Conflict does not only reveal differences; it exposes emotional wiring. When disagreements arise, some people argue intensely, while others go silent. Shutting down during conflict is not always indifference—it is often protection.
Understanding why people withdraw during conflict helps both singles and couples build healthier communication patterns.
1. Fear of Escalation
Some individuals shut down because they fear the conflict will spiral out of control. If they grew up in environments where disagreements became explosive, silence feels safer than engagement. Withdrawal becomes a strategy to prevent chaos.
2. Emotional Overwhelm
Not everyone processes emotions at the same speed. During conflict, some people experience internal flooding—racing thoughts, anxiety, or mental paralysis. Shutting down becomes a coping mechanism when the brain feels overloaded.
3. Fear of Saying the Wrong Thing
Certain individuals fear that speaking in anger will cause irreversible damage. Rather than risk hurtful words, they retreat. While the intention may be to avoid harm, prolonged silence can create deeper distance.
4. Learned Childhood Patterns
Many conflict responses are learned early in life. If someone was ignored, silenced, or punished for expressing feelings, they may associate speaking up with danger. As adults, they carry that conditioning into relationships.
5. Avoidance of Vulnerability
Conflict often exposes insecurity, fear, or unmet needs. For some, it feels easier to disengage than to admit hurt or weakness. Silence becomes emotional armor.
6. Desire to Maintain Peace
Some people value peace so highly that they equate disagreement with relational threat. Instead of engaging constructively, they withdraw to preserve what feels like stability.
7. Lack of Communication Skills
Not everyone has learned how to argue constructively. Without tools for healthy dialogue, shutting down feels like the only option available.
8. Passive Control
In some cases, withdrawal is not fear but control. Silence can be used to punish, manipulate, or force the other person to chase resolution. This form of shutdown damages trust over time.
Children are a blessing from God. They bring joy, laughter, and a sense of legacy. But… Ehm… children also bring stress, sleepless nights, financial pressure, and less time for romance. And many couples love their kids but quietly lose each other in the process.
But here’s a reminder:
Marriage is the first covenant, parenting comes after. If you neglect your marriage while raising kids, you’ll one day look across the table—after the children are grown—and see a stranger. That’s why wise couples learn to guard their love even in the chaos of parenting.
For singles, hear this: don’t just ask, “Will this person be a good spouse?” Ask, “Will this person be a good parent—and will they still choose me when kids come?” A person who doesn’t know how to balance love and responsibility will either pour everything into the children and starve the marriage, or neglect the children chasing their own freedom. Neither is healthy.
If you’re married already, learn this: your children need a healthy marriage more than they need perfect parents. Yes! So, SHOW them what love looks like by loving each other openly. Go on dates, hold hands, talk beyond school runs and house chores. Let your kids see that before “Mum and Dad,” you were “husband and wife.”
Parenting works best when love in marriage remains the anchor. Children thrive in homes where security is not only provided by rules and routines, but also by affection and unity.
So, whether you are single or married, prepare yourself. A family is not just about raising children—it’s about building love that can raise children well.
We started this amazing topic yesterday and we will be concluding this morning.
To know and experience God you need to be still. There is a level of stillness required to be able to relate and know God for who He is.
When you are still, you most likely can trust more. Especially if it is stillness in your mind and body too. When we make haste and are in a hurry, we are not still. We make mistakes.
In a state of stillness, God can perform His glorious works in our lives.
God had to put Adam to sleep when He was to make Eve.
Is 30:5a ‘In quietness and confidence lies your strength’
We exchange our weakness for His strength when we are quiet and still, trusting in God.
Dear SIngles, learn to be still. There is an intentional quietness to know Him. Quietness and stillness that come from a place of brokenness. A place and state of total and absolute surrendering to God’s will.
The partner is not yet around. Yes, it is NOT YET. He or she that will come, will come. Enjoy yourself, relax, get to know God more, and put your mind at rest. God is in control. Be still and know that God is God.
Let’s search the scriptures. In Isaiah 46:10 ‘ Be still and know that I am God.
All married couples, listen. You cannot afford to have sleepless nights over some issues. Avoid that temptation. God is never in competition with man. The Bible says He never sleeps nor slumbers. If God is awake then you are protected
You know God on your knees and in worship. It is when you are still that you can see the wonders of the Lord. He will always take charge and be in control of every situation we commit into his hands.
