Handling A Difficult Spouse. Yesterday, we looked at four of the ways we can handle a difficult spouse. We looked at:
1. Prayers
2. Patience
3. Perspective
4. Praise
We continue from here.
Handling A Difficult Spouse
5. Persist in doing good
1 Pet. 3:1-4 talks to women about dealing with a difficult husband. They should have a quiet and calm spirit (sweet spirit). It’s difficult but possible with the help of the Holy Spirit. Keep your smiles. Don’t retaliate. Avoid arguments. Avoid talking back or answering rudely.
Just keep calm. Don’t give fire for fire, it can burn down the house. You believe God is already fighting for you. Keep the atmosphere cool by being full of thanksgiving, worship, and praise.
1Pet 3:7 talks to husbands dealing with difficult wives. They should see their wives as the feminine part of the covenant of marriage that deserves to be treated with honor or else their prayers will be hindered.
When husbands treat their wives well in tenderness and with honor, God usually rewards them with abundant prosperity. Avoid yielding to the temptation to retaliate. Understand that there are some things you can never understand about being a woman. You just love her all the same and seek to be there for her. It is not everything you will criticize, pass judgment and try to fix.
Handling A Difficult Spouse
6. People’s intervention
This is important especially since not all types of difficult spouses or situations can be handled on your own. Sometimes you might need the intervention of professional counselors, therapy and someone to help you through with a difficult spouse. Especially in cases of infidelity. It must also be noted that you should be careful who you talk to about your spouse. Confidentiality must be maintained. Such a person should handle the issue maturely, offering solutions and not judgment or criticism
7. Packaging
This is keeping your soul and body together. Avoid pity parties and self-pity. Anything you put pity on does not heal on time. You feel bad about what is happening but keep faith alive. Faith will make you smile and give you a reason to dance. God is the judge and your covenant witness between the husband and wife. He still restores and compensates the offended.
Look good, because the truth is that there is still a lot of good in you. No body should determine your joy. Look good physically, intellectually and emotional. Don’t yield to depression. Tell yourself never again. Pick up yourself. Even God is saying, arise and shine.
Your marriage will thrive.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will work. I will give myself to prayers, patience, I will have a better perspective, I will be persistent in doing good, so help me God.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father give me your wisdom and strength by your Holy Spirit to navigate this times of difficulty
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Husbands, you in turn must treat your wives with tenderness, viewing them as feminine partners who deserve to be honored, for they are co-heirs with you of the “divine grace of life,” so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 1 Peter 3:7 TPT
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Follow the steps to dealing with, your spouse whenever he/she is proving difficult
Dealing with A Difficult Spouse. Whether a spouse is perceived as difficult or they are actually difficult we need to arm ourselves with what to do. It also becomes a handy tool in helping others who are going through difficulty in their marriage.
We are to be reminded that the standard in our marriage is that of being Christ-like.
The same principle is used to solve little issues as well as big issues in marriage. Marriage is supposed to be till death do us part and we should not see divorce as an easy way out.
We are therefore to equip ourselves with tools to enable us to cope and manage in times of crisis.
Note that these steps do not exclude seeking and going for counseling (professional intervention) and seeking therapy for more difficult issues like infidelity, abuse of any kind, etc
Dealing with A Difficult Spouse.
The seven steps are:
1. Prayers
Please don’t underestimate the power of prayers. By prayers, I don’t mean complaining. There are principles in prayers. Don’t complain about your spouse to God, pray about and for him/her.
Prayer changes you, changes the atmosphere in the marriage, and changes your spouse. Our prayer has to be done in faith. We are to align our thoughts, actions, and words with our prayers. Don’t pray for your spouse and then nullify the prayers by talking evil of your spouse. Don’t talk about the situation, talk about the solution. Receive wisdom from God and walk in that wisdom.
2. Patience
You need patience. We obtain the promise (of a better marriage) by faith and patience. Sometimes it takes time before what we pray for manifests in the physical. Be patient and have a good attitude while at it. You will feel like giving up, don’t. If you give up, you give up too soon.
3. Perspective
You may just need to change the way you view the situation. What may be causing you sleepless nights may be solved by changing your perspective. If you will just show a little empathy. Try to be understanding. For example, if your spouse is frigid, don’t just scream at her. Understand and help her through the fact that she had been abused sexually. Understand your spouse’s background, and personality and use that to evaluate the issue.
