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I wish my husband understood this. The time and attention principle. Following God, the next person you should spend time with is your spouse! Spending time with her is so important that you don’t even want to think about what will happen if you don’t spend enough time with her. The scripture indicates that after God created man, He would leave His throne and come down to the garden in the cool of the day to commune with man!

Now read this carefully: “If you don’t spend enough time with her, there will be problems!”

I’ve been coaching couples for over two decades and can tell you that this is one area that many people miss and which the devil has extensively exploited as a route into marital seclusion.

I Wish My Husband Understood This

Consider this:

How did Satan ensnare Eve? He made time for her! Why was Eve so frail? When the devil appeared, Adam was not spending time with her!

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Even while some men are spending significant time with their spouse or soon-to-be spouse, things are not going well. What could possibly go wrong?

Some men are so skilled (pun intended) that they can “listen” without paying any attention!

That is not what we are discussing here! You can be with her for five hours and she still couldn’t reach you!

It is not the time to check Facebook when you want to spend time with her.

It is not the time to respond to emails when you want to spend time with her.

Is that all we’ll be doing? Someone asks. Spend time with her instead of working?

The issue is that you are unaware that part of your job is to make your marriage work!

My lecturer told me there are several degrees of listening when I was studying for a Master’s Degree in Communication and Language Arts many years ago. You can listen for entertainment, like watching a comedy, or for accuracy, like in class, or with precision in other situations, but the ultimate level of listening is what you practice with your spouse.


It’s called empathetic listening, and it involves listening to her by imagining yourself in her shoes and feeling what she’s feeling.

It’s not the kind of listening to you do while using your laptops, iPads, watching CNN on TV, and taking phone calls.

You should make time for her on a regular basis in any relationship or marriage. This demonstrates your dedication to her. Make yourself available. Don’t allow it to get to the point where she wants to schedule a meeting with you!

What if my profession requires me to travel away from home?

There are two options available to you.

I Wish My Husband Understood This

1. Make it unforgettable whenever you are present. 

Don’t fill it with squabbles to the point where the little time you have is filled with regrets. Show maturity. Allow the time you spend together to be an intentional deposit into her emotional bank, so she has plenty to withdraw from when you are not around.

2. Maintain your contact with your spouse by using of social media.

If you are not constantly available and yet do not have time to contact or talk on a regular basis, something is wrong somewhere!

You see, when you truly love someone, you want to stay in touch with them!

I pray that God will give you additional insight into this. In Jesus’ name, I come against every storm in your marriage and declare, “Peace, be still!”


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