When will my relationship stop feeling like a part-time job with no pay?
We say it jokingly… but sometimes, it’s a real cry. A cry for clarity. For companionship. For calm in the chaos that love sometimes brings. For a more blissful marriage.
But let’s be honest—half the time when we pray “God when?”, what we mean is “God hurry!”
Because we don’t just want love—we want it now. Packaged and perfect, especially for the gram.
But here’s the twist: God is not on your timeline. He’s on your transformation.
And while you’re watching everyone else get engaged, post anniversary photos or of romantic gestures by their spouses, or buy their third matching pyjamas set, God is saying,
“Let Me work on your heart before I give it to someone else.”
Or
“Let Me work on your heart first for your spouse.”
Love is beautiful… but it’s also heavy.
It will test your patience, expose your pride, and stretch your capacity to forgive.
And if you’re not ready, you’ll fumble a blessing that was meant to last a lifetime.
And if you are already married, it could be that you are also part of the problem! You may just never know. So, allow God work on your heart.
So yes, pray about love. Long for it. Prepare for it.
But don’t waste your waiting. Don’t idolise what you don’t understand.
And please—stop comparing your journey to someone else’s highlight reel.
God’s timing is perfect.
And when it’s your turn, you won’t have to beg, chase, or shrink to fit.
It’ll be clear. It’ll be God.
And it’ll be worth the wait.
And when God works perfectly on your heart, dear married one, your marriage will get more blissful. Your spouse will also come around!
Love isn’t built in a day, like we desire it to. It’s planted, watered, nurtured, and pruned. Four hard tasks. In other words, love actually screams work!
Too many people want the flowers of love—the romance, the connection, the companionship, the communication, the oneness—without committing to the gardening. But gardens don’t bloom because we wish them to. They bloom because someone gets their hands dirty.
In relationships, planting looks like intentionality—choosing someone, showing up consistently, building trust. You have to be intentional about your relationship—right from choosing someone.
Watering looks like kind words, small acts of service, listening, and forgiveness.
Pruning? That’s probably the tough one. It means removing habits, attitudes, and even friendships that threaten the health of your love. Why are you still chatting with your ex and hiding it from your spouse? Why are you still hanging out with him/her without your spouse? That relationship has to go! That’s pruning.
So, gardens need work. Neglect a garden long enough and weeds grow—resentment, silence, pride, selfishness. And soon, something that once had promise becomes overgrown with pain.
If you’re single, ask yourself: Am I becoming someone who knows how to garden love, or just someone who wants to enjoy its beauty?
If you’re married, ask: Have we been nurturing our garden, or have we let weeds grow unchecked?
The best gardens aren’t the ones with the rarest seeds. They’re the ones who were cared for every single day. They had the best gardeners who did the work.
So today, tend your garden.
Pull out a weed. Plant a word. Water with prayer. And trust God for the increase.
I thought love was constant communication: texting every hour, long late-night calls, never giving a breathing space.
But then I learned—love is not obsession. It breathes. It gives space. It respects boundaries.
Communication is vital in love, but love doesn’t choke each other.
I thought love was fireworks. You know, butterflies. That head-over-heels, can’t-eat, can’t-sleep feeling. Uhhhhh, my God! That kind that elicits “God, when o?” “Am I a spoon?” from friends.
But then I realised—feelings can fade. Real love shows up when the butterflies are gone; commitment is the only thing standing.
Yes, love elicits butterflies, but if love is not founded on commitment, it’s never gonna last. Never!
I thought love was someone finally choosing me, so I’d feel valuable. Ehm, don’t blame me. The blame is on low self-esteem. I was immersed in it from the experiences I had in childhood. Well… I sought love to feel valuable.
But then I understood—love doesn’t prove your worth. It recognises it. You don’t need love to feel valuable. You need value to love well.
I thought love meant never arguing, always agreeing, always smiling.
But I discovered—love isn’t the absence of conflict, it’s the presence of grace. It’s knowing how to “disagree to agree,” how to apologise sincerely, and how to grow together. It’s learning that I am on the same team as the one I love.
I thought I knew what love was.
Now I’m unlearning and relearning with God as my teacher.
I’m chasing wholeness. Wisdom. Purpose.
Because I want a love that looks like Christ—selfless, kind, consistent, and strong.
It’s not the grand gestures that keep love alive. It’s the little things.
A “How was your day?” asked with real interest.
A hand squeezed during a stressful moment.
A text that says, “I’m thinking about you.”
A back rub when no one asks for it. For couples only!
A sincere “thank you” after dinner. Couples too.
Little things.
But they matter in the equation of love.
While we are waiting for big moments to express our love, the little foxes are eating away the love, night after night.
Because love doesn’t fall apart overnight. It crumbles in the absence of the small, daily signs that say, “You still matter to me.”
And love doesn’t flourish from once-in-a-year surprises—it grows with consistent, quiet care.
Sometimes we wait for the perfect time to express love:
“I’ll take her out next month.”
“I’ll say something nice when things are less tense.”
“I’ll start being intentional when I feel more appreciated.”
But the best time is now.
More so, the grand surprises soon lose their bite/flavour in the absence of the daily small acts of love—acts that say, “I see you,” “I care about you.”
So, intentionally start working on the little, ordinary expressions of love. That may be the fix you need now.
Love is fed by the ordinary. The unplanned. The unseen.
And if you keep showing up in the small ways, the big moments will take care of themselves.
So, don’t wait for love to feel big. Make it small and meaningful—again and again.
That’s how hearts stay close. That’s how relationships last.