Place your husbands, wives, children, parents, and in-laws into His hands and leave them there.
Don’t worry about that situation that is causing you sleepless nights.
Be still today.
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Sube is a church girl. She goes to church regularly, belongs to the choir, and serves God passionately, but she is also caught up with some habitual sins, which she has not been able to confront for a long time.
Bro. Zeru is the fellowship head of his campus fellowship but has sexual relationships with some of the flock he is supposed to keep. He knows his lifestyle doesn’t please God, but he would find himself from time to time doing what he preaches against.
Mr & Mrs Balley want to serve God and they are doing all they can. It is just that they are both compromisers, they are seeing someone else. They know it is wrong, but they continue, thinking that somehow, things will just work out.
What is common with these people?
They are all involved with what is not going to work. They all hope God’s mercy will work for them, and it will work for a while.
Let’s take a look at the scriptures and see some principles.
Thirst Quenched by the Waters of God’s Word
In Isaiah 55:1 (KJV), God extends an invitation to everyone: “Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.”
This invitation beckons individuals to seek sustenance that goes beyond material wealth. The “waters” symbolize God’s word, emphasizing the importance of acquiring spiritual insight through a dedicated heart and time investment.
Your legitimate thirst for a fulfilling life, successful marriage, and overall prosperity can only be quenched through genuine devotion and regular immersion in God’s word. Contrary invitations, often enticing but leading to compromise and spiritual apathy, must be declined.
Discerning the Right Invitation
Every life-altering decision stems from an invitation. Whether it’s the pressure to engage in premarital relations or succumbing to compromise, the consequences lie not in the allure of the invitation but in the character of the inviter.
Proverbs 7 vividly portrays the consequences of honoring the wrong invitation, cautioning against being led astray by enticing offers. The invitation may seem appealing, but the aftermath can be agonizing, akin to a calf led to the butcher or a bird ensnared in a net.
Choosing Wisely: Refusing Wrong Invitations
Today, a challenge is to steadfastly refuse every wrong invitation. Your choices dictate your destiny, and embracing God’s invitation leads to the fulfillment of your deepest desires.
Start your day with God’s word, steering clear of sin, and commit to living for God by rejecting compromise. Success is not a result of chance; it is an outcome of intentional actions and choices.
The Ultimate Invitation
As we conclude, consider the unparalleled invitation extended by Jesus in Matthew 11:28-30 (KJV): “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” This divine invitation promises rest for the weary and a yoke that is easy to bear.
In the Message translation, the depth of this invitation becomes even more apparent: “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life.” Jesus invites you to walk with Him, learn from Him, and experience the unforced rhythms of grace.
Embracing the Divine Love
In a world filled with conflicting invitations, choosing to accept the invitation from the lover of your soul—Jesus Christ—leads to the embrace of the love of your life. Refuse all other invitations that may lead you astray and embark on a journey guided by the timeless principles found in God’s word.
As singles and married couples, you are to deliberately work things out in your relationship or marriage and with the help of the Holy Spirit.
Here is what the scripture says:
Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. (Philippians 2:12 KJV)
In a relationship and or marriage, you are to work things out. A relationship or courtship does not lead to marriage automatically, you are to work things out in your disposition, attitude, and reactions. A marriage does not just succeed; you are to work things out between yourselves.
Now some combinations will surely crack along the way. When you find yourself in these spots, you need to seek help prayerfully and with a lot of wisdom to address the lurking issues.
Here are those combinations:
1. Two people who are unbelievers
Two people who are unbelievers may love themselves and may be committed to each other, but when the storms of life come, they will fight their battles alone and you know, some of those battles can be very fierce. They will not have God’s support since they don’t have a relationship with God. They will not have the benefit of a relationship with God and it can be very intense! They need to connect with God!
2. Two people who are believers but refuse to grow
The second group of couples may be believers but whose minds are not renewed. The only thing is that they already have a relationship with God, but apart from that, they are still carnal. They still do their stuff like unbelievers would do. They still want to have fun in forbidden areas and they still want to explore the perverse, which would often come with dire consequences. My advice for couples in this group is that they seek help as soon as possible.
