30 Shocking Realities Before Marriage by Eno Jerry Part 2
We started on this yesterday and we will conclude today.
19. Manage Expectations
It’s normal to fantasize about marriage and picture the ideal relationship. However, unrealistic expectations can damage a union if not addressed. When two individuals commit their lives together, compromise is necessary.
No one is perfect, so don’t expect your partner to meet all of your emotional or physical needs without also meeting theirs. Appreciate your significant other for who they are, not who you imagine them to be. Small irritations that seemed minor before may bother you more as a married couple.
20. Find Purpose
Also, your partner should not have to fulfill your purpose or identity. While support is important, relying on them solely for happiness places unfair pressure on their shoulders. Maintain interests and friendships outside the marriage for balance.
Similarly, allow your partner space to follow their dreams too. Whether it’s furthering education, changing careers, or pursuing hobbies, encourage each other’s goals. Make time for activities you each enjoy separately as well as together.
21. Be Flexible
Compromise means considering your spouse’s perspective and finding solutions that work for you both. Be willing to bend when possible and don’t just think of yourself. With patience and teamwork, you can overcome challenges as a united front. Going into marriage with realistic views sets the stage for a fulfilling partnership built on mutual understanding and support. Unmet fantasies often stem the root of dissatisfaction.
22. Work on Communication
Strong communication serves as the foundation for any healthy relationship. However, speaking and listening with understanding do not always come naturally and require effort. As a couple, make developing this skill a priority.
Start by listening without judgment or assumptions when your partner speaks.
Focus fully on what they say rather than thinking of your response. Ask clarifying questions if needed so you can see things from their perspective. All these are important before marriage.
When sharing your feelings or needs, do so respectfully using “I statements” instead of accusations. Say something like “I feel upset when you forget our plans because I was looking forward to our time together.” This avoids placing blame.
Discussing disagreements kindly helps resolve issues rather than letting them fester. Come prepared to compromise rather than demand your way. Take breaks if tensions rise so you can return to difficult topics with clearer heads.
23. Don’t Sweep Issues Under The Carpet.
Small problems become big ones if not addressed. So talk through everyday annoyances before they accumulate. Catching issues early gives the best chance of a resolution that satisfies you both. With practice, you’ll strengthen your ability to communicate supportively as a team.
Healthy communication habits take work but are well worth establishing as the foundation for a strong marriage. Facing challenges together through respectful discussion helps deepen understanding and intimacy between partners
24. Seek Counseling if Needed
Even couples excited about marriage may have areas to improve before tying the knot. Pre-marital counseling provides an objective third party to help identify issues and give you tools to build a healthy relationship.
A counselor can guide meaningful discussions that you and your partner find difficult alone. They’ll prompt reflection on your backgrounds, values, expectations, and communication styles. This helps ensure you see eye to eye on important topics and are ready to support each other.
Working through any existing problems with a professional also gives the best chance of overcoming them. Bottled-up resentment or unresolved conflicts from your past are less likely to negatively impact your marriage.
Pre-marital sessions teach relationship skills like active listening, “I statements,” compromising, and managing conflict. Practicing these with guidance strengthens your bond and ability to face challenges together down the road.
Don’t be afraid to seek counseling if you notice areas of concern. It takes courage to address problems head-on with your partner and a counselor. But it provides so much benefit to working through difficulties before marriage rather than hoping they’ll disappear after “I dos.”
With counseling, you’ll feel confident that you and your significant other are fully prepared for the commitment of marriage. Your union will be built on a strong foundation of understanding, trust, and communication from the very beginning.
25. Signs It May Not Last
While every couple faces obstacles, some partnerships show red flags indicating deeper issues. If several of these signs apply to your relationship, seriously consider whether you and your partner are ready for marriage. It’s better to acknowledge problems now rather than later.
26. Lack of Commitment
One or both individuals are not fully bought into the marriage. They are not willing to put in the effort it requires through good and bad. One or both feet may still be out the door. Before marriage, this area should be sorted.
27. Inability to Solve Problems
Major conflicts over important issues like finances, intimacy, or in-laws are left unresolved. Partners lack effective communication skills and are unable or unwilling to find compromises. This is a crucial area that needs to be addressed before marriage.
28. Unrealistic Expectations
One or both have an idealized, fantasy view of marriage and relationships rather than a realistic one. They expect their partner to meet all their needs and resolve all their issues. Before marriage, unrealistic expectations should be discarded.