4. Praise
When your spouse is being difficult, don’t throw away the baby with the bath water. There are still some good qualities in them. Focus on their good and praise them for those good virtues. The truth is that when we are having issues with our spouse we tend to see their weaknesses. Don’t yield to the temptation of complaining and nagging about their weaknesses.
These are four of the steps in Dealing with A Difficult Spouse. I will continue tomorrow by God’s grace.
Your marriage will thrive
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will work. I give myself to the study of God’s word to know what to do. I have wisdom
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father give me your wisdom and strength to navigate this times
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY And now let me speak to the wives. Be devoted to your own husbands, so that even if some of them do not obey the Word of God, your kind conduct may win them over without you saying a thing. For when they observe your pure, godly life before God, it will impact them deeply. 1 Peter 3:1 – 2 TPT
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Follow the steps to dealing with your spouse whenever he/she is proving difficult
The Last Two Stages In Marriage. I started this topic yesterday and I pointed out that there are three stages every marriage will go through.
Knowledge or light is very powerful at whatever stage you are in. You navigate each stage seamlessly and beautifully when there is wisdom and knowledge.
The stages are
1. Opposite attract
2. Opposite frustrate
3. Opposite exchange.
I will continue where I stopped yesterday. The Last Two Stages In Marriage
2. Opposite frustrate:
It is the most critical stage in marriage. Most marriages get stuck here. Most married couples divorce at this stage. Those who don’t divorce, live like strangers or enemies. Not living up to the full potential of their marriage. Definitely, not fulfilling God’s mandate for their marriage.
At this stage, the cracks that were covered are being exposed. Wives that have been treated badly, husbands that have been enduring, at this stage “things fall apart and the center cannot hold”.
If you are presently at this stage, all hope is not lost. If you will get the relevant knowledge and apply the knowledge wisely, walking in wisdom, you will experience restoration.
This is the stage where the opposite causes friction. There is frustration because each of their needs are not been met. They are both unfulfilled. Each feels the other doesn’t love him/her. They don’t sense any good or any commensurate benefit from the marriage. At this stage, the unpleasant, cruel side of each other is experienced. It is at this stage the devil toils with their minds and the thoughts of divorce or separation are entertained.
When this stage is managed well by the wisdom of God, the couple pass to the last stage.
3. Opposite Exchange
This is the stage where the couple begins to enjoy themselves. They enjoy their obedience to God’s word where husbands love their wives as Christ did and the wives have respected their husbands.
Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor; Ecclesiastes 4:9 AMPC
They begin to enjoy the oneness and unity God promised in His word. They enjoy the power of agreement at the highest level. Their reward or result is multiplied, and they experience ten times multiplied result.
This is the stage where the couples begin to rub on each other. Where they begin to exchange and partake of each other’s strength. The Choleric becomes more gentle and relaxed while the phlegmatic becomes more goal-oriented. The Sanguine becomes more serious and the Melancholy becomes more joyful and playful.
Here the beauty of marriage is seen. The wisdom of God is fully experienced that there is no better personality. Every personality is unique, needed, and useful to complete the pack.
Marriage is like a duet. Each person is important. Each person has a vital part to supply. Each is uniquely needed. No one of the two is superior. The two are needed for the complete success of the marriage.
If the marriage is working, then the couples are working at it. If the marriage is not working the two are contributing to its failure.
Make up your mind to make a success of your marriage. Those are The Last Two Stages In Marriage
Your marriage will thrive.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will work. I give myself to the study of God’s word to know what to do. I have wisdom
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father help me to give myself to learning and light by Gods word.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor; Eccl 4:9 AMPC
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY I will gain the necessary knowledge for my marriage to work
The Three Stages of Marriage. Knowledge is power. The success of your marriage is in your hands. Where you invest is where you harvest.
The kingdom principle is based on seed, time, and harvest. Doctors invest 7years of attending medical lectures and reading medical books. They become changed into medical doctors.
To be good and godly husbands and wives we have to spend hours learning and reading books on marriage. Doctors won’t graduate until they adequately learned all they are supposed to learn. That’s why you can’t graduate to be a doctor until seven years, not six or five.
For some of us, our knowledge about marriage is incomplete. That’s why we have a near blissful marriage.
For this morning, I will like to let us know that there are 3 stages every marriage will go through. Every one of us will pass through these stages. So the earlier we prepare for them the better.
