’t spend your hard-earned money proposing with a diamond ring when you are not even sure if she will eventually marry you.
Am I against a beautiful proposal? No. What I am saying is, can you afford such expenses when you don’t have any good investments? As couples, don’t live beyond your means. Going to fancy restaurants all the time when you can cook at home is not too wise.
Live by a budget. Let your finances be budgeted. Invest for a rainy day. Buy land or real estate. Invest now to reap the benefits later.
I will stop here today. I will continue tomorrow by God’s grace.
I particularly love this piece of advice. It is one of the classic words in Proverbs that remains evergreen for all men and women from all walks of life and for every young person. It is one of the Bible verses taught in most children’s churches so that we can learn early to trust in the Lord. God must be trusted; that’s why He is Lord.
Have you ever been in a situation where you thought you had it all figured out, only to be disappointed by the eventual outcome?
In relationships and our marriages, God’s word tells us not to lean on our own understanding. God knows that we have understanding, but we are not to depend on it. Let’s consider Proverbs 3:5:
Proverbs 3:5 GW [5] Trust the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding.
We are to trust in the Lord with all our hearts. That means it’s very possible not to trust in the Lord. It’s also possible to trust God with only part of our heart.
As singles, stop all the calculations. One plus one does not always equal two. God doesn’t want us to be disappointed every time before we learn to trust Him.
God is calling us to a beautiful relationship with Him. In choosing whom to marry, God wants to take the lead. Even when you are sure the person will agree to your proposal, God wants you to enjoy the pleasure of trusting Him. He wants to carry you until the process is completed. He wants to be your Daddy.
As married couples, this Bible verse becomes even more relevant. Several times, I have fallen flat on my face when I relied on my understanding with my husband. Sometimes, I predicted my husband’s reactions only to be disappointed. I have learned and am still learning to trust the Lord with all my heart and not rely on my understanding.
There are so many areas of my life where I can begin to practice trusting in the Lord. You too can begin to apply this Bible verse, whether when it comes to shopping for your household, childcare, your day-to-day activities at work, your decisions, your business, or your relationship with your spouse. You can’t rely on your understanding in dealing with your spouse because usually, we differ in temperament.
Our lives will become much easier when we learn in little things and big things to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and not rely on our understanding.
A man or woman has so many areas of life, so many ‘ways’ if I may use that word. Are we going to talk about career, finance, marital life, academics, work, business, spirituality, emotions, and so on? There are so many ways!
How does one bring all these ways together? How does one ask God to take charge of all these ways especially relationship and marital aspects?
It is evident in the Holy Writ! Let’s take a look!
Pro 3:6 (KJV) In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
In all your WAYS, ACKNOWLEDGE Him! The consequence of that is that He will direct all your paths!
Do you acknowledge God in all your ways? If you do, sit back and relax, He will unleash a system of divine direction for you and you will never be lost in the maze of life! You will never have to grope in the dark, murky path of marital endeavor as a result of experimenting with several lovers!
Let’s consider some other translations to bring more clarity.
Pro 3:6 (MSG) Listen for GOD’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Wow! I love this one. Watch out for His voice in EVERYTHING you do and EVERYWHERE you go, and He is committed to keeping you on track!
You will not miss your track!
You know what I see here? God doesn’t want to be ignored!
How do you acknowledge God? Talk to Him about everything you do.
The height of foolishness is ignoring God! The Bible says expressly that;
Psa 14:1a (KJV) The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God…
One definition of a foolish man; he does His things as though there is no God!
Conversely, you will have the wisdom to rule in the affairs of this world when you learn to ACKNOWLEDGE God in ALL YOUR WAYS!
For singles and couples, the issue of financial compatibility will always come to the fore because finances are an essential part of love life. The reality is that when financial issues are out of the way, more than fifty percent of the problems are solved.
Financial compatibility is important because it is dangerous to marry someone whose financial principles and practices are polarized to you. This doesn’t mean you are financial experts but what it means is that you should be on the same page so that you can synergize together.
Here Are Conversations You Should Have
1. Financial History: What has been the financial history? How has your potential spouse been handling finances? As newly married, you will immediately notice that your partner’s financial habit before the wedding prevails within your home. It is good to have these conversations!
2. Budgeting Together: Have you discussed budgeting, planning, and spending? What amount goes for which? What are the priorities? As engaged or newly married couples, are you on the same page? Do you consult one another before major spending?
3. Financial Goals: What are the plans? This should be discussed! When are you going to start developing your property? What kind of school are the children going to? What kind of income streams are in the pipeline?
4. Debts and Savings: Are there debts before the wedding? Light or huge debt? Are there serious and chronic debt habit that needs attention and counseling? You cannot close your eyes to all these indications. As a newlywed, are you servicing debt with all your income like in Nigeria? Lol…
5. Crisis Management: What are the financial plans in place in emergencies? What are the options? Have you decided that you will never use a loan to take care of another debt? What are the immediate plans to stop addictions from constantly patronizing loan apps?
These and more conversations will help you when it comes to finances and your love life.
Dear singles and couples, let’s have a heart-to-heart talk about something that really matters – finding your purpose, not just in life, but in the realms of before and after you say “I do.” Whether you’re single, engaged, or already hooked, understanding your purpose is like having a compass that guides you through the stormy and sunny days of life.
Before Marriage: Discovering Yourself
1. Discover Yourself: Before you can share your life with someone, it’s crucial to know who you are. What lights your fire? What are your passions, values, and dreams? This isn’t just about career or hobbies; it’s about understanding your core. Why are you here? What is your purpose?
2. Build Your Relationship with God: Your faith isn’t just a part of your life; it’s the lens through which you see the world. Strengthening your relationship with God helps clarify your purpose and aligns your path with His plans. He created young so the template of your life is with Him.
3. Serve Others: Service isn’t just a nice thing to do; it’s a way to discover aspects of yourself and your purpose. Whether it’s volunteering at church or helping out in the community, service expands your heart and your understanding of where you fit in this world. When you serve, He said he will bless your bread and water!
After Marriage: Growing Together
1. Unite Your Dreams: Now that you’re a team, it’s time to align your purposes. This doesn’t mean giving up your individual dreams but finding ways they can complement and support each other. Be on the same page in your respective areas of specialization. Allow two chasing ten thousand rather than as individuals chasing a thousands each.
2. What’s Your Vision?: What do you want your marriage to stand for? Together, create a vision that includes not just your goals as a couple but also how you want to contribute to the world around you. Create a vision board for your family and that will help you keep focus.
3. Keep God at the Center: As you navigate married life, keeping your faith central can help you face challenges and make decisions that honor your shared purpose. Need stop reading and studying your Bible! Pray in the Spirit a lot and allow God to build your family for you!
Remember, finding and fulfilling your purpose is a journey, not a destination. It’s about growing, learning, and adapting, whether you’re single, engaged, or married.
So, take a deep breath, trust in God’s plan, and embark on this beautiful adventure of discovering and living out your purpose.