29. Lack of Trust or Respect
There are underlying trust issues due to past hurts, different values, or personality clashes. Partners disrespect one another through insensitive words, dismissal of feelings, or private criticism. If this happened before marriage without check, it will still happen afterward.
30. Frequent or Escalating Arguments
Disagreements happen, but true red flags include arguments that end in personal attacks, name-calling, or one partner trying to control the other through anger or tears.
Take time to reflect on whether any of these signs ring true for your relationship. Addressing concerns with counseling before marriage gives the best chance at a healthy union built to stand the test of time.
If you want to build a strong and lasting relationship, learn from other people’s mistakes. In this devotional, I will share my personal story and the issues I faced in past relationships. I will show you how anger, disrespect, and blaming others can damage your bonds. More importantly, I will explain how change is possible when you take ownership of your weaknesses.
2. Parents as Models.
Growing up, I witnessed frequent arguments and even physical fights between my parents. As children, my brother and I would cry and beg them to stop fighting to no avail. Witnessing these conflicts shaped my views on relationships from a young age.
3. Growing up in a quarrelsome home.
It was all I knew to see parents constantly quarreling, even in front of us kids. My parents loved us but they didn’t understand the impact their fights had on our development. We learned that resolving conflicts through yelling and aggression was normal.
4. The impact on children.
Seeing your parents fight regularly leaves scars. As a child, it makes you feel unsafe and stressed. Subconsciously, it can influence you to repeat similar behaviors in your own relationships later in life. I believe growing up in that environment is what made me prone to anger issues and arguments as an adult.
5. Arguing and fighting as weaknesses.
In my teens and early adulthood, I saw arguing and even physical fighting as normal behaviors. I took pride in “winning” fights and felt validated when others were impressed by my aggression. However, these were clearly weaknesses that would damage my relationships if not addressed.
6. Owning your faults instead of blaming others.
For a long time, I blamed my parents and upbringing for my anger issues. I thought it wasn’t my fault since that’s all I knew growing up. But the moment you realize your parents’ actions don’t define you, change becomes possible. You have to own your faults instead of making excuses for bad behaviors. No one else can change you but yourself.
7. Examples of anger issues from my past.
Looking back, I see many examples of how my anger ruined past relationships. I would blow up over small things and say hurtful words just to win arguments. I never respected my partners’ feelings or tried to understand other viewpoints. My anger was like a monster that I couldn’t control.
8. The impact on relationships.
Is it any surprise that those relationships didn’t last? No one wants to be with someone who constantly yells, blames, and shows anger without reason. It destroys trust and communication. Both parties always feel on edge, like walking on eggshells. Respect and care fade away when anger takes over. I didn’t realize it then but my behavior was emotionally abusive.
9. Making the decision to change.
It took hitting rock bottom, with the failure of yet another relationship, for me to realize I had to change. I decided to seek counseling to understand the roots of my anger and how to manage it better. This was the first step to taking control of my life and weaknesses.
10. Seeing positive changes with time.
Learning new coping skills like active listening, expressing feelings respectfully, and taking a breather to calm down when angry – these techniques really helped. With practice over months and years, I saw real differences. Fewer outbursts, more patience, and greater control over my emotions. My relationships became far more peaceful than before.
11. Communication skills to develop.
Some key skills I worked on include: listening without interrupting, using “I feel” statements, finding compromises, validating feelings, and apologizing when wrong. These small changes in how you interact go a long way in making the other person feel heard and respected.
12. Showing respect for your partner.
Beyond communication, it’s important to respect your partner’s individuality and make them feel cared for through little gestures. Saying thank you, doing small favors, giving compliments, and making time for each other daily all show you value the relationship. Respect is the foundation of any healthy bond.
13. Growth and healing in my own marriage.
I met my husband a few years after starting my personal journey. By then, I had learned so much and was still learning. Of course, new challenges would come up but I had better tools to handle them respectfully. Our communication is honest yet caring. We make each other feel valued every day.
14. Advice for others based on my experience.
If you struggle with anger or past hurts influence you, don’t delay getting help. Your future relationships and mental well-being depend on it. Also, keep learning from your mistakes; that’s how you keep growing. Finally, value your partner and meet them with compassion – this will take you very far.
15. Get to Know Your Partner.
Getting to know someone fully takes time. Before marriage, it’s important to truly understand who your partner is at their core. Spending quality time together in different situations can help reveal important things.