The Three Stages of Marriage 1. Opposite will attract In God’s wisdom, He always brings two opposite together for the purpose of complementing one another. This is to break the power of superiority. Where you need me and I need you. No matter how gifted a person, you can never become all that God destined you for. God said it is not good for man to be all one.
So by principle, God makes opposite and they will always attract. You will attract someone who has something you don’t have. A choleric will always attract a quiet, reserved, laid-back Phlegmatic.
Let no one despise your personality. No one is the best personality, because together they form the perfect image of God.
A man alone cannot nurture babies nor can a woman alone make babies, it takes a combination of the two.
So the first stage of your marriage is where you attract one another. Some people call it the honeymoon stage. Here you don’t see anything wrong with your spouse.
The Three Stages of Marriage 2. Opposite will frustrate This is the second stage in every marriage. The time of the second stage varies from couple to couple. Some couples have enough knowledge to keep them in the first stage for a long time.
Now, how you handle this second stage is based on how much you have given yourself to investing in your marriage through reading, studying, and learning.
I emphasize again that men and women are so different. We can say that the success of the second stage is based on knowledge, a test of how well you have studied your covenant.
What attracts you will begin to frustrate you. You get irritated at each other. Life changes occur and you begin to repel each other. Your wife needs to be loved more in every aspect. Not loved from men’s perspective but love as she sees love. The very thing that men find difficult to do or comprehend.
The husband on the other hand requires respect. We will continue tomorrow by God’s grace. Your marriage will thrive
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY As a husband, I dwell with my wife based on knowledge that she is different from me. As a wife,I respect my husband
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father help me to realize that men and women are different. Grant me wisdom in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:33.….husbands love your wives, wives respect your husbands
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY I will give myself to learning more about my marriage
Men Need Respect and Women Need Romance. Men and women are created differently, they function differently and they see things differently. There are three major ways they are different.
Men and women are different in their personalities, their backgrounds, and their gender.
If we understand these differences, we will be able to relate to ourselves better. Meeting each other’s needs and prioritizing pleasing our spouse should be a big deal.
The number one cause of divorce is irreconcilable differences. The opposite will usually attract initially, if not managed well, these qualities that attract us to one another repel us and become a major source of conflict.
Men and women are made from different materials, so even in creation, they are different. Men were made out of dust but women were from one of the most sophisticated materials, the rib bone.
Respect for men is not just a cultural need but a scriptural need.
Ephesians 5:33, instructs women to respect their own husband. Men do things for honor, they are warriors and fighters by nature. So wives you have to be your husband’s number one cheerleader. Let nobody respect your husband more than you.
Affairs naturally develop in a boss-subordinate relationship, like a boss and secretary relationship because there is a natural flow of respect. Men Need Respect, Women Need Romance
Wives, don’t respect your boss, MD, pastor, or any other man more than your husband. You see his weaknesses, so the temptation to not respect him is there because women like to give respect when men do good things. Don’t yield to that temptation.
Understand your husband needs his space and some quiet when he is stressed. That is respect to him. Find new ways of respecting him by asking him, how you can appreciate him more.
Men, it is a crime to marry a woman and don’t give her what she needs most. Women need and love romance. Men don’t understand romance because naturally, they are rugged.
Romance is spelled tenderness. It is doing the normal things with a special touch and effect. Being thoughtful in the little things you do. Giving the little things the extra touch. For example don’t just buy your wife a gift, find out her preference. Take time to find out how she likes the gift. Women enjoy the process, so wrap the gift with a beautiful wrapper and present it in a romantic way. Romance doesn’t have to cost you an arm nor do you have to break the bank. It is romantic to just stay with her while cooking and just be with her.
You can just listen to her, give her a reassuring hug and tell her you understand her.
A woman talks for companionship because she is emotional. She tells you things not for you to correct, judge, apportion, blame, or criticize, she tells you, to empathize with her. This is being romantic.
Invest time, energy, effort, and money to meet your wife’s need for romance and you will harvest a happy, loving wife.
Men Need Respect, and Women Need Romance. Your marriage will thrive!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I dwell with my wife based on knowledge of that she is different from me. I respect my husband
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father help me to realize that men and women are different. Grant me wisdom in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:33.….husbands love your wives, wives respect your husbands
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Husbands be romantic to your wives. Wives respect your husband’s.