16. Date Nights.
Plan regular date nights where you engage in meaningful conversation without distractions. Ask questions and really listen to learn about each other’s upbringing, values, life experiences, and goals. Did you grow up similarly or differently? What matters most to each of you?
17. Understanding.
Also, make an effort to understand your partner’s relationships with family and friends. How do they interact with loved ones? What role will family play after your wedding? Knowing how to navigate in-laws can help prevent future issues.
Be open about topics that affect your future too, like finances, children, faith, and careers. Discuss expectations for these areas to ensure you are compatible. It’s better to address any gaps or disagreements now rather than be surprised later.
Make quality time together a priority, even when busy with work or other commitments.
18. Conversations.
Continuing meaningful conversations throughout your relationship helps you and your partner grow closer emotionally and practically. Going into marriage with a solid understanding of each other sets the stage for a healthy bond.
Secrets Unveiled: Apostle Arome’s 14 Keys To A Lasting Marriage Part 2
What are the Keys to a Long-Lasting Marriage?
8. Understanding the Price of Agreement.
Agreement is the foundation of any covenant relationship. Maintaining an agreement requires effort, but it is well worth it to enjoy the benefits of a true partnership. As the Apostle pointed out, “two cannot walk together except that they agree.”
Agreement allows couples to function as a corporate entity, combining their strengths for maximum impact. However, agreement does not just happen – it is something that must be cultivated through understanding each other, compromising when needed, and prioritizing the relationship above personal desires.
Apostle Arome used the example of Israel’s relationship with God to show how disagreement can arise even when two parties are committed to each other. Though Israel was married to God by covenant, at times “there was no harmony, no concord.”
Living together day after day reveals each person’s weaknesses as well as their strengths. It takes work to see beyond surface issues and maintain the “temperature of agreement.” But the rewards are great for couples who make this effort, as Apostle Arome said, with agreement comes the ability to “explore the field of destiny” through their combined efforts.
9. Avoid Unequal Yoke.
Being “unequally yoked” leads to a lack of harmony. When two people have differing values, priorities, or visions for their lives together, it creates internal friction that manifests in their interactions. Small disagreements that would normally be resolved become magnified when the underlying yoke is unequal.
Couples may find themselves constantly butting heads over decisions big and small. Resentment and frustration can build on both sides when there is no agreement at the core level of who they are and what they want from their marriage and future. Apostle Arome pointed to this lack of agreement at the foundational level as a disaster for any relationship that is meant to function as a unit.
10. Fellowship and Participation.
The Greek word for fellowship means participation. Effective participation between partners requires understanding each other’s strengths, weaknesses, passions, and quirks.
Couples who take the time to truly get to know their spouse on deep levels find it much easier to participate together in a harmonious way. They understand how to encourage and support each other’s participation in activities, responsibilities, and decision-making in a way that plays to each person’s nature. This allows them to function as a cohesive unit where both people feel valued for their contributions. A lack of real understanding breeds a lack of participation, which in turn breeds distance and disharmony in the relationship.
11. Communion and Intercourse.
Communion, or “koinonia”, refers to intercourse – the height of agreement between partners. When there is disharmony between a couple, it negatively impacts their ability to be intimate with each other. Intercourse is meant to be an act that deepens the bond of unity between a husband and wife, but lack of agreement on other levels makes true communion very difficult.
Unresolved issues like differing values or ongoing arguments translate to a disconnect even in the bedroom. Partners may feel reluctant to be emotionally or physically vulnerable. Addressing the root causes of disharmony through open communication and compromise is important to restore full communion in the relationship.
12. Purpose and Objectives.
Having a clearly defined, shared purpose is important for agreement. Couples who do not have a strong sense of why their marriage exists beyond just being together are more likely to experience disagreement down the line. Life presents many opportunities to veer off course individually if a marriage’s purpose is unclear or unaligned. Discussing each person’s goals, values, vision for family, and aspirations helps partners get on the same page about their reasons for committing to each other. With a mutual understanding of purpose, it is easier to make decisions and compromises while staying focused on similar objectives.
13. Addressing Past Mistake.
Apostle Arome discusses how past inappropriate relationships or touches can negatively impact agreement in a current marriage if unaddressed. Soul ties from previous romantic connections, even if just emotional, can linger in the recesses of one’s mind and heart. This leaves room for comparison or unresolved baggage that seeps into the present. Complete honesty and repentance between partners is needed. Working through such issues with a counselor or mentor can help cut past ties that hinder full agreement in the marriage. Sins of the past, if not brought to light, have the power to slowly poison unity in the present.
14. Conclusion.
In conclusion, the keys to lasting long in any marriage ultimately come down to agreement. Couples must work to cultivate agreement through fellowship, shared purpose, addressing past issues, and prioritizing their unity. When two become one in mutual understanding and participation, it allows them to present a united front even against any “enemy” seeking to bring disharmony. With agreement as the foundation, a marriage can withstand challenges and last for the long run.
The Secret Sauce – Apostle Arome’s 14 Keys To A Lasting Marriage
Finding Agreement in Marriage
Marriage was designed by God to be a covenant of exclusivity and intimacy between a man and a woman. A lasting marriage is God´s will. However, many couples struggle to find agreement and live in peace. In this article, we will discuss the root causes of unfaithfulness in a marriage, based on the message shared by Apostle Arome. By understanding these causes and applying the biblical principles outlined, couples can build a strong foundation for an enduring marriage of agreement.
What Are the Causes of Unfaithfulness in Marriage?
1. Soul Ties and Their Implications.
According to Apostle Arome, soul ties are spiritual connections formed when a person becomes intimate with another person through sexual relations or prolonged emotional attachment. Apostle Arome shares that soul ties act as “pathways” that allow demons to traffic between people and oppress or manipulate them.
A common way soul ties are formed is through pre-marital sexual relationships. The pastor explained that these relationships leave a person in a “vicious circle of connection” to former partners that can negatively impact their current marriage. Demons and spiritual problems can be transferred through this soul tie “highways.”
2. Lack of a Regulator in Marriage.
A regulator for the marriage is one of the keys to a lasting marriage. Apostle Arome used the analogy of an electric fan without a thermostat to illustrate what happens when a marriage lacks a “regulator.” Just as an uncontrolled fan could cause harm, an unregulated marriage where both partners do not submit to God’s authority is at risk of “crashing.”
When unbelievers marry without acknowledging God, there is no spiritual “regulator” to keep the relationship balanced. While they may live together, they are truly just “cohabiting” rather than in a covenant marriage as designed by God. This leaves the relationship vulnerable to demonic interference through unaddressed soul ties and other openings.
3. How Do You Prevent Unfaithfulness?
The first way to prevent unfaithfulness is to commit to God’s Regulations for Marriage.
For a marriage to be protected from unfaithfulness, both partners must commit their relationship fully to God as the supreme authority and regulator. They should see marriage as a blood covenant instituted by God, not just a legal contract. By willingly submitting to God’s regulations on marriage in the Bible, such as mutual exclusivity and intimacy only with each other, couples place themselves under God’s covering and protection.
4. Another way to prevent unfaithfulness is Accountability and Transparency with Each Other.
The pastor emphasized the importance of accountability between spouses. If one feels attracted to someone else, they should openly tell their partner instead of hiding it. Regular communication and transparency about thoughts and feelings can help address issues before they escalate. It also prevents the devil from taking advantage of cracks in the relationship.
5. Another way to prevent unfaithfulness is Working Through Misunderstandings with Understanding.
The testimony shared revealed how a disagreement led to a loss of attraction between the couple. Apostle Arome counseled resolving issues through understanding instead of driving one’s spouse away. During challenging times like pregnancy, husbands must learn their wife’s changing needs with patience. With open communication and a willingness to understand each other, misunderstandings need not lead to unfaithfulness.
6. Another way to prevent unfaithfulness is Identifying and Breaking Soul Ties.
Apostle Arome emphasized that deliverance must be deliberately sought to break soul ties formed in the past through pre-marital relationships. One must write down the names of all former sexual partners and repent fully of those acts. Breaking the associated soul ties requires calling on God to sever the spiritual connections.
7. Another way to prevent unfaithfulness is Fasting and Prayer for Complete Deliverance.
Complete deliverance from past soul ties and their effects may require an extended period of fasting and prayer. Apostle Arome noted it can take up to nine months of consistently rejecting demonic suggestions and images that surface.
But with persistence, one can be fully freed from the oppression of the past through God’s power. The fast also helps destroy appetites of the flesh that open doors to unfaithfulness. We will stop here today and continue with part 2 tomorrow!
11 Marriages That Must Not Take Place By Dr. D.K Olukoya
Introduction
I agree that wrong marriages can seriously damage our lives and futures. In this post, I will discuss Dr. Olukoya’s guidelines on 40 types of marriages that must be avoided. By learning to identify and steer clear of such unions, we can protect ourselves from unnecessary hardship. I will explore each kind of problematic marriage and explain why it should not take place.
Number 1. Fast food marriages.
Fast food marriages are based solely on physical attraction and lustful desires, rather than true love and compatibility. When the initial infatuation fades, as it always does, the relationship collapses. Marrying for looks or sexual chemistry alone is a recipe for divorce once those surface-level attractions disappear.
Number 2. Serpent in the pocket marriages.
A “serpent in the pocket” marriage is one where one spouse hides their real character flaws and intentions until after the wedding. Once committed, the deceptive person’s true colors emerge, often in a toxic manner that poisons the relationship. Founding a marriage on deception lays the groundwork for major betrayal and breach of trust down the road.
Number 3. Marrying the enemy.
Marrying someone you perceive as an enemy or competitor is asking for trouble. Unresolved negative feelings like dislike, mistrust, or a history of conflict do not make for a solid foundation for marriage. Even minor disagreements can easily escalate when underlying enmity exists. It is usually best to maintain distance from adversaries rather than legally binding yourself to them through marriage. Trying to change an enemy into a spouse often backfires.
Number 4. Marrying late in life hastily.
Those marrying later in life after previous relationships have ended may feel lonely or pressured to settle down quickly. However, rushing into marriage without properly evaluating the partner’s character can be imprudent. When loneliness or deadlines override good judgment, marriages entered into hastily tend to end in regret. It is wise not to compromise the standards of a compatible life partner just to avoid singleness. Taking the time to know someone fully is critical for long-term success.
Number 5. Half and half marriages.
Half-and-half marriages combine two incompatible halves that are doomed to clash. This occurs when partners of different faiths, cultures, or backgrounds enter marriage with unresolved differences. Over time, disagreements over issues like religion, in-laws, or child-rearing tend to intensify rather than diminish tension. For lasting peace, spouses must be fully united.
Number 6. Red Cross Society marriages.
Red Cross Society marriages refer to unions formed due to accidental pregnancy before marriage. While having a child does require responsibility, rushing to marry the other parent does not guarantee the couple is ready or suited to building a healthy family together long-term. Careful discernment is still needed.
Number 7. Demonic consultation marriages.
Demonic consultation marriages were explained as occurring when a partner seeks guidance from occult forces like astrology, witch doctors, or other ungodly sources rather than relying on God’s will. Putting faith in spiritual powers runs contrary to biblical teaching and exposes the marriage to harmful manipulation and control from demonic entities. God alone should direct our paths.
Number 8. Witchcraft marriages.
Witchcraft marriages are those involving spouses with a background or family history steeped in witchcraft, idolatry, or other demonic practices. Such spiritual baggage has toxic consequences, as the marriage itself may become a battleground for conflicting spiritual influences and ideologies that undermine harmony.
Number 9. Syringe marriages.
Syringe marriages occur when a partner has a history of drug abuse or addiction. Substance issues often stem from deeper problems, and getting clean is a long process even after rehab. Marrying an unreformed addict risks exposing yourself and any future children to harm from relapses or associated unhealthy behaviors. Stability must be established first before committing to such a union.
Number 10. Diabetes marriages.
Diabetes marriages involve partners with uncontrolled medical conditions like diabetes that require intensive management. The strain of caring for an ill spouse’s needs can drain both physical and emotional resources from the relationship. Health must be reasonably stable to ensure both spouses’ well-being and ability to fulfill their roles before marriage
Number 11. Marrying out of pity.
Marrying out of pity rather than genuine love or compatibility is unfair to both partners. Pity seeks to fulfill an ego need to help someone, but true care requires considering the other person’s long-term well-being and ensuring the relationship is healthy for both sides. Otherwise, it risks becoming a crutch rather than a partnership.
In conclusion, while the heart wants what it wants, marriage is not merely an emotional affair but a serious life commitment. Entering without fully considering factors like spirituality, values, health, background, and long-term goals nearly guarantees problems down the road. Rather than acting on fleeting feelings or circumstances, take time to carefully discern true compatibility in all areas before making a vow. Building on a firm foundation of mutual understanding and agreement increases the chances of a stable, fruitful union.
